What Choices Do You Offer for A First Meeting?

GreatHornedOwl

I generally ask if she would like to meet for coffee or lunch, take a walk, of something else. I recently found a new one. I was chatting with a woman who doesn't have a car. I asked if I could take her grocery shopping, and haul it all home for her.

CuddleDuncan

That's very thoughtful, although also quite intimate.

But do you not have grocery delivery in the US?

GreatHornedOwl

We do have delivery, but I think that walking around the store, picking things out, might actually be fun.

OhioMike

Oh boy I have had so much fun traveling around the country shopping in grocery stores with members here. Never once thought it was intimate? More like this though

TheFunCartel

Bidet or TP?

Bear

I have offered a coffee shop or anything close to them. I ask them to choose.

Snickerdoodle17

This is a great idea! I just need someone I could ask.

waynewv

My very 1st meet up was with a Pro and she suggested an ice cream shop and it went great. As a newbie I had no idea about the meeting out in public 1st, so we chatted and set a day and time to meet for a cuddle. Since then I have met for ice cream and had dinner several times and it works great.

lewis9887

So the go for ice cream with a pro. Are you paying a fee to them to go get ice cream or is it more of a meet and greet?
I always ask if they would like to chat a bit on this site first to see if there is any intrest in meeting. It hasn't gone well. I usually don't get a response (even a "pro" sometimes won't reply). Maybe I should try coffee or ice cream?

sillysassy

I LOVE FIRST MEETS!!! 😊

Although I would never give someone my home address or get into a car with them for a first meet.

When people don’t have vehicles I love the idea of meeting close to a bus stop for them if they take public transport or any public place close to them without asking for sensitive info.

@CuddlelessinLB i absolutely ADORE the idea of chatting whilst doing errands. Less pressure and a great bit of conversation starters.

@OhioMike 😂😂😂 This looks like something you would be involved in 😂😂😂
“Wet clean-up on aisle 7!!” Or in your case…..

SECURITY!!!! Aisle 7!!!

LadyVel

Book stores are always fun too and if they stand me up...I'm still browsing books!

OhioMike

@sillysassy during our shopping shenanigans, both happened 😂

waynewv

@lewis9887 , it has always been a free meet up. Of course I picked up the tab.
I think if the Pro told me up front there would be a charge I would pass on that one.
I did an overnight cuddle once, we met for dinner and the next morning we went for Breakfast and she didn’t charge extra and I did pickup the tab

TNNative

I've met at a local park, a coffeeshop, an ice cream shop, and the mall. The mall offered a relaxed place to talk, get something to drink, and people watch while we got acquired.

@GreatHornedOwl. Great reply, “We do have delivery, but I think that walking around the store, picking things out, might actually be fun.” I see no problem with that.

AngelPendavez

I like the grocery idea, it’s very sweet!
In a perfect world, I’d take you up on that.
But I wouldn’t want anyone I just met to know where I live. Nothing personal ~

If I didn’t have a car, I’d most likely call in a favor to have someone drop me off or catch an uber.

Public parks and libraries are nice, and free! You can always bring food and drink with you.

Barnes & Noble usually has a Starbucks attached.

It could be fun to go to a thrift store and see who could put together the most outrageous outfit, if you’re feeling playful and creative ~

An arcade might be nice if you’re looking for activities.

I like the mall idea! Definitely a good place to people watch, shopping and food nearby, places to just sit and talk. There’s most likely a movie theater nearby, too ~

CharlieBear

@EarthlyAngel003
If we ever actually meet, put me down for playing arcade games 😁

GreatHornedOwl

@EarthlyAngel003 - Doesn't that Uber driver count as a man you don't know? How about the UPS, USPS, FedX, or Amazon drivers"U? Do you honestly believe that if I know where you live, I might break in and attack you? You're probably in more danger crossing the street. The only way to eliminate all risk, you would have to stay in bed, 24/7. Oops, a meteor might land on your house.

You may think that I'm being absurd. but I'm really not. If you actually intend to live, there are some risks that you just have to accept.

TheFunCartel

@GreatHornedOwl WTF??? @EarthlyAngel003 said she wouldn’t want anybody SHE JUST MET to know where she lived and you belittle her with snark?? Are you a female? No, you are an 80 yo male attacking a young woman for using common sense and worse yet, for having boundaries. Be a better person than that and respect her boundaries.

