In the last few years I've pushed myself to have conversations with people whose opinions are different from mine. I have found that I learn more doing that, than I do when I only spend time with people who think the same as me.
Absolutely, come as you are! Unconditional platonic love 💗 here !
Also I love spending time with people who may have different ideas so I can challenge my own thinking.
Example of special treatment or procedures people can do is: getting tattoos
@InvestorLogic I've never heard anyone describe getting a tattoo as 'special treatment'. I think you've perhaps misunderstood the phrase? 'Special treatment', also called 'preferential treatment' is defined thusly:
Hence my confusion about what you meant.
I don't know. I've struggled with this in the past because while I am very accepting of religious and cultural differences, I have a hard time with other things.
Specifically when ones actions, beliefs and ideology actively discriminate against marginalized groups, or contribute to toxic situations.
I've probably passed up a very good kind and considerate cuddler because we actively stood on opposite sides of issues that are important to me. I just don't know if I could fully feel comfortable. We respectfully communicated this privately and have just left things as they are, currently with no plans to meet.
I am always seeking to see from another's perspective, and perhaps I may have passed up a great opportunity for understanding.
That said, I find it much easier when I meet someone in person and can quietly observe for a while.
But I'm an over-thinker anyway, struggling between sharing and shutting down. Sometimes it's a lousy place to be.
I don't know. I've struggled with this in the past because while I am very accepting of religious and cultural differences, I have a hard time with other things. Specifically when ones actions, beliefs and ideology actively discriminate against marginalized groups, or contribute to toxic situations.
In my humble opinion, it isn't a bad thing to not want to cuddle with people like that. I'm sure the majority of cuddlers here would shy away from people they find morally bankrupt and basically reprehensible.
Honouring your own boundaries is underrated but very much encouraged.
I agree that cuddling is different from just having a conversation. I think it's good to have cuddling be a safe space, and our boundaries include a lot more than just physical ones.
This thread has inspired me to create a multipage questionnaire I will send to all potential cuddle partners, before we even say hello, to ensure they haven't committed any thoughtcrimes against my beliefs.
Yes, I am willing to cuddle someone that holds a different belief than mine. I value everyone's freedom of expression.
Of course! The best thing about being human is that you can believe one thing for a very long time/ be taught to think one way and wake up and decide to change your belief in an instant after learning/ researching/ or even just because you decided to do so! As long as my safety and boundaries are respected I do accept all with welcoming arms.
If we agree on everything then I don't get the joy of explaining how I'm right. Where would be the fun in that?
I would be hesitant to cuddle with someone who brought a firearm with them to the cuddle session, or with someone who is not vaccinated. Ditto for a hard core racist. Most other differences just make things interesting.
Lol really don’t care as long we are the same page in regards how we cuddle. Cuddle many and of all sorts.
So, genuine question for anyone who has said that they'll cuddle anyone regardless of the other person's beliefs... Would you cuddle with a neo-Nazi? Or someone that condoned paedophilia 'in certain circumstances'? Or someone deeply racist? It's admirable when someone is open minded enough to cuddle with anyone, but you must have limits and draw the line somewhere, surely?
I'm not trying to start a flame war here, and I'm not singling anyone out based on their response, but I'm genuinely curious as to where the limit is for people that will 'cuddle anyone, regardless of beliefs'.
@BuggleBear: I like these questions!
I would cuddle a neo Nazi once—because as a Caucasian I don't think I'd be in any immediate danger, but I don't want to get pulled into anything.
I would cuddle someone who condoned pedophilia potentially more than once—because I'm not a child, don't have children, might be able to talk them out of it, and would be fascinated to hear their justification in any case.
I might cuddle someone deeply racist (like a neo Nazi) once—if the race they hated wasn't mine or Zwei's, for the same reasons as above.
Basically, my line is here: where the person poses a threat to me or mine, I'm out.
I'm not much of one for moral judgement.
😂😂😂 @BuggleBear I might have already done so not knowing. We all strangers looking for a moment that we can exhale deeply in someone’s else’s arms or fill a void with some company. Whose to say you haven’t done so because background checks aren’t done on profiles. Lol would a neo-Nazi, pedophile, or racist say how they really feel if they wanted to cuddle. That would be self sabotage.
My limit… Psychopaths and serial killers.
@Touchmesoftly: You mean psychopaths in the Hollywood sense, yeah? 'Cause real life people with psychopathy can actually be pretty decent. Take James Fallon, for instance—I might cuddle him.
I wonder how many serial killers have enough cuddling in their lives.
Sure, why not. It’ll make for interesting conversation.
Another gentle reminder that both psychopathy and sociopathy are mental illnesses, and not something somebody chooses to have. Most people with said disorders are decent people who are working hard to manage conditions they have no control over, do not act on their conditions, and which are usually caused by childhood abuse or trauma. The Hollywood representation of said disorders is both inaccurate and damning, and sweeping generalisations harm all parties involved, by promoting unjustified fear and ignorance.
Can we really justify denying cuddling someone based on something they have no control over, and are working hard to manage?
