Evening vs Night sessions

INeedAHug1216

Kind of piggybacking off some responses I got to an earlier question I had. If a pro cuddler has preferred times on their profile of evening and night, with evening definition meaning up to 8pm and night meaning any time after that, why is it a potential red flag if asking for a 9 pm or later session. What is night to you? I’m curious

BashfulLoner

I never should have considered cuddling after 8 myself. Meaning i never thought anyone would consider it appropriate. I’m currently a 2nd shift and learned of 2 potential cuddles that prefer late hours. So we will see how it goes in the hear future.

bekah_cuddles

Personally, I avoid scheduling any cuddle sessions that would last longer than 10pm, especially if it's with someone I've never cuddled before because I start getting sleepy around then. Even during the day, it is very common for cuddlers to fall asleep during a session. While I usually take it as a compliment when they fall asleep on me (since I assume they feel safe and relaxed enough to), I try very hard to not fall asleep on them. Not only is it generally unprofessional, but it's a safety risk as well. You become vulnerable in your sleep and who knows what could happen with a stranger. Scheduling a session so late at night when your body is already tired can make it difficult to stay awake if you get too comfortable, and that can make you an easier target for predators.

You might have the best intentions and maybe that's the only time that fits in your schedule, but it can come across as a red flag because you're requesting a time when the pro may be most vulnerable. Also, if the pro has preferred times listed on their profile and you ask for a time outside of that, it could come across as a red flag because it's an attempt to push boundaries that were already laid out.

I see evening as being before or around dinnertime (when they're still relatively awake and alert) and night being after (when they're winding down and getting ready for bed). The definition of evening vs night will be different for everyone since everyone has different bedtimes.

carino

Its not a red flag if it says so on their profiles..you just ask can we cuddle at this time its either a yes or no .if its a no then you reschedule for a different day that works best for both..its not that serious geez🙄

mnemonic

The way I learned this in a French class was to first divide morning afternoon evening night into four 6-hour chunks. And since afternoon starts after 12 noon, 12pm-6pm is afternoon, 6pm-12am is evening, 12am-6am is night, and 6am to 12pm is morning.
But no harm in just asking how late is too late instead of proposing a time?

teddybear888

@bekah_cuddles Thanks so much for saying that so succinctly & thoroughly. I am very new here. Last week, new. Still figuring out the culture. First I saw these suggestions of evenings or into mornings it sent one particular flag to me. Not saying it would ever happen but, am I alone in the instinctive fear of getting robbed ? You fall asleep, five minutes later they slip out, open the door, big burly dudes come in and clear out the whole place? Just me? Anybody ? All that’s left is some stray trash strewn across the floor or nails in the wall where your art was ? Comedy aside, heh.

TxTom

If you and a pro/enthusiast have cuddled before and are comfortable with each other, there should be no problem with cuddling late at night or overnight if your schedules allow for it. I prefer overnights, myself.

WestsideMarc

I’m an organic cuddler only. I don’t go the pro route because it’s not my thing, but sometimes it’s interesting to peruse their profiles and I do see a lot offering overnights, for whatever that’s worth…

Minestrone101

I think it's entirely possible for pro cuddlers to overreact, but also not without good reason.

Missy87

I cuddle evenings or nights. Now if it was a new person that I never cuddled with before and they were asking for 2am or something, I'd think it was a red flag. I've seen a long time cuddle friend as late as 10pm before. I wasn't worried about falling asleep and something bad happening.

TheFunCartel

@INeedAHug1216 It isn’t a red flag to many. Depends on the person. As a person who flies quite a bit I sometimes get in late at night and I book in advance. I always find someone. If someone says they don’t do it that late then I move on. Pretty simple. Now I am always done by midnight because I have to work in the morning.

For example, I flew out of Portland Monday night into LAX and arrived at 9:15 PM. I could have booked a late night cuddle but I didn’t because I had to drive all the way out to Simi Valley. But I have done it several times before.

Minestrone101

Numbers don't lie:

"1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime (14.8% completed, 2.8% attempted). About 3% of American men—or 1 in 33—have experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime."

Different experiences (as a gender) = different responses. Not just based on the individual.

xandriarain

So I am a night owl, and when I first started cuddling, I didn't have a hard cut-off time. My business hours are now 12 pm-9 pm, which is late enough to accommodate clients who work 9-5 and want to see me after work. As others have said, it's a bit sketchy cuddling super late, and driving home late is dangerous; I had some close calls almost getting into an accident driving home super late from cuddle sessions. Occasionally I will go until 10 pm with established clients if we are meeting at one of my offices. I have gotten a few messages on here super late asking for last-minute sessions. It is super sketchy when someone messages me at 10 or 11 pm saying, "I am at a nearby hotel; can you come tonight?" Just last night, someone sent me a booking request with no message at 9:45 pm for a 10 pm session that very same night. I can only assume that people looking for me to come to their hotel on such short notice late at night must think that I am a call girl.

TheFunCartel

Different experiences (as a gender) = different responses. Not just based on the individual.

