I think I lost a friend today... :(

Just getting this off my chest so I can work through it and hopefully receive some love & grace in the process.

So, me and this girl have been friends since 2017. I considered her one of my best friends. In the last month or two, I've noticed that she either is never able to talk when I call or has stopped answering my calls completely. Also noticed that I started being the only one to reach out. She's responded to texts though.

I randomly started getting the feeling that she doesn't want to talk to me. So I texted her yesterday and asked how she was doing - she said not well, but didn't want to talk about it. So I said I was here if she needed me and that was about it. Her grandmother randomly crossed my mind tonight since she's up in age and I wondered if she was ok. So I went to check my friend's Facebook - only to find out that we're no longer FB friends. Which led me to also discover that we're no longer Instagram followers as well.

I'm not distraught about it, just shocked. I have mixed feelings. Sad bc, for one, I don't have many friends to begin with and I felt like we were really close. Not sure what prompted it bc I've never said anything mean about her or done her wrong or anything. And we don't talk everyday, so I don't feel like either of us were overbearing.

I'm curious as to what happened (if anything), but at the same time, I don't care to know unless she comes forward to tell me.

I'm also grateful. I'm glad that she's leaving when she wants to. It makes room for new connections in both of our lives. I've mentioned to her before that I notice how she puts up with people she doesn't really like, and I'm glad she's not wasting time doing that with me - so I'm not questioning it. I've been telling the Universe that I want community and I'm ready to find my tribe, but I've also been realizing that I need to go through a period of intentional solitude before I date, find community, or anything of the sort.

This is just a friendship that I wasn't expecting to end. The wind knocked me back a bit and I just wanted to vent is all. I hope you have a good night and sleep all the good sleeps

SunsetSnuggles

That really hurts. Amazing job handling this calmly and with understanding and respect for her, as well as kindness for yourself. Can I be your friend? 😋 Big hugs going out to you!

~ Sunset Snuggles

AngelPendavez

I wholeheartedly agree with @SunsetSnuggles. Your response is the epitome of grace and I deeply admire you for it.
I'm sorry for your loss ~

cuddlefaery

I agree with @SunsetSnuggles and @EarthlyAngel003 . Keep honoring yourself and doing what you need to process and take care of yourself 💖

I had a friendship come to a similar end last year as well, so my full sympathies. I don't know if it may help or not, but one small reframe that helped me was to consciously change the word "lost" both in my head and when talking about my former friend to others. Our friendship ran its course and our paths separated, but she is not lost and I did not lose her as I ultimately did nothing wrong. Sure, there is a grieving process, but removing "lost" helped remind me that no relationship lasts forever and that there is nothing to regret - only gratefulness for the time and memories we did have.

PeopleLikeUs

I had the same thing happen through Covid. I think the time we had off made the friendship kinda surreal.

In the early stages, I heard her use the term "falling out" a lot describing failed friendships. So I took that as a red flag along with other red flags that she exhibited while discussing the trials and tribulations of her dating. I don't date. I maintained a solid friendship and actually journaled to keep my head straight. And as soon as we ran into conflict, guess what? We had a falling out.

I don't want to have to concern myself with how much I Iove my friends. In the best friendships I've had or have, love grows, plateaus, and sometimes disappears for a while. If a friendship is good then I just go with it. But I must admit that I had my guard up around her recklessness which ultimately did us in.

Plus, she had trauma. I tried to keep her from over-exposing too early what that trauma was and as a result (I think) we still seem to be in touch somewhat (we'll see). I've had experiences before where someone will open up way too much early on and then realize you know their deepest secrets. When that happens, love can turn to doubt, confusion, and fear for people who were traumatized.

Losing a close friend can sometimes be more painful than a lover. But it sounds like you've only lost social media contact? Will you be able to maintain a txting or occasional phone conversation and let go of the idea that you need that social media connection? It is peculiar that she probably has people out there she doesn't even know hardly. But she knows you.

It sounds like you are already on the road to acceptance which is the right direction to head. Myself, I am able to release the aspects of relationships that don't work while embracing the parts that do. People need to heal in their own way and on their own watch. Over time as circumstances change, the friendship may start back up.

@RaeLew hugs There are a lot of things that could be factors in your situation. It's understandable that not having closure about why the friendship ended could cause you some anxiety.

I don't know that I'd approach her about the "why" unless you're prepared to hear things that may cause your feelings to be hurt. This may not be the case - she could just be going through a difficult time and only have the mental/emotional space to interact with close family.

In any case, it seems you've made your peace with her decision. I hope you continue to make new connections that enrich your life💕

@SunsetSnuggles yes, we can be friends 😊💕🫂

@EarthlyAngel003 thank you 💗 it didn’t make me angry when I realized it. We’re all in the process of shifting and for the time being, we probably just don’t align with each other anymore.

Bear

@RaeLew
Thank you for taking care of yourself.
You’re doing a wonderful job of being an adult through this. I respect your demeanor.

If you need someone to vent to or hold space, I’m here.

@cuddlefaery I love that! That’s what I’m doing, looking at it from a gratitude perspective while also acknowledging my feelings. It didn’t even cross my mind to remove the word “lost”. That makes it a lot easier. 💗💕

@PeopleLikeUs thank you 💕 I’ve experienced that as well, taking notice of how people are towards others and then seeing them do the same towards you. I don’t think we’re gonna maintain phone communication - I’m tired of reaching out and she doesn’t want to talk. But I’m open to the friendship starting back up or not starting back up depending on where we are in our lives.

@Calibrate715 yea I thought about that, is there something that I did wrong - and I don’t want to hear it if so. I’m in the process I’d working on myself and realizing things that I need to learn and unlearn. Now if she wants to reach out when she’s ready, that’s different and I’d like to hear it. But we both don’t like confrontation/conflict, so she probably won’t. I don’t feel like she’d be honest if I asked about it anyway since it was done quietly.

I felt a shift and I feel like I got the confirmation. The lack of closure did shock and stress me out initially, but now I feel better about it and feel like I have my own closure 💕

@Bear thank you! I feel much better after some sleep 💗 I’m thankful that she came into my love and thankful that she’s making her exit.

JoyfulHeart

@RaeLew

I'm sorry for this loss. I've experienced similar things, and I'm familiar with the tendency to ask what we did wrong.

As others have indicated, your approach to this shows a lot of emotional self-awareness and intelligence. Even so, I know it can still hurt.

I'm sending you a hug, and my wish for you is that you experience unexpected joy today.

I’m not sure how you would check in with your (estranged) friend, but people that suddenly, and inexplicably, sever ties with long term relationships might very well be dealing with occurring abuse.

Sometimes that abuse is a substance abuse problem. Sometimes it is a domestic abuse problem.

And, in fairness, it could simply be a CTSD (current traumatic stress disorder) because honestly, the world at large has been sustainably terrible and traumatic for a LONG time.

And, of course, it might be nothing other than human whims and capriciousness.

But, you might want to express your worry to them.

And then, if they don’t reach back out to you, you have your answer and a clear conscience.