Cuddling.... to pay or not to pay

While I see cuddling is very helpful with both physical and emotional needs. Why should there be a charge for something that benefits both parties? I mean I know pro cuddlers, do this as a source of income and I can't say anything bad about that. But at the same time these cuddling benefits everyone involved in the cuddle, both the cuddler and cuddlee. I am just wanting to cuddle within my area or if I tend to visit an area, I might be willing to meet someone for one or 2 cuddle sessions. but I wouldn't charge.

**Again, I do see both sides of this discussion. **

Some people cannot afford it.

SteveInDurham

musicians enjoy playing music. people enjoy listening to the music. some people can not afford it. should music be free? how are musicians going to support themselves and their families?

BashfulLoner

The fee is not the issue, people have something that’s in demand. Time, willingness and interest they should get what they need.

But For Meee, there is a cost to paying beyond the fee. That’s the struggle with me, i mean I’m not against it but it has a reluctance i can’t shake.

Ironman294

I signed up years ago when there were no professionals, it was pretty empty. Not many people to write to. Once there were professionals, the site was livelier and I managed to get cuddle sessions. I have met many wonderful amazing people for sessions. Glad I can make cuddling a priority by putting aside money for it.
Not being able to afford cuddling is unfortunately but the thing is if you can’t afford cuddling there’s probably a lot of other things you cannot afford which are probably more important. But save up and it will make the sessions that much better.
If wanting to meet enthusiasts then spruce up your profile even offer to do favors such as some handiwork, painting, or helping with websites or whatever to barter. Just an idea. I’ve been able to meet with a few enthusiasts but few and far in between and it’s a bit of luck and sending an interesting note.
Go

WestsideMarc

Because I am always starved with the incessant desire to give and receive, touch and be touched, I too have grappled with the concept of going with a professional; the ability to essentially, have on demand home cuddle delivery…. I always fall on the side of no because for me personally it doesn’t feel right. (I mean if anything, I should be getting paid! Lol.. But that’s a separate discussion). So the organic (non-paid) always feels better for me, although it’s very difficult to find.

Having said that, the desire for human touch can sometimes, and unfortunately, need to be transactional if that organic option is not in the stars - so a pro IS a great option worth exploring. Minds are like parachutes, they operate best when open, so I suggest you peruse that section and see if anyone’s profile resonates with you.

When I hear from others that not everyone can afford it, I mean come on man we’re not talking about a ton of money here! I just filled up my tank the other day and it was exactly $100. You’re telling me that you can spend $100 filling up your car’s tank - but you won’t invest $100 in filling up your own physical, spiritual, human interaction tank?

For women it’s much easier I submit. But for us men it’s very difficult to find a good match. I mean, I live in Los Angeles, I have a profile that I regularly get complimented on, and have 6 great reviews to boot, and yet I stillllll need to message at least 25 women to get even one response! And again this is in Los Angeles!

As far as your profile is concerned, I read it in its entirety and I think it’s very good, well thought out and seems to check a lot of boxes. I do suggest in general, going back and re-reading it every once in a while and see if there are any tweaks that you can make in copy and photos. Remember to think of how it will be received when a woman reads it. Put yourself in her position. I do the same with my profile.

As far as messaging women, I’m not sure what your writing style is but the only suggestion I can offer is make sure to take the time to actually READ her profile, and if anything there rings a bell with you make sure to incorporate that into your message to her. For example “I love Game of Thrones too! Peter Dinkel is amazing. Have you seen the new House of the Dragon?” I mean obviously don’t make that your entire shpeel but drop it in there somewhere. As long as it’s genuine!

Good luck my friend. Keep hopes high and expectations low.

All it takes is one candidate to make magic!

Abracadabra I’m out…..

Marc

Rezz

@Snow_Wizard

Why should there be a charge for something that benefits both parties? mean know pro cuddlers, do this as a source of income and can't say anything bad about that. But at the same time these cuddling benefits everyone involved in the cuddle, both the cuddler and cuddlee.

Sir I don't know how to break this to you, but I do not cuddle to get my touch needs met nor do I want to. I do it because I love it, with the right clients. I'm there to provide you comfort whether it's a full body embrace, hand holding or playing with your hair. I have some absolutely terrific clients who I get overjoyed to see and they are the best cuddles I've ever had, but it's never to benefit me. It's always a welcome side effect.

