Thinking about death

Spud424

To grunt and sweat under a weary life, but that the dread of something after death, the undiscovered country from whose bourn no traveller returns…
(Hamlet, Act III scene 1)

I’ve been thinking a lot about death lately. We are all slowly dying. Many people don’t have to consider their own mortality until Something Happens. That happened to me when I had my medical incident in 2017. Due to my severe sepsis I was having lots of hallucinations and one of the most vivid that I can still recall, is that a nurse walked in on me one morning and told me that today was the day I would die and am I prepared. I don’t recall feeling worried at all, but I felt a sense of calm and finality. At that moment I no longer feared death. I now recognize that it is a part of life.

I turn 55 in July and more and more I realize that it could happen at any time. Part of me really doesn’t want it to happen and yet a part of me looks forward to ending the pain (occasionally physical, mostly emotional) and the loneliness and just being at rest. If we do exist on another plane after leaving behind our physical body, what will eternity look like? Will we cast off these burdens and finally find contentment on the other side of the veil? I wish I had the answers to these questions, indeed, I wish anybody had the answers to these questions.

__I still think of the scene in The Sopranos where Livia says “Why does everything have to have a purpose? The world is a jungle and if you want my advice Anthony, don't expect happiness. You won't get it. People let you down and I'm not naming any names but in the end you die in your own arms…it’s all a big nothing. “

If you want someone to talk to, please message me. I have no near death experience personally but I am a good listener and am compassionate.

@Spud424 I think our natural instinct’s are to survive. That’s why we receive an adrenaline boost when something threatens our life. Somehow death has received this glamorous notion about it and the truth of the matter is there’s nothing glamorous about it it’s cold it’s dark and it’s final. I’ve struggled through similar thoughts that you share and sometimes it feels easier or even as an escape from all that we suffer from but in the end it’s like you can’t turn back from that so the alternative is to try to keep pushing forward even though it’s not easy, sometimes all we need is a little encouragement or a little push to help us keep going I would encourage you today to not give up

CharlieBear

I think about death and I am much more worried about how it will affect me when my closest loved ones pass. I’m not as worried when I bite the dust, but that’s because my personal belief is that the screen goes black and that’s it. Though I do think it would be really funny if I am met with a game over screen and I pull off my VR headset, finally realizing it was only a game all along (anyone seen that Rick and Morty episode? 😅)

robroo

@Spud424 I understand how you feel. My mentality is that life is just a part of the journey. What's next? Who knows for sure. All I know is I'm just along for the ride.

MDW

Death sucks, but that's just the way it is. Have to make the most of the time we have.

pmvines

Its offen fear of suffering, not necessarily death, that we fear .

blisscuddles

@Spud424 Hope you can convert your sense of mortality into making the most of many moments you still have.

sunnysideup

We don’t know what’s next. Thank you for sharing your experience. Let’s continue to enjoy our bizarre existence while it’s here!!

@Spud424 “You start to die the moment you are born. The whole of life is cutting through the pack with death. So take it easy.”

― Ian Fleming, Live and Let Die

I was born with a genetic disease. It's why I'm here, looking for some comfort. This quote has always been deep & makes me feel better.

xandriarain

I no longer see death as a sweet release from all pain and suffering. I have full faith that misery exists in all realms. Also when I was a teenager I saw the horror movie Insidious and that pretty much ended all of my suicidal ideations. Being grounded for life < demons and ghosts

GrayMatter

In September 1979, I had a near death experience that lasted about 4.5 minutes. Dying is like going to sleep. The actual transition is painless.
In my case, I had the classic, going to the light. Nothing in this world can match the bliss, or the incredible sense of unconditional love you feel upon entering the light. I'm 68 now but the experience still feels fresh. It was profound. I'm not in any hurry to go but when it is time, it will be ok.

birdiegrl

@GrayMatter I love that!

@Spud424 I’m 53 and I’ve never had a near death experience or a health crisis (tho I’ve had t1 diabetes and there’s a couple ways to die suddenly from it and plenty of ways it can kill you slowly) so it might be that death is more on my mind than it might be otherwise. But a while back I decided that religious people get to believe crazy sh*t that makes them feel better about this, maybe I could come up with my own thing to believe that’ll comfort me. And in fact I’ve managed to develop almost a belief, but maybe more of an open-mindedness, in some kind of afterlife.

