lol @ the king of queens video above.
classic 'friends' moment as well.
I'd rather cuddle a dog.
I have a cuddle buddy no longer active on this site who used to cuddle either gender until the males he cuddled turned out to be closet gay guys via making physical advances at him. Now he only cuddles women. There’s a certain level of trust involved with this, regardless of gender.
Straight men might not want to cuddle on a bed with other men, but all this talk (I'm not specifically referring to this thread) about straight men not wanting physical affection with other men is less clear. Look at athletes on the same team. They are putting their arms around each other and hugging all the time. Even if they aren't on the same team they often hug after the game. This also happens in the military. Men on fishing and hunting trips are often in photos with their arms around one another. I've even seen it in certain work environments.
1. I think that what this discussion may have exposed is the dirty little secret that platonic cuddles, platonic though they may be, nevertheless contain an element of, well, sex is too strong a word, and so is eroticism, but how about “gender-based affection.” That would explain why some men aren’t down with cuddling gay men and why I myself have had to think about my ability to be comfortable cuddling a woman.
2. Whether or not straight men are affectionate with other men depends on context and trust. While an intentional cuddle here is one thing, doing the exact same thing to keep warm while lost in the wilderness is another.
I think "intimate" might be a good word. Or at least it is for me. And as a straight man, for me it's easier to feel comfortable sharing that intimacy with a woman. That being said, I do have some guy friends who I've snuggled up with before. It's never been an intentional thing, but has happened when sharing beds/sofas/blankets/tents. But all those guys were long lasting, close friendships. Which supports my theory because I like to think that I've bonded with my friends pretty intimately after 10+ years.
@GreatHornedOwl I have cuddled with trans women and I felt nothing but feminine energy from them. They were amazing platonic cuddles for me. I probably wouldn’t suggest to anyone to cuddle someone just to use them as an experiment, but I know that is not the case with you here, so I hope you can get those cuddles in ☺️
"Conventional wisdom" sexualizes cuddling, so that in itself explains why it would consider cuddle orientation to be about sexual orientation. That said, they are not unrelated, because they are both to some extent a matter of who I want to be "up close and personal" with and physically affectionate with. There are also more and less intimate forms of cuddling. (For example, you can lean against someone, side to side or back to back, or drape your legs across them.)
I like the concept of "cuddle orientation" or "intimacy orientation," because somehow we have learned to be very non-judgmental about what genders of person someone is interested in dating or having sex with (matters of romantic and sexual orientation), yet some people are judgmental of men for only being very interested in cuddling (on the more platonically intimate side) with women.
So speaking as a straight man that already been heard alot here I just want to say me personally I have no issues with connections with me and rather it be hug or them resting a head on me or comforting them when they are upset are all things I'm willing to do with men. But most of the cuddling I have done in the past is not positions I would want to be in with another man. Also the rest I'm here is to overcome some issues with cuddling and to safety find someone who's cuddling meshes with mine. I only consider cuddling with women at this point because that's my comfortable level and it puts me at more else and still would like some connection before hand. This is coming from the same guy who doesn't normally like touch and have a hard time even thinking about getting a massage or casual contact that's normal by society standards. Like I have had to have conversations with women more than men that touching without permission is not accepted. And that's like shoulder taps, back rubs, hugs, any of it if it's not discussed/asked for first do not touch me.
So again here with consent and communication being the focus it's a long more comfort testing things out and working on my personal comfort levels.
And with pros it's great to be able to say what your comfortable and have someone that can adjust to you without feeling unfair.
I know I went on but these topics just had me feel like I needed to speak even if response won't be all positive
@homeboy - this gay man cuddles all.
At the Vegas meetup in October, I had the great privilege to meet some incredible humans. At multiple times that weekend, I was part of one on ones, two on ones, and literal cuddle puddles of men and women. The weekend started and ended with consent - and @sillysassy spoke eloquently and passionately of this to kick things off.
Take one moment and break it down into a sequence of movements and assign meaning and feeling. There I was, being held by one woman while holding another. Men were cuddled around too, but less in my awareness because one of the women was gently caressing my arm. Her touch meant connection, and their touch meant intention, and I felt supported and cared for. We spoke verbally and non-verbally through the trust we built and sustained over those too-few days. I drew designs and letters on their skin, I played with their hair, I followed their smiles and sighs. I held them, they held me. We. Collectively. We connected. And it was... so very good.
I'm not particularly concerned that I'm an outlier in terms of age, perspective, or experience, but I'm at the stage in life where labels do nothing for me anymore. Want to meet me halfway? I'm all for it. Not up to it? I'm okay with that too,
@Sideon @munkg cuddling was nice, but I really miss the tiger balm more than anything 🤣
@Xelda Personally extremely picky with men. Must have strong grapple of their humanity. A man should meet my at my own levels of conscientiousness purity emotional wisdim/maturity ect ect
All a woman has to do is check a few boxes. (Posses some green flags) and we're good
@pmvines - you two almost killed me from laughing. I think my lungs are still recovering. NO REGRETS though!
@sideon Ah the sweet tainted tiger balm cakes. If you know you know
I enjoy cuddling those who are comfortable with themselves and respectful to others, regardless of gender.💝
@homeboy it sounds like as of now you only feel comfortable cuddling with another man. Right? If so isn't that the same as a straight man only wanting to cuddle a woman?
