Straight Men Only Cuddle Women? Gay Men Only Want to Be Cuddled by Men?

homeboy

Conventional wisdom would seem to say that straight men only cuddle women and gay men only want to be cuddled by men (of any sexual orientation). The way of the world or fake news? What’s your perspective? Anyone care to talk about exceptions?

By the way, I’m not spoiling for a fight. No complaint here. Just curious to hear what people have to say.

TonyMatthews

Straight man weighing in.

I absolutely am only technically interested in cuddling women. That said, I would give consideration to cuddling the right man, if for nothing else but to expand my horizons and challenge my natural tendency to get really icked out at the thought of cuddling a dude. Gay or straight might not matter because I wouldn't have the slightest interest physically, but it seems like it would be easier to do with a straight man but really, either would be tremendously uncomfortable for me even though I almost guarantee I would be glad for the experience after the fact. I actually have difficulty wrapping my mind around it, which oddly makes me want to do it, sort of.

Sheesh, I'm weird.

CharlieBear

I think there is a fear within straight men to go against their sexuality and cuddle other men. I know for me and my religious upbringing, the thought of it would make me think I’d burst into flames right then and there. But, my outlook has changed significantly, and now I know cuddling with a fellow guy can be just as fulfilling as with cuddling a woman.

pmvines

I recently cuddled wirh a couple of awesome dudes . My preference is women but that is because I am generally more comfy with women in most situations. However , I was really comfy with these guys and there was nothing uncomfortable or weird about it. Just connecting with awesome folks doing something we both like doing . I wouldn't cuddle just any guy though, it definitely is the exception and not the rule for me and not something I actively pursue, but like I said , the guys I have cuddled were ones I felt ok doing that with.

CharlieBear

@TonyMatthews i thought the same. If you are willing to try to find the right guy that you think would make you as comfortable as you could get, I suggest trying it. I think there is just a mental hurdle to get passed and then you’ll laugh about how apprehensive you were.

Midnight01

A jeez, yet another under the cover thread to steer straight dudes into cuddling with men.

Get over it, @Midnight01 - if you don't like a topic, move on. Seriously. It took more effort to write this post than to roll your eyes, like I'm doing right now. [-Sid]

xelda

For those of you who are willing, or who would theoretically consider it, could you share what qualities might make someone "the right guy"?

BashfulLoner

I can only speak for myself. I fit into one of those categories.

FutureHeart2023

Straight guy speaking I would only cuddle men as a pro but as an enthusiast not sure my brain Would allow it. And this is a not a disrespect to anyone that does of course. But a free cuddle my cognitive dissonance kicks in without monetary incentive to close the gap. But hanging out with guys for free and strangers that I can do all day. Movies walk in the park, beach, gaming eating together etc all for free

Tavo77

In my case, I ‘m looking to cuddle with men since I never received any affection from my father or male siblings or friends, I really think I need that to help me develop my complete masculinity. Knowing that not that many men are willing to cuddle with other males is quite sad. Makes me think that most men are not secure about their own sexuality or that they could be homofobic. Many of us are just looking for some healthy non sexual affection.

craM

The way of the world

KamikaziNinja86

@Tavo77 or maybe something happened in the past which causes a man not feeling comfortable cuddling another man.

Nobodieshero

You nailed it on the head, I'd only ever be close with a girl. The thought of being with a guy is just not a good thought to me. I crave feminine energy and I just find women beautiful. I feel aggressive and women just calm me down. They're the yin to our yang, it's a ballance of energies. Where they're lacking we are strong, and where we have missing pieces, they fill the gaps.

To each their own I suppose. Do what makes you happy

CharlieBear

@Midnight01 if I am considered to be part of that conspiracy, you got me. My plans, ruined! [Charlie hisses, transforms into a bat, and flies away into the night]

Gibstack

As people, I'm generally much more attracted to women than men. As friends, as relationships, and for cuddling, too. I don't know why for sure, but I know I have that preference.

I've thought about this before, and like, I think if I was assigned female at birth, I would still feel that way with a preference for other women. it's hard to know of course (society, hormones, idk what else, might say differently in that alternate reality).

pmvines

@Midnight01 I dont see anybody trying to steer into anything . Sorry if you feel threatened enough to draw that conclusion though

homeboy

@Midnight01

Although I joined this site in 2016, I was never active until a few months ago. I understood the concept of platonic cuddling right away. I just meet a compatible guy and we hold onto each other, right? But didn’t know about these forums and never spent enough time here to learn the varieties, expectations, and nuances of cuddling. Cuddling as therapy never occurred to me, neither did cuddle parties and I knew nothing of pros.

But, now, the more I get into the Zen of Cuddling, the more the physical has receded into unimportance, or at least that’s the doctrine according to some disciples here. Plus, I’ve gotten a message or two from women, not proposing a cuddle mind you, but isn’t that how it starts—with a conversation? Plus what about cuddle parties? Reject any woman who might want to get close? And so, this gay man, perfectly comfortable interacting with men of any orientation, now needs to come to grips—at least philosophically—with the prospect of holding or being held by a woman.

I realize that these discussions sometimes have unintended consequences as, for instance, the recent unicorn dustup illustrated. But that was the genesis of this forum discussion, not to “steer straight dudes into cuddling with men.” My mental first draft of this discussion was much like this message—about me, working out my demons in public—but I decided a more general message would be more interesting to others and I’d still get the feedback I sought. So far at least, straight men are dealing with the question—and thank you all—but not my partners in crime. I’d love to hear from gay men about their cuddles (or not) with women.