My afterlife musings mostly involve that thing (I know I don’t have the right vocabulary, gah!) where you run across people who feel very differently connected to you. Like people that you feel oddly close to for no good reason. And then I’ve found some shocking stuff that I had no idea about involving serious academics, I think one is a UVA professor but there are several at impressive schools, who are collecting evidence of the afterlife and analyzing it. Apparently there really have been young children who could give enough details about a “previous life” that well… not sure I’m to the point of believing but even just being open to the idea makes me feel a little better. And then there’re tons of people who’ve had experiences like GrayMatter — you can find them all over YouTube, but TedTalks are a good place to find them.

JohnR1972

“Part of the journey is the end.” - Tony Stark

I am not in any hurry for the end of this phase of my journey but I do not dwell on nor do I worry about it. I’m in my mid 50s but I still feel like I am in my 30s. My grandparents, who drank, chewed tobacco, didn’t exercise, and ate unhealthy diets, lived into their 90s. I feel like, barring an accident, I have another 50+ healthy years ahead of me.

That said, I’ve had two of experiences in my lifetime (one while cave diving) where I didn’t know if I was going to make it through the next few minutes. In both cases, I surprised myself how calm and clear headed I stayed in situations where, had I panicked, I likely would not be here today.

Jubal

@Spud424 We're all going to die at some point (unless someone on here is the Highlander). There is no conclusive evidence of life after death. But there is no evidence of any sort against it. Soon enough you will know. So why fret about it? We have that bit of time between birth and death to enjoy living. So enjoy it. Make your plans and manage your resources as if you were going to live a long time, but don't forget to enjoy living each day just in case your time ends up being shorter.

MonkeyNeedsAHug

It’s a strange fact and, perhaps unwelcome here. But if you look at the entire span of human history, only about 93% of us have, in fact, died.

tacpmurg

@MonkeyNeedsAHug

warm_embrace

I have thought a lot about dying and my relationship with my own mortality. When I turned 60, I did a Google search for “the life expectancy of a healthy 60 yo American man”. I was then able to calculate the approximate number of days until my “statical death” and I created 2 countdown clocks. One that counts the number of days I have lived, and the other counts down to my statistical death. (I have attached the countdown tally's
for today) .

The fact that I have lived 75 percent of my life expectancy (and some of the remaining quarter of my life will not be great), has inspired zest and appreciation for every day; and I take note of “good moments” and “good days”.

JohnR1972

@warm_embrace - everyone is different so this is in no way meant as a criticism, just an observation. I will soon be turning 57 so we are close in age. I completely understand the significance of your counters but for me personally I would not want to be reminded of the days until my statistical death.

I know that day is coming but I don’t want to be continually reminded of it because for me it would be a distraction and likely have negative effects on me.

There was a fascinating academic study several years ago (I don’t have the citation readily available). In the study, a large group of college students were recruited to do word find puzzle. Half of the student were given puzzles which had words such as “gray”, “ancient”, “arthritis”, “wheelchair”, etc. the other half were given word find puzzles with words such as “exercise”, “spring”, “children”, and “fun”.

The students were called one at a time to a room at the end of a long hallway where they were given 10 minutes to find as many words as they could for their given puzzle. What the students didn’t know was that were being timed walking to and from the room. The point of the study was to determine if exposure to old vs young words would impact the walking speed of the students as they left the rooms. I can’t remember the exact percentages but the students who looked for (were primed with) “old” words walked about 15% slower when they left the room while those who looked for “young”’ words walked about 8% faster.

The lesson I took away from the study is the incredible influence of our thoughts on our bodies.

warm_embrace

@ JohnR1972Jo, I know that my approach to death is very weird, and not for everyone. Most people I tell about my “countdown to death” timer react similarly to you, or they want to talk about all the things I can do to live a longer than average life. That’s not the point of it for me. For me, it’s a constant reminder that time is of the essence, and I shouldn’t waste any on things that don’t bring me joy or serve a higher purpose.

