So my crush basically told me she doesnt like me and thinks we shouldnt be friends anymore.
Now i know why its called having a crush.
That is all
Sorry to hear! I hope you cuddle soon and heal from this🥲
As Homer Simpson once put it, "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population - you."
I know this isn't any consolation, but I did something similar to somebody just the other day. (Not the not friends part.) That sucks too, at least it does if you are a decent human being.
Anyway, I've been in your position more times than I can tell you. My sympathies. As Bart Simpson once said, "This sucks so much it blows."
Choose the individual who chooses you. Keep searching. You'll find someone.
I appreciate the kind words. What hurts most is the friendship part. Shes an awesome friend i loved joking around with, now i lost that cause of stupid feelings
Man that sucks a lot, I'd be devastated. You did the right thing though, can't control the feels, your brain went there, so it had to be addressed. Hate to see the outcome, hope you recover quickly!
(Comment retracted...didn't know you had a wife. Not gonna touch this one)
I should of just suffered in silence. At least then I'd have my friend still
@Jova114 she was more than a friend to you though so you had already passed that point. You can't go on denying your heart what it wants. You have to take a chance and suffer the loss if it doesn't go the way you had hoped.
You don't want to be like me and never take that chance. I'm 35 and single and have never been in a relationship. Trust me that is not what you want lol. New people come along all the time.
@Jova114 you are not the one that dealt with the situation poorly.
@Jova114 Firstly, ouch. The pain is excruciating. I wouldn’t wish on those I might have a grudge against. Brutal, overwhelming, piercing. Though, It will one day pass.
Secondly, you made the right choice. You bravely put your feelings and needs first. Sadly It wasn’t reciprocated, but you can one day direct these feelings at the person who will reciprocate.
If you’d have suffered in silence, in ten years you’d be asking yourself, “what if I had just asked her out” and additionally it may be harder for you to engage with those who might reciprocate.
Relentlessly going to the gym/mma helped to sidetrack this pain, for me atleast.
@Jova114 I'm sorry
Sorry to hear that. I know it can really knock off your mood, but that’s why we are all here to support you and keep spirits high.
I'm sorry to be the stick in the mud, but what does your wife think of your crush?
Yup. My wife does(n't) do physical touch. She even compared to me laying on her and her playing with my hair as a chore.
Second, the most important confidence booster is what we think of ourselves. Pples romantic taste varies like their food tastes - if you're chocolate ice cream and she's allergic to chocolate, it doesn't mean chocolate is bad or not delicious. It just means your deliciousness is not her deliciousness. My guess is your self esteem was low before you spoke with your crush, and her rejection only reinforced that. Her tastes doesn't reflect your true worth, only her current tastes.
Third, sometimes you gotta play by ear. If someone is not flirting or showing clear interest, then most likely they're not interested; move on. If they are doing both, they might be attracted but may not think you're their type or they're not ready to commit- it's always a clear sign if they like you. If it wasn't there, then maybe it's more infatuation or unrequited love .
@cylee1180 Glad you mentioned the paying attention to signs and clues from someone. For me, it's very easy to tell if someone is interested. If they are going out of their way to give me eye contact when I walk by despite there being absolutely no reason for the contact, if they go out of their way to be in the same area as me and seem to be around a lot, if they sound shy when I say a simple greeting and ask how they are, obvious clues. If you're not getting the super obvious signs then it's probably safe to assume that person doesn't have you on their mind and will not return your romantic interest.
@Asmrcuddly Romance is a risk, but a calculated risk imo. And half the time a connection, an attraction, or some idyllic situation is all in your head.
@cylee1180 a fantasy is all it is most of the time.
@Asmrcuddly An awesome fantasy. Sometimes it is one for a time , but a quick change in situation can alter that: growing in different paths, moving away, meeting new pple, stagnation, emotional inertia, unhealed scars, etc. Relationships are messy.
@cylee1180 This post is getting more traction than i thought.
To answer the stick, no my wife doesnt know about the crush. Shes latina so I'd be dead if i told her (just kidding....sorta). I wasnt trying to crush on her. I was merely making a coworker feel welcomed to the team. But the more we talked and have common interests and common sense of humor, there were times id ask myself "is she flirting?" In the end it doesnt matter, nothing would of came from it. My sorrow is in the fact i lost a friend cause i couldnt shut up.
@Jova114 Did you consider that she broke off the friendship because you expressed romantic interest in another woman while married? My dude..what did you think would happen?
@Asmrcuddly ...tbh i dont know. I never said i had my shit together.
@Jova114 I am with you there.
@Asmrcuddly i wasnt looking to portray myself as a victim here. Just kinda venting. Wont have therapy for 2 weeks cause of the holiday. Need to vent somewhere. I know this post may make me out to be an asshole. Maybe i am. I cant help how i feel
This is why coming on sites like this while in relationships is such a slippery slope. You can try to justify til you're blue in the face that it's only cuddling and your needs arent met at home and how it's your SO fault for driving you to do this etc, but if folks are getting all emotionally entangled in co workers, what you honestly think is bound to happen with folks you meet here ? Some folks may wanna consider figuring out where their head is at first , and whether they are emotionally secure enough to do this . Also definitely doesnt hurt to have consent of your SO. If they get hurt by your actions because of being dishonest , it is entirely your fault
@JBearz 💯!
@Jova114 hoping everything works out for the best!
I was feeling empathetic and sad at the initial innocence of the post, but then it developed into a crush on a new coworker!? It’s perfectly fine to have a crush on someone while married, but you really tried to 💩 where you eat. She wasn’t your friend, she was a coworker and if I were her, I’d feel extremely uncomfortable in that work environment. As an office manager, I consider your confession to be wildly inappropriate. My sympathy goes to her.
🚮 I can’t believe you came to the site for solace because your therapist is unavailable and you know your wife would never approve. 👎🏼 👎🏼
@ClubSamwiches yeppers. I know sometimes the heart wants what it wants , but this just seems a little too skeevy to me . I'm sure there will be plenty of people who think I'm a big meanie for not feeling sorry for a guy not getting his way , but I'm kinda at my limit of oh poor you's and there there's for not being emotionally mature and unselfish
@Jova114 Yeah. I think working on your relationship with yourself before figuring things out with others will help.
(-Don Miguel Ruiz , author of the Four Agreements)
@pmvines and @quixotic_life tell it like how it is. I may not always agree with them, but they're not gonna sugar coat anything, and occasionally they are the forum's anger translator lol:
I would add @FunCartel too. We don't always see eye to eye, maybe we almost never do, but he gets that real talk almost every time.
@cylee1180 damnnnn, that's some detective work... 😬
I feel for people that look for affection outside their lacking relationships. I know first hand how that is. I was in a very abusive toxic relationship and it was easy to want to connect with others that were nice or showed me any kind of decency/attention because I was lacking any positive attention/affection. But I never cheated, I was stupid loyal. Finally left him and now I'm doing me and happier than ever. 😁
Bottom line, if your seeking outside your relationship and it's not a mutual open relationship. You should probably go your separate ways... It's not fair to hold on to someone while wanting more from elsewhere. Keeping someone away from their true soulmate by holding on to them and not even fully wanting them...
@Jillybear87 Well said..
@Jova114 focus on your wife and decide what is best for you there. Let us know how it goes!