Outside perception of cuddling

When you are part of some alternative community, it’s easy to think that what you are doing is relatively normal; If not at first, at least after a while. But sometimes you have a wake up call that reminds you that the mainstream of society views what you are doing as bizarre.

I was reminded of this when someone on FB posted about a cuddle party and everyone chimed in. Pretty much everyone said it was weird and creepy. Some thought it sounded like an orgy; something they had an easier time relating to. I thought the reaction was funny. Most people really can’t relate to this.

I’m curious what others have experienced when they get a reaction from someone from the outside.

I guess It’s not a unique situation. There are lots of communities like this where it feels perfectly normal to those who participate but people from the outside can’t relate at all. For example the fetish community, the polyamory community, furries. But you also don’t have to stay in this genre either. People who go big game hunting, say for Elephants, have their forums where it all seems like normal conversation to them even though the average person is horrified by casually killing these creatures, butchering them and hauling off their body parts.

Personally, I think it’s fun belonging to alternative communities. The more persecuted they are, the closer the bonds between the participants.

What do others think about this? Have any anecdotes about people telling you that we are a bunch of creepy weirdos?

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Comments

  • I told a coworker that I'm on here and that I've met a few people on here just for platonic cuddling and she couldn't believe that I could cuddle people without being romantically intimate with them. She couldn't comprehend cuddling outside of a romantic relationship.

  • I have told exactly one person about my participation on this site. She acted like it was the weirdest creepiest thing she ever heard, and we never spoke again after that.

  • Pretty much everyone I've told has been like, "Yeah. That makes sense." As in I'm a weirdo and they expect nothing less.

    But at least two of the them have created accounts here since ~ So yay!!

    clearly this means "weird" is somewhat contagious... yes?

  • So.... I had a very serious job interview today at a law firm... and I had to explain to them what my employment has been for the last 2 years. Definitely was feeling the sting of weird.

  • I assumed others would not understand, so I have not told anyone about being on this site other than my counselor and one sibling. They support me doing what I think I need to be “healthy” (put in quotes to acknowledge what I think is healthy may not be what another thinks is healthy). They understand my life circumstances and accept my choices. Not sure everyone will be as understanding.

  • I find that I get all kinds of reactions ranging from this sort of awkward pause and a quick change of conversation (that one's the worst in my opinion) or else I'll get people who become fascinated by it and ask a lot of questions. I find I get more curiosity and acceptance when I couch the activity around therapeutic language, but I think that's unfortunate because enjoying touch isn't something we should have to explain extensively.

  • I’m almost exactly like you @TNNative. I have not told anyone at all. I wanted to tell my counselor but I don’t want to deal with anyone judging me when they aren’t willing to comprehend that this is purely platonic and is vitally important for me.

  • @Snickerdoodle17 … I get it. I try to tell my counselor everything, even if it is difficult or I fear their reaction. I figure it is part of the process and trust they have my best interest at heart. And they are the one person with whom I can practice truly be me, warts and all (for the record I don’t really have warts 🤪).

  • @Snickerdoodle17 sometimes I call cuddling a "somatic therapy" in order to avoid the word " cuddling" with people I think will be judgy. Or I break it down to sound a lot more technical. Example: "I meet with people for a kind of therapy that is touch based and provides physical comfort and emotional connection. "

  • edited August 2022

    Being the anxious person that I am, and considering I have made zero effort to find someone to be in a relationship with, the few people that I have told that are close to me pretty much had to lift their jaws up from the ground. Yes, the guy they know that will give only the most minimal, one-armed, half-assed, barely-touching hug, and the guy that does not talk to others on the internet, and the guy that has zero public social media presence…is cuddling with people that are practically strangers. I understand their shock but I think they are actually more happy for me that I have found something that somehow makes me less anxious while allowing me to meet other people. So, I guess that’s a win.

  • @MxSmith "Enjoying touch is not something we should have to explain extensively." This is so true.

  • edited August 2022

    I have cuddly friends so they don’t think anything of it but there are others to whom I don’t mention it.

    Yes, sometimes in groups we do things that look odd to the outside world. I used to be very active in various dance circles pre-pandemic and I know folks that were flabbergasted that I would offer housing to total strangers who were coming from out of town for a dance event here. I never worried because even if that person was not known to me, they were known to others in their dance community and if they misbehaved, it would get back to the dance organizers.

  • edited August 2022

    Everyone I have told only seems to care about the fact money is involved. The cuddling itself doesn't bother them.

    Essentially it boils down to, "Why don't you just date or something."

    🤷‍♀️

  • @tapcmurg I get asked that all the time. My answer is always "Are you serious? Dating is so much more expensive!"

  • [Deleted User]Amerginso (deleted user)

    I have to defer to some of my own personal experience in an attempt to understand the sort of social stigma that can go with the idea of a cuddle buddy.

    For a year or so, i had a "friend with benefits" in my life because i had never even considered that i didn't have to have sex to fulfill my need for genuine human contact and affection.

    Now that i know better, i can understand the public view. It was so simple once i realized, but the realizing was the hard part.

