Pushy Pro's or Enthusiasts Requesting Cuddles

So, I will not say any names, but this is the most annoying thing to me. Why do some think that a guy doesn't also want to get to know someone first before feeling safe with them in the ways, behaviors, characteristics, and attitudes they might be carrying?

Just pay me to cuddle you already mentality might work for some people, but let's get something straight, I am not going to cuddle just because of how pretty or young a person thinks they are. That is so pretentious and highly irritating to me. An immediate turn off from wanting to cuddle.

I suggest getting a desire to grow in emotional and mental relationship building skills. These things will be hugely helpful to anyone out there struggling in relationships in general.

MxSmith

Ok. I'm sure this is highly annoying and I'm sorry you've been dealing with this. I also get very irritated by people only sending a booking request, not even saying "hello"; however. Please be sure to read the forum rules. https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/2999/forum-rules-your-moderators#latest

Hello, yes it is ok. I am just curious to if other guys have these same feelings also. It kind of hurts to have requests like that. So I want to just see if this is something that has ever affected any one else. And maybe could be seen as a way that the community as a whole could improve. Not sure why this invoked getting the rules checked on though. If you could PM me a reason for that, I would be grateful. Not trying to be negative or defensive, I purely feel happy right now.

Mike403

It's not that I don't feel safe with them, I just don't feel comfortable throwing money to cuddle with some stranger that I didn't even get to know first. There are only two pros I've ever cuddled with since joining. One of them left the site, but I still see her on a regular basis.

Yes, getting to know someone first is such a great thing that we could see more of maybe. I myself always appreciate more of this happening for sure. I think it welcomes new people to the community easier into being able to communicate and say thoughts and feelings. As well as grows people in general in emotional and mental ways. I think money can be tied to our hearts sometimes because it can be our means of living that is at stake there. So, kinda a big deal. I would love to see this community grow even more.

Useriousclark

I would guess it’s because these girls deal with a ton of men who use this site as a way to talk and communicate with pretty girls and have no desire to actually meet to cuddle. It’s kind of like the guy who won’t just order the drink and yaps to the bartender for hours. I’m not saying that’s you and I get why you’d want to talk prior to cuddling, but I’d guess they deal with a ton of time wasters on their end.

Odinson87

Yes, I have experienced this. Some women I've met through this site don't care about me as a person. They only care about me when I offer them money. Let me be clear though. I am not saying that every woman, who is a professional cuddler is like that.

Before I joined this site, there's a woman I see on a regular basis who used to be involved with the site, but has chosen to deactivate her account for reasons I'm not at liberty to disclose. In fact, she's the one who recommended that I join the site.

When I first joined I looked at some of the professional cuddler profiles. They immediately started messaging me trying to get me to pay for a session with them, even if it was virtually. I appreciate that they offered me the session, but the way they came about offering me was too pushy.

Most of the times I'm the one who's reaching out to them. However even then I reserve the right to change my mind, especially if I no longer feel comfortable talking to them let alone cuddling with them.

What I find the most irritating is when I start talking to them back and forth, and then all of the sudden they ghost me. That's even more irritating and despicable when they're the ones who initiated the conversation and interest to begin with. I know there's all these articles about ghosting on this site, why people do it, and how to handle it. I'm not asking for any advice on that matter, nor do I need it. I'm only specifically talking about my experience with that it. I know I'm not alone and saying this, but I truly believe that people who ghost like that are the biggest cowards and most immature people I've ever met. I realize why people do it, however I reserve the right to call them out for it.

Mike403

It also doesn't really feel good that I have to pay somebody who is not related to me to spend time with me. The single life for somebody with autism sucks.

@Useriousclark yeah, that makes sense. That is a problem that I don't know of a good way to deal with other than them continuing to see that what they are doing is not fruitful at all.

It makes me wonder how prevalent of an issue that is. And it feels like that makes it more difficult for those of us guys who aren't like that.

Sheena123

Every pro is different in how they operate but I’m kind of more on your side with this topic. I see quite a few profiles of pros that say “don’t message me unless you’re booking”. I know some reasons why pros do this and I don’t agree with this cold calling type vibe but some pros are tired of people spending months and months messaging back and forth and nothing comes of it. The reason why I don’t like that thought process is purely because imo, being a pro is more than just “give me money, then I’ll hold you”. It’s about making connections, letting your cuddler know they matter. On top of that, it’s all about safety too! I would want to have a convo with you and see how you are as a person. I want to make sure you aren’t looking for something sexual. I want to make sure you’re here for the right reasons. Can’t really figure that out if you automatically go into booking and not even spend a minute making a slight connection.