You are paying for my time. Nothing more.
I will occasionally make genuine friendships but my free time is limited.

Also 🤣 if you think all of clients are hygienic gentleman. I earn every cent I make in some cases. I can assure you.

Mela_B

Thank you, Rezz. Thank you. ❤️

Minestrone101

It's a service like anything else. While it is nice, it won't solve any emotional or financial issues.

If you have emotional needs, perhaps contact a therapist or a hotline or crisis center.

Speak with a financial advisor or do some research (e.g. Nerd Wallet site or Nate O'Brian on YouTube) if you need to learn about personal finance.

Your lack of does not make anyone entitled to having a woman you don't know to hug you all night- that is a privilege.

There is plenty of information on the site on how to best increase your chances of finding a cuddle buddy and if you don't pay, there is a lot of emotional labor to invest (whether dating, platonic, time, effort, and communication skills, etc.).

pmvines

Oh yay, another one of these threads

SoftHairForDays

@pmvines

Oh yay, another one of these threads

IKR? Super exciting!

@Snow_Wizard

I am just wanting to cuddle within my area or if I tend to visit an area, I might be willing to meet someone for one or 2 cuddle sessions. but I wouldn't charge.

I hope you wouldn't charge because you're not a pro. 🤷‍♀️

snugbuddy

It's like anything else. If you have enough money you can buy just about anything and anyone. You might have studied and worked hard to earn it or inherited a trust fund and never have had to work a day in your life. Either way it's the same result: You can satisfy all the lusts of the flesh (this does not necessarily involve eroticism) and lust of the eyes (greed for material gain) and pride of life (honor, power, status). If you lack money there's a good chance your appetites and desires won't be fulfilled. Unfulfilled desire is suffering. Suffering isn't always a bad thing. It might lead you to the only thing that truly matters. Try as you might to "cling" on to worldly delights eventually they and we will slip away and "today be exalted, tomorrow not to be found, they have returned to dust, their plans have perished."

Sheena123

I know that some ppl that start these threads really don’t know how old and deprecating this can be for us pros, but honestly, it’s tiring…

I understand it sucks that you aren’t getting your cuddling needs met and a lot of ppl feel entitled to get cuddles for free and whenever they so desire. No one seems to complain about having to pay for food, or pay for clean water, or complain about having to pay for a roof over your head. It’s just a common understanding amongst everyone that these are things you pay for. It’s ok to have a conversation about the price of certain things : rent being monstrously high, or this store is selling strip loin at 25.99/lb but over here, it’s 15.99/lb. Go ahead and discuss that.

But the moment a women commercializes herself and makes a living doing something involving her body, it’s horrid to think about apparently.

There are plenty of things ppl need in order to survive but no one bats an eye that these very important things need to be paid for! Cuddling is not a need. It’s a want! Just like going to an amusement park, paying for a massage, getting a tattoo, going to a concert. You don’t need these things, but they sure are nice to experience. And no one complains.

I only ever hear complaints about having to pay a woman to cuddle,( she should do this for free, especially if she’s enjoying it)…. So we all should only have jobs that make us miserable every day of our lives? That sounds horrible…

You don’t like the idea of it, I get it. But just because it supposedly benefits both parties, aka: the pro is actually enjoying their job, does not mean she shouldn’t charge… it’s her job…

I’d also like to keep this in mind for those that seem to think it’s “easy” for women… thinking in terms of masculine presenting cis men and feminine presenting women, we have our individual battles.

Men get rejected, men rarely have conversations with women, men rarely close the deal on a cuddle with an enthusiast.

Women get overloaded with gross messages, women get treated like objects, women try not to be raped or murdered.

