Another Confused New Cuddler

WestsideMarc

This just happened to me again this evening where I came across a new member that had no idea how this website works in terms of organic versus professional.

It takes a lot of back-and-forth messaging for a woman to feel comfortable enough to even just have a human telephone conversation, and then once that transpires, it then comes out between 2 and 45 minutes later into the telephone call that they’re signing up to be a pro and have no clue there are even 2 sections.

I don’t mind being a good CC Citizen and educating someone that is dipping their toe in the water for the first but it’s a bit of a waste of time and frustrating as well when you think you’re talking to an enthusiast and getting a great rapport only to find out they think you’ee a potential client, so I just wanted to softly suggest in whatever way possible new members be made clear up front of the difference between the 2, and that they should immediately go into the pro-pending section or at least be out of the enthusiast section .

This is about the 5th time this has happened to me so I figured I would throw it onto the discussion board.

Thanks for listening.

TxTom

I've been here for a couple years now, and I'm still confused.

CuddleWho

Although I don't think this is actually viable, sometimes I feel it would be better if the pro and enthusiast stuff were on two completely different sites.

Like all analogies this one is imperfect, and it should be clear that I don't mean to imply that cuddlers are prostitutes... but this site is like if a dating app also let you book prostitutes. Wouldn't really make a lot of sense.

PeopleLikeUs

Just ask them up front if they are planning on going pro. That will end any confusion on the subject. If that's a concern of yours, then that's actually kinda your responsibility @WestsideMarc

Bear

I just had this happen again today. The woman replied rather quickly back to me, and I was surprised. It turns out she’s looking to become a professional. This is also why I check their join date. She probably just joined today.

WestsideMarc

That’s a fair point @PeopleLikeUs . and I have learned to do that but part of the post is just trying suggesting to the website to clarify the copy to help the new members understand it upfront so they’re not confused whether I talk to them or not.

PeopleLikeUs

If you have interacted with 5 women and you're having the same repeated experiences, then you need to be upfront with what you honestly want. Tell them you are enthusiast only. Your profile goes on and on about all this other stuff with no mention whatsoever of this one important fact. This isn't something that women are doing to you. It's something you are doing to yourself.

CuddleWho

@PeopleLikeUs

Just ask them up front if they are planning on going pro. That will end any confusion on the subject. If that's a concern of yours, then that's actually kinda your responsibility

Makes no sense whatsoever. If a person has an enthusiast profile and entertains ongoing discussion on this platform without making clear she's only interested in paid cuddles, that is 100% dishonesty on her part.

This isn't something that women are doing to you. It's something you are doing to yourself.

This has no connection to reality. In a dating context, should I ask every woman I flirt with if she's a prostitute?

CuddleDuncan

@PeopleLikeUs, @CuddleWho is right. This is not something the OP is doing to himself, it's a genuine problem. The events he described have happened to me a number of times and his analysis is correct: some new members are confused.

The confusion is of various different kinds. Some don't know that there is any such thing as a professional, but having been introduced to the idea are very keen on it. Others are the exact opposite - they have no idea that there is any such thing as an enthusiast woman. And everything in between.

It is also the case that it is perfectly clear what the OP wants, because the default on this site is that everybody is an enthusiast. If he wanted to book a professional, he would. But if a woman's profile is not marked as professional, the rest of us are entitled to assume that she is not a professional.

I think this should moved to the 'ways to improve this site' thread. The very problem with this entire site is that it seems to have been designed with the intent of being a site for cuddle enthusiasts and then quickly evolved into a pro site, so the apply to be a pro option was just tacked on.

This could easily be solved by changing the way an account is created. Have the very first question be a choice of either Pro (charge to cuddle) or Enthusiast (free cuddles!). There could even be a limited time Undecided (just checking out the site) option. This would do away with all the created enthusiast accounts that then go into pending pro status once enthusiasts figured out they need to apply to be a pro.

The problem is us men most likely literally pounce on any new enthusiast that joins the area we live in (I'm guilty as charged) so I'm sure potential enthusiasts might get inundated and possibly even scared away, or scared pro because they see the potential to make money.

But it should also be very easy to figure this out. It has happened to me a few times as well, but I quickly got to the bottom and even helped them find the link to apply to be a pro. Of course, there will always be those who try to stealth pro but that is another story and they are even easier to figure out

Bottom line though : us men should assume that 95% of all enthusiast women on this site will apply for pro status.