I just love wrapping arms around a woman and want to feel protective. That would never feel right with a man and I have no desire to even try it- I don't want to hold or be held by a man and that is just basic fundamental biology from a straight MAN.

HugThisGirl

I like your discussion topic, homeboy! It's such a great topic.

I am not a man, but I can weigh in somewhat as a person who is sexually oriented towards men. My sexual orientation seems to correspond with a certain comfort level being extra physically close with someone. So even if I had no intention of being sexual with a given man, the fact that he was the same gender—as well as age, body type, other things—as what I am sexually drawn to might enable me to feel more comfortable cuddling. It also might feel gratifying on some level that it wouldn't with a woman. Yes, even if I am not acting at all sexual during the interaction or getting physically turned on, that part of me still exists and it is telling me, "Go find a man!" Lol. Mission accomplished.

At the same time, attraction can exist on other levels than just sexuality. I am visually, auditorily, aesthetically, sensually, intellectually, emotionally attracted to people of all genders and ages, even if only a minority of them can do much to sexually arouse me. Comfort level with intimacy is also learned. In some subcultures, maybe you kiss people you barely know or cuddle with all your family members. The part of me that wants to expand myself would happily seek out a woman or non-binary cuddler. It might be good practice to further teach my brain that physical touch does not equal sex. It might be good practice to get rid of my internalized homophobia. Plus, most of my close friends are women, and it could be amazing to bond on an additional level with people of the gender I already tend to connect with the most.

Along a similar vein, I initially was only watching a male ASMR artist and now I watch mostly women, hahaha. Whisper in my ear all day, Gibi! I can't get enough of her roleplays. I do think that if I cuddled with a woman, I would also love to roleplay with her, since that was a thing I always dreamed of doing with the boyfriend I've never had... Now I know there's really no reason that roleplay would have to occur in a sexual context to be healing and satisfying.

Thanks for making me think about all of this!

jabraham96

Straight man here, for me personally I ONLY cuddle women as well. Just like someone said earlier, I crave that feminine energy from a woman. For ME personally, I feel very uncomfortable with another man trynna cuddle with me or even getting close to me or touching me, even it’s platonic. I get it, there are straight men that are able to cuddle with other men but I can’t even do it and it’s not for me.

Growing up, I grew up in an African household with African parents, so showing affection has always been weird and uncomfortable to me. Several women in my past whether I was dealing with them romantically or platonically have always commented on my stoic/nonchalant nature and said that emotionally unavailable” even I’m not trying to be.

I’ve had people in the past gaslight me into thinking that because I only cuddle women and I should be cuddle with other men as well or I’m being intolerant but I quickly realized that they were being delusional. I also realized that me being attracted women only is why I just couldn’t cuddle with another man. But I will say this, cuddling with women here on this site has been helping open up to women more. Overall Everyone is different, I say do what feels right to you.

Mailleweaver

As a straight man, I'd need a strong emotional connection with a man to be able to cuddle with him. He'd have to be a very good friend or a close family member.

I recently had to get a lot more comfortable with my Dad as I was taking care of him in his last months of life. We were never physically close until then. Our family has never been a touchy-feely one. Taking care of him had to include physical comfort in a lot of cases to help him emotionally: holding his hand, hugging, sitting with my arm around him.

I don't know if that's what made me okay with the idea of cuddling a man in some cases or if I was already okay with it on some level and that just brought it out. In either case, I still have listed on my profile that I only cuddle women. A woman doesn't need to be a close friend to be able to relax my guard, and if a man is already a close enough friend to cuddle then my profile settings here won't matter.

CelestialTouch

SuperManCuddles

I am Straight, have a girlfriend and cuddle “Everyone” gender wise. I know and have cuddled both Gay, Bi and Straight men that listed only cuddled women, men and or everyone. What’s important to me in a cuddle buddy are positive energy, open minded, acceptance, relatable and or awesome cuddling skills. 🤗🎉

EarthaR

@Nobodieshero Well said from a straight female. I need the balanced energy of man's natural way of communicating along having his guard down which makes me, rather yet us, to be comfortable in being vulnerable.

Connecticut1977

I y a straight guy myself!!!!! I am very very open to cuddling women, men and transgender. It makes no difference to me. I enjoy helping and meeting other regardless of background.

dave31415

I’d say it is mostly biological. Different cultures at different times in history have influenced things in one way or another which makes it deviate some around the mean. But men have always had more testosterone and other biological factors which creates a difference. I’d wager that a man’s rejection of cuddling other men is fairly proportional to their testosterone level but that’s simply a speculation. Would be an interesting experiment.

GreatHornedOwl

I'm wondering where trans-women fit into this. I'm a strait man, and I would be very uncomfortable cuddling another man. I had always assumed that I would be equally uncomfortable cuddling a trans woman. About a month ago, a rather cute trans woman has appeared in my search results. Now, I'm not at all certain how I would feel, but I think I would be interested in finding out.

Ironman294

I have no desire to cuddle with a man, very confident in my masculinity, but everyone should cuddle with whomever they feel comfortable with. As long as it’s mutual you do you.

sweetNsnuggly

I enjoy cuddling those who are comfortable with themselves and respectful to others, regardless of gender.💝

Melancholy

Well. After reading so many threads from women about men who push boundaries. I think I have a good reason to prefer women cuddlers. I have never had a woman push boundaries in the last 4 and half years.
But if a guy does it. Ugh. I would be traumatized. So no thank you. That risk isn't worth it to me.

wilderdude

Even though it's purely platonic there is no way I would ever cuddle a man (as a straight man). Often when cuddling arousal happens and it's usually no big deal, just adjust around it. Now if that happened while cuddling a dude... on either end... I don't have words for how weird that would be.