152. There have been 152 things I have drafted and never posted. What's your number? I dare you to post the most interesting one here.
Well .... you did ask ....
Readers of a sensitive disposition may prefer to skip this post.
I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), and it struck me today that a consequence of that is that my main hobby is wiping my arse. Now, as hobbies go, wiping your arse isn't that brilliant. It's not a lot of fun, on the whole. It's not something you can take a lot of satisfaction in. I mean you can get the satisfaction of job well done, sure, but where's the scope for improvement? How can you stretch yourself? How much expertise can you actually gain, and even if you do who's going to want to hear about it? Normally with hobbies you do them when it suits you, but not with wiping your arse. The timing here is dictated by some mysterious internal force. And sometimes you get more warning than others. The other thing that makes wiping your arse a crap hobby is that you don't get to meet a lot of people. You can't really encourage your friends and family to join in. Society frowns on that sort of thing and even if it didn't, it' s not clear how you could get them to join in anyway. It's not exactly something that lends itself to being a team effort. There isn't, as far as I know, an annual convention. "Vegas welcomes arse-wipers of the world!" And even if there was, would you go? Would you though? Fighting your way past pavilions of toilet roll brands to a round-table entitled, "Right-handed arse wipers: should you use your left hand?" I'm sure a skilled convention-organiser could rustle up a couple of B-list celebs, but what are they going to talk about? Their technique? How they got into arse-wiping? And who cares anyway, they aren't arse-wiping celebrities. Just celebs who happen to wipe their arses a lot, and that's not the same thing at all. There's no big annual awards ceremony. No national championship. Home makeover and cooking shows are legion on television, and reality TV has conquered model building, painting, sewing and who knows what else. But even if there was a reality TV arse-wiping series hosted by Gordon Ramsey ... would it really pull in the ratings? I mean what are you going to make the challenge in week 7?
I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), and it struck me today that a consequence of that is that my main hobby is wiping my arse.
Now, as hobbies go, wiping your arse isn't that brilliant. It's not a lot of fun, on the whole. It's not something you can take a lot of satisfaction in. I mean you can get the satisfaction of job well done, sure, but where's the scope for improvement? How can you stretch yourself? How much expertise can you actually gain, and even if you do who's going to want to hear about it?
Normally with hobbies you do them when it suits you, but not with wiping your arse. The timing here is dictated by some mysterious internal force. And sometimes you get more warning than others.
The other thing that makes wiping your arse a crap hobby is that you don't get to meet a lot of people. You can't really encourage your friends and family to join in. Society frowns on that sort of thing and even if it didn't, it' s not clear how you could get them to join in anyway. It's not exactly something that lends itself to being a team effort.
There isn't, as far as I know, an annual convention. "Vegas welcomes arse-wipers of the world!" And even if there was, would you go? Would you though? Fighting your way past pavilions of toilet roll brands to a round-table entitled, "Right-handed arse wipers: should you use your left hand?"
I'm sure a skilled convention-organiser could rustle up a couple of B-list celebs, but what are they going to talk about? Their technique? How they got into arse-wiping? And who cares anyway, they aren't arse-wiping celebrities. Just celebs who happen to wipe their arses a lot, and that's not the same thing at all.
There's no big annual awards ceremony. No national championship. Home makeover and cooking shows are legion on television, and reality TV has conquered model building, painting, sewing and who knows what else. But even if there was a reality TV arse-wiping series hosted by Gordon Ramsey ... would it really pull in the ratings? I mean what are you going to make the challenge in week 7?
So this was my 3 am response to 'What are your life hacks?', it started with more normal suggestions but quickly turned into a tangent that pretty much highlights my mental illnesses and coping mechanisms. Looking back, I find it amusing because have a dark sense of humor
Prompt: What are your life hacks?
