If a significant other suggested polyamory, I’d leave right then and there.
There’s no way, I myself, would tolerate that. Those guys are suffering but that’s only my opinion. Maybe I’m just too primal in nature to accept such a situation.
I think that there is a power dynamic in every relationship, and if people aren't careful, or if someone isn't very assertive, they're making choices that the other person is compromising on. If polyamory is a compromise for one person, I'm sure that's situation where it could fail. Or if someone is highly possessive/anxious. Though it's also true that not being polyamorous when your partner wants to be so is also a compromise for that person. If someone in a relationship thinks they compromise too much and it isn't being appreciated, I think that's where bitterness and the seeds of a rotted relationship are formed.
Polygyny is a lot more common than polyandry, for what it's worth.
Poly 👊 fist bump!! My relationship im in now is poly and I really love it:) I think it definitely takes work, open communication and a solid relationship foundation.
Wanderlust74 deleted his account. I guess this will satisfy some people.
@CozyWolfy Hope you and your family are continuing to be healthy
@achetocuddle: ?
It's difficult to imagine someone who'd be satisfied by a stranger turning up, stating their opinion of other people's emotional states, then leaving. ...Hmm. The stranger, maybe. For everyone else I figure the pleasantest emotion that could be gained would be a shrug.
Anyway, he didn't seem so bad in other comments. Maybe he'll be back.
Never really understood the tinder profiles that said something along the lines of, "in a polyamory relationship, not here for hookups."
Then why exactly are they in a polyamorous relationship? What is the point, to have several relationship type people in your life, but only to bitch about life to?
What if the new relationship gives everything they were looking for? Would they drop the first poly relationship?
It's all too confusing to me. I get how life gets boring, but shit man, do they need a person to complain to about their current partner?
Never really made sense to me. Then again, neither did monogamous relationships.
@ohnonotagain: Well, that one's easy—"poly but not here for hookups" indicates that they're looking for something other than a one night stand: could be anything from a one week stand to a new lover in the circle.
My Poly Journey I'm Poly It's been quite a journey for me. I grew up in a conservative Evangelical household with specific gender norms and the whole lot. Leaving that way of life (pretty late in life) required a huge amount of deconstructing of all of my norms and that included my ideas around relationships and family structure. The first thing I threw out was the idea that I had to get married and have kids to be a successful woman (yes this was actually part of my belief system). Once a conservative woman throws out the idea of marriage and embraces her own autonomy and decides she is allowed to explore without eternal damnation,.. I mean the whole world opens up. I made a decision not to make any decisions and to explore and not to limit myself. What I found was that I was able to connect with so many people in so many ways and the ones that were the most valuable to me were often not necessarily the romantic or sexual ones. Connecting with all kinds of people is like enjoying all the colors in nature. I would describe myself as a "relationship and connection explorer". The idea of marriage for myself now feels like an old idea that came from a life that I don't want to return to ever. That being said, I have found a life partner that I'm happy exploring with.
I've identified as polyamorous for about 8 years. I first learned about alternative family structures in a history class that described a Native American tribe where the women used to live together and raise their children all together and the men were nomadic and would pass through. I thought it was a really interesting and cool structure. Now I'm in a long term relationship with someone that is in an open marriage and has a family. I really like living with my female roommate that I have a very sweet platonic connection with and also having my partner come and visit me. I've always really enjoyed living with female identifying humans and I'd like to keep sharing the home building aspect of my life with them. I feel like I've found a really good balance of autonomy and intimacy.
@MxSmith What a wonderful story to wake up to. Congratulations on finding your place in this life thing.
I've had monogamous relationships most of my life, but have had many friends that had successful 'policules', some raising children together. It seems like an absolutely wonderful thing when it works...
I have traveled a LOT in the last seven years, due to my career, and I've dated but found myself avoiding serious relationships. Through therapy, I've realized that when I leave on a work trip for months-at-a-time, I experience abandonment guilt. I was favoring being without a meaningful partnership, over the prospect that I would be leaving someone alone. My therapist recently suggested trying polyamory... I could 'go to work', and my partner(s) could still have the love and support they need right there... I've yet to find myself in a position to try it, but my mind is definitely open to it...
Rates of broken relationships and negative feelings while in relationships are basically the same for both. Humans weren't really designed for either.
I started reading this thread last night, and I am wondering about the difference between polyamory and open relationships. I feel like some people here are in open relationships while others are truly in polyamory. I have wondered about polyamory before and have discussed it in my past relationships but we have never actually practiced the act of inviting someone to our relationship. It has seemed in some instances that the boyfriend at the time just wanted a threesome or wanted to be able to sleep around... I think polyamory is a beautiful concept about loving and sharing love, intimacy, respect, and not so much about sex in itself. I don't know how that works for someone like me who would be new to it, I think the relationships would have to grow together or the primary relationship would have to be seasoned enough together to be comfortable with adding someone else... but again, I don't actually know how it works. I would like to think that I can love and let love but what if I feel insecure and jealous, I guess, this is where assertive open communication would be crucial to help us work through it together. The main reason that I have always strived towards monogamous relationships is because I have wanted a family. I have a daughter now and I would like her to have a sibling and a father in her life. We have my mom living with us and I thought this would be enough for her, two parents, but she watches TV and sees that there's usually a mom and dad and so she is always asking about "dad". She is 4 years old.
