I was just talking about this same subject with someone the other day. As with most issues, it's multifaceted and looks different with different perspectives.
I was expressing my frustration with what seems to be the transactional nature of some individuals on the site, and while I feel the need to ease into things and get to know someone before taking the plunge, I felt like some people come across as "we've talked enough, you going to book or not?"
My friend's response: "this is a transaction. The pros are here to make money, not to chat all day." This friend did agree that in dealing with people, some finesse, some customer service as it were, is necessary to make the whole process feel less like a transaction and more like a connection (which is what most of us are looking for here, isn't it?).
As with most things, the truth lies not on one side or the other, but somewhere in the middle.
@stormydaycuddle No, I did not feel that with your message. I sent you a PM. I could sense that you were making it more like an option.
@MxSmith A zoom video beforehand is a great idea.
I love making connections, but if their first message is along the lines of "contact me if you want to book a cuddle", I don't feel comfortable immediately paying some stranger that I don't know for a cuddle and don't know how to politely decline so I usually don't respond in those situations.
It’s all good with me. I’m really easy going and pay no mind. Sometime I don’t mind being a punching bag as long as they don’t abuse it. Just my opinion tho. I try to be kind to others in hopes that they give me the same respect. All love.
This is such a great and thoughtful discussion! I just want to add a different opinion from what I've experienced as a UK pro:
From what I have seen, if a male enthusiast wants to cuddle with a female enthusiast then they have to spend a lot of time conversing and building trust in order to cuddle them. Hiring a pro therefore can be a luxury whereby (usually) the enthusiast can skip the 'getting to know you' part and get right down to cuddling the pro after safety checks are conducted.
I completely understand how you feel the need to get to know pros before cuddling them, however, in my experience, lots of clients have enjoyed how quick it can be for them to get a cuddle from a pro without having to put in lots of legwork with an enthusiast. If I wanted to message them back and forth this would actually put some people off.
For this reason (without even getting my feeling involved) it's hard to find the right balance of 'connection' to please everyone.
I know something else that's an issue with the transactional feeling thing. As pros, one of our rules is that we can't exchange contact info until we book a session so a lot of people end up feeling like we are setting this boundary of "don't talk to me unless you are going to book" even if we have to enforce that rule by default. It makes more sense to me to have a phone call/ zoom video before booking a session but because of the website rules we can't do it that way. I understand why it's that way but it doesn't particularly "feel nice".
I wonder how much time people feel is a reasonable amount of time to message back and forth before a good enough connection has been established? For me I like to just know how people got to CC, what they are looking for, what their experiences have been and after that I'm pretty happy taking it to the next level. There's one guy who messaged me for a month and a half just to say "hello, how are you doing today?" and I didn't really mind but at a certain point that's not an emotional connection for me either and I don't particularly want to keep having that conversation with someone I have never met.
Wow, this discussion is moving fast. It is kinda hard for me to keep up with people talking to me in real life as well as on here.
@MxSmith "And I worry every time I have to set one of these boundaries that it's going to make someone feel objectified.. I find that setting physical boundaries around my body is actually the easiest kind of boundary to set, it's the emotional boundaries that get complicated fast."
Makes sense though to do that for your own safety. I think it is the best thing you can do sometimes to set your boundaries. As long as boundaries are not being used as a weapon, which I don't think you are. I like to think a boundary could be like a barbed wire fence, but as long as that barbed wire isn't then attached onto a spear to try to poke also those getting close. If they get zapped or scratched of their own accord trying to cross the boundary, that is their own fault. Does this make sense or am I saying anything right now of any use lol ?
@MxSmith - Some of those rules I keep hearing about sounds like something a probation officer would impose. I never understood why people aren't allowed to do something outside of this site on their own free will. I don't see a problem with using a burner phone # or a video chat service to get a better sense of who the person is that's harder to do over text messages only. (before booking a session)
IMO when it comes to getting to know someone, messaging online is mostly a waste of time past a couple messages. Spending 10 minutes in person with someone will tell you way more about your compatibility than spending hours messaging.
In fact, IMO, one of the best things about pros is they don’t expect you to do all this pointless online messaging first. Let’s just meet up and see how it goes.
@Mike403 Cuddle Comfort has set this rule up so pros cannot circumvent paying the 15% commission for the session.
For example, if a pro could contact you off site then there's nothing stopping them from not putting it through the Cuddle Comfort system. Without pros paying this 15% commission I doubt sustaining this website would be possible.
