Why are some of you guys such monsters?

supadupasupadupa
in General

Just spoke to a new cuddler I met with once and had a great session with. She just told me she is taking a break from cuddling because too many guys crossed boundaries and some crossed into sexual assault. If you want sex, hire a sex worker, don’t do anything without permission.
She reported, but hasn’t checked yet because she didn’t want to log on.
Damn you people! Monsters!
Stay safe out there ladies! 😭😭😭😭 bring mace or a tazer.

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Comments

  • zerocantaloupezerocantaloupe

    I doubt the monsters are reading this forum, and if so, they’re not going to admit it.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited December 2022

    This is a commonly brought up topic, and is usually met with a bunch of nope I'm not like that so it's not a problem, they are over exaggerating the truth , and well why should I feel any sense of responsibility for the actions of a few bad apples . Peppered in with the typical you are just bashing men to make us all look bad, and a few well if you are really having these experiences then why the hell are you still on the site . Oh and then cant forget the accusations of white knighting , and the me toos.who insist on minimizing the experiences by asserting that women also do these things to men so even steven . But I'm a meanie because I don't tolerate this sort of nonsense and incel behavior, or cry along when someone complains that they arent receiving timely responses to their messages.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan

    Thank you @pmvines for correctly summarising the thread before it's even been written!

  • Mike403Mike403

    Men are wired to want sex. Prostitution should be legal in America so they don't have to look for some shady way to get it.

  • Becca39Becca39

    Mike, there are plenty of ways to hire a sex worker in the US even if it isn't technically legal. Someone who signs up on this site agrees to the very clear rules, so there isn't an excuse for breaking them.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @becca39. I wasn't giving excuses.

  • snugbuddysnugbuddy

    It makes no sense looking for sex from a cuddler considering one could find a prostitute for not all that much more than they are paying a cuddler

  • Mike403Mike403

    Some cops set up sting operations to catch guys seeking a sex worker...as if they have nothing better to do. Some laws are really stupid.

  • SnugglewityEveSnugglewityEve

    Seriously. I had one virtual session that made me second guess cuddling at all. There are some sick and twisted people out there. The site won’t let you report anonymously so they will just make a new account and come find you again. I’m very lucky that the few people I have met with in person were good to me. Only one made me feel uneasy because he did get a little upset about my boundaries.

    It doesn’t help that some cuddlers do offer extra services so when you meet with someone who has been given that option in the past they think you do automatically 😒

  • Mike403Mike403

    @eviexo - Try to get the name of whatever cuddler may be offering those services and report them as well.

  • WriterGFWriterGF

    There are bad people everywhere. I just read an article about women deserting dating sites because most of the men they are meeting are date scammers. Not sure why people are shocked there are users and predators here too.

  • pmvinespmvines

    @eviexo I am sorry for your experience.

    Reporting is not anonymous to admin, however it indeed is always anonymous to the person being reported.

  • pmvinespmvines

    @CuddleDuncan it is sad that there have to be so many threads about this subject. It is even sadder to see that there would even need to be just a single thread about this subject to begin with .

  • cde123cde123

    @pmvines You forgot the timeless classic, platonic cuddling is not possible because men cannot do it, which says more about the man posting than anything else IMO. People are different 🤷‍♂️

  • Mike403Mike403

    @cde123 - That's true for some men including the one who made that comment.

  • pmvinespmvines

    @cde123 ah yes, the whole it is not my fault because it is how nature wired me to be logic

  • snugbuddysnugbuddy
    edited December 2022

    @pmvines that type of rationalization and excuse making won't fool too many people and more importantly it won't fool the police when making an arrest or judges in a courtroom

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan

    @eviexo

    The site won’t let you report anonymously so they will just make a new account and come find you again.

    Actually, it's nearly impossible to create a successful new account once you've been banned. Some get spotted and rebanned almost at once, others as soon as the new account 'does' something, like send a message. I believe the site has both automated and manual systems to catch returing bannees. I know people who have tried repeatedly and got nowhere. If you suspect an account is a such a person, or a sock puppet, Report at once. (Our advice from the mods is, "If in doubt, Report".)

    And as @pmvines said, a Report is anonymous to the Reportee. They may guess it was you, but they won't know. Depending on the circumstances, it may be possible to wait a few days before making the Report, which makes it harder for the abuser to guess.

