Seriously this is supposed to be platonic not sexual. If I tell you I don’t like that, then DON’T do it! Idk what do you all think!?
I think you should call the cops. Jk not sure honestly
End the session if they won’t stop and report them to the site.
Honestly, when I saw the title of the thread I thought Aladdin had finally snapped.
@EFORR
Please report them! The mods will take this seriously. I'm sorry this happened to you, it's not ok and your anger is valid.
I'm sorry to hear you're boundaries were not respected, that's unacceptable.
If you tell someone they don’t like something and they don’t do it, then it’s not consensual and should not be done, period.
Report and ban them at a minimum, recommend to file a police report.
Some pros require a video chat before meeting. You should do the same. I think it helps tremendously.
I have been there a couple times as well. Very demeaning, guys who can't control their urges are a danger to our community. Ruining it for everyone who takes these experiences seriously & respectfully.
It’s hard to find a nice woman 🙃
Reported, reviewed, and 100% bewildered how a woman can post about being violated and there is this most tone-deaf and completely inappropriate comment in the same thread. I'm leaving your comment intact. You can read the FAQs and browse the forum and consider WHY you're in forum timeout, @GentlemenX . You may want to consider changing your user name also, because you're not. When you get out of timeout, you may also want to consider a public apology. FFS, get a clue, dude. [-Sid]
When I had my first cuddle, the amount of trust my pro had was amazing. I called her 'brave'. She told me one of her 'bad' stories, one I know she posted here to warn of the person. Everyone here is brave. Really, the willingness to share yourself and the trust you give is appreciated and should be applauded. I just can't understand the mindset of those who cannot respect boundaries and I am glad I don't, but at the same time infuriates me as a man. I'm the easiest cuddle, just nuzzle up, put your head on my chest and wrap your leg around mine and I'm golden. My hands don't even need to move, let alone wander.
@EFORR I’m so sorry to hear you had to go through that. The cuddles should only be platonic, and even then, you should always be asked for consent before they touch you in any way since even some platonic touch may be unwanted. That is definitely not appropriate behavior and they should be reported.
I’m sorry boundaries were not respected! 😔 Definitely report.
I’m with @howard82 on the video chat before meeting. It doesn’t prevent boundary pusher and breakers, but it does show a willingness to help you feel comfortable and the opportunity for you to see body language, etc.
Just this week, I canceled what I thought would be a great cuddler based on his messaging, a phone call, and his great karma… because he put me off and avoided a zoom call before meeting up. I’m sad that it didn’t work out to meet, he seemed super nice right up until he started putting me off on that request, but I don’t regret canceling. If something is off, something is off and more vetting might help uncover it.
((Hugs))
@xodaisyxo
guys who wont control their urges
FTFY
I agree this is not acceptable behavior.
I would agree also, that if they can't do as asked, reporting is the way to go.
I understand that this can be difficult as well. Care must be taken to assure your safety at all times.
I am sorry that you had to go through that experience. When I was a cuddlee, the first I did when meeting a cuddler for the first time, was to establish the boundaries. If she did not not initiate that discussion I made sure that I did before any touching happened. With all the cuddlers I knew the boundaries, and , although not stepping over them, knew that if I did, that had consequences. Depending on the cuddler, those boundaries may have changed over the course of the session through mutual agreement, but nothing happened outside of the agreed action at any time. Not sure if you had stated any boundaries, but I would strongly suggest that you do upfront.
@Leyhill this is a good reminder to us all! My last cuddle said that even though he would enjoy things that are a boundary for me, the fact that I was upfront about boundaries and expectations made our time more relaxed and enjoyable for him. He said that he hadn’t had other pros state things out front and sessions are a guessing game for what someone is ok with. Lack of upfront clear stated boundaries is unfair to the other person to be sure.
@EFORR WELCOME TO THE COMMUNITY!!! 😊
As a female enthusiast, just like you, I know it’s not always easy when you are smack in the middle of cuddling and you tell someone you don’t like what they’re doing and they don’t stop. Sometimes it’s VERY OBVIOUS and it makes it easier to get up and leave but other times it’s just a constant little encroachment of your spoken boundaries.
In the beginning, when I first joined this world of platonic snuggles, there were times I didn’t even know how to verbalize what I did or did not want because it was a learning experience. UNTIL IT HAPPENED and then I reframed my words for the next cuddler.
