Man Crush

DreamSweet

Have you ever had a man crush, or for that matter, a woman crush, that was not sexual in nature? It was simply that you loved the person"s humanity, understood their vibe, and the goodness inherent within their nature. In the age of a MeToo Movement, this could easily be misconstrued. But consider this: Good intentions are always known, if not always honored. There are always going to be a pocket of folks who just don't have the capacity to understand; and will subject you to their own insecurity - guilt. Your thoughts?

Jubal

Oh, that's easy. Remember the episode of Big Bang Theory where Sheldon finds James Earl Jones and spends the day with him? I'd be the same way - would LOVE to hang out with the real Darth Vader too!!

MxSmith

There are many people I care about and love deeply and platonically. I'm not sure wat the #metoo movement has to do with that since it's specifically about women being sexually assaulted and harassed and finally being open about it. Its not about misunderstanding everyone's intentions.

Ironman294

Crush? No
Wanting to be friends? Yes

DreamSweet

Me too has its place in the conversation here
In that we get caught up in misguided nations about other people's intentions, whether real or imagined, and can create a toxic environment when none exists. You can politicize any situation. Boundaries are what cuddling is about. Mutual respect. Intimacy can be gentle and loving.

DreamSweet

Jubal I got to hang out with James Earl Jones for a minute in real life. That's exactly what I am talking about here. An awesome character in real life.

Jubal

@DreamSweet aw dude, I'm jealous! I've always wanted to have him give me that look and say "I suppose you like Star Wars? - guess, what, so do I !!!"

ReltvlyCanshes

I think “man crush” is the wrong term for what i think of it. It maybe similar to a crush but i wouldn’t say it’s a crush. I think of a crush as something that includes an attraction that is based in sexuality. Even though i crush on women that I’d be sexually attracted too, the initiation of my crush is entirely based on attributes that are absolutely not sexual, if that makes sense.

So with that said, sure, I’ve felt enamored by the talent level, personality trait, intellectual prowess, confident nature, vernacular or style of both men and women; I’d fall short of calling it a man crush. Maybe AdMANation or something.

Simply because i believe a crush is sexual in nature. But that’s me.

CuddleDuncan

@BashfulLoner language is always a tricky business, and there is an added transatlantic element here. But the essence of a true crush is that sexuality is irrelevant. For example, children have crushes on their teachers or older children.

When I was at school the term for a sexual attraction was 'fancy'. As in, did you hear that X fancies Y? I don't know what the equivalent American expression is. Sometimes I wonder if there isn't one, which is why the term 'crush' gets called into service to cover it.

The grey area that you refer to - a non-sexual feeling for somebody where romantic possibilities are technically real - makes it all the more trickier.

DaringSprinter

Sounds like either romantic attraction or a squish to me.

Also, women being more vocal about it when they get raped doesn't make them more likely to think they might get raped than they were before, when they felt like they couldn't talk about it if it happened. That's silly.

The Me Too Movement has nothing to do with the subject of this thread.

DreamSweet

I don't think Ghisane Maxwell would agree with you about silly. She has publicly said her "man crush " on Jeffrey Epstein has landed her jail time. We can agree to disagree.

MonkeyNeedsAHug

🙊

MxSmith

I think you might be asking, is it possible to keep using certain behaviors that you enjoy that you consider platonic, which have become unacceptable because of the #metoo movement, if your intentions are "pure". The answer is no. Intentions are irrelevant to impact. You must look at the impact your actions are having, regardless of the intention. Many women have finally stood up and identified these "friendly" behaviors as harassment and assaults which negatively impact us in just about every area of life. I'm sure its painful to just want to be friendly and affectionate while being afraid someone will take it the wrong way.. but I have confidence that you can learn to genuinely respect another person without it feeling "toxic" as you put it.

