Your comments and suggestions please!
This feels like a big list but it’s not, it’s actually just common sense laid out in detail. You’d do most of it anyway. It is a strict list and if you are experienced in meeting strangers you may not need to be pedantic about following all of it.
On the other hand, if you are unsure or are vulnerable, apply these rules to several meetings not just the first one. Relax them gradually as you get to know the person, not all at once. A good person will understand and help you to follow these guidelines. If the person complains about them or tries to persuade you not to follow them, it is a red flag and you should consider abandoning the meeting.
There are general guidelines for most circumstances. The situation at the back of my mind was two cuddle enthusiasts meeting in person for the first time. Asymmetrical circumstances, such as cuddle professional and client, may require slight variations.
- Trust your gut: if something feels wrong, get out of there at once. Say, “I’m so sorry, I’ve just remembered I’ve left the iron on. Lovely to meet you, I’ll message you tomorrow. Goodbye.”, pick up your coat and walk out. Do not hesitate. Do not enter into conversation
- Provide all details of the person and the meeting to somebody you trust, and arrange to contact them afterwards to say all is well. Agree what they will do if you don’t check in by a certain time
- Consider using a throwaway phone number
- Do not communicate using apps with disappearing messages
- Keep your address and other personal information private. This includes details of your journey
- Provide a good clear photo of yourself, along with your real first name. Remember, they have to be able to trust you too
- No clear photo of their face = no meeting
- Do a Google reverse image search on their photo
- Do not give false information about yourself. If they ask you something you don’t want to tell them, just say, “I prefer not to disclose that kind of thing at this stage of knowing somebody.”
- In general, symmetry is good. If they know X about you, you should know X about them
- The meeting must be fully arranged in detail at least 48 hours beforehand
- The meeting must be in a safe public place where there will be plenty of people, in daylight or well-lit
- Screenshot their profile. Immediately before the meeting (e.g. just before you go into the coffee shop), check that their profile is live and substantially unchanged. If it has vanished (or represents somebody different) do not go ahead with the meeting
- No last minute (on the day or night before) changes of plan: postponement is acceptable
- Make sure your phone is charged, on and close to you. Consider enabling location-sharing
- In most countries (including the UK, Canada, Australia and the Netherlands) carrying any form of weapon is a serious criminal offence. In the USA it may be permitted. Do not carry a weapon unless you have been properly trained in using it. Ensure it is safe and operational
- If you are carrying some form of attack alarm, practice using it in all variations of the clothes you will be wearing (e.g. coat on/coat off)
- Maintain control: of your transport arrangements; your belongings; your alcohol level; everything. Do not get into their car
- Ensure that the meeting happens as planned: do not be inveigled into the coffee shop next door
- No sudden changes of plan during the meeting. If you want to do something different, phone your safety friend out of earshot of the person, and tell them what’s happening. The fact that you have a safety person is not a secret, but who it is and the arrangements you have with them are
- If there is somebody else present that you were not expecting, be extra cautious and be prepared to abandon the meeting if necessary
- Do not accept anything to eat or drink from the person. Do not leave your drink unattended
- Do not sign or agree to anything. Especially if it is something that you would not expect to happen in the context of your meeting
- Be true to yourself: do not say “yes” when you mean “no”, or vice versa
- You may (or may not) give the person the benefit of the doubt once. But only once. And only if there is actual doubt
But remember, meeting new people is fun and rewarding! Do not get bogged down in all this. Meeting people from the internet is a bit like crossing a busy road. If you don’t do the right things, you risk being run over. But if you listen, and look left and right, you’ll be fine.