1_teddybear

@MrAdmirer 95% ??? So let me get this straight. between 1/5 and 1/10 people here are female, and of the females 1/20 are actually enthusiasts. There's much better odds in Vegas. Well, thanks for properly calibrating expectations.

@1_teddybear I really equate finding an actual enthusiast in my area as hitting the lottery. Honestly, I'm very confident in myself and consider my a "cuddle catch", but It is what it is. Despite the good intentions of this site, getting the cuddle comfort we all need is sadly found behind a paywall. It's ok, I get it. I still get my cuddles, just less than I would like.

Leeleesimone

@CuddleWho woah....what is the deal with the prostitution comparison? 🥴 A cuddler could be an "enthusiast" (awful term) and also want to go pro or not even be aware of how going pro works. I love cuddling but I'm gonna get paid if I'm dealing with a lot of the men out here who just really love to "cuddle" (insert eye roll here).

WriterGF

@1_teddybear If you can get paid to do something you want to do anyway, why wouldn't you? If there was a demand for male pros, how many guys do you think would go pro?

Harper2000

If they are a female, it's a safe assumption that they want to go pro if they aren't already. It's simple supply and demand. Men are disparate..

CuddleHugs01234

Some people will read all the website before joining, some will not read any of it. Two guys I’ve spoken with have asked how much I charge…I’m an enthusiast. So this goes both ways. If someone keeps having this problem, consider putting what you are looking for on your profile. I’ve seen people who do that, stating they would like either, or stating they only want pros because of certain reasons. Or ask upfront what they are, or what they intend to be.

CuddleDuncan

It absolutely does go both ways. There is no shortage of confused new men.

cudbud64

@WriterGF as an enthusiast, I like the non pressure to spend time with who I want to, without transaction. I like investing my time in getting to know someone prior, although that is often attempted to be pushed past.

I'd love somehow for a welcome guide to end up in every lady enthusiast's inbox for the how to's and what to expect. Or even just a group feature where we can collect

CuddleWho

@Leeleesimone

A comparison is a comparison. It should be clear to anyone that the analogy "dating is to prostitution as enthusiast cuddles are to pro cuddles" does not in any way imply that pro cuddlers are prostitutes. The rest of your comment is not relevant to the discussion. Anyone is welcome to be a pro cuddler, but they should do so by actually being a pro cuddler, not by pretending to be an enthusiast.

AllAboutSoul

Am I the only person with the super power to see PRO PENDING flag on profiles? Doesn't that appear as soon as they apply?

CuddleDuncan

@AllAboutSoul yes, but we are talking about people who haven't applied. Either because they don't know they have to, or because they do know and are trying to get away with not doing it.

@AllAboutSoul right, and I mentioned this too. I think this is a design flaw in the site. The apply to be a pro option seems to have been tacked on. When a new user creates an account, the decision to be a pro or not should be front and center. And it stands now it is a separate thing and I can see how people could miss it. When I first joined the site, I went right to the create account option. Let's face it, most people won't read all the FAQS before creating an account where the information about and link to apply as a pro is listed. I think updating this would solve most of the problem because that small gap when an enthusiast realizes they should have been a pro and then apply and show up in the pending status would be eliminated

bekah_cuddles

@CuddleDuncan

It absolutely does go both ways. There is no shortage of confused new men.

Yes, but unfortunately it's not just the new men who are confused. I'm actually more disappointed with the folks (men and women) who've been around a while and have had to click "I agree" to the site rules every month for more than a few months and still don't understand the rules or try to push them.

I believe that Cuddle Comfort could make it more clear on their front page whether you're signing up to receive cuddles, be an enthusiast, or offer cuddles as a pro. Right now, there's just a large green button that says, "Start Cuddling," which can be misleading to potential pros. They either have to open the side menu and click on "Hiring," which some might confuse with being a member of the online team, or scroll down to the very bottom of the web page and look for the small words that say, "Become a Professional" in light grey. So I don't think most brand new members are intentionally being dishonest when they first sign up and don't immediately apply to be pros if that's their interest.

Until that gets remedied, my recommendation for enthusiasts would be to not reach out so eagerly to our newest members and definitely don't have high expectations of them. Like, @MrAdmirer said,

The problem is us men most likely literally pounce on any new enthusiast that joins the area we live in (I'm guilty as charged) so I'm sure potential enthusiasts might get inundated and possibly even scared away, or scared pro because they see the potential to make money.