I am sure I have more but here is what comes to mind 1. If you forget to put on deodorant you can rub hand sanitizer in your armpits and it will kill the bacteria and odor, this probably won’t last all day especially on a hot summer day but you can reapply as needed and it works in a pinch. Also it burns a little a first especially if you shaved recently but better than being smelly in a cuddle session 2. Whenever you get keys to a new place (home, office etc) make multiple copies right away and put them in places you can easily access. Give at least one copy to someone close so they can come to your rescue if you lose your keys. 3. Semiglutate- i don’t known if this counts as a life hack but studies have shown diets and exercise don’t work for weight loss. After struggling with losing weight on my own I went to a weight loss doctor and was able to lose 20lbs with no effort on my part simply by taking this medication. It is much better than the old school weight loss drugs and after the initial adjustment period side effects are minimal. (Semiglutate is an active ingredient in several medications such as (Ozempic, Wegovvy) 4. Prepare for your own forgetfulness and clumsiness: I keep back up clothes, makeup, personal hygiene items, food and drinks in my office because I am very clumsy and forgetful and I regularly end up needing these backup items. If you can’t store stuff at your place of work you could try storing them in you car. 5. Don’t be one of the cool kids. I was definitely too annoying and awkward to get invited to hang out with the cool kids. Even though I did not get to hang out with the cool kids I avoided developing a substance abuse disorder, which I understand also has a big genetic component and is not a choice (addiction does run in my family). But I do feel like hanging out in certain social circles led to spending your 20s in rehabs and AA meetings and dying of drug overdoses and I dodged a bullet by not being cool enough to fit in with that crowd. 6. This falls back into preparing for your own clumsiness but always get the highest premium insurance or warranty on high ticket items. I have high premium $0 deductible health insurance, full comprehensive coverage on my car with a tire and wheel warranty and roadside assistance, insurance on both my iphone and ipad. And with my level of clumsiness and ADHD I generally end up getting more out of these policies than I pay. 7. Get a hysterectomy: I am still working on this one but I have realized that uteruses are the worst. They are essentially bags of flesh in your body that leak blood everywhere and cause immense pain every month, that could potentially land you in jail in certain states, that will put you through nine months of pain, vomiting, and too many other symptoms to list just for a crying, screaming, incontinent, financial, and career ruining crotch goblin which just leads to the overpopulation of this parasitic species we call humanity 8. Be a homebody: it saves you lots of money and significantly reduces your chances of being a victim in a mass shooting, sexual assault or other heinous crimes. Also less germs and diseases 9. Underpromise and overdeliver, let people think you are a little bit dumb so they expect less of you. I learned this in middle school gym class. I used to pretend to be really ditzy durring sports and pretended I didn’t know how to play the game so I got to be score keeper for the rest of the year. 10. Prepare for every scenario and outcome. When I am really nervous about something I always think about the worst case scenario, the best case scenario and the middle case scenario. Generally it winds up being the middle or best case scenario so I feel relieved that it isn’t the worst case scenario. Even when it is the worst case scenario I am not upset as I would have been if I hadn’t mentally prepared myself (aka had an anxiety attack about it) because in my mind I already lived through it. 11. If you are going to commit a crime or break the law do your research but in a way that your search history can’t be tracked. Figure out what the penalties are and what the odds are of getting caught. Decided if you can live with those odds and if the penalties would be bearable to you if you did get caught. 12. Don’t let people know your phobias because some will use them against you 13. Always have an escape plan 14. If someone has dirt on you make sure to also have dirt on them so they can’t blackmail you 15. Takes mental health breaks from the news and social media, you will become anxious and struggle to sleep at night if you know about all of the horrible things in the world 16. Note to self: avoid oversharing on a website where you also work and get clients from.
@CuddleDuncan 🤣🤣 I don't regret asking.
@xandriarain your posts are magnificent. Looking forward to reading yours.
Don’t let people know your phobias because some will use them against you If someone has dirt on you make sure to also have dirt on them so they can’t blackmail you
Ok seriously, who hurt you? Damn.
edit
OHHHH im dumb.
it started with more normal suggestions but quickly turned into a tangent that pretty much highlights my mental illnesses and coping mechanisms. Looking back, I find it amusing because have a dark sense of humor
I was really weirded out that no one was calling that list out, but yea I just never read all the way.
@CuddleDuncan That is arguably the best post I have ever read! I'm damn near in tears. 🤣 🤣 🤣
@xandriarain You seemed cool before, but now I'm certain. 🤣
I get anxious when I have more than one draft at a time here.
@MxSmith and @xandriarain - I am in awe.
@Sideon ... don't look 🙇♀️
Lol ~ Evidence of my working on impulse control!! 😉 Yeah, I've posted lots! But see, there's so much I haven't... 💁♀️
You all are prolific.
I'm feeling suddenly lazy and OCD with my typically 1, 2, or 3 max drafts.
I feel so much better about all the things I've typed out and then thought better of 😊 The second screenshot is me catching myself about to go off about my ex and then deciding to let that 💩 goooooooooooo. Maybe not the most interesting draft but the others might get me in trouble. I have a lot of opinions lol. Now I'm going to delete all my drafts and enjoy the mental freedom!
@Sideon duuuuuude same! I feel like the second I back out of saying something, my first instinct is to hit X on the draft every time.
While there are 17,most of them are drafts of something that I eventually posted. I say what I mean and I mean what I say.
@Sideon and @Shake49 ... I am the same. I also don't like having numbers on my phone apps.
@xandriarain, you are awesome.
Looks like many of us aren't done - myself included. LOL. 🤣🤣🤣
Not too bad 😅
I've typed out many a post here and elsewhere that I have, for one reason or another, not followed through with. The fact that I really can't remember many details either shows that not posting was a wise decision or that I have a remarkable gift for self-preservation by totally wiping my own memory.
4 and there is a reason they weren't shared. LOL. I can be quite venomous when someone pisses me off. Usually toward people who don't understand boundaries.
Too numerous to count . . . and then some.
By the way, I did not even know there were drafts here until just now. I just write and delete. Or I think but don’t write because I know it’s not going to be a good idea to say what I’d like to say. If people only knew how much I restrain myself!
Only 8…
wow you guys have a lot! i have zero
