Is it better to cuddle mutually or pay to cuddle?

StructuredQueryLanguage

I've never really mutually cuddled before outside of a few odd hugs and maybe "making out" once in a "romantic relationship" I never should have been in.

This being said, I've had awesome times cuddling with professionals, especially ones I can talk to about life and have that kind of closeness only a client and service provider can have when they are in good terms in a good faith transaction. You see, a good cuddler sincerely cares about their clients just as a good client sincerely cares about their cuddler.

Things feel so non-awkward when you know you're paying in a cuddle session... there's no ambiguity of intention or worry of escalation. It's just a delight worth the money and a way to meet all your deep affectionate needs!

My gut and experience would tell me it's better to pay for cuddling than to cuddle mutually with some kind of cuddling friend or partner. But what do others think?

This thread is headed for lockdown and oblivion.

GreatHornedOwl

Define better.

This is a question that nobody can answer for you. Yes, a good "cuddler sincerely cares about their clients...." For that matter, so does a good lawyer, or doctor, or plumber, or auto mechanic. In all four of those cases, they are the pro, and I am the client. I don't want to e a client, cuddling with a pro. I would rather cuddle when both parties are of equal status.

1_teddybear

@CharlesInWI I would tend to agree.

WriterGF

Better is in the eye of the beholder. I think the one given is that it's easier to book a pro than to find an enthusiast, since there are a limited number of female enthusiasts and they get a lot of requests.

pmvines

And the wheels on the ground keep on spinning

StructuredQueryLanguage

I am open to cuddling with a non-pro, but I'm worried about awkward emotions or folks wanting exclusivity or something like that?

I think this is an important discussion.

WriterGF

Set your boundaries from the start. If you are looking for non-exclusive platonic cuddles, say so. If people are on here looking for someone to fall for or date, that's not what this place is for and they might as well know that up front. But frankly, the point is moot because the odds are against your finding an enthusiast, let alone one who is going to develop "awkward feelings." (Actually, are you worried about your partner developing feelings or you?)

cde123

I mean, if your needs are being met by what pros offer, then that's your answer. Just hire pros. Live in the simple bliss of as many cuddles as you can afford.

StructuredQueryLanguage

@cde123 sounds good for me!

cudbud64

There is no obligation of exclusivity.

That's the whole point of this connection being outside of typical relationships. I'm sure there is risk of feelings on one side of things at any point, but that is when two grown adults sit down and talk about it or don't talk about and don't attempt to move things physically past platonic cuddling.

Expecting exclusivity versus seeing each other on a regular basis are also two different things. Neither of which is an obligation with two enthusiasts who have met once, or really even more than once. Sometimes it works to see someone on a regular basis, and then other times where schedules won't allow. I have met as an enthusiast with other enthusiasts more than once, they are aware I have other people I cuddle with. If they aren't okay with it, then I probably won't make plans to meet. If one person finds that jealously is rearing their head, they need to take a step back and question where that is coming from. yes, you can feel pangs of loneliness and wish that you were on the other side of the cuddle with someone you had previously cuddled, but no cuddler is required to meet someone else's cuddle expectations. That's a lot of responsibility to put on one person's shoulders.

The only thing we should be required to do is show up ready to cuddle, be in the moment, respect boundaries, provide comfort that does not go beyond our abilities. Hopefully, we feel more at peace than when we first showed up.

CuddleWho

@StructuredQueryLanguage

that kind of closeness only a client and service provider can have when they are in good terms in a good faith transaction

Kind of a weird take to be honest. A client and service provider definitely can have closeness, but I see nothing about that closeness that can only happen in that context.

when you know you're paying in a cuddle session... there's no ambiguity of intention or worry of escalation

This is not consistently my experience.

it's better to pay for cuddling than to cuddle mutually with some kind of cuddling friend or partner

The advantage of paying is that it's easier to find a cuddle partner and you can be more selective who you cuddle with.

Joyfullife

I like your perspective. I think that no ambiguity is a perk to paid cuddles however for someone who wants more belonging or intimacy would probably prefer non pro cuddles. I think cuddlers genuinely care for their clients and there is more freedom to show that than in other professions. At the end of the day I thinks whether people prefer pros vs non pros all depends on how cuddling affects them personally and what they expect to gain from sessions.

BashfulLoner

Is this a trick question?

Melancholy

Well let me put it to you this way.
If you were suddenly broke then that pro cuddler you've been seeing for 5 years will not be cuddling or even spending time with you again but a cuddle friend or non pro will see you again as long as they still enjoy your company and cuddling.
It's like comparing apples and oranges.
I really appreciate my last pro cuddler. But my non pro cuddler was quite different. She saw me because she simply liked my company and enjoyed cuddling with me. That feels completely different.
How can anyone compare the two ?

MrAdmirer

@StructuredQueryLanguage I find your 'logic' to be flawed, but if it works for you, you do you

StructuredQueryLanguage

@Melancholy This is a valid point. I would support a charity that provides cuddling services to those who can't afford it.

I theoretically would love to meet a cuddling enthusiast who mutually enjoyed cuddling without an expectation of payment, but I'd be so worried about expectations of other kinds of reciprocity unless the cuddling is super symmetrical. I'd probably actually be overly-giving out of politeness if I were cuddling with an enthusiast...

GreatHornedOwl

I want to cuddle with someone because she wants to cuddle with me. A charity would be just the same as a pro.

INurturePeace

There is no other kinds of reciprocity. You platonically cuddle together, period. There is no escalation. You platonically cuddle together, period.
If the enthusiast doesn’t meet your platonic expectations/platonic cuddling needs, then don’t cuddle with them again. Some people aren’t an energetic match. No problem, move on.

