Should I feel a bit offended?

INeedAHug1216

Ok, sent a message to a cuddler as show below.

Hi XXXXX. I will be in "City, ST" for business Oct XXth and XXth. I would love to discuss us have a cuddling session one of those nights at my hotel. I will be staying at the XXXXXX. I am thinking a 2 to 3 hour session starting probably around 9 or 10pm. Please let me know whether interested or not. Hope to chat with you soon.

The response I got was

"Hey, Do you understand this service is platonic?

WTH. Did I say something wrong. I feel a little offended. I didn't suggest anything other than cuddling and yes maybe the hours are pretty late, but I plan to work long hour workdays.

Can't say for sure but imagine it starting so late might have seemed like a bit of a red flag, staying over till 11pm or midnight for cuddles is I assume rather unusual.

netrunner

I would agree, I think overall the message looks good, but the 2-3 hour session starting at 9-10pm was the part that would come off as a red flag to Pros. Some Pros do offer overnight sessions or late sessions like that, some, but not many, and the majority that do don't offer them to someone they've never had a session with prior. Now after you've had a session or 2 with the same Pro it might be better received or as part of your message you could ask if they have a cutoff time for when their latest session needs to end by on a certain day of the week. Other than that it's one of the better messages I've seen.

I am moving this forum thread to General though as it's not really for Cuddle Requests section of the forums.

TxTom

Don't get offended. Reach out to someone else until you get an appointment booked, have a great session, write each other some great 5-star karma, and make that original pro jealous that she missed out on a great client.

Vianca

I don't think there was anything wrong on either side. It's the pro's responsibility to make sure the person they're meeting intends to abide by the site's policies. May have simply been double checking.

You sent a great first message. Direct and detailed. So the only thing left to ask was what you expect from the session. No, you shouldn't feel offended at all. Everyone should be asked that question whether or not there are red flags.

Rezz

@iNeedAHug7

This is sadly something many have to reiterate and do so early in the process as to not waste your time or ours.
The late start time may have been a factor and/or this pro may have been dealing with a rash of inquiries that were sexual in nature leading her to just be very to the point . Her delivery could have been a bit less direct but I've honestly done the same so I can't bash her either. 🤷‍♀️

You didn't do anything wrong, I personally enjoy receiving a message with all pertinent information in the first message. It makes booking and screening a breeze.

Minestrone101

Yeah. I agree with what's been said. Also, most pros do have their availability listed on their profile, so maybe your suggested time was outside of their set times and they may have associated previous negative experiences with your request.

ShaneSchrute

It’s been said already but you didn’t do anything wrong and neither did they.

Anyone should feel like it’s okay to reiterate boundaries, rules, expectations, etc. It’s not personal.

KamikaziNinja86

Her response could have been an honest answer or an annoyed one. What you could do is just reply that you do understand that and with your work schedule you can't do earlier cuddles. But as other said, maybe just reach out to others in the area.

CharlieBear

I don’t think there is a reason to be offended. I would have taken that as them making sure the session will be safe and that there is no expectation for anything other than platonic cuddling. I know pros get a lot of very inappropriate messages, so I would be mindful of that when writing messages. In your case, probably introducing yourself first (if introductions haven’t been made yet) before sending off the hotel info.

MonkeyNeedsAHug

Do you?

CuddleDuncan

Welcome to the forum, @INeedAHug1216. No, you should not feel offended. And no, you did not say anything wrong. There is a standard pattern of creepy clients requesting late night sessions and then attempting to push boundaries, and it is this pattern to which the professional was responding.

I'm not suggesting your message was creepy, it wasn't. But professional cuddlers have to deal with a lot. Including clients who claim to understand the meaning of the word 'platonic', but don't. Or do understand it, but don't believe it. And lots and lots of time-wasters: out-of-towners discussing or arranging sessions they have no intention of attending are another routine problem.

To put it another way, the thing you are asking for - although it's entirely legit in your case - is decorated in orangey-red flags and blood orange motifs. Hence the somewhat blunt reply: it's a gatekeeping message.

We are clients and professionals (in this case) but we are also a community. A brief explanation of the reason for the late hour, and/or a remark demonstrating that you would understand any concerns that the professional might have about it, could have provoked a slightly different response.

Send a nice reply, and I'm sure you'll have a lovely cuddle.

Sheena123

Oh man, I would love to get a message like that more often lol

I would definitely say that she’s probably frustrated with those that have constantly crossed boundaries. I would probably feel the same way as you if I received that message l, especially when you only have good intentions and I also see why she would instantly come out the gate with that question.

You didn’t do anything wrong and I would also say what she said wasn’t personal!

Mela_B

Your message was just fine. Sometimes pros, especially newer, can be overwhelmed by inappropriate messages etc. Or maybe it's just not a good fit. But you sounded polite, direct, and honestly friendly.

mtp

I'm not convinced the pro's response was intended to cause offense; I could easily believe that asking to confirm platonic intentions is a standard precursor to booking for her. A "Just to confirm..." or "Just double checking..." might have made this more clear, but I would give the benefit of the doubt, rather than jumping to the conclusion that she thinks you've done something wrong.

