@CuddleDuncan Right. And let’s not give them any clues about how it works.
I don't know how to solve the problem, but I think a thread like this is counterproductive because it preaches to the choir and gets everyone upset. People who don't bother reading the rules also won't bother reading the forums.
I believe that all men have the ability to use self control, especially the older and mature guys here. If you can in other situations like sitting next to a woman at work, then have a little talk with yourself about your expectations and behavior during a cuddle session. If you want a woman’s company, think of how she feels also.
@zerocantaloupe It took me quite a few years to learn that people expressing frustration about something aren’t always looking for you to solve the problem. It’s a very natural male perspective to think it is but it’s usually not.
@dave31415 At what cost, though? Getting everyone angry through name-calling and generalized accusations...
@zerocantaloupe it gives people of all various outlooks an opportunity to vent, which isn't always bad thing
I've just reported a member who I've personally reported 3x already. Dude sends the same selfie every time. He's been banned 3x (that I know about) and is asking for non platonic things. He's been on this site for at least a year and has been harassing me since I joined almost a year ago. I can only imagine what he says and does to other pros. Monster? Maybe. Pathetic, definitely.
@zerocantaloupe I haven’t seen any of that. Just a little misunderstanding. It says it right in the post “some men”. I don’t think anyone has accused “all men” of anything or asked all men to feel guilty about other men’s behavior.
The answer to the question posed by the title to this thread is simple. Like all of the other great apes, men are genetically predisposed to pass on their genes by impregnating as many women as possible. Some of us are too stupid to understand that unlike the apes, they are supposed to be civilized, and that such behavior is no longer acceptable.
@dave31415 - If someone is merely expressing exasperation, then perhaps they should not phrase their post as a question. If it is phrased as a question, than an answer ia worth posting too.
@GreatHornedOwl It’s actually very common to express exasperation with a rhetorical question. If your parent comes in and yells “Why is this place a mess!?”, do you go on to explain it’s because you and your siblings ate a bunch of snacks and thoughtlessly left the wrappers and crumbs everywhere and then had a pillow fight and then …?
(That’s also a rhetorical question BTW)
I didn't reference @Mike403 , @dave31415 , honestly am sorry if i gave that impression. I hadnt read his post re wiring , it was a coincidence that I used similar words in my post . I'm merely stating general observations, but they aren't connected to anybody in particular.
IMO, men who use the excuse that they are wired to want sex shows what level of intelligence they have. Biologically, we are, but we are not apes and have higher brain function that gives us the ability to suppress our urges and not act on it.
@Mike403 Totally agree with you. Men have self control. It doesn't matter what a woman is wearing, or what she looks like...men who rape or assault women are scum and just using excuses for their horrific behavior.
@Mike403 @Melancholy 💯
@Melancholy precisely
@Melancholy I don’t think they even bother with excuses. They really just don’t care.
@CuddleDuncan or @Sideon do you have thoughts about @OliveGreen post above? How is it that she could have this experience? @OliveGreen I am so sorry and hope those with knowhow can help you get this person banned for good. Share your information with them in a DM if you are willing.
@OliveGreen I'm really sorry you've been put through this experience. It sounds horrible. It's not right that anybody could do something like this. Thank you for staying with us, and helping those of us who are genuinely open to being helped. It's because of people like you that I'm slightly in awe of professional cuddlers. I really, really appreciate you.
@TNNative the thing that strikes me about @OliveGreen's unpleasant experience is the repetition. The guy is sending the same picture to the same people time and time again.^ There is a functionally infinite number of websites out there, yet he comes back to the same one again and again, knowing he will be banned very quickly. He doesn't attempt to cover his tracks. It seems to me that what he is really seeking is the sensation of being banned. He is seeking the rejection. This may fit into a lifelong pattern of rejection and disappointment: it feels comfortable and familiar. Several times in a year .... sounds like he does this in response to some particular trigger or feeling.
All this is only my hypothesis, could be completely wrong. But if it is broadly right, there is a case for replying to his offensive picture with a positive message. "Dude! This kind of stuff isn't ok! Stop doing it! What's really going on for you? No promises, but if you actually talk to me I might be able to help."
(^I doubt he is knowledgeable enough to circumvent a ban permanently. More likely he is savvy enough to create a new account and get away with using it for a couple of hours until a human moderator logs in and bans it.)
@Melancholy absolutely right.
@supadupa It's all about the control we have over our inner caveman.
It might also be script behavior. If you have control over the source code of this site, maybe something that insta-bans if images of a certain SHA-128 hash are sent or specific messages are sent?
@carrieanne - Being one of those older men that you spoke of, I have to disagree with you. Young or old, being in close contact with a woman will get any man's hormones flowing in a way that being next to a woman does not. The difference, is that by the time a man hits a certain he should have learned that he doesn't have to allow himself to be controlled by them -- that he can and should exert control over his hormones.
There are always a few men who never learn that, and there a lot more than just a few, who refuse to control themselves, even though they know that they can and should.
@carrieanne @GreatHornedOwl
I believe it has less to do with age and more with how one was raised and the life lessons they learned - age correlates with experience but does not guarantee it
My mother raised me to respect women and I think that’s a big part in how I act in these situations
@GreatHornedOwl I did also mean exactly what you’re saying but maybe I could have worded it differently. Naturally all of our hormones are working during close contact. But it’s more about the choice’s people make during a session and it’s a lot of mind over matter, distraction & focus. I’m only using my personal experience but some younger men are not choosing self control as much as older. Some are focused on instant gratification, especially if they haven’t had long relationships to understand how women react to them. And some older guys with relationship history appreciate more conversation, their focus is often different. Sorry but I have to play the age card. I make generalizations because of so many years of relationships/dating/marriage (40 yrs!!) and now experience as a Pro. Women learn more about how men tend to behave in their presence than men know about that. And vice versa.
And yes, @sunnysideup how we are raised plays a big part.
Thank you @CuddleDuncan.
Why are some of you guys such monsters? Being weak, seeking out prey to feel strong. Lack of discipline, void of conscience, looking for a dopamine hit. Desperation. Lashing out. Struggling to meet needs in general.
Picture of a puppy because that felt dark to type.
Stop normalizing violence towards women and asking them to protect themselves. The focus is narrowly directed on the victim, leaving out accountability for the perpetrators. Stats prove a majority of rapes occur from the desire to assert power and not just lack of self-control; so yes, monsters.
It’s clear that victim blaming is widespread, from the resources on how to prevent it happening to you outweighing the resources to prevent sexual assault culture. Do better than dismissing it and trying to reason that it’s human nature.
I’m not directing my message towards anyone in the thread, including the author. I am simply asking for cooperative effort to make the world safer.
I read somewhere that “under today’s ethical standards, we may be the worst people left after centuries of natural selection.” I wouldn’t mind leaving the gene pool knowing that’s true.