Even after I spend a good deal of time messaging back and forth and we get to the booking of the cuddle, I also like to give a free half hour meet and greet at a cafe for an icebreaker. This is all about making a connection.

Unfortunately some pros are in it for the money and money only. I love getting paid but if you’re just laying there waiting for the cuddle to end and that’s that, is this something you really want to do? And for pros that go straight to “I don’t want to talk. Just book me”, do you not want to do a safety check first? I’m curious.

happybear

If that's the first interaction look at it as a win, you have done your process of vetting a pro and you were able to filter before you invested your time, money, and energy for a bad experience. There are amazing cuddlers out there, don't let a few bring the level down. I was taught sometimes saying no to someone else is saying yes to yourself. Glad you advocated for what makes sense to you.
It's a great community, I'm glad to be part of it.

SuperManCuddles

@AndrewSnugs I agree and in general don’t like people being pushy with me.

samfiddle

Wild how you made the most minor of criticisms of the behavior of some of the pros and you get the rules dropped on you.
I am definitely seeing this site for what it is.

MissMaxPDX

Pro here 🙋🏻‍♀️ I really appreciate your perspective and can understand how you feel. I wanted to lend my perspective. I think the reason so many pros hold that line is because of the massive amount of time we spend on the messaging back and forth ‘getting to know’ someone only to have them never book. Or conversely, they will book and want to message a ton and then cancel the booking. Just as there are pros here that just want to ‘show up and cuddle’ there are people out there that want the attention of a pro without paying for it.

Do you call your masseuse and ask for an hour long ‘getting to know you session’? Probably not. I would say for every 1 hour session I book there is a hidden hour + of time I spend talking with the client, driving to the client, etc. Please remember we are professionals. This isn’t a dating site. Of COURSE you have to feel comfortable with someone in order to enjoy the experience. Trust me, I collect ‘worst cuddle’ stories from my clients and I’ve heard some doozies. But please remember our perspective as well. Many pros offer steeply discounted virtual sessions which might be a great way to check compatibility before an in person. Thanks for listening and hang in there. 🥰☀️

@samfiddle
Well, I am having a talk with her. I am wanting to understand the roots of that and where maybe I can improve in my own communications to not invoke any hatred or "stirring things up" to see destruction of pros in some us vs them kind of thing. I actually wanna see growth in both pros and enthusiasts. I see all of us as humans probably needing help, encouragement, and growth in areas. But if we don't ever present an issue, then do we ever feel free to speak up at the same time?

Let's keep this positive everyone. I really don't want this to be something that ends up breaking the rules. I wanna stick to lessons learned or positive thinking of how can we all improve.

MxSmith

Hey, since we are having the same conversation in two places and perhaps @samfiddle would like to be part of it too, I will post my message here too with clarifications.

I highly agree that this sort of messaging is rude, annoying and frankly feels degrading. I would love for this to end.

As a pro, I get a lot of men who think I'm a sex worker or they think they are buying the comfort of my body instead of building a mutually physically and emotionally satisfying experience. I totally hate that. I hate being treated like a doll and want all the objectification to end.

The reason I "rules checked" you is because 1. It seems like you are venting about personal experiences 2. Its a gendered question. 3. Its likely to bring all the incels who resent pro cuddlers to the table in a pro cuddler bashing session. I think this kind of post promotes an "us" vs. "Them" conversation, which usually just makes everyone mad.

I don't think its a bad conversation to have, i just think its formatted in a way thats going to cause arguments.

In response to you asking for constructive feedback, I would just recommend not gendering posts. Thats all. Getting rules checked is not a punishment, its just a reminder.

@happybear

Yeah, you're right. There are many great pros out there. It is a win, when I recognize and say no right away to a pro dealing with doing this kind of thing. And hopefully a win in the right direction for them to want to grow in relationship building and wanting to do this for the right reasons. I personally would not enjoy doing this just for the money. That would feel very unfulfilling to me. There is soo much more that one could get from this, and the whole reason for the creation of this site in the first place I believe.

@MxSmith
I don't know how else to ask males who are a minority of pros (maybe only 3%) how they feel. Is there not a way to ask this safely?

cuddlyBear10

Well, I experienced the same from couple of Pros. And when I was just done with that pushy behavior, I stopped responding. In turn, they blocked me for no reason. It felt bad initially, but it doesn't bothers me anymore as they were a bit pushy.

MxSmith

What if since the experience of being objectified is something both pros and enthusiasts experience regardless of gender both for their bodies and for their money, the question becomes broader. How can we promote true emotional and physical connection instead of an objectifying transaction that feels gross?

