Does anyone else experience this? Does anyone have a quick fix they use when they feel like this? I have not figured out a great way to fill the void and make myself feel loved and secure. Do body pillows help?
Body pillows, a dog, a cat, a sound maker (beach,rain, storm, river)
Oh I see you have cat... welll more cats then! 😅
More sleep could help.... and maybe some exercise before bedtime
What can help is hobbies, for example: you can go out bike riding, a long bike ride can help fill the void, also long walks help too.
The key here is to not be enclosed in your house for an extended period of time, being outside give you access to great air, sun, a chance to see something different, to move, do exercise, and be more healthy, that translate to more happiness.
Oh I’m sorry that’s happening to you!
Try several things until you find something or a combination of things. Body pillow could work. I use a large stuffed animal. Some people like weighted blankets. Here are 11 other self-soothing ideas:
https://gravityblankets.com/blogs/blog/self-soothing-techniques
Yes, this happens to me.
No, body pillows would not help.
It just means you're hungry (without feeling hungry). So eat something.
Oh, and you're dehydrated because you've been asleep and it's real tough to drink while you're sleeping. So get some fluids down your neck while you're at it.
Do you have Weetabix in America? Because that's ideal.
@craM
"welll more cats then!"
I agree with this sentiment.
It will take time and some effort, but pick an uncommon but pleasing scent. Clary Sage is lovely and not common or punchy.
Take a little bottle and smell it where you are content and feel safe and happy. You can even put a few drops on the collar of your coat to sniff in more public places.
However do not spam yourself with it. This is key. You have to keep it unique and only associated with safe and comfortable times. Never at any other time.
Once you have it locked in, which could take months, add some oil to a pillow that you keep near your bed. Only enough that you can smell it when snuggling up to the pillow. Then grab that pillow when you wake up afraid and lonely.
Smell will trigger memories faster than other senses. If you "Pavlov" yourself into associating that scent with love, safety, and comfort those feelings will trigger along with the memory.
The trick is remembering to smell it during those times during the day, do not spam yourself and surroundings with the scent and keep the pillow handy.
Thanks for the replies everyone. I have been using asmr to fill the void for years but maybe it's not doing the trick anymore. I've never had my touch/cuddles/intimacy needs met so maybe I need to make new connections. I am working on that, it's slow though. I do want to try a body pillow and see if it helps.
My fan on low, kitties on either side, 85lb dog next to the bed and an army of pillows is what solved it for me. If it's really bad sometimes just a pile of clean laundry at the foot of my bed 😬
May I suggest a regular sleep pattern and enough sleep for you (not what you think you need, but what you actually need)
They say (whoever "they" are) that women need 6 hours of good sleep, whereas men need 8 hours.
@CuddleDuncan I think the cause is the changes I am making in my life and I am not using certain things to fill the void anymore. I used to be able to deal with the loneliness but now it's harder to deal with. I am not getting the support I need and that's not helping. Hopefully things will change in the future.
I feel alone because I am alone. I am just being forced to deal with the feelings now.
Does anyone else experience this? (Yes, sometimes. Mostly the lonely part. What are you waking up scared about?)
Does anyone have a quick fix they use when they feel like this? (My dog is a cuddle bug so I snuggle with him which helps a lot. Sometimes I reach out to trusted close friends and try to schedule a call asap. Hearing voices is more settling and co-regulating to our nervous system than texting.)
Do body pillows help? (Not for me.)
Whatever I do right before I go to bed affects my sleep. So I'm all about ending on happiness, self-care, comedy, meditation (with yoga always before), calming music, etc.
I often wake up at 3am and feel lonely so yeah it happens. I find I sleep a lot better when I stay really occupied and think about the goals I have the next day. Honestly there's no good solution unless you find a significant other. Alot of people mention hugging pillows ect, but that really doesn't do anything for me
I just use a pillow nowadays. Talking* with others can help too. I wish I could have a pet which I especially need now, though I can't yet. So I got to make due with what I got. Watching movies, listening to music or ASMR can help too.
Another trick, and this may not be for everyone is to buy a back safety belt. The wide kind people are told to wear when lifting and doing things to protect their back.
Put it on around your chest instead of your lower back and abs. Do NOT pull it as tight as you might on your lower back. But you want it a snug fit. You may also want to put it around one upper arm and around your chest leaving one arm free.
This light amount of compression can simulate the hug or held sensation in some people. Like those vests for dogs that are afraid of thunderstorms. Even wearing it for a bit, while sitting in a position that you are likely not to fall asleep in, can kick your system back into parasympathetic mode. Then take it off and lay back down.
Again, do this with caution. You do not want to restrict your ability to breath. You simply want a nice gentle squeeze. Even if you think you can tolerate a more aggressive compression across your chest, do NOT do this as you will, hopefully, fall back to sleep and don't want to cause any issues with your chest movement or cut off circulation in your arm.