Meeting Somebody From The Internet – Safety Precautions

edited July 2022 in General

Your comments and suggestions please!

This feels like a big list but it’s not, it’s actually just common sense laid out in detail. You’d do most of it anyway. It is a strict list and if you are experienced in meeting strangers you may not need to be pedantic about following all of it.

On the other hand, if you are unsure or are vulnerable, apply these rules to several meetings not just the first one. Relax them gradually as you get to know the person, not all at once. A good person will understand and help you to follow these guidelines. If the person complains about them or tries to persuade you not to follow them, it is a red flag and you should consider abandoning the meeting.

There are general guidelines for most circumstances. The situation at the back of my mind was two cuddle enthusiasts meeting in person for the first time. Asymmetrical circumstances, such as cuddle professional and client, may require slight variations.

  • Trust your gut: if something feels wrong, get out of there at once. Say, “I’m so sorry, I’ve just remembered I’ve left the iron on. Lovely to meet you, I’ll message you tomorrow. Goodbye.”, pick up your coat and walk out. Do not hesitate. Do not enter into conversation
  • Provide all details of the person and the meeting to somebody you trust, and arrange to contact them afterwards to say all is well. Agree what they will do if you don’t check in by a certain time
  • Consider using a throwaway phone number
  • Do not communicate using apps with disappearing messages
  • Keep your address and other personal information private. This includes details of your journey
  • Provide a good clear photo of yourself, along with your real first name. Remember, they have to be able to trust you too
  • No clear photo of their face = no meeting
  • Do a Google reverse image search on their photo
  • Do not give false information about yourself. If they ask you something you don’t want to tell them, just say, “I prefer not to disclose that kind of thing at this stage of knowing somebody.”
  • In general, symmetry is good. If they know X about you, you should know X about them
  • The meeting must be fully arranged in detail at least 48 hours beforehand
  • The meeting must be in a safe public place where there will be plenty of people, in daylight or well-lit
  • Screenshot their profile. Immediately before the meeting (e.g. just before you go into the coffee shop), check that their profile is live and substantially unchanged. If it has vanished (or represents somebody different) do not go ahead with the meeting
  • No last minute (on the day or night before) changes of plan: postponement is acceptable
  • Make sure your phone is charged, on and close to you. Consider enabling location-sharing
  • In most countries (including the UK, Canada, Australia and the Netherlands) carrying any form of weapon is a serious criminal offence. In the USA it may be permitted. Do not carry a weapon unless you have been properly trained in using it. Ensure it is safe and operational
  • If you are carrying some form of attack alarm, practice using it in all variations of the clothes you will be wearing (e.g. coat on/coat off)
  • Maintain control: of your transport arrangements; your belongings; your alcohol level; everything. Do not get into their car
  • Ensure that the meeting happens as planned: do not be inveigled into the coffee shop next door
  • No sudden changes of plan during the meeting. If you want to do something different, phone your safety friend out of earshot of the person, and tell them what’s happening. The fact that you have a safety person is not a secret, but who it is and the arrangements you have with them are
  • If there is somebody else present that you were not expecting, be extra cautious and be prepared to abandon the meeting if necessary
  • Do not accept anything to eat or drink from the person. Do not leave your drink unattended
  • Do not sign or agree to anything. Especially if it is something that you would not expect to happen in the context of your meeting
  • Be true to yourself: do not say “yes” when you mean “no”, or vice versa
  • You may (or may not) give the person the benefit of the doubt once. But only once. And only if there is actual doubt

But remember, meeting new people is fun and rewarding! Do not get bogged down in all this. Meeting people from the internet is a bit like crossing a busy road. If you don’t do the right things, you risk being run over. But if you listen, and look left and right, you’ll be fine.



  • Excellent list. I would add, if anyone attempts to offer you money, do not accept it. Leave immediately, block them, and never contact them again. Why? There are police vice squads who see everyone as a hooker and you might get arrested if you accept money even if you don't do anything with them. Those squads do spend time on all kinds of sites trying to lure prostitutes. Some people just cannot believe people come here for platonic cuddling.

    Also, if unsure, consider cuddling at a hotel first. Split the cost of the room. They have to show their ID and credit card to hotel staff. They will be video recorded. If something happens in the room, you can scream and, hopefully, be heard.

    Another idea: Have Google Timeline turned on and your phone on. It can track your location. If you have a friend, allow them to view your location from their phone or computer. Apple users can wear an Airtag and give access to friends and family.

  • @CuddleDuncan I agree. I would not change the location of the meeting on short notice. Can you say what kind of scam or danger occurs if, as an example, you allowed yourself to get talked into going to the coffee shop next door?
    @CuddleDuncan @JohnfromVienna I'm glad you posted this. Based on the forum and a few PMs I've had with men and women here I am concerned that it could be more than a few people who need to hear this.

  • [Deleted User]Moxytocin (deleted user)
    edited July 2022

    @JohnfromVienna It's definitely a red flag if someone offers money to a non pro or a non pro requests payment. But paid cuddling exists here so it's not the exchange of money that's an issue, it's the offer or acceptance of money along with discussion of extras/illegal services, sexual services specifically. Pros have to apply and be accepted as pros before requesting payment because we must agree to the site rules and contractor agreement.

    From the
    Cuddler Contract and Independent Contractor Agreement:

    "In regards to the law: To arrest you, money must exchange hands for a sex act, or expressions indicating intent to commit a sex act. You should not be arrested for Cuddling. If you are arrested, you agree to indemnify and hold harmless Cuddle Comfort and for any and all legal fees."

