Accountability- What happened?

I've been seeing an awful lot about women receiving inappropriate treatment, not just here, but seemingly everywhere I look. Men are developing a bad reputation- and it isn't completely undeserved. As a result, men like me, timid, shy, and doing their best to fight against a negative stereotype propagated by a bunch of idiots hiding behind the cloak of anonymity, are finding themselves alone. I feel like nobody is forced to take accountability for their actions, and too many are using that for nothing more than their own amusement. Or they think if they send enough different women pictures of their privates, eventually one will respond positively. I don't know WHAT'S going on. I'm not entirely sure how to start this discussion, but it's a conversation that needs to happen.
Edit: I'm certainly not holding women unaccountable. I've been a victim of scamming, from women sending me nude pictures (those are easy to spot and ignore, funny how some women really do believe all men are after one thing), to women who have preyed on my goodwill, asking for money, just a little, so they can eat. I've watched videos of women trying to gain "klout" on social media by editing their videos or commenting on them to make otherwise normal interactions seem creepy. And I feel it's a very small percentage of the population causing all these problems, but even only 1% of the US is over 3 million people. I do feel men have a longer way to go, but women should also take accountability, and think for themselves. Couple million dudes sending pics of their sad-sacks isn't going to help them feel like doing that. And I have no intention of trying to downplay what women go through on a daily basis, being discriminated against, objectified, harassed, physically assaulted. If I'm forgetting anything, feel free to enlighten me, that's what I'm hoping for. Thanks to everyone who has commented so far.

Sheena123

It will be a very, very long time before these type of men smarten up and see women as more than flesh solely meant to please them, but when more ppl stand against this behaviour and actually talk about it, it helps. Even a little bit. It does help.

You aren’t alone. There are so many respectful men out there getting overshadowed by these horrible, creepy “sexual assaulty” type men and then there are guys out there that constantly take these kinds of topics, commandeer them and say “not all men”, “men get hurt too” and so much more to ignore the actual problem: women deal with more garbage from men as opposed to the other way around. That’s the problem. But as long as we keep talking about it, and not let these type of men shut us down, eventually, years down the road the message will be received more and more.

JohnR1972

I believe what you are describing is a result of the dis-integration of society. Society as a whole is dis-integrating… we are becoming less connected to each other.

When I was in high school in the early 1980s, how did most couples meet? They often knew each other from school, church, community activities, or they had mutual friends who helped them meet. That automatically created a certain level of accountability. If your sister introduced you to one of her friends and you went out with her, you knew if you acted inappropriately with the friend, your sister would immediately find out so you had an incentive to be on your best behavior.

Contrast that with today… you meet someone online, have zero friends in common, run in different social circles (possibly in different cities). If someone behaves inappropriately today, what are the social consequences? There really aren’t any unless the behavior is so bad that someone calls the police.

BashfulLoner

I think personally I’d like the behavior of poorly behaving people to be addressed. It gets tiring reading about most men or most women statements. Especially if given the opportunity to compile the data, the most will likely not be true or it will be negligible. People are speaking from their own experience and word vomiting a flawed perspective on everyone.

People hear most and think 90-95 out of 100 when actually it’s maybe 45-51 out of 100. Therefore continuously indicting 100, and causing so many to feel attacked. It’s just the language, do better. When 5 men or women in your town that you’ve interacted with behave a certain way, address those 5 and don’t put that behavior on thousands of innocent bystanders.

Melancholy

On Twitter the women I am friends with say that most of the men who send them dm messages are sending inappropriate ones.
So unfortunately it makes it look like most not just half or less are behaving badly.
But I do think that there are a lot of decent guys out there but they aren't sending women messages so that could be why it makes it look like it's most

@Sheena123 I can only speak to my own experience. I do believe men currently have more to answer for. That said, there are women, generally on social media looking for "klout", who are shaming men for nothing more than introducing themselves, tagging them as creepy. That's going to cause problems for women, too, if it starts getting difficult to tell the difference between real accounts and staged or skewed videos just trying to go viral. I'm afraid to approach women for fear of being tagged a creep. I can't go on dating sites because every single response is another scam out for money, and some of them are very good, very convincing, and don't try to use sex, but my own goodwill against me. I agree that there are more men in general who are responsible, but the discussion does need to go both ways. I think our strongest weapon is knowledge and willingness to understand. One side might have further to go, but both need to listen to the other. I hope I'm doing this right; I love your response, and look forward to hearing more from you.

@JohnR1972 Funny that a tool thought to bring further integration is actually causing dis-integration. And sadly, even in some of the worst cases, the police have little they can do. I'm going to keep faith, though. Just today I'm peripherally hearing that people are fed up with social media and what happens there. Maybe there will be a change. I'm only hoping I can do my best to make it a positive change.

@Melancholy @BashfulLoner The problem is, the US population is about 331 million. Half of that, the approximate male population, is about 165 million. Just 1% of that is still over 1.5 million. Even if only 1% of men are doing this, that's still a lot of people. That doesn't even take into account people from outside the country. Honestly, it gives me hope that it really is a small percentage, and maybe if we talk about it, something might be done.