    It doesn’t help that some cuddlers do offer extra services so when you meet with someone who has been given that option in the past they think you do automatically

    That is certainly true. However, many abusive clients lie about being offered extra services, in order to try and persuade/coerce other people to offer them too. To try and get them to reveal who it was, it might be more effective to say "Oh, was it [a made up name]?" than a direct "who was it?".

    Sometimes it's hard to Report. But Reporting is the only tool we have. If an abuser isn't reported, they'll do it again.

  • supadupasupadupa

    We as men learn to control ourselves and our behaviors in order to be human beings. Women also, men obviously need more control but it is possible because most men are good and decent and can respect boundaries but seriously the ones that can’t do everyone a favor and keep to yourselves and if you can’t control yourselves go fly a kite on top of a mountain blindfolded.

  • dave31415dave31415

    @pmvines That’s not what Mike is saying. He is just giving the technical reason behind it. One can discuss why men have those traits biologically but no one probably wants to have that conversation since most of us believe in free will and personal responsibility.

  • carrieannecarrieanne

    🙏🙏🙏🤗 thanks and you are exactly right @pmvines

  • Mike403Mike403

    I was making a statement of why I believe prostitution should be legal. I never once implied that it should be okay for them to seek it out on a platonic site. I think I should shut up because my lack of my ability to communicate effectively constantly makes people take what I say out of context.

  • St0mrShad0St0mrShad0

    It's not just men. It's women too. Please be respectful of each other's boundaries. We should all respect each other and please be safe out there everyone. No means no regardless of gender.

  • dave31415dave31415

    @CuddleDuncan It may be hard for the average perpetrator to rejoin successfully but if people know how cybersecurity works, they can get around it. Fortunately most aren’t that “professional”.

  • carrieannecarrieanne

    @Mike403 Sorry if I misunderstand you but i get this sense of you expecting women to take care of your sexual needs. That’s not why we are on this planet, that’s a misogynistic way of thinking imo, outdated and perpetuated through religion and just entitled men in general. Oh and politicians lol.
    You could save $$ and actually try to develop some type of sensitivity and feelings with a woman.

    Fortunately there are a lot of wonderful Mentally Evolved men on this site who may initially have sex on their minds (that’s natural) but then can understand the difference between it and healing calming affection and cuddling which doesn’t involve your favorite body part. But all your other senses.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @carrieanne - I just don't believe there is anything wrong with a guy hiring a sex worker. They are both adults and are doing it under their own free will. If it was legal, then hopefully they will have a place to go instead of a platonic site and you won't know that these guys exist.

  • snugbuddysnugbuddy

    Well it's the oldest profession and it's not going away anytime soon.

  • dave31415dave31415

    @carrieanne Again, Mike is just answering the question “literally”. I’m sure he is not try to “justify” it. The difficulty of hiring a prostitute does however have an impact on why those people end up here. The fact that women on here do offer those services is another reason. Its not “illogical” that they come on here looking for that. And that has nothing to do with any of the ethical questions. So let’s not mix up the different ways people can interpret the word “why”.

    And @Mike403, the OP is mostly expressing exasperation and disbelief that so many men do these things. They aren’t looking for biological and societal factors which explain it. That’s a different conversation.

  • SideonSideon

    @eviexo - We need Pros to actively and proactively report those who are a menace and danger to this community. As has been clearly stated in multiple ways, people who get reported are not notified, and they do not even KNOW they've been reported unless a moderator takes action on their account by warning them, messaging them, or kicking them into Banned Camp. Even then, they'll never know WHO reported them. Usually the last message someone banned is going to get will come from me or another moderator here, and it's not a "have a nice day" message.

    All that said, moderators aren't a fan of frivolous reports and flags, either. We want and need proof: unedited screenshots, text messages, etc. There's been more than a few Pros cry wolf that end up bitten by a mod.

    Back on track, folks. The OP posits that some of you guys are monsters. I will say I'd find this entire thread more credible if it was the Pro stating their story, not someone who is repeating a story second-hand.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan

    @dave31415 yes I'm sure a cybersecurity expert would manage just fine. But for any ordinary joe once you are banned, you basically stay banned.

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