If someone is about to make a mistake, or miss an opportunity

cuddles_ndream

And you tell them about it and they dismiss it or disregard it, do you stop right there and feel your job is done, or do you try to make them see it regardless if it comes off as annoying, (I know there’s no details and this is vague, but your input is very appreciated if you understand) thanks.

DaringSprinter

If I think they have a fully functioning brain and are responsible for their own actions—if I have basic adult respect for them, in other words—I drop it.

Unless their mistake is going to harm/kill somebody, in which case respect goes out the window.

Hope this helps.

Minestrone101

Drop it like it's hot. Experience is the best teacher.

cuddles_ndream

@cylee1180 thank you! I guess the problem is I care too much and I need to see it more like daring as they do have a full functioning brain … (I think 🤔) and are definitely responsible for their own actions.

Thanks for the quote, spot on!

Minestrone101

@cuddles_ndream Yeah man. Unfortunately, at this point it's not about the person, or your caring, but your ability to maintain boundaries and avoid being overly attached to their life situation. Let them fail.

People are complex and sometimes self-sabotage for reasons we can't see - low self esteem, feelings of unworthiness, imposter syndrome, trauma, abuse, etc. Or just plain stubbornness stupidity, or arrogance. Gotta step back and watchem fail and learn or not learn.

Yeah, great quote. Everyone's an expert.

cuddles_ndream

@cylee1180 Very well said! Really enjoying your perspective on the forum.

Minestrone101

Np! Same to you man!

TheMidnightOwl

It can depend on circumstances, so more details would be needed for a more sure answer. But generally if they’re an adult and no risk of overt harm to themselves or others… As hard as it is, definitely gotta let people make their own choices if we’ve tried to help to no avail.

cuddles_ndream

@TheMidnightOwl 💯

Minestrone101

One other option is if you truly think the person has some kind of good sense and direction and they're not seeing the big picture is to change your rhetoric: e.g. instead of stating the immediate result such as it'sgood for your career, try to focus on the long term end goal: do you want to be 70 and still working, or don't you want to own a home, because if you go this path you won't, or if you take this path you'll be able to travel freely and do xyz, etc.

But if that will only hurt or cause strain on your relationship, then ya gotta let it go. Focus on what's next with you and go hard in that direction to distract yourself. Gl.

Bear

Respect their boundaries. Let it go.

CuddleDuncan

"I love you man, you know that, but you are making a terrible terrible mistake. You seem determined to make it so all I can do now is keep out of the way. Don't worry, when it all goes tits up I will be there to pick up the pieces. Now, are you coming to the match on Saturday?"

Jubal

Depends on my relationship with the person, and how 'invested' I am in his or her success.

Have a neighbor who picks the damnedest girlfriends with the same pattern: "oh, can you help me get my truck fixed/water heater replaced/credit card paid off". After he spends way too much money helping the woman financially, she finds an excuse to stop seeing him. Then he finds another one. Rinse, wash, repeat. Trying to talk with him about this just pisses him off, so I leave it alone unless he asks my opinion. Which he does once in awhile - I tell him the truth, he ignores it, and continues on to the next money pit. If he goes broke, it doesn't hurt me, though I'd be happier if this didn't happen.

Have a different neighbor whose kids are friends with mine. It's in my own interest that they're stable & doing well for the sake of the kids relationship, so I've given them much more advice & feedback on financial matters (disputing property taxes and similar things). When I see something that I think is a mistake, I'll tell them directly (but tactfully). So far, so good there.

TNNative

@cuddles_ndream .... I've read just your initial post, so my answer is just to that ... Yes, you leave it. You have expressed your opinion. Maybe you try again, but if they continue to reject or resist, let them. Sometimes the best life lessons are learned from missing something, and many times we have to learn lessons on our own. ... Sometimes a person has to learn that the stovetop is hot by touching the stovetop instead of being told it is hot.

TNNative

Now that I have read other posts ... Totally agree with @DaringSprinter and @cylee1180

achetocuddle

@TheMidnightOwl I agree.

nilvaz

I think you have to ask yourself why you feel compelled to press them on it. Is it causing you anxiety and if so why. You need to determine whether its really your place. Once youve answered that to yourself then you can try to decide whether you really need to talk with them further about it. Whatever this is, it has the potential to cross a line and you know that, thats why youre asking. So you should look in yourself to better understand where to go next.

cuddles_ndream

Thank you to everyone who responded to this particular post … this morning I was scrolling through social and came across this - (Sorry for cropping)

SitaRosee

I am the type of person that I’ll tell people something once. An opportunity, idea, express how I may be feeling personally. But I do my best to express that once. Because I have to respect and understand that a person will do whatever they want regardless. So if I care about them, I’ll just do my best to support who they are but I don’t see much point in me giving more of my energy to something that someone may not even have any interest in. People have to do whatever it is they want, because they want to. That’s how I look at it, hopefully I helped with my answer

cuddles_ndream

I am the type of person that I’ll tell people something once. An opportunity, idea, express how I may be feeling personally. But I do my best to express that once. @SitaRosee

Thank you sooo much for this!! 🌌

JohnR1972

@cuddles_ndream
For me the answer 100% depends on my relationship with the person and the magnitude of the risk / opportunity involved. For an acquaintance or extended family, I may mention something and if they ignore it I drop it.

For my daughters or a close friend, if it is a small risk / opportunity I will still drop it after mentioning it once. However, if it is a major risk / opportunity and my relationship is close, I will bring it up a second or possibly 3rd time before dropping it.

I have a great relationship with both of my daughters (both in their 20s) and they know I respect their decisions. My oldest calls me from time to time from 2 states away to ask my opinion knowing that I will ask her questions and help her see pros and cons of any major decision she is facing without pushing her to make the decision I would make for myself.

TheFunCartel

Wow. Context, context, context. If someone is about to jump and commit suicide then you don’t ever stop doing whatever is required to save a life. But if it’s like the President of the United States—regardless of who’s president—-I would not say a word because none of them truly listen to the common person.

Lovelight

It depends more on how serious or dire the issue is. Though in most cases even then, I'd try to push back a bit more. Though ultimately give up after telling them just remember I told you. If this has been a pattern with said person, I may take it up a notch and say "when you get in the mess I'm warning you about don't come to me about it." If this person is someone who time and time again makes dumb or dangerous/destructive decisions, depending on what it is and perhaps the relationship, I may choose to stop associating with said person. It wouldn't be good for my mental health and they likely need professional help, so I may advise they seek that for future guidance or to help sort out their issues.