I guess this is the right place to ask this.
Would it be appropriate to ask my pro cuddler if I could take a picture of her before the session starts? (This is my second time with her.)
I can’t speak for other pros but I would be uncomfortable with that. I have plenty of pics on my profile so for someone to ask to take a pic of me, it just sounds like a pic collector or someone with bad intentions. Certainly not saying you yourself have bad intentions but it’s not a very comfortable thing to bring up.
I think if I was out with a cuddler doing karaoke or having a dinner and we are well established, I wouldn’t mind. But someone who has only cuddled me once asking to take my picture would make me uncomfortable. What would be the reasoning to have the photo? Especially if she has multiple photos already? Just curious.
Why do you need a picture of your cuddler if you're standing there with them? What are you going to do with it? It's borderline creepy and completely unnecessary. I'd never agree to this.
@Sheena123 A photo is usually taken as a "memento". Photos of the past are mementos of the past - not the present moment. Thanks for answering though. (Btw, what's your definition of "well established"?)
Yeah that's a weird request. Don't make your cuddler uncomfortable by asking this of her. She may say yes to appease you but majority of us do not want to have our photo taken by a client. We are not dating you, we are there to perform a service not pose for pictures for your personal enjoyment.
Do you take memento photos of your dental hygienist, massage therapist, the cashier you gave $50 to fill your tank? No? Don't do it to your cuddlers.
I think this is odd, to say the least. I would not agree to it as an enthusiast, nor would I if I were a pro. And saying it is usually a memento in quotations makes it even more suspect. Plus the OP evaded answering the question of why he wants the photo. This fairly reeks of unsavory. Inappropriate to say the least.
My guess is the reason for the"memento" would be to make a "tribute". Hard pass.
@achetocuddle I put the word in quotations to mean that if you don't know the definition of the word then you can look it up. And THAT is itself the why. No evasion at all.
@Rezz I just asked the question because I sincerely wanted to know -- not to be judged.
@Moxytocin I don't even know what that means. Thanks though.
Thanks for clarifying @Danny777. I understand you may have no ill intent and may even be naive. Maybe not. You asked if it would be appropriate. Since you asked, we, or at least I, feel that you might wonder or need to know why we are saying it is inappropriate. No judgment.
I doubt anyone here needs to look up memento. BTW. And I don't think that quotations kindly suggests looking up the word if you don't know what it means.
@Danny777 well established to me is knowing them for about a year. Like, they are clients and they respect my job but I’m so comfortable with them that we can call each other friends
@Danny777 I'm not judging you. I'm judging this odd request that seems to have underlying reasons that you're not addressing. We are not arm candy. We are not romantically involved with our clients. As profesional cuddlers we are there to provide a professional service. Asking your cuddler for a photo specifically before the session starts would make me and many others very uneasy. It may show in how she responds during the session. So just don't do it.
You asked for our opinions and you're receiving it. I won't filter my honest opinion to save your feels. She may, I won't.
Not sure if OP cares to read anymore from me, so I won't tag him. This is a public forum. Literally anyone in the world with access to the internet can read this forum without being a member. The responses of the OP are kinda sticking in my craw. And it is ridiculous to ask a question here and then express dislike for getting honest answers. You are fortunate that no members that are unkind, mocking or worse have not responded.
Answering this question involves some assumptions on my part.
Anyone who has gotten to that point is someone that I feel ok with. I may ask why, and it is assuming that the picture is just a regular picture and nothing misleading or against my boundaries, but I can't imagine cuddling with someone who I would not feel ok with them having a picture of me. They already have a bunch of others from my profile and other marketing, so what is one more? If this request gives me icky vibes, then maybe I shouldn't be cuddling the person. If I'm comfortable cuddling the person, then I would be comfortable with them having a picture. It is circular logic for me. But reading all the responses so far, I guess I am completely alone. 😂 Is there some security risk that I am not thinking of in them having a fresh picture of me? Lol.