    Also, law enforcement might do stings if they think there's a SW ring somewhere, especially if drugs are involved or suspected sex trafficking, but pretty sure they're not wasting time on a rando here and another rando there on some cuddle site. And they have to be able to get someone to say they're offering or taking money in exchange for more than cuddling.

  • @achetocuddle the problem with being surreptitiously side-tracked into the coffee shop next door (or flat 26A instead of 26B) is that now your safety buddy thinks you are in place X but you are in fact in place Y. It undermines your whole safety protocol.

    Obviously, if you consciously agree to going next door, and message your safety buddy to say so, then there's no problem.

  • Great list! I would add one more thing. Always video call them after looking at their photos. If they don't match, they have something to hide and you can't trust them. Don't just video call, but video call after seeing their pictures first.

  • This is also useful information from the other perspective, of what you can or should do to make someone feel more comfortable. It could be easy to unintentionally do something that raises a red flag and makes someone cancel or just be uncomfortable.

  • Absolutely, great advice! 💯

  • I would say do not pay cashapp, venmo, zelle etc until you're sure the person is honest and will show up. I feel that allot of those that say “ security deposit” tends to just grab and run.

  • edited January 2023

    Another thing you can do in advance is ask to see their ID. This does of course raise privacy concerns, so a good compromise is something like a driving licence with the number/address and other sensitive information blanked out.

    Just as important as the ID itself is the way the person responds to the suggestion.

  • @CuddleDuncan I just discovered these threads and I am so grateful. There are a few things on here I didn't think of 🙏 tysm!

  • Everyone should take note. The cuddlers I know have had many guys insisting on meeting in private or at their place before even meeting in person once. Those are red flags everywhere. Also, I feel sad so many people are exploiting this site as a second Tinder.

  • @starsparkles858 that's very kind, thank you.

  • @CuddleDuncan

    This is such of a wonderful and easy to use list that can definitely help avoid a lot of unnecessary risks or vulnerability to one’s safety. Thank you for sharing it ☺️ !!!

    ~ Happy & Safe Cuddling Everyone 🤗 ~

  • Thank you everybody for your kind words.

    Here's an extra point that occurred to me recently.

    • If you have nobody to tell where you are going, write the details down clearly on a piece of paper and leave it where it will be found: on your bed; the kitchen table; in an envelope with the hostel warden. And/or email them to yourself. (Not Whatsapp, that's too encrypted.) It's not great but it's better than nothing.

    During the meeting, act as if you do have a safety person: don't bring it up, but if there is a suggestion to go to another coffee shop ask for the details then say, "I'm just going to text that to my friend". Do text the details, but to yourself (assuming you have audio alerts turned off) or a dead number.

  • @CuddleDuncan posted: "During the meeting, act as if you do have a safety person"

    This is interesting. I always have a safety contact with all the info, but I am very discreet in sending them updates, as I never want my cuddle friends to feel I mistrust them. But I can certainly see how being very upfront about it would be wise, with someone brand new, or questionable, though in the latter case, I wouldn't be moving locations with them, anyway. 😆

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover

  • @CuddleDuncan I practice the one @SunsetSnuggles is referring to and it is a good one. 🤗

  • For pros if you go to a hotel room get the persons name and room number beforehand and call the hotel front desk to verify name and room number

  • @CuddleDuncan Thanks for all the tips!

  • I'm quite happy with a lot of the suggestions given here. However, as a blind person, dealing with any of the visual info could be tricky at the least. I'll have to give this some thought, as I'd like to be able to offer some suggestions. In the mean time, I'll try to explain. I can offer a nondriver ID, but would have no way to verify someone else's being shown to me. Also, a video call, while making others feel secure, would cause me anxiety, as I would have no way of knowing all that my camera might be showing someone. I once tried a video call with a friend, and she gave an alarming list of all she could see. It wasn't just my face, which I wasn't even trying to capture, but a number of other things in the room. About the only thing I can recommend is having someone with me, which may put the other party off.

  • Don’t share your personal details just because the other person did, theirs could be a lie.
    If the person’s photo doesn’t match who you meet (catfish), leave immediately.
    Be careful using credit or debit cards at a restaurant or cafe, your full name is often listed on a receipt.
    Wear a smart watch with a program to track your location. Give this to your contact person.
    When you leave, don’t go straight home or to work. Do errands.

  • @cocoabomb Love all of those, thanks for sharing! I have begun keeping a tiny sticky over my name on my credit card, as it shows on both sides so there is no way to casually flip it to keep my last name private. The receipts also make me uncomfortable, and sometimes I will walk them back to the register in lieu of leaving them at a table where someone, or multiple people, are still hanging out.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover

  • @cocoabomb Thank you for sharing this! It’s always great to be cautious of your surroundings. Especially if you have a smart watch, it can be helpful when meeting for cuddles with someone new so to speak. This thread has been super helpful ☺️

  • edited November 2023

    @cocoabomb Dont go straight home? What if a session occurs in the cuddlers home? Most of mine have been... the first 3 was at her home (she drove me too, that was nice of her to pick me up). Never cuddled with a stranger anywhere else...

  • 🥰Thanks for bumping this. It's wonderful for all our new fy24 cuddle kiddies

  • Thank you very much for this information.

  • I've only had one of the cuddlers I've hosted briefly mention and excuse herself momentarily to contact a friend during our cuddle session.

    I am absolutely 100% okay with that. I am not offended at all. I want my cuddler to feel safe--it makes for a much better, more relaxed session.

  • For cuddlers who will be a guest at a host's house, you can look up the address ahead of time on local county government websites. It will list the address, owner's full legal name, and other information.

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