It’s a little different I would think. And I’m merely using overall statistics between men and women. (I know men can also be raped or murdered, I also know women can get rejected) I’m merely using the “what’s happened most to each gender. It’s not easy for women. As I’ve said before, I would rather get rejected over and over instead of getting some of the horribly violent, sexual, pervasive disgusting messages I receive…

But every job has highs and lows. I definitely enjoy this more than I dislike it. I just consider the gross messages and occasionally pervy dudes as that gross co worker three cubicles down that tells me I would be prettier if I smiled…

writeraerianh

I just came back to the site, but honestly, I'm probably going to pay for cuddling sessions. When I was on here before, I got sexual messages immediately. And if it wasn't within the first 3 messages, it came very shortly after when men assumed cuddling would lead to sex. I got men demanding my time and attention, as though I owed them anything just because they sent me a message. Men who were demanding I find a way to host them even though I haven't been able to because of my living situation.
I'll look and see if there's anyone worthwhile near me to talk to, but there wasn't when I was on the site for years, so I'm certainly not holding my breath for it now. Lol

pmvines

It's ok to not wanna pay to cuddle. What I find tacky is when people continuously air their grievances about it on the forums. It comes across often times indirect way of voicing contempt for pro cuddlers, who dont deserve that drama.

supadupa

Plus professionals get paid because they are offering their time. This is a job and they are not doing it for their health. And yes they might also enjoy it depending on the client. As long as the client is clean, hygienic and has fresh breath. One professional I know had a client show up during the summer from a train ride on a hot day, late for the session and drenching with sweat and no change of clothes and dealing from the high heavens.
Also to say you would charge a person to cuddle with you, you need to appeal to the person in some way, usually appearance.
I know many say it’s platonic it shouldn’t matter the gender or looks, but really I think people are probably just saying to look virtuous.
If I will cuddle with someone there has to be an attraction there and especially if it’s a professional and you’re paying them. Doesn’t mean anything sexual most men like to close their eyes and pretend it’s their girlfriend or something like that.
And there was one female cuddler who said if they will cuddle with a guy and allow touches and embraces it would need to be a cute guy.
So that’s generous of you to say you won’t charge but there needs to be something in it for them. But there is always someone out there for everyone. Even an average Joe like me has has luck cuddling.
And professional cuddlers deserve every cent they get.

SoftHairForDays

@Sheena123

You don’t like the idea of it, I get it. But just because it supposedly benefits both parties, aka: the pro is actually enjoying their job, does not mean she shouldn’t charge… it’s her job…

Right. I love/enjoy my full time job, but I definitely wouldn't do it for free - bills still need to be paid, and I'm still putting my time, effort and energy into it. Loving/Enjoying your job doesn't pay your bills. Getting paid pays your bills. I'm pretty sure my manager wouldn't ask me to work for free, either (just because I love helping people).

@Rezz

You are paying for my time. Nothing more. I will occasionally make genuine friendships but my free time is limited.

☝️ This!

@pmvines

It's ok to not wanna pay to cuddle. What I find tacky is when people continuously air their grievances about it on the forums. It comes across often times indirect way of voicing contempt for pro cuddlers, who dont deserve that drama.

💯

CharlieBear

@Snow_Wizard

There is a Hide Pros option when performing a search. If you are not interested in paying to cuddle, use that feature.

PeopleLikeUs

@Snow_Wizard You have a really impressive profile and I think over time you will attract exactly what you are looking for. For me, it took a while to attract my first cuddle. But after that first cuddle, and exchange of 5-star reviews, things started happening for me and her. I remember her and me talking about that synergy and how much better CC became for us. Since then I have beaten the odds for my gender and my age.

There are people on CC that feel the same way you do and that was confirmed by a psychologist I cuddled here on CC. When I mentioned to her that paying would hurt my feelings more than the cuddle would be worth, she laughed and responded "Of course, it would." I also live in an area that is ripe with low-cost massage so here, it doesn't really make financial sense to pay for a cuddle. I did in fact pay for a workshop (We all paid and it was split gender-wise) which was really helpful.

I am also really glad that some people pay for cuddles. Anything to keep the lights on for me so that I can go about getting my cuddle needs met is fully appreciated. I have been asked twice by pros to cuddle for free, once because she wanted to get into the mix in my area, and the other because she liked my profile. That profile has had at least 4 rewrites with help from CC members. So there are some really healthy exchanges out here that I hope you'll find along the way.