I mean , I do date around and dont have just one singular person I see . However I dont date or sleep around often , and am not in anything serious . So I am not monogamous , but I'm also not poly nor in an open relationship.
I identify as “solo-poly”, “non-hierarchical”, and I practice “relationship anarchy”. (Sorry about the jargon, but you can google it if you’re interested). My life is filled with reciprocal loving relationships! 🤗🥰💗
Yes. On one hand, retrospectively if my partner was to look elsewhere, I would feel as if I failed them somehow, or that I was lacking in some way or another, and that it would be the reason why they were unsatisfied with our relationship. I also struggle with the idea of being in Love with more than a person (while I acknowledge that you can desire plenty of people).
On the other, rationally, I can't fathom how you can be with more than a single person. A relationship already requires so much effort. There are the in-laws, the projects you build together, the compromises you learn to make etc.
That's a lot. The person you're with will share your life and own half of your belongings, they will be the other parent of your children. They'll be the one who'd have the power to completely destroy your life, yet choose to commit in a full partnership. They'll be the one who'd have your back, and the one you'd have to support during difficult time,
Love, unfortunately, is never enough. You also have to make it work. It's difficult already when there's only two of you, so I can't imagine with even more people. How does it even work?
The poly community is “a community “. They seem to spend a lot of time coming up with theories about relationship structure and how polyamory should work. That is all good and fine. But other people just want to do their own thing and don’t care to be part of a community and don’t care to classify or explain their situation. Such people tend to prefer the phrase “open relationship”. It can be the same thing but it’s a more general concept.
@dave31415 : why does it have to be a community or a scene? You don't think there are polyamorous people that aren't just doing their thing? I'm not trying to pick on you. But I just feel like this word of community gets thrown around as some type of cover or umbrella. But there's bad communities. The Manson family was a community. Using the word community does not mean something is deeper or more meaningful.
I think open relationship generally means you can bang who you want and it's pretty much just about sex. Where poly is usually about more than sex. Isn't it based on the idea that one person can't fill all of another person's emotional desires??
I think people should be able to do whatever they want to do. But this topic is so nuanced. Because it's still based on an idea that we know why we do certain things or want something. But I do know that there does seem to be an attitude with a lot of polyamorous people that they are somehow more progressive or evolved. And I don't necessarily think this is the case. It would be like me saying I'm smarter because I'm an atheist. I don't think me being an atheist makes me smarter or more progressive ( I also just lied because I totally think that. )
@hugo_stieglitz I agree with your last paragraph. The other 2 paragraphs are good and giving me food for thought.
I am not in a relationship, but I like the thought of polyamory. I don’t think I would see anyone else, I just like the thought of not having all the pressure be on me.
@Charlie_Bear That's a wonderful thought:)
Poly ❣️☺️💗
Poly gave us one of the most infamous pick up lines for white guys:
Poly want a cracker?
Monogamy is unnatural. It is a trick played upon men by women. A man has to be free to love many women.
I'm with the minority in this thread. I couldn't even begin to fathom polygamy or polyamorous. I feel fortunate to have found one partner let alone many. I don't even know anyone in a polyamorous relationship so I can't relate to most comments here. But I won't make generalizations either way nor question anyone's motives for choosing either option nor play armchair anthropologist, psychiatrist or sociologist.
play armchair anthropologist, psychiatrist or sociologist.
Sounds like you are polyologist though.
I think it depends on the person that you're with and that dynamic. I've had monogamous relationships most of my life. But, after reading the book "The Ethical Slut" my interest peaked. I think I could share a partner in every aspect, accept sexually.
@FunCartel aren't we all in the Internet age. Read a Wikipedia article and a few other articles and we are instant experts on all sorts of subjects
Honestly I'm just kind of a slut. Put it in a neatly wrapped category with a name if you need to, but I know who I am.
Monogamy is a word meaning one-marriage. The marriage part is long and complicated but the most significant thing probably is the legal status. The fight over allowing marriages between "opposite sex" partners is mainly driven by the rights and privileges accorded to married persons. In non monogamous marriages around the world, we see primarily a preponderance of unequal powers in the relationship. That is, those are typically a man with multiple wives. At the very bottom we see multiple men (generally brothers) sharing a common woman spouse. She gets to cook for all of them and do all of their laundry and sexually service all of them according to their schedule. So, I wonder how polygamous thruples or quadruples or whatever, manage to work out the legal stuff. If divorces between couples of two persons are complicated, would divorces between polyamorous marriages be more simple?
There are benefits and challenges with monogamy or Polyamory. In both relationship types honest communication of needs between all partners is essential.