BashfulLoner

@Alan1975 who ever is quoting this data can only speak from their own experience and the experience they have. The facts are, I’m sure , much more underwhelming than it is presented. I know there is an emotional element and sometimes violent, i am not at all defending bad behavior but the language that is used says men are violent and aggressive. That’s not the truth, men are people just like women. Some of them are terrible, but again the language used doesn’t say some, it’s saying most leaning toward all. That’s not true. Period. Men’s language toward and about women is just as skewed and ridiculous. I’m saying check the language because of your trying to correct something off of a false understanding it will never happen. You can see that by the push back we give for each. Both parties are defending themselves based on language that just isn’t true.

Most only means 1 more than the alternative, but when it’s used recklessly it means 1 less than the whole. I’m sure very few women truly believe that the majority of men they know are these things. But because we are talking in the vacuum of CC it seems reasonable. Remember men in CC are men in the world and if you truly believe one gender of people are as bad as is said why would you deal with any. That goes for men and women.

I really am not trying to discuss this, I’m just stating what i see and the failures of these conversations.

@BashfulLoner I only mentioned population data to show it takes a very small percentage to make a big problem. I definitely don't disagree that people need to be more careful with how they speak. I'm sorry to hear that you feel such discussion is pointless. I wish you good luck on your path.

BashfulLoner

That’s all I’m addressing is the language

SunsetSnuggles

@JohnR1972 I think you make an excellent point about accountability vs. anonymity, these days. An example would be the disparity between flashers in person versus d!ck pics sent anonymously, online. People behave completely differently, behind a keyboard, or when their social circle isn't involved, for sure.

~ Sunset Snuggles

Riskycuddle

I agree with you, but they are some women sending nude pictures and inappropriate messages, it happens both ways round , some men are victims too but they never come forward to report it.
Where's equal rights. Women are not angels

Mike403

@Riskycuddle - I've never recieved an unsolicited nude from a woman in my inbox.

Thank you John, I appreciate your perspective and concern. It feels good as a lady when men respect us enough to protect us.

I think there is such a lack of respect in society as a whole, that it leaves us with this dilemma where respect is not restored.

Ironman294

A good first step for accountability is for people to put themselves out there with a profile photo. When not anonymous it does give you some more gravitas to the words you use. When no photo one can say anything. I think with all social media. On Twitter when anonymous you will type the meanest or hideous or stupidest things because you can hide or mask your identity. If everyone can see who you are I would think people would think before typing their words. The world would be a better place in my humble opinion. Online at least.
Also men behaving badly online doesn’t mean the percentage of the male population is like this, it’s just the ones that are online that one encounters.
Cindy Adams a gossip columnist for the Ny Post said after the election of Richard Nixon in the 70’s one of her friends said how did he win? I don’t know one person who voted for him. And she was telling the truth. One’s own world or experience doesn’t mean the whole world is like this.

Riskycuddle

@Mike403 your comment is sexist, even if you never received unsolicited nude from women in your inbox at least you should have condemned it. You just defending those women who harrass men, shame on you

@Riskycuddle That's a lot of assumptions from such a short statement. I appreciate your zeal, but pointing fingers doesn't get us anywhere. I do understand exactly what you're saying, though, and made an edit to my original post to address it. Peace, friend.

Mike403

@Riskycuddle - lmao. Whatever.

@Mike403 It happens. It's happened to me. Those are the easy ones to spot, block, and report. There are worse ones that actually try to get to know you a little and take advantage of your kindness. The responsibility is on all sides, not just men. I made an edit when it became obvious I wasn't being completely clear.

Mike403

@Alan1975 - Almost every women has received a dick pic at some point. It is a much bigger problem than men receiving unwanted nudes from women. There is no comparison.

Riskycuddle

@Mike403 whatever? So it's ok for women to hassass men, you should be ashamed of yourself

Mike403

@Riskycuddle - When did I say that? Stop putting words in my mouth.

Sideon

@Riskycuddle and @Mike403 - take it offline and off these threads, please. Do not further tag or engage each other. Feel free to mutually block, but do NOT continue this here in the forums.

@Mike403 I'm not arguing that. I even said in my edit that men have a greater responsibility. But we should all be held accountable. I'm doing my best to look at every point of view, but I'm human, I'm going to miss something. I'm a man, I only know what women tell me, and can't even see that from their point of view, but I do the best I can. I don't think men should say they're on equal ground, harassed as much as women, but I think it should be acknowledged it's out there, and probably happens more often than is reported. It's really embarrassing, I'll tell you for fact. Peace, friend.

BashfulLoner

I have received one too many unsolicited nudes from women.

Sideon

@BashfulLoner - I have NEVER heard a man complain of this, ever.

The mods have you all beat, though. We see unexpected male and female nudes here, and myself and @Shake49 , @Babichev , @netrunner , @Gary , and @Mark have to wash our retinas on a daily basis.

Mike403

Most guys who do receive nudes from women don't complain because they're the ones who want it, while most women don't.

@Sideon 🫣🤦‍♀️😵‍💫

pmvines

@Sideon so when we gonna get that coffee table book of unsolicited dick pics ?

SoftHairForDays

@pmvines