Off-Limits?

SunsetSnuggles

When cuddling, are there certain parts of yourself that you communicate as off-limits, besides the obvious non-platonic areas?

I am so self-conscious of my tummy, I would be horrified if someone wrapped their arm around my waist, or rested their hand there.

If there are aspects of your body you have self-esteem struggles with, how do handle it, in cuddles? Do you suffer through the awkward feelings? Establish that area as off-limits? Utilize the cuddle to try to accept the unconditional love?

Thanks, all! 😊

~ Sunset Snuggles

DaringSprinter

I suspect that when cuddling with someone like, say, @CuddleDuncan, all you'd have to do is say "not there, please—maybe here?" when they ask whether they can wrap an arm around your waist or rest a hand on your stomach.

When dealing with someone less familiar with the practical exercise of consent, mentioning upfront where you don't like to be touched and asking for any spots they'd like you to avoid would probably work.

Once you can say no, it's easier to feel comfortable saying yes sometimes.

Do what makes you happy. Your cuddle buddy probably doesn't want you to feel uncomfortable any more than you want them to feel that way (and if they do want you to be uncomfortable, they're a bad buddy).

pmvines

@DaringSprinter did a great job explaining so not.much to add . I would just say to remember to try to not make it too serious and have fun with it . If you tell someone hey I dont like my stomach touched , they will typically not touch it. I tell people dont touch the bottoms of my feet or ears unless you want me to involuntarily kick you because of how ticklish I am there . Just tell them . Dont make it complicated.

Babichev

Cuddling is supposed to feel good and be relaxing. Not everyone likes the same thing. Definitely we need to let our partners know what works for us and what doesn’t. A good cuddle buddy wants to know your preferences.

I can’t think of any parts that are off limits besides what’s expected but I am dealing with a persistent pain problem. I’m not always sure what positions are going to work for me and so I explain to my partner before we start so they know I may need to move around a bit before I find a comfortable position. It’s no big deal. My partners have been very accommodating.

MrMarkAndrew

No.

Brandi

I have a super weird thing about belly buttons. I used to have it mentioned on my profile because a few people attempted to poke it, and even after freaking out in those moments, unfortunately someone kept pushing the boundary Thinking it was funny but it hasn’t been a big issue as of recent, thank goodness.

TheFunCartel

@SunsetSnuggles

You should mention that in the pre-cuddle Zoom meeting and on your in-take form. At such a time as you feel comfortable you will know what your rights are.

Contact me at 1-800-CUDDLE LAW.

I also take and win cases on slanderous karma, domestic boner thread abuse, and multiple forum identities fraud. I go to court for you while you cuddle without harassment from the man.

cuddleversed

I have a weird thing about my hair and how I don’t want it to be touched after I’ve combed it because is gonna look out of place and disheveled. Is not that I don’t like my hair to be touched but once I comb my hair I want it to stay exactly how it was when I left my house lol.
But I’ve realized over the years of cuddling that people like to touch hair, running fingers through it and just touch it in general so I’ve learned to let go, enjoy the touching of my hair as part of the cuddle and just comb it the way it was after the cuddle it’s over.

Aside from the obvious non-platonic areas not sure there are any areas I'd really say are off-limits. I'd probably be a bit uncomfortable if someone decided to rest their hands in my armpits or somewhere like that lol.

I'm not entirely comfy with too much pressure being put on my gut as that's affected by my health issues and would be mega painful but it's not so bad that it can't be up against someone.

earthlingLucy

For me I don’t liked to be tickled. So no spidery touch or deliberate tickles. I’m cool with my mid section being held but not rubbed especially with the spidery touch 😅 I also don’t like hand to face contact (germs/sensitive skin) or hand to feet contact (we can play footsies but that’s about it).

Knowing your boundaries before a session is really helpful and it can help you guide your client on finding their boundaries as well. 😊

CuddleDuncan

@DaringSprinter is spot on. And thank you for the compliment.

Tummies are well known to be delicate. I got caught out by a shoulder once: somebody just didn't like having their shoulder touched. One shoulder only, the other one was fine.

If you're with a decent person it's never a problem. My hand has ended up where it shouldn't more than once, mostly when moving from one position to another. On one occasion somebody grabbed a full (and thankfully gentle) handful of my love spuds, and for the rest of the session "look after the testicles!" became our rallying cry. I'm lucky, in general I'm happy to be touched anywhere, so things like that don't bother me.

I do have a pretty negative view of my body, my tummy in particular. However, I did once receive a powerful lesson on why I should not project that negative view onto others. My close friend's friend had come to visit her, and the three of us got drunk on the couch. The friend was a model, mildly famous in Germany. At one point she put her head on my shoulder, stroked my tummy and said, "I love your tummy. Reminds me of a teddy bear's tummy." So that was me told. Actually, in retrospect that moment did me a lot of good.