Although it feels regimented and cumbersome to keep all chat on site, I believe it is nessassary for Cuddle Comfort to be sustained.
@MissAdventurous "Sometimes even a simple hello to someone can make them assume a pro is trying to "push" something unto them."
I could see that happening.
"But frankly, did you ever consider maybe they're just reaching out, for potential connection too, especially if that person REPEATEDLY keeps viewing your profile, it's kinda weird to not have a conversation, but I definitely see the disrespect on both ends all the time, throughout the years I've been on here."
Yeah, for sure. This is a good point. I could see how even if it feels kinda pushy, they are actually still wanting some connection as well. Maybe they just dealing with some hurt or something in not being able to present safely a gentle or soft request for cuddles.
I tell everyone that communicating expectations, boundaries and consent is so important because there is no history, we need something else to help navigate, conversation is key, whether it be virtual or phone based. Having a 5 minute speaks volumes, it will usually give you a good inclination of how a cuddle will go. cuddling is the easy part. Mindfulness is key. The next best thing is for pros and enthusiasts to be educated or trained with a similar mindset or collaborative approach of navigating this together.
I modified the title of this thread, the original message, and the poll to not feel gender specific or focused on either just pros or enthusiasts. I hope this is an improvement.
@mike403 you gave me an idea! I recently realized there's a way for us to leave voice messages for each other without having to exchange phone numbers (and without having to create separate accounts on other platforms)! I just started a new thread so that people can still "talk" but still on CC which can be monitored.
Mx. Smith says hello
https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/12871/voice-messages#latest
@MxSmith Absolutely love it, it was nice hearing your voice again lol, next best thing to being in each others arm's. 😊. Maybe the site will be able to give everyone a tag in their profile to upload a voice message for people to hear. @Mark
@happybear I would really like to receive a voice hug from you. lol. I think you can pretty much attach the links to your messages anywhere, so why not to our profiles too?
I did ask permission from Mark a long time ago about putting my YouTube page on my profile. It’s great because you can get a better idea of who I am, my passions (singing) and how I sound. I know another pro who has a YouTube connected on hers and her YouTube is all about talking on the subject of cuddling. It’s really neat. I think it would be really awesome to have a quick voice message just simply saying some kind of a welcome or something. It could possibly be another thing to have to monitor so no inappropriate things get said, but I’d like this to go forward!
@AndrewSnugs yeah I had to cancel a client because he booked a month in advance but I could not get him to talk on the phone or to communicate. He just kept saying how excited he was. I felt like I’m not excited because I don’t know you. I gave him plenty of chances, and then I finally canceled but he was understanding.
I have reached out to enthusiast for free cuddles but that is to practice cuddling when I was new, still kinda new. But I always want to spend time getting to know them first before I cuddle them also. I don’t solicit paying clients The only reason I don’t reach out to them even when they visit my site, is because they probably read over my profile and they’re not interested. It’s way way better to cuddle a friend. I have a personal cuddle partner that I’ve been cuddling for two years before I even got on here. And we have such a great time. I think it’s better to get to know The person before you cuddle, instead of so much when you’re there cuddling them. Because my last client said that he doesn’t like a person to do too much talking because he just wants to enjoy the cuddle. And I agree with him I’m the same way when I get a massage I just wanted to relax. So it’s better to know a client before hand. Thanks for this post💛
P.s men have been very pushy with me even though I’m the one getting paid, I still need to know a little bit about you. Sometimes people message and say can I have a cuddle now I’m like really I don’t feel comfortable with that, feels awkward, when you don’t know the person a little bit
I think @MxSmith hit the nail on the head about how the site rules make it hard to give out contact info. Messaging is time consuming and can be exhausting.
If you go to a therapist you typically get at least a 30 min free consultation to see if it's a good fit. This is really important because you have to feel comfortable with somebody to receive therapy from them and paying someone for therapy who isn't a good fit can frankly feel damaging.
I feel like it'd be way easier on both sides of this pain point (feeling comfortable paying a pro and pros not feeling like they're spending a lot of time messaging) if there could be a clear "free consultation" policy. That part is a little muddled and unstructured on here. Of course it's also pointed out on this thread why the site operates the way it does and I don't have any good suggestions to change it.
It looks like some of you at least have some ideas and I think its probably helpful just by making people aware of the issues and different pain points involved.