DreamSweet

Infatuation is not the same as admiration. Good responses here. Thank you for your opinions. A dialogue is always appreciated. Cuddle Duncan you get it. Jubal will follow up with you on my Darth Vader story directly when I have time. Be well everyone.

SuperManCuddles

Yes, I have close friendships with people of many gender identities and different types (personalities, country of origin and other factors), which may or may not include cuddling but very strong overall connections! I also agree that views, values and capacity to understand, may vary from person to person.

ReltvlyCanshes

@DaringSprinter yes squish. I learned that word in these forums from you before and i lost that. @CuddleDuncan i knew i had a reference to the reason i think of crushes as sexual. But as a knuckle dragger i says romantic or sexual, tomato tomäto aargh aargh. (I also don’t know if use the right ä properly, grunt) so i think squish is a why I’d choose to think of it.

DaringSprinter

Well said, @MxSmith.

@BashfulLoner: "Squish" is such a useful word. I'm glad I can spread it around outside the aromantic and asexual communities!

bekah_cuddles

@DreamSweet

Good intentions are always known, if not always honored.

I disagree.

DaringSprinter

Good catch, @bekah_cuddles. Good intentions might always be known by the one who has them, but nobody else gets a direct view of them. Only you can see your own intentions.

And how in the heck do you honor a good intention anyway? If a man intends to offer an innocent compliment, but what he actually does is put his hand on a woman's back just above her butt, lean in confidentially, and tell her she looks especially sweet today... what do his intentions matter to anyone but him?

Sure, he didn't mean any harm. Didn't realize it was sexual harassment. Genuinely thought he was being nice. Honored his own innocent intentions to the best of his ability.

So what?

Nope.

nurturingman

I believe people coin terms like like mancrush, bromance, and even the disclaimer tag nohomo (which seems to have gone out of style, thankfully) because the English language lacks words that express the kinds of platonic love men feel for each other. I've even coined the expression in like as an alternative to in love to express my mancrushes, such as "I fell in like with him within the first minute of our first conversation." None of these terms is perfect, and we can criticize them all we want, but I think the point is that we are at an evolutionary moment when men are claiming the right to give voice to their intense nonsexual affinity for other men.

I've had a lot of crushes and "squishes" in my day, and overall I'd say I've enjoyed them. A little bit of sparkle to add to life's magic.

BradB

I am a gay cis-male who shared a bed with his straight younger brother for the first eight years of life. Some very strong bonds - similar to those between biological brothers - form between gay and straight dudes, and more often than some folks might think. My best friend is a straight guy and we clearly love each other, although not in a romantic or sexual sense. It’s more about solidarity, acceptance, mutual devotion. If I ever got locked up, he - not my husband - is the first person I would call; my husband would worry himself sick about me and his worry would weigh heavily on me; but my buddy would just do what needed to be done, and would hold me up.

CharlieBear

For me that’s an easy one: Tom Hardy

BrianL

Pretty sure I've never had a crush of any type.

Noted. Learn what, "squish," is.

Jillybear87

Squish 🤗🥰
That's the cutest thing ever!!

CozyWolfy

Iv had lots of nonsexual crushes. I was very confused for a long time about it until I found out that romantic and sexual feelings are different, ex panromantic & pansexual.

pmvines

I have had many platonic crushes . Some of my best friends are also some of the greatest loves.of my life . Close as family or even closer. I dont love often, but when I do I love hard, and that love follows me to the grave.

BradB

@CuddleDuncan I think the Amerenglish expression closest to ‘fancying’ someone may be to be ‘into’ them. To ‘like’ someone at school (i.e., in college, on this side of the pond) is totally broad and ambiguous; not at all equivalent to ‘fancying’.

The historical meaning of ‘fancy’, as a noun, is ‘fantasy’ or ‘day-dream’. So, by extension to the verb, if you fancy someone you don’t merely like them or find them pleasant, but instead find yourself preoccupied with them.

Bear

Since I've had insecurity problems I've had crushes with people who are usually nice to me.