Have any of you asked your friends to cuddle with you? What kind of reaction did you get?
I feel like some of my friends would assume that I'm coming on to them, while others may be totally into it...either way I don't really want to ask 😂
@JBearz Yeah, that’s a tough one. I think it needs to be talked about on a general level to feel out how they even view the cuddle world. I mean you don’t want to distance your friendship, but at the same time it shouldn’t be stigmatized. With that said, you are a braver man than I if you attempt to suggest it. I have relatives that would never speak to me again if I did that. I don’t know if that helped but I admire that you are thinking about it. Man (Un)culture can be great but in other respects it can be downright debilitating to us as people trying to move forward and you sound like someone who would like to fix it.
Bottom line: it starts with people talking about it.
I told my friend about CuddleComfort and he suggested that he would cuddle with me, but he's gay. Needless to say none of my straight guy friends suggested we should cuddle after I told them about CuddleComfort, I haven't asked them either. But they've all been open to more hugs when I asked.
I have reconnected with my sixth grade teacher. The first time I saw him and reconnected I said I hope you don’t take this wrong but I want to hug you throughout the day. And he said that’s OK with me. And like every 20 minutes I gave him a hug because I love him so much. And then the next time he came in town I said let’s get an Airbnb. I said is it OK if we sleep in the same bed I don’t want you to think anything other than we’re just friends but I would love to snuggle with you. He said sure why not and he was very snuggly all night. What I’ve been saying to people is I’m just very affectionate is it OK if I hug you often and people usually say yes. I love to rub peoples arms and shoulders when I say hi to them. Tonight at church I was rubbing all the shoulders of the women in their arms and telling them they’re beautiful. It feels so good to touch people. So I let people know that I am cuddly. That usually goes over pretty well. Now I have two other guy friends that are just friends and I try to snuggle with them and they said that’s not a good idea. Although they give me hugs. I love to snuggle with my girlfriends too on the couch watching movies. I think people just know that I’m that kind of person. But some people don’t get it. And that’s OK there’s plenty of people to snuggle with.
@KozyKim that’s a beautiful and welcoming way to approach it! It’s also very honest and upfront. I love that.
I do ask my close friends to cuddle. But I usually only ask when it’s clear I can be vulnerable with them.
@KozyKim Awesome real life and balanced stories about sharing cuddles/affection with friends. If my friend is touchy feely and or open minded may ask to cuddle 🥰 but if I have doubts about any of the above, do not ask. The majority of my friends have no idea that I cuddle but the many friends that accepted my cuddle/platonic affection offers were fun. It’s important to correctly evaluate the trust, acceptance levels, benefits and or possible consequences, before deciding to ask or not, about cuddling!
Thanks for your responses! It's nice to know some of you have had good experiences with friends.
I have a few friends that I think I'm going to ask...I just don't know how I'm going to bring it up lol. No offense to any pro cuddlers, but I feel better knowing that someone is cuddling me because they want to and not because I'm paying them.
@JBearz I hope you get the physical touch you need. Let us know how it goes.
I have, but so far only with friends who I already shared platonic touch with beyond hugs; I think that is the largest obstacle to overcome. Using initials:
V probably did take it as me coming onto her, but I think she chose to take it that way because it's what she wanted. After a year or so of occasional partner dances involving close contact ("dancing while hugging" as she put it), during a text conversation I made a low-key suggestion that I'd be interested in cuddling if she ever wanted. V didn't seem to have an immediate reaction to this, but within a few months we started dating for a year and a half. Even after we stopped dating, early on in the pandemic we made plans to cuddle once we could do so safely. We never did--or at least we haven't yet--because she has since started dating people who would get the wrong idea, but at least we're in a place where we can still discuss it openly.
T...I'm not sure either of us directly asked each other. She lives far away from me, but a few years ago after realizing we shared the same dance hobby, we started making more frequent plans to visit each other, hugs lasted longer, and we started doing things like exchanging foot and back massages. Eventually on one of our annual group vacations her nightly "let's go do the wordle-style puzzles on my phone" became an unmistakable "come cuddle with me on the couch" invitation.
(Inspired by this thread, I asked T about the time I was visiting her and she invited me to share her bed instead of sleeping in her guest bed. She said she had offered just to be nice, and that she's always interested in cuddling with me but not to "cuddle cuddle". Oh well...at least now she knows if she does ever want overnight cuddles, she can always ask!)
N and I have been friends since college, though we've drifted apart and back together several times over the years. She made a point of playfully tickling or poking me whenever we sat next to each other, making me deflect her hands and hold her hands away from me until we inevitably just...held hands. During one difficult period for her some 15 years ago, she wrote me a long letter. In it, one thing she mentioned was that she used to have some lingering doubts about how I felt about her, but she was greatly reassured when she fell asleep in my arms one night. N and I recently reconnected again, and so far has been willing to go to a couple dances just to spend extra time with me even though she is not especially interested in dancing.
Since having my first cuddle and sharing my experience with my friends they have gotten more curious. At first they said…. No you are on a hookup site and you just don’t know it yet. 😖
I offered to show my best friend a cuddle position that I really enjoyed so he could try it with his SO. That turned into us cuddling for over an hour! Then he said he understood why I wanted cuddles and since has been very interested in cuddling. I have not opened up the door to regular cuddles with him. I don’t like blurred lines and our friendship has always been hands off. For me I’d prefer to have cuddle-only friends who are not my friend-friends if that makes any sense 😅
@JBearz I had a few old friends that wouldn’t mind. Some made it awkward lol. I feel a good portion of people don’t understand the different forms of intimacy. And they don’t even think platonic intimacy exists lol.
I wish I had friends willing to cuddle. But for now it’ll be clients and my guinea pig Rico lol
@KozyKim Aww that just warmed my heart I love it!
I've found very varried results from trying to even talk to friends about cuddling. In one case, my friend was unable to separate cuddling from sex, and quickly told me "this is an awkward conversation." On the other end, a different friend was quite interested in knowing about cuddling and after talking and sending her some info, we actually had some very good cuddles. as others have said, it's very necessary to test the waters before even bringing up the topic of cuddling.
I have 3 co workers who refer to themselves as my work wives lol. We dont cuddle , 2 are actually married with real husbands but when we see each other, which is usually at company functions as it is a work from home and in the field based job with no office , we are pretty huggy. They know I have cuddle friends but dont know I'm on this site.
I ask more or less all of my friends this at some point. I believe it helps that I'm queer and most of my friends are queer too.
I've yet to have someone take me up on the offer. I've also never gotten a bad reaction. With most folks it starts a dialogue regarding preferences for platonic physical intimacy, which has been excellent.
In my circles, asking about this is similar to asking how someone feels about a certain kind of food. It's not a big deal. I don't ask my straight friends, because we also talk about intimacy often and I know the conversation would make them uncomfortable.