I recently unloaded my "blocked cuddlers" list. It had reached the 200 limit. I then only blocked the Pros that were showing in my Vistors List and that brought the number down to 92. I can now block 108 people that I know I won't cuddle and my Visitor's List will be kept current with 20 enthusiasts that I would be most likely to cuddle. CC does not have the option to simply delete people from the Visitors List. Hope that helps.

I know you can do this. You have a very genuine, original, and authentic approach.

CharlieBear

@PeopleLikeUs what is the reasoning behind blocking people on your visitors list, as opposed to, say, favoriting the people you would think are the ones you’d most likely cuddle with?

Thank you all for the responses. So, besides my personal situation (financial).
I know there are pros on here, and I applaud them for helping out and cuddling for anyone to pay for their time and services. I get what you pros are saying, and I very much understand your points of view, much respect to you.

I applaud the ones that will do it for free as well, because they also help a person out.

I was just looking for points of view, not airing out my grievances or anything of that nature. I get that it takes time to find someone willing to cuddle with. I know what that part takes. Again, was just mostly looking for points of view.

Regnar

Speaking only for myself, my clients aren't paying for the cuddles. They're paying for my time.

wrench

If people are willing to pay for something then other people are allowed to charge for it. Are the prices high? Probably. But this economy has every one finding ways to make an extra buck to pay bills and taxes.

Jubal

@Snow_Wizard

Why should there be a charge for something that benefits both parties? I mean I know pro cuddlers, do this as a source of income and I can't say anything bad about that. But at the same time these cuddling benefits everyone involved in the cuddle, both the cuddler and cuddlee.

Not true in many cases. This is why there are paid pros. While they enjoy what they're doing, the cuddling itself isn't as beneficial to them as being paid for their time and company.

If you wanted me to take you on a guided photography "hunt", I'd surely enjoy it, and would benefit from the activity.
But I'd still expect to be paid for my time, effort, and skill (getting someone in position for a good photo of a predator often takes some doing).

JBearz

You're looking for someone who barely knows you to immediately accept your physical contact.

You could go out to a bar 4 times a week, talk to every person you see, end up spending hundreds of dollars and not receive a single cuddle.

OR you can choose a cuddler from a list, pay them 100 bucks to hold you like a baby for an hour and then you never have to see them again.

Would free cuddles from someone who genuinely likes you be better? Obviously. But it's HARD to find that. So we pay.

taco_libre

don’t pay

BlackKalel

I don't understand the point of these posts. If you don't want to pay to cuddle don't. No one is forcing you to cuddle for a fee. There are ways to cuddle without playing with your money and do the pro cuddlers do pay with time. Take the time build connections, trust, and respect then you should be able to find people to cuddle with you.

Me personally I like the ideas of pros so me with limited time it makes things easier. Most things in life you pay money to skip steps. Video games, amusement parks, pro versions of apps. Like Hulu the non commercial plan is more to save time and the inconvenience.

Also I like to cuddle with someone who isn't invested in my life and aren't adding to my stress/problems.

supadupa

@BlackKalel cool name are you looking forward to the Michael b Jordan film he’s gonna be Superman?
Anyway these threads pop up from time to time as do the threads that tell or try and bully straight guys they are homophobic or insecure with their masculinity as reasons why they won’t cuddle with other men. Even as we tell them we don’t want to. Blah blah blah. It’s platonic lols don’t matter gender doesn’t matter yada yada yada

MxSmith

Its interesting to think about the things we pay for just for the sake of convenience. I sometimes pay $30 for one burrito to be delivered to my front door, just because I dont want to go get it. Do I hate that I just paid that much? Yes. But its taught me some important lessons on the value of convenience. How much is digging through profiles and having dead-end conversations, and dealing with the disappointment of hundreds of flakes worth to you? Most would say $80-$120/hour.

supadupa

@MxSmith i might add some of us guys were shy around women and how to talk to them. Cuddling actually teaches you how to interact and have conversations with women. And you can’t really put a price tag on something so priceless.

MxSmith

@supadupa ❤ I love that you said that. I do feel like a big thing I end up doing during a cuddle session is teach both how to communicate about basic consent and boundaries work (both emotional and physical). And I agree.. its priceless. In the long term its likely to positively impact may types of relationships. I can’t tell you how much better my life got when I learned how to set boundaries!