Sheena123

@earthlingLucy ahhhhh!!! Calling it spidery touch spooked me!! Lol I call it feather touch. Don’t ruin this for me!! 🤣🤣🤣 I’m just imagining spiders all over me 😱😱😱

entwine

Preach @Sheena123 !! Lol...I agree.

It does help to talk about these during sessions, and don't worry if you don't know all your off limits spots before hand...shouldn't have to feel bad asking to be comfortable if you find a new off spot.
As well as previously good spots can become off limits and vice-versa. We just have to recognize people can change in the moment and not get frustrated and to be accommodating.

We all just want some cuddle comfort.

CuddleDuncan

I love spiders. Sometimes I think spiders are my only friends because the eat flies.

I have Omphalophobia so touching of belly buttons is out of the question.

@Btown

For a moment my brain read that as, “Oompaloompaphobia” and my confusion was in a foot race with my amusement.

Then I got to the belly button part and confusion won by three strides…

JoyfulHeart

I prefer if people don't touch my emotional scars, but so far, no cuddler has ever done that

JazzyPants

Well, not necessarily a body part but more of a type of touch. I don't like to be tickled. I was held down and tickled as a kid and I cannot stand it now as an adult. I'm even uncomfortable tickling other people. That is one of my ridged boundaries.

ChickenAndFries

Other than keeping things platonic I personally don't appreciate it when someone I'm cuddling with start playing Devil's Advocate, offers unsolicited/uneeded advice, and minimizes, or outright dismisses my experience or feelings if and when I share something tragic/difficult that happened to me. I had this happen to me when I used cuddlist. I called her on it and demanded she apologize, and of course she tried to deny it and refused to apologize. I actually told her to leave my home as a result of that. I don't care about the money, it's the principle that matters. I respected her boundaries, and other people's boundaries, it's more than fair that she did the same. It's one thing if you're talking about a broad subject such as who your favorite Marvel Superhero is for example or talking about whether you prefer coffee or tea. However sometimes I just want to be listened to, be held, and be told "I'm sorry that happened to you." I know I'm not the only one who has experienced this. I also know I'm risking a lot by sharing that story, but it's something that I feel is necessary to point out. There's a time and place to play Devil's Advocate and offer unsolicited/ unneeded advice. It's also not cool to minimize and outright dismiss a person's feelings or experience, especially by turning things into a pissing contest of who has it worse.

This is why I before I meet with someone in person I do a video chat. That way we get to know each other a little better, and we can both go over ground rules. Sometimes it's hard to explain via text about that and always prefer to go over those specific boundaries via video chat so the person can hear my voice and see my face. It's hard to explain via text.

I would say my stomach is a no zone and my face. I'm fine with the resting the hand on the waist part. I saw someone mention belly buttons and it reminded me of the tickling thing. I literally always tell ppl tickling is a hard no bc when I was younger ppl would force tickle fights/attacks on me
That could also be why the stomach stuff feels weird to me amongst other reasons.

pmvines

@ChickenAndFries I am sorry that you felt how you did when that happened. I will say that being a cuddler doesn't mean you are a mental health provider. This isnt a therapy site. I'm not sure that having the expectation that somebody is going to know how to respond to your specific emotional or mental health needs and becoming angry at them for not meeting that is necessarily fair . That being said, it sounds like you are dealing with some things and I hope that you find what you need to heal from it .

ChickenAndFries

@pmvines that still doesn't give the person the right to do what they did and then not own up nor apologize for it. Also in no way did I clearly say that I was expecting them to be a mental health provider. Because of what happened this is why I set that boundary beforehand.

ChickenAndFries

Also I got to be honest I feel like you're totally excusing her even if that isn't your intention. It actually is fair for me to be angry.

ChickenAndFries

Lastly I'll tell you what's not fair. Me sharing my experience and personal boundaries and then you invalidating my experience and feelings. You owe me an apology.

pmvines

@ChickenAndFries you are right in that it is your right to feel that way . Everybody has a right to their feelings. I hope that you are able to find what you need .

ChickenAndFries

@pmvines yeah it is. But you still should apologize for saying that it wasn't fair for me to be angry. You have no right to tell other people what they should and shouldn't feel.

DaringSprinter

Pardon my stepping in, but I'm not sure I fully understand your first post, @ChickenAndFries, and I'd like to clear something up:

Did you tell this pro from Cuddlist what you wanted before the cuddle? That you just wanted to be listened to, held, and told "I'm sorry that happened to you"—that you didn't want any advice, just comfort and validation?

ChickenAndFries

I no longer feel comfortable talking about this. It's not fair that other people share their boundaries without question, but when I go to share my experience and boundaries they get unjustifiably questioned and invalidated even if that's not the intention. I'm done so please just drop it.

pmvines

Again, my apologies that my comment made you feel that way . I hope you have a good weekend.

ChickenAndFries

Thank you I appreciate that. I also appreciate you taking responsibility. That means a lot to me. You have a good weekend as well.

CozyWolfy

I'm definitely self conscious of my body but usually if im comfy enough to be cuddling somone im already pretty relaxed with them and already gotten to a place of easy open communication.