KozyKim

@StructuredQueryLanguage Wow what you wrote was so sweet. I’ve been an enthusiast cuddler before I became a pro or even before I got on this site I met someone at a cuddle party. I enjoy cuddling him because it’s very laid-back. He does do a lot of venting about his life and I listen well so he says. So in a way it seems like I’m a professional just not making any money off of him. If he was the professional I would probably want better Cuddles. But I do like our relationship and the fun that we have even outside of cuddling. And I think with an enthusiast that’s possible because you have time with them.
I think if I had any deep hurts or issues that I thought would be good to have someone hold me I would definitely hire a professional. Because I feel like when you pay them they are really there for you. I’ve heard so many good stories from my clients about other pros who really have helped them.
Sometimes I’m jealous of the enthusiast not enough to become one, but I like taking my time to build up to the cuddle and getting to know someone better.
I thoroughly Have enjoyed most of my clients and I feel like it’s mutual cuddling when I am with them. I look forward to seeing them again.

You seem like a real sweetheart and someone that would make a great client or enthusiast cuddle partner.

Hoping this post finds you and enthusiast cuddler lol💛

TxTom

C. All of the above

pmvines

@cudbud64 @Joisonthego
Agreed

PeopleLikeUs

I can see where a cuddle surrogate would be invaluable and better than an enthusiast for someone having difficulty with cuddling. I can also see the simplicity involved with paying someone for cuddles with no strings attached or having to think about it beyond it being business. For a lot of people, this is better.

I also know of a few people who have used Pros to become more proficient themselves while easing into enthusiast settings.

However, for me, an enthusiast is better. I think it's because I was raised with cuddles and affection, especially from my Dad which is rare. As a result, I attract like-minded people and other cuddle veterans. I have paid for workshops which I found super helpful in understanding most people's experiences surrounding cuddles. The facilitator was seriously Pro and helped me to expand my understanding of why this scene can be so troubling.

Now that this scene is here it has made my cuddle life much more stable, consistent and manageable. At times over my life, I thought it was me. The cuddle scene has made it clear to me that it's not.

TheFunCartel

I can only speak for myself and stealing from @Joisonthego ’s post, I look for an energy match. And that energy varies at any given time. So when my cuddlecadian rhythm sounds the alarm that I need to cuddle, I evaluate choices that match needs. I might be in a mood to chat while cuddling which many of those in my karma can attest to, or I might just desire quiet with the sound of another’s heart to play sandman on me. I figure out who matches through communication, BUT IT MUST BE A COPACETIC MATCH or someone I already know and know what their vibe is usually.

The only time enthusiast vs pro comes into play is if I have two matches with one of each. Doesn’t make much sense to just book an enthusiast if they can’t stand the sound of my voice.

cuddlefaery

So, maybe it's because of how my wacky wired brain works, but I get where @StructuredQueryLanguage is coming from even if I don't subscribe. I think part of it lies in the fact that as a society in general, we've done a pretty shit job of teaching people relationship communication and negotiation skills, and so there tends to be a whoooooole lot of assumptions whenever there isn't very clear, definitive labels in place. People who have learned these skills or who are naturally more comfortable with ambiguity won't have such a hard time without the labels....but some people really need those labels as an accomodation while they work on the skills.

The label "professional" denotes a certain level of certainty that emotional boundaries won't be crossed in the name of professional ethics. Logically, it'd be bad business to do otherwise, especially in this business. Is the label a guarantee? No, but like karma it's an indicator of quality and intent at least.

The label "enthusiast" is more of a wild unknown. For all the comments otherwise, I have seen and spoken to quite a few cuddlers who end up exclusively cuddling with just one partner - whether by default because their cuddle needs are met, or by actual decision and discussion. For someone who is wary, perhaps has trauma or anxiety from past bad experiences, of someone becoming emotionally attached to them it's a legitimate concern and one none of us has the right to invalidate. It's frustrating to see so many people being dismissive of OP rather than just answering the question from their own perspective and experience.

---

@StructuredQueryLanguage as a couple of others have said, "better" is going to be highly subjective and ultimately the more correct question might be "better for whom, when, and why?". Nuance and context matters with subjectivity, so what matters here is what is best for you. I personally enjoy both cuddling other pros I have paid and enthusiasts because they fulfil different needs for me at the time. What I've learned over the years is that it's important to learn to actively negotiate boundaries and discuss definitions, rather than assume you're on the same page with a partner of any kind - especially if like myself you're someone who tends to have an "alternative" perspective.

This discussion has been mostly awesome.

My one, and only, experience with a professional cuddler was, unfortunately, negative.

But I don’t think it was the professional’s fault.

And, the experience taught me a lot about my boundaries, so that is good.

What I will say, is that professional and enthusiast cuddlers share two critical ingredients for a successful cuddle: Good communication and respect of boundaries.

Originalirish

I've only cuddled pros at this point. I almost cuddled an enthusiast, but she turned out to have serious stalker vibes so I stopped communicating. Another Enthusiast canceled due to scheduling/family changes. I haven't had any other Enthusiasts even respond to my messages. I think pros are more likely to respond/keep an appointment because they have incentive to.

TheFunCartel

@Originalirish I had an enthusiast give me those vibes a few years ago and I did the same. I felt like she sought to make me a “possession” and would text several times everyday and she would question me about the cuddlers I saw on the road and why I saw them. It was definitely getting twisted at best.

Originalirish

@FunCartel Fairly similar with my situation. It got reeeeealy weird when I tried to politely back off, the messages became increasingly more odd, her language became broken and non-sensical, and the things she said became off color or didnt even make sense.

sillysassy

Ahem.

@FunCartel

(Why are you cuddling anyone but me?!?!? 😳)

SunsetSnuggles

cough cough

~ Sunset Snuggles