On the note of the topics I mentioned, I found people's answers fascinating and would welcome more input from other users, as it seems to be the case so far that these factors would not dissuade someone from cuddling with individuals.
Man I'd cuddle Skeletor. Bring it on!! 😠
Agree with others that my limit would depend on my personal safety. If they're racist enough, they probably wouldn't want to cuddle me anyway If I feel like I couldn't agree with them on some key things, there probably won't be a cuddle 3 or 4. But there might be a cuddle 2.
I’m not very educated on mental health/ disorders, but I’ll spew my opinions anyway.
People have all sorts of preferences on who they want to cuddle. While they can be highly limiting and unfairly judgemental in my opinion, people have the right to them especially if they uncomfortable to go without those preferences. ‘Normal’ people can and have been very cruel. Anyone can be. But psychopaths are just more likely to be cruel, so I think it's fair for someone to to have that as a boundary if that makes them feel comfortable, or at the very least be more cautious around them. Proportionally, psychopaths have a much higher representation in prisons (they make up 1% of the general population but are 15% of the prison population. A study of 2600 homicide offenders found that they show significantly higher markers for psychopathy than the general population.
I personally would cuddle a psychopath.
@xandriarain Even if we agreed on something, I'd still like to hear your reasons why Maybe your reasons are better than mine.
I’m not very educated on mental health/ disorders, but I’ll spew my opinions anyway
Of course. How could that ever end badly...
So, I have a question. How would you know you were cuddling with a psychopath or sociopath unless they told you (which they likely wouldn't, due to the social stigma and generalisation about what it means to have such a diagnosis).
If I'm wrong in something please let me know, this was just based on some quick googles.
Good question.
If I'm just meeting them, I wouldn't know. If I knew them for a while, I might be able to sniff it out unless they were great at blending in. But even if they told me they were and they decent enough, I'd cuddle them anyway. Coming out and saying it is a green flag anyway. If I could tell they were hiding it, I'd still cuddle them as I'd understand why they might want to hide it. As long as they didn't pose a threat to me or was particularly manipulative I'd continue cuddling them.
Tell me something I disbelieve and I’ll say “Bless your heart, have a hug.” 😂
That's the attitude I'd hope most people would have.
I think it's fair to say that if someone posed a threat to you, based on their individual behaviours (red flags in messages, conversation, things they did that made you feel unsafe or worried) then you'd of course be justified in not putting yourself in a situation like cuddling, which can be quite a vulnerable situation to be in, but then I'd hope that most people have the common sense to not out themselves in situations where they feel even the tiniest bit unsafe or unsure of someone, regardless of the other person's mental health status.
I talk to someone quite regularly who has a diagnosis of ASPD (formerly would have been classed as 'sociopathy') and they are one of the most interesting, insightful and trustworthy people I have spoken to. I get zero red flags from them, and I would cuddle them in a heartbeat.
They sound great!
I grew up as a social outcast, so I have a propensity to try to be accepting of people, particularly outsiders of the majority. In an ideal world we're judged based on our prior and current performance. But many will decide to to cuddle someone based on what group we belong to. These are considered acceptable. For example, men that don't cuddle other men because they don't think that they would like it (not really an apples-apples comparison I know). More relevantly, there were a couple female members that don't cuddle men, not because all men are boundary pushers, but because they are much more likely than other groups to push boundaries, based on their experiences and observations. This is understandable. But in a similar vein I find having boundaries or being more cautious around psychopaths to be similarly understandable based on the fact that they are more likely to be violent or manipulative. Someone that is close to me has permanent trauma from their experience in trusting a psychopath.
In a similar vein I find having boundaries or being more cautious around psychopaths to be similarly understandable based on the fact that they are more likely to be violent or manipulative.
You know how some people say 'not all men' in response to women that feel uncomfortable cuddling men? I feel like this works equally well with 'not all psychopaths'.
Yes, it's not all men, but it's enough of them. It's not all men, but it's some of them, and we don't know which ones. It's not all men, but it is all women.
So by the same logic, it's not all pyschopaths.
So why do we still cut psychopaths less slack than men, and make these sweeping generalisations? Why are we so quick to defend men and not people with mental illnesses? Do you see the point I'm making? There is still a huge amount of stigma and ignorance there.
Someone that is close to me has permanent trauma from their experience in trusting a psychopath.
I have a huge amount of trauma because I trusted the wrong man. I don't therefore assume all men are the same. He was left handed- I don't assume all left handed people act the same. He was tall, with dark hair, but it doesn't mean that I have spent the last 15 years avoiding people that fit that description.
I'm not here to invalidate anyone's past experiences, but I am not going to leave this point alone- you can't make sweeping generalisations about people just because they tick one box. That doesn't mean you know them.
i'm not sure if this business about cutting psychopaths some slack is a troll, but if it is, it's quite sophisticated and I tip my hat.
I am a left-handed male psychopath. Let’s cuddle.
@MCcuddles2 have you actually bothered to read anything I have written?
If you can't understand the point I am making, I suggest you go and read it all again, and if you still don't understand, I suggest you go and educate yourself a little.