Thanks, @Sheena123. At least you have answered in a decent manner (not accusatory).
I didn't know that this forum was like Twitter. I won't be posting again. End of discussion.
@ubergigglefritz
Personal photos taken by a client for "mementos" feels icky. Aside from that I've had two clients request photos with me, one was very harmless, he wanted to remember the occasion as it was an overnight for the holidays. He wanted a nice keepsake for Christmas. We were decorating his tree and out viewing Christmas lights.
The other used the photo to imply to his friends online that we were in a relationship. We had cuddled twice and it was purely platonic so it was a clear lie. I had only found out after he uploaded said photo and he became a suggested friend. It took some work to have him remove the photo.
The last one sealed my choice to allow photos, while not harmful it was decietful and ruined my trust of an otherwise upstanding client.
If the OP could give better detail as to why he wants someone he barely knows to pose for a photo before their session as a "memento" I may have a different view on it but he doesn't want to clarify, so to me it remains a red flag.
@Rezz I agree about the OP with no explanation. As I stated, my answer was given the assumptions I listed. If I am seeing someone a second time and them taking/having a picture of me is a problem, then I absolutely should not be cuddling with them. But that's with how I operate as a professional and the "professional but friendly" relationships I have with my "clients". I understand why it wouldn't be ok with most professionals though. I completely get it!
Big, Fat Red Flag @ubergigglefritz. There is no sure way to know what his intentions are. He has never said why he wants the photo. It would not matter anyway. No man wanting to treat a woman well and help her keep her dignity, privacy and safety would ask this under the circumstances he is describing.
This site is "not like Twitter". This thread in particular features kind, honest and thoughtful women answering a question. Anyone asking for a photo of a woman they barely know and acting bewildered about appropriate responses chaps my hide.
Safety first! This goes for every member here, not just a particular gender.
@achetocuddle I agree about the OP. I'm talking about how I would respond for my clients, not to the OP. I haven't had a conversation with the guy to even know if he would pass the first hurdle of getting even to the point of a first session, lol.
Good to know @ubergigglefritz. So glad. I get afraid for some people here, all genders. You are not an example of a person I'm afraid for. But I have Pmed with a few people and have read a little in the forum that makes me feel concerned for a few.
I don't like to think about what some typical guys would do with a personal pic of a cuddler they are just getting to know. Even if they merely look at it and no one else sees it they don't have any business with a pic until the other person deems them to have a true friendship and maybe not even then.
Regardless of what this thread is really about, and this is off-topic, it's never a good idea for anyone to imagine or assume a relationship that does not exist. I just want everyone who reads this thread to remember this.
@achetocuddle Semantics. He mentioned asking for a picture OF the cuddler, not even WITH the cuddler (not saying his intention, but what he wrote). How is a picture OF me that he took with his phone any different than a picture OF me that he took from my profile? Someone could just as easily take a picture from my profile and stage it as their girlfriend as a picture they took of me themselves and stage it as their girlfriend. I guess I just fail to see a differentiation. I have pictures of myself on the internet, in public, on this profile, on my website, on Facebook, etc. It's a given that any random person I never have even meet could be starting at it and thinking all sorts of nasty stuff. Icky. 😝 People who I cuddle with, especially those who are invited BACK, are not people who give me icky feelings. If they gave me icky feelings, I wouldn't continue sessions with them. Those are the assumptions I was basing on for my answer. That's different from my answer as to what I would recommend for other people. This is just my own personal answer, for my own personal space, with my historical experience with my clients, and considering my own personal boundaries. 😇
Thank you for correcting me @ubergigglefritz. I definitely read into the question things that were not stated. I'm pretty big on going with my intuition. Of course my intuition is not failsafe. Then I began thinking about what a person could do with that pic. And thinking of the people here that I believe are naive and got scared for them. I'm basically glad about what i posted here (can't stop thinking about the people who may read this and get bad ideas), but you are absolutely correct. I merely imagined that he wanted to be included in the pic. Whether he wanted that is not for me to say. I wish everyone could point out things that are wrong with some class like you do.