This is exactly right. Give new members a chance to explore the site and understand it better. If you do decide to reach out right away, try asking them about their experience with the site so far and offering some helpful guidance rather than immediately jumping in with the intention of cuddles. If that seems like a waste of your time, you're probably better off hiring a pro anyway.

SweetCamiXO

If this has already happened to you five times then it may be best to give these women some time to explore the site before you contact them. If you’re contacting someone as soon as their new profile pops up on your search results, chances are they have no idea what they are doing or how to go about navigating the site. Not everyone is going to sign up to be a pro as soon as they join the site. Some people may want to explore the forums and check out some profiles before making that decision. No one should be rushed into making any decision, especially when it comes to sharing space and your body with someone.

It’s quite obvious you are frustrated, however, please understand not everything is going to work on your timeline. Patience is a HUGE part of being an enthusiast and finding an enthusiast. If you feel you have to explain how the site works to all of these women then that’s a good indicator you need to slow down, back up a bit and allow them to figure it out on their own. Yes, the site may be a bit confusing to those just joining…but that’s all the more reason to give them space to figure it out.

I also think it would be quite helpful to add you are only seeking cuddles from enthusiasts in your bio.

Good luck on your search

AllAboutSoul

@CuddleDuncan dang, back to my ordinary life. 🤣😂
@WestsideMarc so, she claimed ignorance and is now pending pro?

infathomablelau

In my opinion I don't get the frustration behind someone deciding they are pro. It's quite possible when they see the amount of attention and demand there is that could convince them to not just be a enthuiast when they can have financial gain. I get why it would seem like a waste of time but it doesn't sound like a bait and switch to me.
I would just be happy to have met someone.
Shrugs.

cuddlefaery

I think completely separating enthusiast from pro sections may actually complicate it more - what about the people who do both? Do we then need two profiles and have to keep track of essentially two sites? And the forums likely would become echo chambers and far less lively without the diversity of experiences.

Rachel_P

Perhaps what OP is experiencing are the “stealth pros” that exist on this site? He mentioned feigned ignorance on the part of one person in particular. Unfortunately, there will always be people who are grifters on sites with the potential for income. @WestsideMarc

Side note, can we please avoid using the word “prostitute?” Specifically @CuddleWho , but it’s not the only time I’ve seen that done here, so this is not directed solely at you. The term prostitution has roots in exploitation and trafficked people who are coerced or forced into the sex industry. The term these people prefer is “sex worker.” I think it’s prudent to be civil and polite. Even though this is not a site for that, it doesn’t mean we should be throwing around antiquated terms that a group of people with a similar characteristic has collectively expressed is offensive. It’s an imperfect analogy, but I’m more troubled at the denigration of a group of people. There often seems to be a pervasive undertone of disgust or hatred towards sex workers here, and I don’t understand it. As was pointed out, there are similarities in the services provided. While cuddling is platonic, it is no doubt an intimate and personal service. The comparison alone shows that many people on the site make the mental association, but then say… “eeeeew, pRoStiToOts!!!” Just a thought, in case anyone was ignorant to this fact. I do know many people are unaware that this term is considered offensive by sex workers…so now you know. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk. 😁

@cuddlefaery

I have removed my opinion, and I apologize.

I should not have bothered sharing my thoughts.

cuddlefaery

@CharlesInWI can professional basketball players join pickup games in their old neighborhoods? Can professional dancers dance at parties for the sheer love of it? Can a massage therapist enjoy a foot massage from their very not professional spouse at the end of a long day? Can an artist attend their friend's paint and sip night without charging their friend?

Professionals absolutely can also be enthusiasts, and it doesn't have to be murky at all. It can be as simple as "I enjoy doing this, so I'm doing it outside of my business." The only reason it would get murky is if a pro tried to be both enthusiast and pro with a client, mixing free and paid sessions. As long as clear professional boundaries are maintained with clients, there is no professional ethics issue.

(Edit to add)

And yes, a professional profile needs to be treated as a business ad - so messaging them asking for free services is a futile effort at the least. The onus would be on the professional to reach out to enthusiasts they do not intend to do business with to discuss doing purely not for profit cuddling. Alternatively, if they have a client or former client they wish to convert to a friend/enthusiast relationship, that boundary change needs to be clearly stated and discussed. As long as everything is communicated clearly and consensually agreed to, it shouldn't cause problems.

cheeseboy

[moderator] when you run across an untagged pro, you can speed the process along by reporting them as an untagged pro. Thanks to those of you that already do this.

The sign-up process/diverting pros at the beginning has again been a recent topic among the admin/moderators.

Tag: @Mark