@stormydaycuddle it’s best to be direct, saves everyone sour feelings in the long run.
Sorry that situation happened to you. If he’s truly friends with you he’ll understand. If he’s fallen in love with you already he can probably be friends with you again after a few months of letting his feelings settle.
It’ sucks really bad! I’ve been on both sides & like someone mentioned, being the person doing it, (if you actually care) hurts just as well.
@cuddles_ndream I couldn't write any differently.
It's not easy to let someone go or to tell someone you just want to be friends. It destroys me every time. I feel so deeply for people so when they hurt, I hurt. It's not fun, it's part of life though. We can't magically make everyone happy.. we have to do what feels right for our own journey.
I've had my heart stomped on so many times, it's not pretty.. I'm just staying single and trying to focus on my healing and what I truly want out of this life. Butttt the universe keeps throwing really awesome matches my way and I'm not ready... So I'm breaking their hearts and mine. Lol it's torture. 😩
@Jillybear87 That makes me sad. I'm sorry
Its the hardest thing I've ever faced/am facing. Having been in a relationship that has gone on for so long, with so much abuse/neglect/manipulation (yes, it happens to guys too), you'd think it would be easy to end things. For myself, I am an extremely empathetic person and can even tell if someone's having a bad day in a room full of people, so my sensitivity makes the confrontation all the more difficult. What one needs to come to grips with is that we also need self empathy. My loneliness has been eating away at my soul while I starve for affection. That's why I joined cuddle comfort. I've met some wonderful people that have given me hope. I totally feel what @Jillybear87 is saying though. I've been trampled too hard, too many times to dive into another relationship just yet, but the connections I make through cuddling are so sustaining. It really does heal.
I think the dumper/dumpee idea is an oversimplification. Sure, it’s true that usually one person is the one to make the call. But that generally happens after a lot of strife in the relationship, and I can speak for myself in saying that I’ve never done it without a lot of thought. Also, the idea that one person gets dumped and therefore hurt and the other person doesn’t experience the pain of heartbreak just because they did the dirty work of ending it isn’t true in my experience. I have ended relationships where my feelings of heartbreak, disillusionment and abandonment were ongoing while the relationship was still happening, so even though I ended it, I was just as heartbroken as the other person. It’s not easy to let someone go, especially if you care about them, even if the relationship is a mess.
So many songs and poems create this narrative of the person doing the hurting and the person being hurt, and in my experience it’s always more complicated than that.
@Spud424 this is such an intriguing post! Thank you for sharing your midnight thoughts. 😊
I think in the world of cuddling I learned how to have some extremely good communication up front and for the last few years I've been practicing that.
@sunnysideup said this....
all participants are willing and should understand this.
We probably shouldn't date or connect if we're not in a place to accept someone else speaking their truth in an authentic way.... hmmmmm.....
(Maybe I should spoil this because I feel like I went on a "thinking out loud trip!!)
I believe there is something amazing that happened to me the first time I aligned with the idea of doing something "that is in the highest and best interest for ALL." This wasn't what I used to measure things until about 7 years ago, but now it brings different clarity. And it makes it easier when it is stated in the beginning of connecting, whether it is dating or cuddling or even working and parenting.
Everyone who seeks connection with other humans needs to have awareness that with love (in whatever form) there is also the possibility of pain and loss. We can't have closeness without that chance.
So.... it changes the feelings when one of us feels like we have to end things. If we both started with the premise that we want "the highest and best for all..." then we can be happy for ourselves because its not good for EITHER party to stay when its time to go or be let go. We can also be happy for the other person that they are doing what's in THEIR best interest instead of all of the anger and frustration and fear etc. that parting might bring pain.
You set boundaries and standards for yourself. When anyone including a romantic partner violates those consistently or you grow apart or lose feelings, then you're doing yourself harm to stay in the relationship. Also, the person doing the break up sometimes has their heart broken too whether from thr break up or the actual relationship. No one wants a break up when the relationship begins, but it has to happen sometimes.
.
I’ve had to break a lot of hearts. It’s been a while thank goodness. Unfortunately it was necessary. Because some people get attached too quickly and I wasn’t ready. But I feel like now I’d rather be the person to get dumped then to do the dumping. Because I think it’s worse to have to let someone go then to be let go myself. If I get let go I just realize that person is not the one for me I don’t take it personal. I’m not saying that it isn’t sad but I think it’s worse to break somebody else’s heart. One thing I really don’t understand is unrequited love. I don’t think I’ve ever just like someone without getting to know them. If someone doesn’t seem into me or is not seeming like they like me and I’m not going to be into them. I don’t want to try to get someone to like me. I don’t date someone just because they’re beautiful or because they’re interesting. I want a mutual connection.
I went out with a guy for three dates and on the fourth date I said I just don’t think that I want to go out with you anymore. We didn’t even get that close. He said he was devastated. And I didn’t understand that how can you be devastated after three dates.
One thing I do believe in is closure so I give people plenty of opportunities to talk to me when I’m letting them go so that they know that I care about them but it’s not working.. I never ghost anyone or leave them hanging or let them wonder. That seems even more sad.