I myself only cuddle women, because I am looking for the feminine connection and energy that I have not had a lot of through my life.
@wilderdude “Often when cuddling arousal happens and it's usually no big deal, just adjust around it. Now if that happened while cuddling a dude... on either end... I don't have words for how weird that would be.”
Wow, it never ceases to astound me how men absolutely will never put up with what we as women have to deal with constantly.
Do you think it ISN'T weird when I have to deal with a dude getting aroused? It’s so wild that you’re fine doing that to another human being but you have such a massive aversion to it happening to you.
Reminds me of a quote about misogyny and how homophobia usually comes down to men not wanting to be treated how women are treated
I think it’s the way of the world because of misogyny, homophobia, and insecure men.
Every woman I’ve met is fine cuddling all genders, regardless of their sexual orientation. Because having a preference on gender for cuddling is as ridiculous as having a gender preference for a hug. Would you refuse to hug your kid nephew just because you’re a straight man? Cuddling is not a sex act. It’s physical affection, same as a hug. I’ve seen parents who cuddle with their kids, usually moms. They’ve never refused to cuddle with a kiddo due to that kid not being the right gender.
Insecure men tie all physical touch to sex (even though they’ll not admit it and will have every excuse in the book for their “cuddle preference”) and so they need their cuddle partner’s gender to be in line with their sexual orientation.
When it comes to free cuddles, I’ll never do it for free with a man who has “women only” listed. It screams insecurity and homophobia. I’ve cuddled male friends who I know are secure in their sexualities, do not associate cuddling with sex, and cuddle all genders. Btw none of them have ever gotten aroused while cuddling me—probably because their minds aren’t in the gutter. They kept it platonic.
If cuddling is truly ALL that is desired, if only wanting to be held is the point, then, as one of my male friends said to me when I told him the ridiculous preferences of most members on this site: “Gender and age wouldn’t matter if they just wanted to be held.” - An Actual Secure Man, 2023
Unfortunately whenever a thread with this topic shows up someone inevitably claims that the only reason a guy wouldn't cuddle with another guy is a negative reason.
Well if one has been on CC awhile , the forums inevitably tend to lean to the negative side so …
An experience over time here though that I’ve found is that cuddle parties and meet and greets etc lessen the anxiety about all gender’s getting together and being platonically closer verses the one on one meetings 🤔
@KamikaziNinja86
Yes. Absolutely. But the more I come to understand the concept of cuddling advanced on this site, the more I want to explore the possibility of cuddling with women. I thought hearing the experiences of other gay men might be helpful in the journey.
@bobadevotee
"I'm a woman, I cuddle women AND men. Men don't. That's because they're hateful insecure pigs" Good talk:)
If not wanting to cuddle men makes me a pig, then oink.
I think a lot of people have trauma in their lives and what better environment than a site like this to show kindness and give room for healing even in the face of statements that may feel hurtful. Practicing this skill can be beneficial in other areas of life too. I will aspire to try to understand people are in pain or have had adverse experiences and turn the other cheek.
BTW, this thread is making me wonder about trying out cuddling men. Along with the fact that I've yet to find a woman to cuddle.
The judgement from some people for having a personal preference is making me physically sick.
@bobadevotee - Homophobia? Really? I don't have a problem with gay guys. I just don't feel comfortable cuddling with men. I've known women on here who will only cuddle with a specific gender. I don't think anything of it.
Nobody should be criticized, judged, or attempted to be shamed for not cuddling the same gender as them . It doesn't make you homophobic, nor does it make you somehow unenlightened. This is about consent and comfort level . Unless someone is an outright homophobe or bigot, and no making juvenile comments about how gross something is doesn't automatically make you either of these ,then let's try to just accept that people are different and arent going to always feel the same way about something.
I've cuddled men . Im probably somewhere on the rainbow spectrum myself , though consider myself hetero as well as being very secure with my masculinity . I've grown up as a proud supporter and front line defender and ally for equality, both personally and professionally. I have LGBTQ son ,and have grown up in a region as well as time period that has historically not been accepting. Let's try to use appropriate adjectives instead of knee jerk emotional tagging please.
A lot of my male friends including my son are very cuddly with their guy friends, but it’s more organic, it’s not like hey do you want to cuddle. Like my poker friends they all sit on the couch really close together and put their legs on top of each other and rub their legs and give back rubs. my two nephews who at the time in high school would have their buddies over and they would all lay on top of each other on the couch and watch sports. I thought that was really sweet. Both of them have girlfriends and one is getting married.
I think it should be normal for men to be close to other men. I’ve heard it said that when men are close physically and emotionally they don’t have an immature need for women. And I definitely see that in my son and in my nephews. How can you really call yourself and affectionate person if you’re only affectionate with the opposite sex.
I had this really nice girlfriend who was very compassionate, whenever I was sad I could just come to her house and put my head on her chest and cry instantly because she was so kind and she would hold me.
I love seeing my guy friends my son and my nephews be really cozy with their guy friends. It’s very sweet.
Such strong words in here. Someone sounds like they really really hate men, yet are in here getting paid by them. Sound fun to cuddle with. No thanks.
Oink, oink
@bobadevotee who said I'm "ok" doing that to women? Sometimes it just happens which is the point of my post. No I don't think it is as weird for a straight woman to deal with it vs a straight man. You know it happens involuntarily, right? Not something we want to make you "put up with".