It’s a bit of a pain in the butt to always enact this rule, but I always tell them after the booking, if having a video chat or meeting in public for a free icebreaker has you thinking we aren’t a good match, then we cancel the booking and that’s that. No money leaves your pocket.
Maybe I’m new to this but I would never feel comfortable messaging and enthusiast and saying do you wanna cuddle for money, they know where to find me if they’re looking for me. Even if they visit my site I visit I may visit theirs But I don’t think it’s right to solicit enthusiast, even the rule say not to do it. If they see my profile and they don’t message me then they’re not interested that’s what I’m assuming.
The men that contact me so far recently have been good since I change my profile I’m getting just the kind of guys I want to cuddle. The ones that meet me for coffee, and the ones that message back-and-forth a little bit. I have cuddled a couple people without getting to know them and it’s been kind of weird. I don’t think that I ask for too much because I don’t have time to do too much getting to know someone. So just a little bit back-and-forth is good.
I do think if you were a traveling Cuddle pro I don’t think it’s bad to message a few people in the area and tell them that you’re here. Because maybe they know you travels but maybe would forget so it’s nice to be reminded. Some cuddle pros are very sought after and if I was an enthusiast I would want them to let me know they were in town.
@Sheena123 @AndrewSnugs There are a million (yes an exaggeration) pros on this site. You can't expect not to be contacted by anyone ever. Pros are providing a service for a fee and need to promote themselves and the #1 way of doing that is by contacting others. I've been contacted by a few pros and none have mentioned $$ right out of the gate so I've never had to deal with that. Andrew just spell out in detail what you want. Keep it in it's own paragraph and separate. That way it's in the open and everyone should see it. And open up a dialogue with whoever contacts you. Be upfront about what your looking for and see which direction it goes. I would think most of the reputable pros will be fine for a public meetup.
It doesn’t bother me at all, I get that professionals are on here to make money.
It does dissuade me from booking a session with them, as even with a professional I prefer there to be Some type of connection.
If they have b a really good v profile then I might skip on the get to know you talk.
This is what it says in frequently asked questions that’s why I never contact enthusiast unless I want to cuddle them for free
A professional cuddler is running a business and any successful business needs customers. So you can't fault a pro for trying to make a sale, even with a cold call. While it's good customer service for her to be friendly and make the client feel special her primary goal is profit not friendship.
I wish pros every success, as I am sympathetic to anyone trying to make an honest living. Small businesses are the backbone of America.
That said, I don't employ pros myself. If I have to pay her she can't possibly give me what I'm looking for.
@robroo I never said I was against being contacted by cuddlers and I never said I was against contacting the cuddlers myself. I merely said that if I am to follow the rules of the site, if someone wants to get to know me first (which I’m all for; hence why I have the option for a free icebreaker meet and greet), we make the booking, meet for free or have a video chat, and then if one of us decides after meeting that we aren’t a good fit, then we simply cancel the booking. No fouls. That’s what I meant.
I didn’t read every comment so forgive me for what I have missed. My personal experience, if in my initially correspondence, I feel like a pro doesn’t care or isn’t interested, I simply move on. If a pro doesn’t visit my profile but replies to my messages, I move on. Variety is a beautiful thing. I see pros based on various factors. I also understand that a pro has no obligation to spend time off the clock interacting with me. All of the above being said, politely communicate your wants to the pro that you’re interested in. If she says no, move on, if you vibe, amazing. OP, I am not in any way downplaying your emotions, I get it. At the same time though, there is a positive way to improve your interactions and find what you want.
I get messages from pros all the time and it doesn’t bother me at all, if I want to respond I do and if I don’t I just ignore the message. But I’ve had I couple of good sessions with pros that have contacted me out of the blue and I also have a session coming up in the near future from a pro that contacted me unsolicited so it’s not a bad thing at all in my opinion.
Pros are pros for various reason. For the ones who are business oriented. "cold calling" may be one of the ways they drum up business. Although it may be annoying, it is no more annoying than someone who is messaging you first with no intent to meet up. There are many people who, for a variety of reasons, enjoy messaging with other human beings. As a recipient of a message, we have no way on knowing whether continued dialogue will be fruitful. As always we have the choice of hitting that delete or continuing. It's akin to when someone says hello to you in public. You can't stop them with their initial approach but you can close down any further communication. In my opinion, not something to get irritated or upset about. I personally do not "cold call" as I am not here as a business. If I were not a pro I would cold call another cuddler and not sit around waiting for someone to call me. How else do people get together, someone has to be the initiator.