Nickoli

I think this has nothing to do with the approach you had. The pro in question may just feel the need to state that to every new client. (It's probably due to bad experiences) I wouldn't take it personal. I've had the same thing happen In pre meeting phone calls. I also had great sessions after that so I would still meet with that person. Or find another depending on the city. Plenty to choose from in my neck of the woods.
Happy cuddles friend

infinitycuddles

I think they just wanted to make sure that when meeting someone at a hotel late at night, they understand the agreement and that the service is platonic - worst case scenario is someone doesn't and then blames the cuddler for accepting a hotel session.

LondonHug

It’s a polite and well constructed message. However, as noted by others the late hour may have presented as a red flag. The level of potential offence depends on the tone in which you read back the message i.e. accusatory vs. enquiring.

Further dialogue with the professional would help rather than taking immediate offence. I suspect she is checking you understand the boundaries before proceeding. Endless forum discussion won’t help clear this up. A brief dialogue with the professional most likely will.

carino

You said nothing wrong, the time has no factor whatsoever, clearly shes wants to clarify..I wouldnt be offended, had it been me i woukd of said something along the lines of yes I know its platonic, do you?

Bella_Sera

@INeedAHug1216, whatever she intended, that pro cuddler’s message to you was rude. You wrote a thoughtful, detailed, and courteous note, and she met you with a cold, curt reply. I don’t care how many inappropriate requests she’s fielded—it doesn’t justify treating you like a suspect.

I wouldn’t waste time being offended, but you did everything right.

And I disagree with folks complaining about the late hour. If you’re messaging a few days in advance, lateness is not, in itself, a red flag. And a 2-3 hour session is a standard request. Of course that doesn’t mean people won’t be prissy about it.

Good luck finding your match!

UCpaaHVg6u0

@INeedAHug1216 One thing I've learned the hard way in this forum is that people will be quick to read textual words in a negative way. I often have difficulty avoiding misunderstandings with textual communications, but here it seems to be downright hazardous. Your note seemed fine though.

dungeondrummer

It's a simple question and a very reasonable question. Why do you have such a problem confirming you understand the session is platonic?

Bella_Sera

Don’t do that. OP did not object to the question, he voiced an objection to the delivery of it.

When you send a genuine request to a professional, there’s an expectation of receiving a professional reply.

pmvines

No you shouldn't be offended , because so many men are on here seeking sexual services that it is understandable the clarification would be posed, especially since you have only been on about half a year and have no karma . Your message was fine and benign enough, however so are the messages that many sex workers receive.

OhioMike

@INeedAHug1216

That's a seriously sweet jacket in your profile pic. I am soooo jealous! 👍

Rezz

@pmvines

You get it.
Asking for clarity is not accusatory.
I've done this with several incredible clients who went on to become repeat clients. They realize that my question isn't to paint them as a predator but to ensure we are both on the same page before proceeding and that they understand the nature of what I offer given that so many others offer more. 😉

If someone was to get offended by my asking a question as simple as do you understand my services are platonic, I can assure you I won't lose sleep over them not booking me.

INeedAHug1216

thanks for all the responses. Haven’t figured out how to respond individually. To me, the delivery of the her response just made me feel a certain way. No need for her to throw any frustrations of the industry at me despite her experience. I am still a potential customer. I understand the time request might be late, but I've never had anyone respond like that regarding a later time. I mean, who doesn't want to cuddle right before going to sleep. Lol.

I did respond back to her that "Of course I know its platonic". Then I thought about it and just decided I didn't want a session with her. It just didn't rub me the right way. But then decide to ask all of you. Thanks again for the responses. I understand everything you all are saying.

RadiantHugs

No red flags to me, it's an appropriate question one would ask. However, someone skilled will only ask this kind of question when they are quite sure they already know the answer.

Speaking only for me, I won't be offended but it's not likely I'll book with that pro either. From past experience, my best sessions have been with pros who placed a high level of trust in me from the get go. It takes a certain skill level to "read" the client energy well enough to assume the best of intentions on their part (until, of course they prove otherwise). In my opinion, that skill also translates directly into being a particularly good cuddler. Pros who have honed this skill are some of the pros I've had multiple sessions with, and sessions with them just "flow" well.

warm_embrace

I wouldn’t be the least bit offended. You don’t have any karma to vouch for you, and you want this person to come over to your hotel room late and night and lay in bed with you. The pro is letting you know that they abide by the CC terms of service, and they expect you to also.

All you had to do to reassure the pro is affirm, “I do understand this is a platonic service, and that’s exactly what I’m looking for! 🤗😊”

I don't see anything wrong with your message. I also work full time and the only free time I have to cuddle during the week is from 8pm to midnight. If someone see it as a red flag, is too bad but oh well its their choice 🤷🏻‍♀️

Lovelight

I don't think you should at all, it's a reasonable question considering that the person in question could've just recently been approached inappropriately or possibly bombarded with such over time. So she could've been more on edge as a result. Kinda like having a garage sale and several people thinking you're just giving the stuff away for free ignoring the tags on them. So you are more on edge with other people approaching. Then if you end up having enough people approaching you respectfully, then your guard could be less on edge. So they are just trying to ensure their safety and with understanding that, you could better connect with them.

PS. Yeah the timing like mentioned by @reurbo and any other thing the individual may have spotted could be a red flag as well.

If you know, you know lol.