What I did experience regularly though is this. If they don’t listen the first time they won’t ever listen. And this does happen before they ever step foot into your safe space.
Like others have said, having a meeting before the actual cuddle might be where they show their true colors. Whether by agreeing to zoom, meeting over coffee in a public place, or having your first cuddle. If they don’t listen to your words and agree to stay within the boundaries then let them go.
If you read the threads you will soon see that there are thousands of kind men who are willing to abide by your requests instead of push for everything outside of that.
You also mention in your profile that you are sometimes depressed or sad when you like to cuddle. I can imagine that makes it extra challenging because you’re already struggling and just want an easy snuggle.
Thank you gentlemen like @FunCartel @MrAdmirer @Leyhill and all the rest who speak kindness to this woman and for being such a beautiful part of this community. 😊 Please don’t listen to the voices that say such bullsh!t like “It’s hard to find a nice woman” because WTF???
HUGS to you!!! Good luck @EFORR and stay true to you!! Send them out the door and QUICK!! 😊
@EFORR sorry you had to deal with that. It's just not right.
In all of my cuddle sessions thus far (with pros only to this point) I discuss boundaries with the person before the session starts. And I tell them if I inadvertently touch them anywhere or do anything they don't like, they'll only have to tell me once.
@FunCartel OMG!! Thanks for that laugh! It’s COMPLETELY unexpectedly snowing here and I was asked to report for work early.. Needless to say, it’s been “a day” already and it’s not even 8:30 #nannylife
@EFORR - DEFINITELY report!! I unfortunately have excessive breast tissue, but I’m WELL AWARE accidental touches/grazes WILL occur. Just be sure you’ve VERBALLY set a boundary and if you think it’s been crossed intentionally- end the session immediately, report them to admins, and block them here and on your phone. A cuddle buddy shouldn’t ever have access to any of your social media sites (just for privacy and to ensure no drama)!
@great_pillow08 Yes, I woke up and looked outside and was like WTF! I am not a fan of unannounced snow.
Sorry you had an awful experience. I hope your next cuddle buddy respects your boundaries and is wonderful.
Where i come from ...the snyde remark "Hard to find a nice woman" Is used as a subtle put down to the immature guy that acts inappropriately. We've never used it as an insult to women.
I actual found an example of it online:
"Often, a single guy will be hanging out with some friends in bar or club, at the gym or at the mall or any other place where women hang out and ask in a “pity me” sort of way, “Why can’t I find a nice girl? Why is it so hard to meet women?”
Duh, dude, Emotional regulation and hence, physical control, will be the most valuable skill you will ever learn in your life.
@Gotyr6
There's a way to convey the same message without looking like an insensitive ass. An upsidedown smiley face is no way to respond to someone who just revealed that they were groped.
@Gotyr6 - you're really going to try to justify or defend this behavior?
@gotyr6 I skipped this one because I didn't have time earlier but... I do now! I'm trying to find a way to say this without getting timed out myself. That STATEMENT was (edited * for slight tone down) a tiny bit unkind....(That's what I'm going with) I'm sure you're a better person that that though. Hugs.
@EFORR I am very sorry to hear about the cuddler intentionally crossing boundaries, (especially after you clearly communicated that you were not ok with the contact and the cuddler still kept going). This is horrible but thank you very much for the bravery to share. You are helping more people than you are aware of and it’s wonderful. I hope that you find many “platonic cuddles”, from this great community.
I apologize.. First week on this site.. and i must have mistook this as a forum to discuss a specific topic not to answer judge or console a specific person who opened the topic or made a statement. I didnt realize that any messages i write will be taken as directly communicating to and about the person who asked the question . I dont quite understand when to use public versus private messaging. My bad Crucify me. I intend no harm
@Gotyr6 you are not alone. On a site meant for support and openness, it sadly becomes a judgmental and hateful place.
And yet here you are. I'm not playing, @jplemmon . [-Sid]
@people in general.... a few of the comments made have been insensitive toward the victim. Its interesting there are complaints of feelings being hurt when what was said was a direct insult to the OP's experience. I truly hope these people are okay. The experience is tragic comparatively. Heavy Sarcasm
In my experience, people who come across (intentionally or not) as having insufficient empathy for others won't be perceived as being great cuddlers. Usually a good idea to try to put yourself in the OP's shoes for a second before you post. Not posting is an option too.