  • @CuddlesByDeep So true, plus dating is full of games, stress and all sorts of strings. Where as with just cuddling it is a no strings attached joyous experience that hopefully leaves both people happy.

  • @KamikaziNinja86 💯 you hit the nail on the head. I love your profile!

  • @CuddlesByDeep - Relationships are supposed to be give and take. I don't know why the man is expected to always pay for everything.

  • [Deleted User]Amerginso (deleted user)

    @Mike403 hopefully that perception is changing in this recent rapidly evolving society

  • I've told all of you , is that not enough? Are you not entertained?

  • edited August 2022

    I've told pretty much everybody. The two reactions are usually either puzzlement (sometimes with a little flash of anger or something, not at me but the world in general or something) or "enthusiasm-in-principle-but-it's-not-for-me". I've never had a bad reaction, or been called weird or creepy or anything. Early use of the word "platonic" helps.

    When I say "everybody", I mean I took a cuddlebuddy to stay with my elderly, seriously Christian parents. I don't think they really understood when I explained, but they grasped that she was some kind of friend and made her welcome.


    @dave31415 I don't disagree with your original post, but I don't think of myself as part of an "alternative" community. I think of this as a mainstream community, just a small and new one.

  • @MxSmith I’d probably tell the law firm that I was diversifying my holdings.

  • edited August 2022

    I have a quick story. I go to events and classes where I run into a lot of massage therapists and energy workers, and I asked one, who I was a client of sometimes, but also in community with (a quiet, “weird” woman in her 40s) if she wanted to cuddle sometime platonically.

    Now, as an aside, Cuddle Party started as a group of massage therapists exchanging touch. I am not a massage therapist, but I have taken workshops in the community we are both in in which I learned hands-on energy healing techniques. To the OP’s point, though, if someone has never had the rules and concept of “formal cuddling” explained, it just sounds like something romantic.

    In any case, her answer was, “You mean like a handshake agreement?” Which I thought was funny. An agreement to not escalate things, I suppose. And then, “I’ll get back to you.” And then, later, “No.” It was awkward, but we stayed friends and provider/client. I think it’s to my credit that I asked in a way that she knew “no” was a perfectly valid answer, but I would probably not do quite the same thing again. I don’t see her now because of her “alternative” Facebook posts about covid, but that’s a whole other thing. I still run into her occasionally and we are friendly.

    Right now, I’m taking a multi-day workshop where the only other local, on-site student besides me is a massage therapist and we are doing some hands-on healing on each other as part of it, in a program that embraces being weird and letting go of limitations, and part of me says it would be even more healing if we exchanged some touch less formally, but still very platonically, outside of class, while part of me isn’t sure yet if I even would want this person as a cuddle partner. Also I’m kind of exhausted from life lately and feel like I’ve used up all my social skills on things like parenting.

    Actually, my intuition says the correct thing here (for the common good) is to bring up professional cuddling in case she doesn’t know about it and it’s a fit for her, since she kind of fits the profile. I’m visiting this non-major (but top 100) US city, which has no active professional cuddlers listed.

    It’s funny what’s weird and not weird in different communities. Like the ecstatic dance community normalizes cuddling, but a magic community that values touch doesn’t, and this community would probably find the magic/woo-woo (that just means mystical/esoteric/magic) stuff weird.

    On edit: You need a community culture that teaches negotiating consent, in order to get healthy normalized cuddling, which ecstatic dance/contact improv does.

  • The numbers of people on cuddle sites and at cuddle parties worldwide in relation to the world population make a definitive case that this is very niche at the current time. That is the mathematical view. A historical view would suggest the time is right for rapid growth of non-normative ideas. Look at the 1960s when wars and political divides offered a space for radical ideas at the time to gain footing. We live in similar times.

    With that said it all depends on how open minded an individual is to something out of their comfort zone.

  • I have only told my sister and one very close friend and both could not believe that people do that with out having sex. And when I told them about the Pro’s , they were surprised that people would pay to just cuddle. Therefore I don’t tell people about it.

  • Yeah, I don't break the Prime Directive by talking about this site to normal people unless I'm pretty close to 100% sure they aren't going to call me a perv or something.

  • [Deleted User]Btown (deleted user)

    @waynewv It takes people a while to get used to the idea. When I first heard of it WTF came to mind.

  • @dave31415

    I tried to make this same point in other threads. I suggested that some men continue to hit on pro female cuddlers sexually because, despite being told to the contrary, they just can't wrap their brains around paid cuddling being non-sexual. I'm not justifying their behavior. I'm just saying I understand it. And even if the people in this thread don't see horny straight men the way I do, they do seem to understand that the concept of platonic cuddling does take some getting used to. THAT is my core point.

  • edited December 2022

    This is an interesting thread because I just am at the airport coming home from visiting my sister and she says don’t talk about professional Cuddling anymore it’s not normal and I said who wants to be normal, that sounds boring.

  • The people that know me really really well know how affectionate I am and say yeah that fits you perfectly

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