@MxSmith That is good. I think that definitely incorporates more people into a good discussion.

I was thinking about how there could be a thread for that. I get the feeling there has already been threads about both how pros feel objectified for their bodies as well as enthusiasts objectified for their money. Does setting more rules to prevent and detect both of these kinds of things help? It seems more like an issue at heart though. So, can we discuss how each of us at heart would do something to see a difference? These are just thoughts. I don't truly know if any of this helps or not. I guess I thought if we could start seeing some true statistics for enthusiasts and pros, for everyone to take into account things not to do.

robroo

@AndrewSnugs it says right in your profile to message you and you're upset? In no way is anyone doing anything wrong. Now if you decline someone and they continue to message you...THAT is a problem.

Sheena123

@robroo his bio says to message him because he likes to converse and create a connection. He’s discussing right now how he doesn’t like that pros will go straight into “book me and pay me”.

@robroo, my point is that I want more messaging and talking first. Not pushy first communication into just doing something already. Does this make sense?

I suppose I could improve my clarification of this in my profile.

Do you have any suggestions how I could better communicate this?

@MissMaxPDX

I think I can agree with what you said except that I would not compare cuddling to a back massage from a masseuse. Cuddling innately feels like I should get to know a person more first other wise I feel kinda scared to be that close to them.

Mela_B

I think it really boils down to the fact that no matter where you are, whether online or in real life, some people just aren't all that great. Lots of people here are genuine, warm, kind, and actually care about people. Unfortunately, there are many here that are just trying to make fast cash. This doesn't reflect badly on pro cuddling, it reflects badly on people who are willing to use others with no regard for their actions and how they affect others. Unfortunately these kinds of people can be found everywhere. All we can really do is steer clear of them, and cultivate connections with people who don't make us feel like we don't matter.

@Mela_B Great point.

stormydaycuddle

@AndrewSnugs Hey, I’ve noticed I sent you a message a while back. I sent this to your inbox but I wanted to post it here for you too.

Hey, if I’ve bothered you I apologize. Some people are shy so I extend a “hey, how are you don’t hesitate…” sort of message if they’ve visited my profile. I am in no way trying to skip formalities or connection. I hope nothing I’ve done has made you feel uncomfortable. Have a good one! I hope you have better experiences here.

MxSmith

Ok. I actually LOVE this conversation. It's bringing up so many issues I've been wresting with all year.
@AndrewSnugs I like what you said "Does setting more rules to prevent and detect both of these kinds of things help? It seems more like an issue at heart though. So, can we discuss how each of us at heart would do something to see a difference?"

I agree I think its an issue at heart. I think people can certainly set their own rules
for who they are willing to talk to to try and avoid "takers" if you will. Something I always do is insist on a zoom video session for screening. I think pros and enthusiasts alike would greatly benefit from this practice. The friendship vs. Client boundary is something I have been working really hard to establish (I actually got a therapist just to help me with this specific issue) BECAUSE I love connecting with the people I cuddle with - really and truly on a deeply emotionally intimate level, BUT its not sustainable for me to be everyone's full time friend. I do become friends with many of the people I cuddle with, but I have to keep it within a certain time and space. I can't have people dropping by my house just to say hi. I can't have people texting me all their tiktok vids. There are these boundaries I have to set that are stricter than I would set with regular friends. And I worry every time I have to set one of these boundaries that it's going to make someone feel objectified.. I find that setting physical boundaries around my body is actually the easiest kind of boundary to set, it's the emotional boundaries that get complicated fast. The way I try to explain it is that I'm willing to jump into emotionally intimate friendships that are as deep as the ocean, but I can only jump in within a certain time and space.

stormydaycuddle

@AndrewSnugs and I know my messages can be typed hastily. I’m sorry if anything came across as cold.

MissAdventurous

Connection is my number one focus, everything else is a bonus. ❣️

Sometimes even a simple hello to someone can make them assume a pro is trying to "push" something unto them.

But frankly, did you ever consider maybe they're just reaching out, for potential connection too, especially if that person REPEATEDLY keeps viewing your profile, it's kinda weird to not have a conversation, but I definitely see the disrespect on both ends all the time, throughout the years I've been on here.

Because we are more than our roles, we are not robots, and sometimes, maybe, not every person out there is ready at the drop of the hat, to take that step, for whatever reason, whatever step, that is.

Especially if you actually read their page and they mention they work too. Y'all want compassion and understanding, well part of that is giving too . Or just move on, it's really not as personal as you think it is alot of the time. 💯