Coming out of the closet to family 😱😨

TrialKing

Ive had gay friends that told me their coming out experience to family is truly horrifying, not gonna go in detail but one in particular was almost kicked from Her parents home she convince her parents to let her stay until she can save up and move out, so she had to pretend to have a bf pick her up which was a male friend he had to talk to the father as if he was his daughters bf forced to kiss her in front of him and then he could take her out....her male friend would drop her off at her leabian gf house so they could be together. Just one if the many romeo and Juliet forbidden love stories thats out there.

Now in my case im not gay i would be coming out to.my family as poly, and seeing how i grew up as a protestant Christian, polyamory forbidden and looked down upon we suppsoe to have 1 partner. But after my separation a year ago and my recent divorce monogamy doesnt serve a a purpose for me specifically in my life and i no longer desire it and i get picked on by my non chrstian friends so imagine what ny christian family will do... i think i will always be ENM(ethicslly non monogamous) from from now on idk if due to trauma that i am poly or if i simply found a new purpose on my values and desires now that i soent msot of time thinking about what i want in my life instead instead of pleasing others

TrialKing

On second thought there is one person in my fried circle and one person i be willing to be mono for lol she just matches ao many things I desire and would understand but idk how she feels about me so ill just leave that be

MissAdventurous

I enjoy the honesty that comes from my poly lifestyle. 😊

PrettyLuv

If this were a youtube vid you’d so be clickbait shamed lol

oberon

Love is not a finite resource that you only have 1 of. Spread it freely!

I've been on dates with transgendered as well as cis women. That would be quite the hoot to explain to my conservative family though. My brother and dad are the types that cancelled Bud Light over the trans promotion.

TheFunCartel

My brother and dad are the types that cancelled Bud Light over the trans promotion

Bud Light should have been cancelled years ago solely based on taste.

But I will probably drink it now when I am at social events in support of their stand against hatred.

TrialKing

Dont think I would do kitchen table poly more so parallel poly or Vee poly or solo poly. Sorry to much hassle to explain the terms for those that dont know but feel free to check out on youtube type in poly teal swan she breaks down everything

TrialKing

JazzyPants

I am in my first ENM relationship and so far so good. It's only been 8 months, and he is 25 years my senior, so it did come as a bit of a shock to him. Modeling open, honest communication and accidently running into each other on a date, has really set us both up for success. He was floored the other day when I said "Go out with her. We'll do something another night." He now thinks ENM is the best thing since sliced bread. Ha!
FutureHeart, I hope it all works out for you and that you are able to live out loud and proud regardless of what anyone thinks. If you need to set boundaries around the discussion of your chosen lifestyle, then so be it. I've had to do it with my family regarding a slew of issues. Sending great big hugs your way.

TrialKing

@JazzyPants thanks its nice to know im not alone i chose carefully and decided on telling my sister because she has crustian background but not as strong if a foothold in her life. She wqs definitely shocked but took it well and was abke to share stories of some friends she has had. But me and her bother agreed no one else in our family will be able to handle the news lol

Midnight01

Not down with Bud Light. Glad they are losing over 20% in sales

unsocial_bee

I've considered polyamory, but honestly this is not anything that I'd ever discuss or discuss in detail to my family. I just don't talk about my relationship like that with anyone other than my best friends. I'm still straight so polyamory would just be a different relationship style.

TheFunCartel

Not down with Bud Light. Glad they are losing over 20% in sales

Why do you hate Bud Light? Did you realize you were sucking suds out of beer with a guy’s name and you hate yourself for your moment of weakness?

StructuredQueryLanguage

I don't think I can necessarily comment on polyamory versus monogamy. I personally only desire to be in friendships and am without inclinations towards sex or romance, so I will never need to consider partner exclusivity one way or another. This being said, I kind of prefer my bestest of friends don't get distracted from hanging out by having significant others 😎, so maybe my preference is for no-gamy.

StructuredQueryLanguage

As far as "coming out", I suggest being confident in yourself and not letting other people define you or tell you what to do. You're an adult who knows what they're doing in life. If people want to complain or give you a hard time, you can give them a hard time right back lol.

TxTom

Tread cautiously, @Midnight01 Sometimes the marketplace of ideas is crushed under the boot of conformity.

Midnight01

@BoomerSpooner I have no idea what you are talking about. You guys brought up Bud Light and said you are going to buy it now, even though you don’t like the taste. Lol, Okay.. You have this kick of hijacking and derailing threads. Maybe that’s your moment of weakness? Take a wild guess why sales are crashing and Anheuser-Busch is firing their execs and distancing themselves from this campaign.
@TxTom conformity? This whole cuddle comfort forum is a litmus test about conformity.. agree with our views or be banned.. but alas, this thread is about poly.. whatever that means exactly I’m not sure

TheFunCartel

@Midnight01 What will you guys do as you find out trans people use other products as well like clothes and food?

Midnight01

I’m not going to get in a debate about trans issues with you. This isn’t even the thread topic. The CEO even said the Mulvany campaign was a mistake, which just pissed off the trans supporters! Keep drinking Bud Light even though you don’t like the taste. That’ll show em.

TheFunCartel

@FutureHeart2023 I will take a different approach on this. I understand that it may be hard to come out and there is no sugarcoating this but it will be, but if your friends and family are unwilling to love you and accept you for who you are in totality then I question if those people ever did. Funny thing about someone figuring out who they are—you find out who other people are as well and their negative judgement is their fear they can no longer control you through their constructed values such as heterosexuality is good and all other spectrums of sexuality are bad. Their love was never unconditional—there were strings attached all along.