I just don’t understand begging people to love you. If someone is not into you why would you want them. When I fall in love, I want someone to really want me. To be excited about me. I don’t wanna have to talk them into loving me.
The best thing is to be yourself but also make some changes. to get yourself healthy physically mentally and get a great circle of friends so that when you do end up not making it you have a support system you’re not alone again. I’ve seen this in the past some people are so desperate for love that it sends a bad vibe.
Be confident because the right person is looking for you. Sorry that this was kind of like an advice column but I feel I always have a lot to say about it. I believe in love!!
@cylee1180 well said!!
@KozyKim
I believe in love!!
Must be nice...
I’m not proud to say this but I broke someone’s heart and it felt absolutely soul crushing. This was over a year ago, we’re still friends and I don’t deserve to still have this person in my life but I’ve been in therapy ever since to help better myself
Speaking from the point of where my heart was broken, the best analogy I can think of is like a young puppy being in a doghouse and then meeting someone that you’re so excited to see so happy to see, and then they end up hurting you really bad you kind of whimper away and fall back but you still try to hang around them but they constantly hurt you so you’re left with no choice to go back to your dog house and put the leash on and stay in your doghouse even if you hear someone that calls for you, you may open your eyes to look out, but you never go back outside again
The only way I am able to is by being completely oblivious to their attraction. I was always the one who was left, and it's been around 16 years since the last time, in which time I've been single. So needless to say, I've rather taken myself out of the dating pool all together.
Broken hearts are part of life...some are lucky and find the right person, the 1st time, and stay together happily ever after. Most don't. In most long term relationships, people change and one end up unhappy and miserable while the other seems oblivious. But ultimately the other is not happy either. Even when cuddling a stranger you can feel their energy and when they feel content or not. For sure you can't be fully happy if your partner is not? I believe it's better to part ways amicably if things don't work out, so that each has a chance to be with someone who truly wants them.
WOW!! @FunCartel what a fabulous and incredibly detailed video!! Holy wow that guy manipulating the heart!! Sheesh! interesting coffee watching this morning.
I do really appreciate the idea that @LilyB presented.
I believe it's better to part ways amicably if things don't work out, so that each has a chance to be with someone who truly wants them
I have been on both sides of this fence. The "dumper AND the dumpee" throughout the course of my life. But now I 100% align with the idea that I would NEVER want to be with someone again who doesn't want me. ALL OF ME. Everything that makes me ME. I spent a lot of years trying to figure out how to be what someone else wanted and the funny thing is this..... Its IMPOSSIBLE. Utterly and completely without any hesitation impossible. AND its so much work. Every time they change their mind about what's important you have to redirect all of your energy to that thing.
Instead..... I have chosen to be me. Some will appreciate it and want to be connected to me and some won't. I am NOT going to be everyone's cup of tea. I am ok with that. Because.... I LIKE ME and I am the one who has to spend the most time with me. 💗
I am sad to hear so many who feel as though one person's opinion of them should be the determining factor of whether or not they are worthy of love. THIS singular thing is what I wish we as a human race could change. That.... more than world peace.... is my wish for today.
@sillysassy WELL SAID BRENDA!!!
I have chosen to be me. Some will appreciate it and want to be connected to me and some won't. I am NOT going to be everyone's cup of tea. I am ok with that. Because.... I LIKE ME and I am the one who has to spend the most time with me. 💗
How come I’m I cannot figure out how to copy and paste someone’s portion of their message like everyone else.
My other top love language when someone does acts of service..and shows me how to do things:)
@KozyKim you are so stinkin sweet. 😊😊😊 Thank you for the kind words.
If you put a ">" symbol before the words it makes them into a quote. You can also highlight the text you want to quote and use the drop down menu by the paragraph symbol and choose the word "quote"
P.S. You have to use the symbol in front of every paragraph for it all to be made into a quote.
I'm with you on all accounts to your responses. @sillysassy. 💗
@Spud424 - like we talked about on the phone yesterday, have compassion for yourself and the rest does follow - even in times of great disappointment for ourselves and others, sometimes shit just happens and we have to learn how to best navigate that for ourselves uniquely and honestly for all this involved -- including romantic interests/partners. Unfortunately that usually means making hard decisions of if/when someone should not be in our lives. And vice versa.
Honesty is what I use to navigate, because the disappointment of lying to others is worse than just letting them know that they're not a good fit for my life.
You all are lovely.
@sillysassy - as always, I'm deeply moved by your profound words.
Yeah. When there's cheating involved, it's all crocodile tears from there.
the decision comes in better when you assess your options and realize that both of you are better off that way, if not both, at the very least you because you are your biggest advocate... you have to make sure you don't lose yourself in the process of being with someone else.
If ever you were their friend, if ever you had affection for them, if ever you loved them.... it feels as if a piece of of your heart is also breaking. And in fact , a piece of your heart may break with theirs. Sometimes you're non the wiser and you feel nothing. Sometimes you feel the bitter glory of victory at breaking their hearts as they broke yours. 💔 it really just all depends doesn't it?