Reported, reviewed, and leaving entire comment intact. @FunCartel - I appreciate your restraint. [-Sid]

GreatHornedOwl

@EarthlyAngel003 - I apologize. I was overly harsh on you, and that was not intended.

@FunCartel - Yes, I was overly harsh on her, and I apologized. However, I hardly think that what I said ti her amounted to an attack, any more than what you said to me reached the level of an attack. You accuse me of not respecting her boundaries. How would you, or I, or anybody else know anything about her boundaries, since she didn't even hint at what they might be.

As for applying "common sense" toward evaluating risk, it doesn't work. I was attempting to bring some "real sense" to the question. Do you have any reason to believe that a woman is in more danger because a man she just met knows her address than from a total stranger who followed her home one day? She would be better off investing in a better lock for her door.

Speaking or locks, I never lock my doors when I'm home, and more often than not, I don't lock them at night either. Yes, I am probably increasing the risk that a burglar might come in, but the risk is still so low, that it isn't worth worrying about.

When doing risk analysis, there two elements to look at. They are severity and probability. Unfortunately, most people tend to look only at the severity, and ignore the probability. Even when the severity is very high, if the probability is extremely small, the level of risk is also small.

I'll usually have food ready and let them know in case they might be interested.

TheFunCartel

@GreatHornedOwl Nice mea culpa with a but attached to it.

Her boundary was clearly stated—she doesn’t let anyone she has never met know where she lives. You can use all the logical tricks in the book but that is common sense and does mitigate risk. You meet someone and you get bad vibes you don’t ever let them know.

Better locks on her doors? You still don’t get it and you are still being dismissive of her rule by presenting what ifs. And you still don’t get that you are a male and you are far less likely a target than a female for rape, sexual assault and a host of other nasty outcomes. This is not actuarial science; this is about human behavior and what she does to make her feel safe.

I am not going to debate this and you should probably assess how this whole situation makes you look to females on here.

@FunCartel I appreciate your attempts to educate @GreatHornedOwl, but as shown time and time again, he doesn’t seem to quite get it. And as much as I hate to say this, I think the generational gap might be just too big for him to understand and this might be a case of “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” A lot of his examples echo the sentiments of male thinking/ignorance from the 40’s and 50’s and while it irks me to no end, I just have to ignore because so many have sought to explain and educate and I just don’t think he gets it.

Reported, reviewed, and leaving entirely intact.[-Sid]

GreatHornedOwl

@FunCartel & @CuddlelessinLB - The thing that you and so many others don't seem to understand, is that risk assessment is indeed actuarial science. I spent the final years of my career as the Director of Quality Assurance & Regulatory Affairs for a manufacturer of class III (high risk) medical devices. One of our products was a defibrillator.

When a defibrillator fails to function, the patient dies. There is no greater severity. Had I just equated risk with severity, we would never have shipped a single defibrillator. Yet, we did ship defibrillators, and many lives were saved because of it. What enabled us to ship, is that I didn't ignore the probability that the adverse event would occur. In short, I applied actuarial science. Do you understand how evaluating the risk of shipping a defibrillator is analogous the evaluating the risk.

Do either of you actually believe that letting a man from CC know where she lives is has a greater level of risk than does the having the UPS driver know where she lives?

I guess that I must be a "sexist man" because I don't believe that the risk of a woman being attacked should be evaluated any differently than the risk of a defibrillator failing. I just prefer using a well accepted, scientific method of evaluating risk, than your completely emotional approach. I refuse to accept the very flawed opinion that letting a man know where she lives, and inviting that man into her house, have the same level of risk.

Many people who don't like the results of a science, prefer to believe in their "common sense," but good sense isn't so common. It is the two of you who could use some educating.

Midnight01

Ridiculous idea.

I think this thread has gone off the rails time to lock it up!

Comparing apples and oranges.

A defibrillator is a life-saving device. The benefits outweigh the risks.

Giving someone, I just met, my home address is not imperative to my survival.

There are sooo many things wrong with your argument, I don’t know where to begin, but in the interest of not completely derailing this thread from it’s original topic, I’ll simply agree to disagree.

GreatHornedOwl

Always nice to have the last word.

Have you ever wasted even 10 seconds worrying that the mail man (unless yours is a woman), the UPS driver. the FedEx driver, and probably the Amazon driver all know where you live?

KarmicKuddles20

@GreatHornedOwl yes.

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