It's true that if a person has many pics on several different social media sites that it kinda doesn't matter. And a person who posts a lot of pics will naturally probably have a different perspective than I.
I am a private person and more cautious than average, so I don't pose for pics very easily. And I view a request for a pic early in any relationship differently than some.
You know I think you are a valuable part of this site and the forum and glad you enjoy our PMs, as do I.
@achetocuddle definitely. I hope for people to be careful and cautious, as much as needed to stay safe. 😇
@ubergigglefritz YES.
In 30 years as a massage therapist there were only two occasions where clients requested a photo and both of them involved events. In one case I was working with a college swim team for three days at NCAA finals. We had a lot of fun working together, they felt like I contributed to their amazing performance, and a couple of them asked if I’d take a photo with them. (It was only their third year as a team and their women took first place overall, the men took second place overall, and their coach got Coach of the Year. They won against teams that were larger and more experienced. It was a momentous occasion.) In the other case a doctor was doing a cross-country bicycle ride to raise funds and awareness for a cause. She asked for a photo of the two of us together and posted about her massage on her blog. In both cases the request made sense and did not seem odd.
But if a random client who came for a massage asked for a photo I would want to know exactly why would they want it. I don’t think I’d feel particularly comfortable about that.
I think this is a case of when in doubt, don’t. Pro cuddlers already have to deal with a lot of guys making inappropriate and creepy requests. IF you make the request and the cuddler feels uncomfortable about it the relationship with that pro may never be the same and they may decline to see you again. It’s an unusual request and there’s too much potential that the person will feel ill at ease. I would suggest not to do it.
@Babichev Solid advice
Some people get off on the power they feel from having someone do something outside their comfort zone. They realize the request is unsettling but they push for it anyways to get a reaction or just see if the other party will agree. I've seen this play out a number of times with bad clients.
I'm not saying this is what the OP is doing, but his unwillingness to explain his reasoning tells me that the request is likely not as innocuous as he claims. Since he bounced from the conversation we will never know.
How is a picture OF me that he took with his phone any different than a picture OF me that he took from my profile
In my case he wanted to take the photo in his living room. In hindsight to show a girl had been in his home. More convincing I suppose than just taking a photo from the internet. 🤷♀️
This couldn't be any creepier if it was a Scooby Doo episode about Mr Creep, who runs a virginia creeper emporium out of a disused funfair in Creepsville, Arizona.
It's the of not with that makes it creepy. Along with the total absence of explanation in spite of the repeated opportunity to give one. Along with the absence of a photo of the OP on his profile. A love of asymmetry is not a desirable characteristic in cuddling.
In his profile the OP describes himself as 'considerate'. I have learned enough about the US now to know that that alone is an orangey-red flag.
The OP's profile has only one Karma, from a week ago, from a professional who has numerous photos on her profile. It's therefore possible that this professional is the person he has in mind. I will leave it to you guys to decide whether or not to bring this thread to her attention, just in case you haven't had that conversation already.
@Danny777 as a community we do actually want to help you. We are glad that you posted here first, rather than just doing it. We do want you to respond properly to the comments that have been made here.
Deep down inside, you know that making this request is problematic, otherwise you wouldn't have posted. Have a serious think about all this ... why do you want a photo? Why did you ask here first? How would you feel if you went to the dentist and they asked for a photo of you afterwards: would you give it to them? And all the other points raised in this thread. You don't have to have complete answers to come back and post .... you can just tell us how you are getting on.
Much of this stuff may be uncomfortable for you. That's ok. Sometimes that's how you become a better, happier, less lonely person.
@CuddleDuncan I messaged the pro yesterday. Your message is totally correct as far as I am concerned. So glad you came up with what I wanted to say but could not articulate.