When it's the last session and only one knows it

greenearth2

It doesn't seem right to not tell someone that the session is probably the last time you'll see them again. But yet pros do this more than once. So I suppose it's obvious that you must treat each session like it could be the last.
I already knew that. But I find that it still makes me sad when it happens.
Perhaps I'm not cut out for pro cuddling if I can't help get attached.
It feels like a mini breakup similar kind of feeling. Weird isn't it.

4cuddles

Awww. Virtual hugs man.
Is this how u process similar experiences, if so? Honor it or reflect on what the experience meant to you ( I don't mean it in a dismissive or patronising).
Just wondered wat it would be like if u'd honor the loss? As if it were a break up. Do u have a ritual u'd usually use to manage?etc.

It would be good to hear from pros on the subject too. Is it also hard for pros and their experiences : do some find abrupt endings easier? Do they appreciate how it can impact on some people etc?

Some of us get more attached than others, our attachment styles are usually about earlier experiences ..(i'll stop here).

Just wanted to say I empthatise and perhaps reflecting on those feelings maybe useful beyond cuddling).

quietman775

@greenearth, I know what you mean. Lot of paradoxes here. For instance, we all want pro cuddlers to act professional, by which we mean no discrimination, consistent pricing disclosed up front, and all that good stuff. But we don't interact with pro cuddlers the way we do with other pros, so our brains get mixed messages about the nature of the relationship. For example, when you go to see a doctor, that person will ask you extremely personal questions, touch you in intimate places --- but you don't get confused about the nature of the relationship. You're meeting at an office in a medical  building. There's a receptionist out front. You're lying on an uncomfortable paper sheet under the glare of harsh fluorescent lighting. The conversation is clinical. The doctor is dressed in a lab coat, has a stethoscope around  her neck, and probably has wicked cold hands (which she keeps washing with hand sanitizer before and after touching you). When your doctor (or dentist, or therapist) retires, or joins another practice, it doesn't feel like a romantic breakup because of all these sensory reminders about the nature of the relationship.

Cuddlers are different. You meet in a residence, not an office building. There is no receptionist and no insurance forms to fill out. You and the cuddle pro begin things by sharing a snack or a glass of wine, just like you would with a friend or a date. . Then you lay down on a cozy bed. Both of you are wearing relatively few items of clothing, much less than you would wear in a professional setting.  The lights are low. Soft music is playing. She is making contented sighs and loving murmurs. Nothing about this sensory input says "professional relationship" to your subconscious mind. So you begin attaching emotionally like you would to a close friend or love interest. That's a heartbreak waiting to happen.

For me, the key to a successful relationship with a pro is "suspension of disbelief" that ends when the session ends. If I see Sir Anthony Hopkins on the street, I don't get fearful that I've just encountered Hannibal Lecter. Hopkins just played that guy in a movie. It was a role, nothing more. The professional cuddler is playing a role too. She's an actress of sorts, tasked with providing me a certain experience. So while I enjoy her attentive listening, her sympathetic expressions, her warm touch and her contented sighs --- I know they're all just part of the movie. When I'm in the theater, I let myself believe that all the on-screen action is real. When I leave, I remember that it was just a movie. Maybe that approach would help others here not to attach too strongly.  

quietman775

Addendum: In a different thread, the one about TSB, someone posted a link to a forum for exotic dancers where the owner of that other cuddle agency was posting in an attempt to recruit strippers as cuddle pros. I read that whole big long thread. One of the girls was uninterested for a lousy $40 per hour, and asked, "I suppose we have to TALK to them too?"  I LOL'd, becasue the thread made it quite clear how much she and several of her colleagues despised and derided their clientele. Now I'm not comparing any of the cuddle pros here to them, so please no one take offense. I'm just saying that it is impossible to know what any pro truly thinks of you. She may really regard you as a friend of sorts. She may truly care about your well-being. Or she may be interested only in your wallet. If she is a good enough actress, you will never know the difference. Best not to get your hopes up. Again, suspension of disbelief should end when the show is over. I've been seeing a certain cuddle pro for years. She's good. she'll be hard to replace if she ever quits. But it will feel more like my favorite restaurant closing than like a mini-breakup. Hope that helps some.

greenearth2

Yeah good point....I saw that thread...I really hope that girls stays away from cuddling....