I am also a “collector of good moments”. When I experience one, I usually acknowledge it out loud and add it to my collection. I believe whoever has collected the most “good moments” when they die, WINS!

Btw, I turned 65 last week, so I’ve got a couple of years on you….⏳

JohnR1972

@warm_embrace - I understand. Everyone deals with things in their own way, as they should 😊

@JohnR1972 one of the things that you mentioned in your post, “ the incredible influence of our thoughts on our bodies.” I think it’s very important for all of us when someone is alone and they’re not receiving love or encouragement. It sometimes makes the motivation Difficult to move forward Or the thoughts to be molded in a positive way. I know this has been my case from personal experience and I’m sure that others have experienced something similar.

No, I do not speak for all men, but I feel that most men don’t do so well on their own again this is just my personal opinion. Please don’t attack me for it but I feel like when we have a brotherhood or a family or a spouse/lover we are able to move forward and accomplish a lot more things.

JohnR1972

@lonelytauros - It isn’t in my nature to attack anyone but I don’t take it as that comment was specifically directed at me (and I understand why you decided to include it your post).

A few weeks ago created a thread about the book “Mind Over Medicine” which was written by a medical doctor. In one of the chapters she was talking about advice she had given NUMEROUS patients about diet, exercise, sleep, quit smoking, eliminating alcohol, etc. She said some of her patients really showed improvement in their subjective health AND in their objective health measures (BMI, LDL, HDL, blood pressure, etc).

However she said she had other patients who swore they were following her advice and not showing any improvement. Over time it bothered her more and more wondering what she was missing. She then created a new patient intake form that asked a lot of personal questions about workplace stress, interpersonal relationships (or lack their of), etc. she said that to a person, the patients who responded well to dietary and lifestyle changes were “average” or better on these questions and the people who did not improve much to diet and lifestyle changes were in high stress job situations and/or poor emotional support from friends / family / significant others.

She said it completely changed the way she practiced medicine.

My views on death have changed a lot during different stages in my life. I've always thought about it, every now and then it comes to mind, the finality of it, sometimes I'm at peace with it, sometimes I'm scared. I may have a different opinion on what happens after, depending on the time of day, on how I feel. Most likely nothing, just as before we were born, maybe there's something but we have no memory of our past lives, idk.
All I know is that I've had 2 really close encounters and I can tell you that during those few seconds, the only thing in my mind was fear and guilt over the heartbreak my mother was going to suffer through if something had happened to me.
The only thing I beg of anyone reading this is to not pursue her, lady death will eventually visit all of us one day, don't try to skip to the front of the line, it is very frowned upon.

Vinh

Please let me know if you are free to talk. I have a chronic medical condition and been through a couple close calls in life. Each time I come back I realize how limited the life we have really is that Time really is clicking for everyone. That true Joy is Inner Peace Within amidst the Chaos all around. Though we haven't met or talked I believe in you brother because we both are on the same path

OnTheJourney

"... puzzles the will and makes us rather bear those ills we have than fly to those we know not of."

Hamlet, not to get off on a tangent here, but he's often quoted as if he was of sound mind and he absolutely was not. He was in excruciating pain and bordering on "madness" (what they would have called it) at the loss of his father, his mother to Claudius, his trust in his friends and his own heart.

It truly is a cautionary tale of, what we better understand today, that its much better to reach out to someone, anyone if these thoughts and feelings are really taking hold of you. Many have already offered and I extend my hand as well. If you need to talk, please message someone on here, call someone, visit with someone, just reach out.

Nobodieshero

This is really interesting reading. I personally believe that when we go, we shed our ego and get assimilated back into a big mass of energy, I definitely don't think it's the end.

But really no one knows until they go and unfortunately they don't usually come back

entwine

Thanks for starting this thread and sharing @Spud424
Very inspirational.

Enjoyed reading everyone's posts.

I have a full spectrum of thoughts every day, it's honestly exhausting.
Maybe one day I'll be able to articulate my views good enough for a public forum.
Which then will also be the day I can finally submit to replace the yearly "suicide prevention" training I have to take.

CJAloha

“‘l’ll live forever & if I don’t, I’ll never know.”
-Grandpa Jim

JohnR1972

I plan to live forever… or die trying 😂