The switcharoo

Hello All, 

I am pretty new here but I have a small complaint and I am wondering if anyone else has run into this issue. 
I have contacted several people and had conversations with them about cuddling. 
However, more often then not, after several messages they toss in "oh by the way I'm a professional cuddler and here is my rate" even when their profile says they are not a professional. 
Now I do not have anything against being a pro cuddler but why not be up front about it? This is frustrating to me. 
I have paid to cuddle before and one experience was great (with someone not on this site) and the other two were not great. 
To me, a big part of successfully cuddling with someone is based on the human interaction, getting to know that person a bit, feeling at ease with them and being very upfront with boundaries and guidelines. 
All of that goes out the door when the conversation turns to monetary, especially when the person for all intents and purposes "buries the lead." 
Am I alone in this?

You need to report them to the admin

funandadventure

Dear luckupapi.
I fully agree with Morpheus on this one not a good look and it leaves a bad taste.
John and his trees. NZ

Yeah, that sounds dodgy and would be considered malpractice.

I have just started out here and I'm not a professional but I do have a rate like half of what a professional would charge because I'm just starting out and practicing before i become professional

quietman775

@Pillowfight, I think the operating definition of professional here is someone who charges for a service. Amateurs cuddle purely for the enjoyment of it, not for compensation. Professionals do it for money. Like a newly-minted dentist who opens his first practice and charges low rates to attract clients, you may be a new professional, an inexperienced professional, a start-up business with no clients yet --- but you are still a professional if you intend to charge money. I'm all for a new pro starting out inexpensive and maybe raising rates later as confidence and clientele grow. But if your profile makes no mention of being a professional, (as yours currently does not), people who contact you reasonably assume that you do not charge. Telling them about an expectation of compensation only after they have contacted you will strike them as misleading. It's the old "switcheroo" the OP was talking about. Just my two cents.

Quiet : I'm sure miss pillow intents to disclose just that at a first message , with "pending pro approval or something" certainly there is no harm in that . 
I think the OP was turned off by a series of messages finally one with "I charge " ( which may have continued over a few days)

 Yes , full disclosure a must immediately .
besides , the site here may be having trouble keeping up with all the "pro requests"

quietman775

Sparky is probably right on all fronts.

As for the site keeping up with pro requests --- as soon as most women realize that the demand for cuddling is so high many men will pay for it, they'll have no reason not to turn pro. The only amateur cuddle-ladies will be those who are trying to find one and only one cuddle buddy. As for the rest -- ka-ching!!! [Okay, that was said tongue-in-cheek. Humor. Please nobody flame me. LOL]  I actually have no problem with there being lots of pros.  Getting a cuddle buddy is less of an "audition" that way.

greenearth2

Well maybe so. But if a woman is here because she wants cuddling she may do both. Because when you're cuddling as a pro your main focus is the clients comfort and well being. Not your own. But when it's mutual cuddling for free then it's both of you who are focused on. Like I had a pro who never told me if she liked backrubs because she said the session was for me not her.

@quietman I enjoy platonic cuddling as an amateur, and I actually don't like the idea of being a pro cuddler. I have two cuddle buddies and it looks like I've found a third. For me, it's about establishing close friendships that have the added element of physical touch and affection.

I'm glad this discussion took off. pro-cuddlers bug me and here is why.  I would rather find someone who wants it for the same reasons I do. 
Comfort, soothing feelings, stress relief through touch, 
Once $ exchanges hands it's a one sided transaction. Especially when you have a clock watcher on your hands. 
At that point just get a pillow pet instead. 
This isn't once sided, the pro gets something out of it too, so why do they need to have the $$ as well. It goes from its purest form which is two people connecting and having a moment, to one person making money and the other one feeling awkward about how long they have before the bliss ends. 
I have used several pros and won't ever do it again. It has, in a way, tainted this whole movement for me. Especially seeing just how many have switched over to pro. 
I have had discussions with new members about "what this all is and how it works" and once I tell them, they request to be a pro. It's heartbreaking to see them just jump in with no experience and no idea WHAT this whole thing is really about..and ask unsuspecting people for money. 
I thought this site was going to be a safe haven for someone like me. An honest gentleman looking for friends to cuddle with, to reconnect with humanity. Instead it's turned ugly quick. Hate to say it but it's how I feel. 

@luckypapi I've seen several pros and have had amazing experiences. I've had a couple give me free sessions when I've been low on cash and I've had several give me free time above and beyond what I've paid for. 

I have been on this site for a while and while I have seen pros outside the site, i kind of wish I had not. It is nothing against them. Just feel that in the long run it didn't help. It made my wanting to cuddle worse.

quietman775

@luckypapi and @navyvet76
 You both raise good points. Going to pros requires a bit of a mental balancing act on the part of the client. Luckpapi, I too would prefer to find an amateur cuddle buddy or two who wants it for the same reasons I do. But that's a numbers game, and  men outnumber (amateur) women here by about a zillion to one. The women can afford to be picky. That's why it is often the case that you'll drop a non-pro a note, and she'll glance at your profile, but not bother to respond. A "thanks but no thanks" would be better than dead silence, but dead silence is what one often gets. Add to this the fact that we are both solidly middle-aged; the idea of cuddling a middle-aged man creeps out some of the younger non-pros, further limiting the field.  If you're located somewhere without a lot of active members in your area, you could be waiting an awfully long time to get that cuddle if you rule out pros.

