@ClubSamwiches What you said!
It's funny, i was entirely relating to the exact sentiment of this post and replies, until I saw it was about a coworker and having a wife lol
Same exact story, but it's a friend from school who I'd known for 4 years, and hung out with a lot over this summer.
Of course, I do not have a wife, nor any significant other. But she still did not want to be friends with me after I told her I'd gotten feelings for her. That was 3 months ago, but I still think about it because she was the best, most normal friend I'd ever had. (I say "normal" because I haven't had many friends that end up sticking with me outside of school or work, and that I didn't meet with only to play video games or something. The most "real" connection I've ever had).
I really wish I never ruined it and just stayed friends. But I don't think I would've been happy either way. At the end of the day, I just really wanted to spend more time with her, and I'm sad that I never will.
Also didn’t know it was about a crush on a coworker while having a wife. With @ClubSamwiches.
Although I think it’s okay to have a crush on a coworker and actually ask them out if you are tactful. It happens all the time. If you guys work in different departments where if you breakup, you can still go to work and be relatively normal, all the better. If you are so and so’s boss, tread carefully as that can be seen as maniuplating someone due position of power.
If you are married though, best to figure things out and fix things at home. If you really can’t do that, then save everyone’s time and end the relationship then, ask out all the people you want.
@Gibstack after some time has passed, and your feelings for her has waned, maybe you can hang out with her again?
@sunnysideup I asked her a month later if she wanted to be friends, and that was when she told me she didn't want to be friends at all anymore. (maybe that was too soon, but I don't think it would have made a difference; then again, my perceptions were wrong at every other step, so idk)
I made it clear at the time that I still wanted to be friends (after some time in between) if she didn't feel the same way, so it really hurt when she didn't want to stay friends at all.
Wow. Coworker? You know what your heart wants, but you know in your head about all those alarm bells? It's a sign.
You're not treading on thin ice here, the ice had already melted. Are you sure you know how to swim?
At the end of the day, make the right decision FOR YOU. Don't be in the position where you regret something you did or didn't do now, later in life. Your wife and coworker both probably deserve better from you... Even if you end a relationship and walk away.
Maybe you just need a cuddle...
@Gibstack That’s still fine. Better that you asked than to torture yourself by confining yourself to friendship when you wanted more.
College is a great place to meet new people if you’re looking for friends.
@Jova114 do yoh and your wife go to therapy? I mean she doesn’t do physical touch? Sounds bleak. Have you considered going your separate ways? Then you can be free to seek out a more fulfilling relationship with someone who enjoys physical touch otherwise being married you gotta work on it with your wife. Best of luck.
@Gibstack glad you told her the initial time. Might as well try and shoot for the stars, I mean she can’t say yes if you don’t ask. But move on, it sucks but what can you do. Same with cuddlers here if you don’t hear from them anymore, you just have to leave it be.
@Jova114 I had a crush on my boss once but I never admitted it to him. Only later did I find out he had a crush on me too, lol, but that was well after I'd already left the company. I think its natural to crush on someone, but you should definitely respect your own boundaries and know where you stand on them. On that note, it's so easy to slip so I get it.
like @JBearz, when I saw @cylee1180 pull out those detective goggles and mention you had a wife, I was like, uh oh, not going to comment on this one, lol.
But honestly, I think you can count yourself as lucky she rejected because if she hadn't your whole life could have gone left so quick. I do think you should open up to your wife though and let her know how you really feel. I know it's hard starting over after years invested in someone, but communication is priceless and might just be the page turner you needed all along.
It's funny how I saw your post and thought "oh my feelings lately to this guy might be a crush", except we already said goodbye and it's too late for me to discuss it with him and get my yes/no conclusion. I'm too coward to reconnect and let it out too smh. So I'm stuck hanging onto something I can't do anything about with all the what-ifs.
But I came across this good read https://www.healthline.com/health/relationships/having-a-crush#why-crushes-happen; I think it will be beneficial for you. Take it slow
@Jillybear87 - These CC streets remember everything...
I sure put my foot in my mouth. I did not see his post about his wife not knowing or approving. So I edited.
However I do sympathize with the heart overruling the mind. I think every human has done some dumb things when driven by the heart. It’s not an excuse but it is a sign that all may not be well with your matrimonial heart.
I think it’s a maturity issue