This is a bit scary

MasolMasol
in General

I don't know why. I'm genuinely looking for cuddles but it's like I don't want someone pouring all their negative emotions onto me as we are in physical contact.
Cuddling is very intimate.
It's risky to put yourself near someone who has unhealed emotional energy.

Comments

  • 89Grams89Grams

    This is something to be aware of. The only advice I would give is to truly get the person before engaging in a session with them and do everything in your power to protect your own energy. Setting very clear boundaries could also help with that.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    For this… always set boundaries and expectations early on, you guys will either be a fit or not.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan
    edited November 2022

    @Masol, it is indeed risky. You are right to be cautious. Anybody who goes into their first Cuddle without a little bit of anxiety or nervousness or something (as well as excitement and other positive emotions) doesn't really understand what they are letting themselves in for.

    But it's ok. If you are with another enthusiast, then the whole thing is mutual. They are taking the same risk. And as long as you look out for each other, as all cuddlers should and most do, then everything will be fine.

    If you're with a professional, then it's much easier. The idea is that they are ready to cope with your emotions, but you shouldn't need to cope with theirs.

    Of course, neither of these circumstances are guaranteed to work out the way they are supposed to, and there's nothing we can do about that. Life is risk. But this is why it's particularly important for new people to take their time, read and learn and think about what they are doing, and choose their cuddle partner extra carefully.

    History teaches us that nearly everybody who does this with sufficient care has a happy experience. It does work out.

    When you are ready, go for it and all will be well. 🙂

    Edit: you might find these threads helpful:

  • rschuchrschuch

    If we're online looking for someone to be close to, I think it's safe to assume there's an element of damage and desperation to contend with. It's because there's no one in our lives to connect to, possibly hasn't been for many years. Expectations and boundaries first, but on this site, that should be understood.

  • MxSmithMxSmith

    As an empathetic person, I understand what you mean. Sometimes people just dump all their stuff on you. My advice is to remember you have the power to set boundaries emotionally. You could say something like, "I'm looking for a meditative type of cuddle session, where we are mostly quiet" or you could ask in advance that the other person not use you to vent all their life feelings. You can talk to them in advance (I recommend video chats) and feel their vibe before meeting in person. And worst comes to worst, you can always end a cuddle session at any time for any reason.

  • carrieannecarrieanne

    All the comments above - great help and advice for anyone on this site!

  • TNNativeTNNative

    @Masol ... I totally relate to you and your concerns. I found the posts by @CuddleDuncan (listed above) and found them to be very helpful. I also read the profile by @Cuddle_RN who clearly lays out her expectations and boundaries, which was also helpful to me to read. Since then I have read the forum posts and have been taking my time.

    I think it is really important to clarify for yourself why you came to CC and what you hope to receive from cuddle, then you can more easily set needed boundaries and also share this information with a cuddle partner to see if they can meet you where you are. When you are ready, start by meeting for tea or coffee first to see if the partner's energy feels right first. Good Luck.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101
    edited November 2022

    I think it goes both ways, and the more carefully you vet a prospective cuddler (messaging, talking, meeting), the more likely you'll find a good fit.

    Good luck.

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