I have met something like thirteen pro cuddlers over a two-and-a-half-year period. Some were regrettable. Some were forgettable. But three of them were awesome. Of those three, two are local to me, and I see them on a rotating basis, visiting one or the other every three to four weeks. The third is in another state, and I will see her a couple times per year when I travel her way on business. All three provide heavenly cuddles. Would I rather not pay for it? Yes. Would I rather do without than pay? No.  Not saying your stance is wrong --- there is no right or wrong here --- just sharing a different view. I have no illusions about the nature of my relationship to these women.. It's like seeing a movie --- I can "suspend disbelief" for the duration of the session, and go away with my feet still firmly planted in the real world. That's what lets it work for me.

@quietman775  lots of good points there. Never thought of myself as creepy and middle aged but I guess I can see how a younger cuddler would assume that. Lol
i might try a pro again someday..but for now I will just do without and hope to find someone like minded either locally or in my travels. 

Integrity, truth, honesty, communication!!!  It really is that simple.  Peace

Just happened again lol

@luckypapi - PLEASE REPORT THESE WOMEN

irene

"This isn't once sided, the pro gets something out of it too, so why do they need to have the $$ as well."

I suspect they are mainly in it for the $$. If they were in it  just for the cuddles with you then they'd waiver the fee. I've no doubt they enjoy cuddling, and think about it -wouldn't it be great if your actual job was just cuddling people and getting paid for that, but the money is their main motivation.


edit: i'm not condoning their bait and switch though, think that's totally out of order.

@pillowfight I'm interested to hear what your status is regarding becoming a pro. Others have only surmised that you're awaiting approval and are upfront with everyone about charging a fee. In any case, I'm fairly certain that charging a fee prior to getting approved is against the site rules, so please do be cautious.

Clearly its a communication issue and one of fostering trust.  To me bait and switch would cause me to feel hustled. Another example can be when a pro encouraging I client by saying they would be happy to have a drink, after cuddling (or lunch/dinner or any other activity) including another time without being clear whether it was on or off the clock. Course we as clients also have the responsibility to validate.

And it just happened again. Someone new to the site. Started a conversation. Even talked about expectations and then wham!! 
She said a friend of hers did it for money so she will do. Accused me of trying to take advantage of her when she has no previous experience to be a pro and mid stream conversation wants to charge me.
I get that it's a quick buck. But to talk like this is going to be mutually beneficial and then switch to $$!!!  Whose taking advantage of who? She has blocked me and I have reported her. 

@luckypapi And there we have the dark side of the pro angle that truly bugs me. Too many attempt to skirt around the rules of this site at the expense of people who thought they were making a real connection. I'm certain that Mark will lay the smack down on that profile shortly. I'm sorry that this has been happening to you, though.

funandadventure

Dear All, I would like to ask a question, am I a pro, I cuddle all the time my young friends and I am on a salary so I get paid from the hospital which takes away problems with life's expenses.
I am being paid to cuddle which is about 85% of my time at work.
Do I do it for the money or for the love of my young friends and the money allow's me to do it.
I do suffer from the Patch Addams syndrome.
Your thoughts John. Auckland NZ.

pmvines

@funandadventure I would say no simply because you aren't necessarily charging for services to the public, its confined to the place you work and the residents there. They aren't individually paying for your services, and even though your employer is, what you do is more within the context of your job and part of a bigger picture within the scope of wholistic care. Great though that you can make a living doing something you love and feel good about!

Hahaha And another one. I'm about to just give up all together and just hug my dog more. 

It is quite disappointing that it seems that most of the females on here are pros.

@navyvet76 In this case, it appears that there are a good number that desire to be pro, but aren't upfront about it. This is both unkind to the people they are chatting with and not allowed unless approved by site admin. Because they lack the knowledge, tact or both, they end up getting their accounts suspended or deleted altogether. I am hopeful that a reasonable solution can be found to curb the issue, because it seems to happen frequently.

BenMac

Honestly, I don't have anything in particular against the pros. Though, about half of the women near me are pros. I don't make much, so that rout isn't possible. Women who respond, even with a no, are even rarer. Simply getting someone to respond makes me happy. Pretty sad, hu?

Anyways, back to the matter at hand. Yes, I think it is wrong for pros to trick people. That said, it could be caused by so many women needing to be set as pros. I contacted one woman who had just joined the site. By the time she responded, she was listed as a pro. I don't think it was ill intent, simply the fact that the admin as a lot of plates to keep spinning.

Any sort of leading on is quite cruel. I don't date just to find someone just to cuddle with them. I am up front about what I am looking for, and my intentions. I expect the same from others. Of course, not everyone has the same mindset.

@BenMac I'm thinking that a good, temporary workaround for someone who wants to be a pro would be posting a disclaimer of sorts on their profile. "Hi, I'm new here and have applied to be a pro. I'm waiting for approval but still welcome good conversation in the meantime." Or something like that. At least then, if an interested person doesn't read said profile, it's their own fault.

@benmac that just happened to me. I emailed her when she showed as a regular account and by the time she answered she was listed as pro. 
The ones I get jaded about are the ones that have no mention of it and don't change status even after I suggest they should apply for pro status.  
Even worse, the ones I talk to over the course of 3 emails because they just joined and heard how cool this community/movement is and want to learn more.  I give them the rundown of what the lifestyle is about, how beneficial it all is to both people, and how a cuddle session would work and BAM, mid conversation they are listed as pro and say "sorry People are offering me money so Ive decided to go pro."
That's the equivalent of someone describing to someone how to play tennis. Then without that person ever having played tennis they decide to go pro. Lol