Ninsiana

I haven't fully reviewed that thread about Snuggle Buddies review, other than it looks horrible. But I do sympathize with you @greenearth and I agree @quietman775.
I am someone that tends to get attached easily, which may be a bad trait for a pro. As for me, I would always tell a client if this session is the last or not. Not only from a professional standpoint, but from someone who cares.
Y'know, the nature of a pro cuddler or cuddle therapist as I like to call it is very blurred. I am a pro, and this is a business, but I also want to be my client's friend. Maybe that is a wrong approach, but nonetheless it is mine. That is why I get to know my clients on a personal level thru chatting. It makes me feel more comfortable and I am able to give them a service, and the affection and care they need and desire. A delicate balance between business and pleasure. I still am figuring it all out. But I can understand how it would hurt to never see them without even having them properly say goodbye. But I am also extremely awkward and shy person.

Brandi

Great comparisons quiet man and I hope that can help some people. However from my perspective, I kind of disagree with the actress part. I dont usually feel like Im an actress playing a role. I feel I am more of a friend giving helpful or spiritual advice as well as giving a human love that I feel everyone deserves. It feels great to help people and I love seeing my clients turn into happier people.I feel I am really trying to make a difference in peoples lives, by helping them perceive the lighter and happier moments in life rather than focusing on all the dim. And i think about my clients often, I try to text or message them often so that they feel cared for, and not "just like in the moment she cares". If that makes sense.


I do have much stronger relationships with some clients than others but that comes down to genuine connection and interest. I can easily be myself around most of my clients, but there are a select few that that "spark" just isnt really there and it kind of does feel more forced and like acting because its a bunch of small talk rather than getting into genuine conversations. So it depends on the client and the pro
So, in that case @greenearth I can easily see how a pro quitting on you being taxing and painful. You are losing a friend and a special relationship. But thats why you have to go in with the mindset that people do that. It sucks but in general. People come and go, not just pros.

I cant tell you how many "bestfriends" I have had and they just vanished one day. It left me feeling confused and concerned that I genuinly did something wrong... By the 4th best friend that has come and gone and simply stopped communicating with me, I've decided to just life day to day and whoever wants to be in my life they are welcome. And if not, they are on their own life path and I will continue walking on mine.. No matter how confusing or upsetting it may be it usually ends up being for the best. New people come in and make it all better again and if not maybe its just a time that you should focus on bettering yourself, and in the process hopefully kind people will be drawn to the "new and improved" you!

Hope that helps in some way and best wishes!
Xoxo
Brandi

Brandi

Also by the way, thats really sad that a stripper would rather be flauntin their goodies rather than talking to a fellow person lol. But it takes a special type of person to be a pro cuddler and its really not for everyone. Even a lot of "non-strippers" who seem like genuine people could have a difficult time hugging any and every stranger and making them feel wanted and comfortable and still feel comfortable with themselves.

quietman775

@Brandi and @Rei I'm glad the two of you both try to include some genuine friendship in your client interactions. As you stated, it's a hard line to walk, a  hard blend to master. but wanting to master it shows you are doing more than acting, which is great. When in doubt about other people, I tend to err on the side of pessimism (because a pessimist is never disappointed!). But I am not entirely without hope. Now we just need more pros like you!  :-)

4cuddles

Definitely helpful to hear from pros on this and everyone generally.

Even as a non pro this can easily come up and be an issue.

Another perspective is that some people's attachment style won't allow for a sensitive approach to endings for their own ways of coping. (Not to condone abrupt ending but to explore the issue further).

Unfortunately, our fast paced and somewat detached society doesn't always allow this to be handled with care.

I hope this discussion helps us all to develop as much of an compassionate ending to last sessions as possible for each other.

greenearth2

Well actually it's much more likely a pro will come and go than a non pro. They are seeing so many different clients how could they get attached to any of them. But most non pros aren't seeing dozens of different clients. Maybe they see one or two max.

4cuddles

I meant that a non pro could also underestimate the impact of ending abruptly.