What do you all think about male/female friendships. Do they work, do they not work? Do you think boundaries need to be set. What are your thoughts?
If both people are mature and respectful to each other, I don't see a problem. One of my best friends is a guy and we've never had any issues arise.
Yes they work fine, I've had loads. I've also observed loads.
In general there is no particular need to discuss boundaries because the idea that 'men and women can't be friends' simply isn't true: it's just a hook somebody made up for a film. It's a good hook, and it made a good film, but it's no more true than the idea that there's a millionaire called Bruce Wayne who puts his underpants on top of his tights at night and captures criminals also wearing putlandish costumes.
The key point is that the question of sex mut be dealt with, either explicitly or implicitly. The easiest way is if neither party fancies the other, but there are many others.
I know they can work because I’ve had many in my life. As for boundaries, don’t we set boundaries in all our relationships in one form or another?
I can’t recall having explicit conversations about boundaries about sex I’ve had with male friends except on one occasion. Our relationships evolved naturally as friends. It was no big deal. I’ve heard people claim it’s not possible to have platonic friendships with those of the opposite sex but what I hear is that they cannot have platonic relationships with members of the opposite sex.
By the way, if you’re gay or bisexual this also comes up with people of your own sex, too.
Some of my very best friendships have been with men, both gay and straight. I can’t imagine my life without them.
Of course I have many diverse types of friends!
I think that it depends on a person's true motivation. Based on conversations I've heard, I have come to believe that some people see friendship as a way to improve their chances to "score." When friendship is valued for its own sake, there is no hidden agenda. In the latter case, I believe that friendships are possible between men and women.
Some of my closest and most trusted friends are women. I'm straight, and I don't view those women as sexual prospects any more than I view my closest male friends that way.
Somewhere along the way, I guess I came to value a person's heart more than I value their plumbing. I suspect there are others in this world who have done the same. Many of those appear to frequent this forum.
I truly believe men and women can be friends with each. I’m just flabbergasted that so many men in my life don’t agree with that. They say any male friend I have in my life wants to sleep with me. 🙄. One guy told me if he got a girlfriend, he would tell her to get rid of any male friends she has. This can’t possibly seem right in your eyes. If you have a gf and you think she can’t have male friends, time to decide if the relationship is worth it since you can’t trust her. Same with women and their men. I know there are plenty of instances where your SO says they are just friends with the opposite sex and then later down the road you find out they were sleeping with them the whole time. Yes, that sucks but it doesn’t mean an actual friendship can’t happen. A relationship needs trust and respect.
My best friend of over twenty years is a female.
As @JoyfulHeart says, don't confuse "friendship" as putting yourself in queue to potentially score.
I think this is often the case on both sides. Most folks want to like who they sleep with but rarely admit to themselves (or their intended) up front that that's why they reached out in the first place.
I have loads of platonic female friends.
Honestly, once the possibility sex is off the table, the connection gets so much better.
I wished I had more male friends but most guys are d$/ks. I have countless female friends. Most guys like to find the weaknesses in other guys and keep it as a tool to be used when they need to feel superior. Not that women can’t be cruel, but I have rarely been burned by a female.
@FunCartel what you just said is profound. Sadly, I have seen that dynamic play out in real time. I wish it were different for you. 💜
@Mela_B I wish it were different for a lot of guys but guys kind of do it to themselves. Unfortunately, most guys reach for the same weapon as the transgressor to combat the issue which only normalizes the behavior. My approach is to disassociate which probably isn’t healthy or necessarily the right course of action, but it keeps me from prison time. 😁
Yay for staying out of prison? 🤔
@Mela_B J/K. I have never been to prison other than juvie for a day for possession and indecent exposure—never pass out while peeing (life rule #263). But some guys can really push you to the outer limits of sanity.
I think its possible for men and women not to sexually objectify each other and instead see each other as complex and beautiful creatures that are valuable and enjoyable in many ways besides than for sex. Its not really a difficult thing for me to do, to see people as more than sexual objects, but I've certainly met a lot of people who struggle with it.
In a friendship involving man and woman, there comes the need to address the "elephant in the room" at some point. Regardless of whether one person feels attracted to the other or if neither of them is sexually attracted to the other, there always comes a stage at the friendship where they have to clarify the fundamental of - "where do we stand with each other?". They would both have to cross this bridge without stepping on each other's "toes" for the potential of true friendship to prevail.
I would say they definitely work and some of my best friends have been men. Often within friendships between the opposite sex there can be one or more people who would love more than just the friendship but this isn’t always the case. Not in my personal experience anyway.
@rajkumarcares I find that untrue. I have had females I have known for years and never had to have that conversation. I think that is for several reasons, but it is generally unspoken. I have had a couple that hinted but the timing was wrong with one (as she was one of the only female friends I wanted to take to a more intimate level, but at the time I found out she was interested In me I was dating her best friend 😱). The other I had absolutely no romantic feelings towards despite her interest, but she was good with that. That being said, I just think you let sleeping dogs lie unless you detect hormones afoot.
Oh the age ol' question.
@Morpheus What's your definition of it working?
@Lovelight I didn’t have an exact definition of working. I enjoyed reading everyone’s comments. I have male and female friends and enjoy both.
Whether a person's been assigned male or female makes no difference to me.
No matter what sex their chromosomes, hormones, gametes, cells, gonads, etc. are, what makes a difference to me is the kind of person they are. What's their personality? How's their intellectual honesty? Do I like the way they treat me?
Neither assigned sex nor the complex variety of sexes that can be found within an individual body have much to do with any of that.
So can people assigned male and people assigned female be friends? Yes, of course—if they get along well enough for it! Extra boundaries may have to be enforced in any friendship where there's one-sided sexual attraction: supposed "male/female" friendships aren't special.
Two of my best friends are women. Twenty-years (plus) of friendship each. I dated one for a short time (six-months) and the other we didn't date. Yes, these type of friendships exist. Even the one I dated and we continued being friends, no boundary talk and I've slept in the same bed with them a lot. You just have to respect each other.
Most all of my friends are women and non-binary. I have five sisters, two daughters and a non-binary grandteen. So yes. Women make up the majority of my immediate family, close associations, companions, friends, and lovers. About 75% of my ex-lovers are still friends. My male friends tend to be emotional arty types. I also have a stash of male friends from high school. I miss the sixties ('64 - '74) when cishet men were more affectionate with one another. I am more familiar with female friendship than male.
@Morpheus in that case then they very well can work.
DIVERSITY is one of the most important things in my life. Of course it is a great thing. I am friends with a variety of people from across the spectrum. I embrace ALL!!!
Absolutely! I love hearing perspectives from the opposite sex. Respect is #1 and having a clear conversation from the beginning is key so no one is left confused
@rajkumarcares if there is an elephant in the room, yes, eventually you have to address it. But quite a lot of the time, there isn't.
How about a movie perspective
Yes, they can work out great. I have plenty of female friends... platonic friends. It all depends on what is going on in someone's head. If someone wants more, then it's not going to work. If both people want a platonic friendship, it will work out great.
I grew up with brothers and nearest cousins were male....so I am actually more used to male friends than female friends.