Yet several pros have said on these forums they do not have an issue with it and it is not a red flag. It depends on the individual’s preference. It also depends on the individual client; not all clients are the same. I think female pros are perfectly capable of making their own individual assessment of the situation. Experiences should teach you, not define you. The entire cuddle process from beginning to end is an individual choice. Everyone comes to a parry with their own experiences from rape to trauma to happiness, but experiences are a portion of any person. The experience should inform the individual’s decision-making and boundaries, but in the end, the individual decides and the client should respect those decisions and boundaries. Pretty simple. If she calls it a red flag then the two of you are probably not a fit to begin with. Nothing to get upset about.

Bottom line: this isn’t brain surgery nor is it personal. The rules of an individual that are clearly stated should be respected all the time. They made them before you came along to their profile, so it is not personal. And for each one that says night time ain’t the right time there is another who prefers the night. Just be yourself.

Minestrone101

@FunCartel Overall, you make valid points. For me, I happen to think a lot less of people as individuals and feel social forces are stronger than 80% or more of people. Whether it's how everyone uses Amazon or Netflix or a smartphone...even though though everyone has individual choices.

Also, agree it's no big deal.

CuddleWho

@cylee1180 What do you think your comments add to this discussion?

Minestrone101

@CuddleWho I don't know. What do you think I think my comments add to the convo? 🤔

Possibly sociological reasons for why groups of people behave a certain way, maybe to reduce the tone of entitlement or misogyny, maybe to identify facts besides just blind opinion, or maybe to kill time. Thanks for playing!

CuddleWho

@cylee1180 I think the main contribution of your comments is a distraction from the topic at hand. There has been zero entitlement or misogyny in this thread.

Minestrone101

@CuddleWho 👍 Good stuff. Feel free to flag it. Thanks for staying on topic.

BashfulLoner

I’m going to add this thought. While i am actively planning a late cuddle because it’s the best time for me these days. Another reason i always avoided late cuddles or never even considered them is because i feel late hours are courting hours. In a relationship those are the times I’d be spending with my significant, if single those seem to be the times I’m either engaged with a potential partner or preparing for a potential partner.

TheFunCartel

@BashfulLoner I think that is a very traditional way of looking at things. I think social media and the pandemic has smashed many traditional paradigms.

UCpaaHVg6u0

@xandriarain Some people work to late hours and are basically in Honolulu time zone while living on the East Coast. I am sorry that you risked injury because of that.

BashfulLoner

@FunCartel i do agree 100%

quixotic_life

Either/Both?!!

I personally prefer any of the times one might consider to be, "later in the day" to, "early evening" to, "late at night". To be fair, I'm also a fan of the wrap around to early morning, followed by afternoon cuddles too... But I only ever seem to make cuddle plans that are set to begin within a few hours on either side of dusk.

The reasoning is mostly physiological because the later it gets, the more likely it is I'll be able to [will want to] slip into a dialed-down, sort of free-flow state ~ which just so happens to pair quite nicely with cuddling! Another reason is that I like the feeling of waking up, and starting my day, while still blissed out and floaty from the night before... 🤤

Jillybear87

I personally am a very busy person. I work 3 side jobs, run a business and have 4 kids. So I'm exhausted by 9pm usually... I personally can't do late night cuddles unless it's over night. I'd say red flag if it was random last minute at like 1am and they got upset that you couldn't make it happen.. Because that seems like a booty call. 😬

quixotic_life

Oh... good point @Jillybear87 !!
Yeah, all my earlier thoughts are based on a meeting happening with someone I'm already comfy with! A last minute, even day before, or out of nowhere with a no repport yet person, will get a full-stop 'Nope!' from me. But I'm an enthusiast and don't have to worry about such things impacting me or my finances, the way they may for some pros.

Ironman294

I’ve done a few late night cuddles in Vegas, only because it’s when people get off their main job.

pmvines

With the exception of maybe a small handful, everyone who ive met on here I was already comfy with so time of day wasnt an issue . No false intentions or.awkwardness as we were already friends by that point. Also ,since so many of my cuddle friends are out of town and only see each other when we cross paths once in a long minute. we usually spend a night or two together, so time of day isnt a thing

entertainmnt720

Interesting discussion! A lot about signaling intentions when people don't know each other yet or have connections in common. I would think that any time a cis man is asking a cis woman to trust him enough to spent platonic time alone, it would very important to telegraph lots of indications that both parties understand and accept the boundaries of platonic cuddles, understand and accept the statistically greater risk that most cis women face vs most cis men, and want to collaborate to mitigate those risks and maximize comfort. I am thinking that to do that, it might be helpful to have a conversation that goes something like: my schedule looks like x over the next few weeks - I saw that your preferred cuddle times are Y and Z. What would work best for you? I know it is our first session and want to make sure it is at a time that is comfortable for everyone... - is something like that likely to accomplish what folks on here are asking about? Obviously red flags are subjective, and no one has to justify their limits or strategies for staying safe as long as they don't hurt others. Just thinking that clear and considerate communication might avoid a lot of this friction... What to others think?