They may also surprise you and accept you unconditionally in which case you helped them step away from the shackles of blind static beliefs that were hate disguised as love. Too much stress in life to condemn others for being poly or gay or trans. Live and let live. Those who can’t let others live as they choose are people filled with fear who want only themself reflected in the world instead of appreciating the differences that make a life worth living.

MrMarkAndrew

“Live and let live” means accepting people with whom you disagree. That includes people who boycott Bud Light or Spotify.

TheFunCartel

@MrMarkAndrew Who said I didn’t? I have asked questions from those of you who boycott and have none answered. Let’s be clear here—the boycotts are over a trans influencer having an endorsement deal with Bud Light which is an obvious lack of acceptance of all people. So I am asking why a trans person they don’t know personally upsets those people who are boycotting. All I am getting as answers are sales figures that Bud Light sales dropped 20% which is what I could care less about considering that Anhueser Busch sales increased over 13% over the same period which could mean the boycotters are drinking a different brand from their line-up. It just seems like the people who are boycotting are not very accepting of trans people but are unable to even articulate why.

I guess I'm sorry I made the bud light reference but it's very relevant to the topic at hand. It shows how difficult it can be to introduce alternative lifestyles to some very conservative minded families.

As @BoomerSpooner has mentioned, I think the biggest problem at hand is that those who are not accepting of trans or other alternative lifestyles generally have trouble articulating why, They just start getting angry and typically spread misinformation and make blanket statements about the group at large based on stereotypes or, my favorite, use expressions like "I don't like them to shove it down my throat", or they are "mentally ill". These are the things my immediate family always says. I could tell them all about my trans friend - ex military, 2 tours in Afghanastan after 9/11, lost 2 buddies in a fierce exchange with a sniper...they got the sniper finally. Great job, very intelligent, has lots of fun stories. They would love this person until they saw her. This is one of the reasons I am happy I live 800 miles away from them. Imagine almost dying for this country and yet you cannot even be accepted for who you are ?

Nothing is being shoved down anyone's throat. They are merely looking for the acceptance they have been denied all their lives and don't see the progress.

So, those cancelling bud light are coming from a place of hatred, and when someone supports bud light (or say, cancels Chick-Fil-A because of the owners anti-gay sentiment) they are doing it to support acceptance. Big difference.

This is supposed to be a free country where you can be accepted for who you are, but it's obvious that this is a myth.

You don't have to like or truly be acceptive of alternative lifestyles, but just don't deny them the right to pursue life, liberty and happiness. You can be a bit uncomfy for a few minutes if you cross paths. Its ok. They don't bite. They won't try to indoctrinate you into their lifestyle choices or try to molest or corrupt your children.

TrialKing

@MrAdmirer I agree acceptance is everything. My gays friends literrally have been terrorized in so many ways.

One thing i would have trouble accepting is lowering the age of consent... in America its 18 but other countires i hears its as low as 13. If they lowered that in America to 13 it would be legal but i would be less accepting of 50year old getting intimate with a 13yr old even with parents consent I just would vomit and become bias and discriminating

TrialKing

But anyway poly topic went astray thanks for tips from all

TxTom

@FutureHeart2023
Did you say that the folks boycotting Bud Light are doing it out of hatred,
but the folks boycotting Chick-fil-A are doing it out of love?

I just want to make sure I read your post correctly.

@TxTom I guess I should fall on the sword for the comment, not @FutureHeart2023

However, you generalizing a bit. Anyone is free to vote with their dollars however they want, lets be clear on that.

But let's not pretend : those who are on this bud light boycott are definitely coming from a selfish place of hatred and intolerance. They are very vocal about it too (ie, Ted Nugent posting a video of shooting cans of beer). My brother is also exhibit A on this matter. People who choose to boycott Chick Fil-A are trying to stand up for marginalized people because the owner has a close minded stance against gays. They just choose not to eat there and call it a day. Bud Light was simply trying to be inclusive to more people (heck, a DOG used to pitch for the beer) and Chick Fil-A is not.

Sorry if you can't see the difference here and I suppose we are just going to have to agree to disagree so as not to turn this thread into a dumpster fire.

TxTom

What I understand from people participating in the Bud Light boycott is that they're not boycotting trans people, per se, but they are boycotting over this particular trans individual, Dylan Mulvaney, who his mocking women via his video posts. He's stereotyping women in a very demeaning way, portraying them as ditsy, 2-dimensional beings with no knowledge of professional sports, etc. The term being used is "woman-face", a reference to the term "black-face" when white actors would portray black people in a demeaning way on stage/television.

Removed tag. It is my understanding that the two of you have been instructed to not tag one another, so please refrain from doing so. Thank you. [Charlie_Bear]

TxTom

I agree @MrAdmirer about avoiding the dumpster fire. It would be nice to be able to discuss things calmly, rationally without all the emotion name-calling and accusations. That seems to be a difficult proposition on these forums.

@TxTom sadly, discourse is another thing going by the wayside. All I can say is that the people who I know that are boycotting Bud Light (I know a LOT), are literally just against trans people. They don't even get into whatever content she posts that could be considered demeaning to 'cis' women. Also, she is a comedian! I thought we wanted everyone to have thick skin? And also, let's not forget that men often portray women as the clueless blond, so being mad at a tran person doing it seems a bit hypocritical. And the fact you refer to Dylan as a he is demeaning to her. On the subject, I will admit today I sometimes get a bit peeved at seeing that the dads are now starting to be portrayed as the clueless parent on TV. The tables have turned for sure, but we were past due to get our come uppance.