Guys, instead of making up stuff that you know nothing about, learn from the experiences of people who actually have to deal with it. From what was said here, women who dress modestly still get sexually assaulted. Normal guys don't suddenly become predators because of the outfit she is wearing. He was a predator to begin with.
I think something i wrote is getting misinterpreted. I am not talking about assault of any kind. I am specifically talking about how words are interpreted, “I” would never intend to say how people look means they deserve anything i also don’t believe anyone’s actions are justified. I am saying that people are arguing about the way people are expressing themselves. And someone sharing the opinion of how they interpret it should not be accusations. “I” am saying i sex a books cover i form an opinion. Now my opinion is mine to have, it doesn’t mean i know what’s in the book, or what the book is trying to say. But i am comment on the books presentation, how it’s shelved, what colors it’s using, the light the images….. i will pass judgement and assume to an extent.
I know what this site is about so i don’t think i have to explain i understand that and i am not trying to claim anything different, I’m talking about the part of the site that i have found valuable, the forums and how people are reacting to others words and misinterpreting them, if not misrepresenting them. I am not talking about any post in particular or person, i am speaking generally.
I think men are terrible and they rate low on my scale of mammals, but i recognize them for what they are, what i am. I recognize my flaws and limitations. The same for women and i like them a lot more, so i haven’t made a statement about what women should do or how they should act. I’ve just tried to add valuable reasonings for others to consider.
I wish i hadn’t had that soda earlier or o wouldn’t have opened this back up to night. Peace God bless goodnight
@BashfulLoner - If I had a dollar for every time something I said got misinterpreted, I'd be able to afford a cuddle every day of the week... so I have to be more careful about how I word things.
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@JohnR1972 were they told they were too bubbly or their clothes were too tight? OR was it a predator being an opportunist? Because then you proved the point for us. Doesn’t matter what is worn predators are predators. They didn’t become predators because we wore something or smiled at them that day. If the POV given by everyone supporting this argument won’t hold up in court do you think its maybe just maybe rape culture? Tell a judge her skirt and the way she smiled at you made you do it. Go to jail, do not pass go. You can’t blame girls for what they wear or if they smile too much.
And from that perspective the argument was just proven. Predators prey no matter what you do, wear or say. On both genders but somehow I never hear, "his skirt was too short" And that is the gender bias we are talking about in this argument for the past 3 days.
Thanks for adding your opinion to the “victim Olympics” John the topic wasn't who is more victimized ....it was should men be able to assault women because we wore something too sexy? To that I say everyone finds different things sexy, priests, the creeper down the street etc. if we let the sexy clothes bubbly personality argument stand ( which it doesn’t in a court ) then something will always be too tight, too short, too something.
So thanks John!!!! Predators are predators. ** I hope this concludes the one billionth “ **Idiot Olympics 2023 ” thanks everyone for participating!!!!! Your prizes are… hopefully a new perspective that won’t land you in jail. Hugs!!!
@Mike403 Sure it is. Dating as far back as high school, the majority of my friendships have been with women. It's never been an issue keeping things platonic. Helps not to have a massive ego that believes any time a woman looks at you twice, she must want to sleep with you.
I don’t know if and how this would tie in to anything that’s been discussed but I thought I would share this. a coworker of mine told his superior that she looks lovely. She immediately filed a sexual harassment suit against him, and he was demoted. after the sexual harassment case was reviewed, the results were it was unfounded he was able to keep his job, but he was still demoted.
I guess if I was trying to tie this in to the thread would telling a fellow cuddler that she’s lovely or beautiful cross the Platonic boundary?
@lonelytauros It could, yes, I believe. While the compliment might be simply that -- with no intentions attached -- since this is supposed to be all platonic, commenting on looks could be seen by some as stepping over the line. If you have a long-standing relationship with a cuddle partner, might not be that big of a deal, but certainly with someone new it wouldn't be a good direction to take. Better to err on the side of caution.
@WriterGF I see your point. I try to complement people a lot to spread positivity and hopefully brighten someone's day. Never for anything nefarious. But I can see how it may cross a line. I wouldn't ever want to do that.
@JohnR1972 these men who are telling us in this thread and train of thought going on for the last 3 days sure think they know a thing or two about it and our clothing and personalities are to blame as when we need to be less sexy. So if we are taking things out of context … you started it. We’ve been attacked and told our clothes are to blame for 3 days. I’m sure men who have been assaulted know too but the comments are directed at women and their clothing specifically. At this point it’s splitting hairs over whether men do or don’t know. The point is we don’t deserve to be raped because of our attire. The men on that side of the argument never mentioned men’s skirts or attire so this is specifically about women and what some people here think we should do. Read the whole argument?!
And saying men do too is of course true but incredibly off beat for what her comment was about.
I assumed your defense was adding to the argument not one off raging because men weren’t appropriately cited in an argument about how women should act. Women specifically. If you go back to the origin comment that started this you’ll see that. I apologize if I interpreted it wrong.
@stormydaycuddle - I never made one statement about women’s clothing, being too bubbly, smiling too much, or anything of that nature nor did I say ANYTHING defending predators, but obviously I am the one taking things out of context.
Such a warm and loving place this community has become.
@JohnR1972 this is a bigger argument. That’s my point. Her comment was addressing what people were saying about THAT. So jumping her over it in my opinion was a little messed up whether or not you agree with them. It was a thread about how women specifically should act. Being inclusive is important but nobody was talking about men’s clothing etc. so you jumped her for not being inclusive when that was not what the argument was about. I’m sorry if I was super harsh. You did… meaning to or not prove my point. It doesn’t matter who we are or what we wear predators are predators.
Of course we should be inclusive to the fact that men experience the same suffering but it’s women’s clothing and our behavior being addressed. If men aren’t cited properly I apologize. No one here was saying men needed to change in order to avoid being raped so it seems a bit one off and splitting hairs over that at this point in the development of this argument. I’m out. Genuine hugs. Later.
While a percentage of a society's males are also victims of rape (ie, young boys, teenagers, beta-males, and prisoners), the vast, uncontested majority of those raped are young girls and women.
It's not even close.
Women not only represent a vastly higher percentage of rape victims in an "orderly" society, but in war, the losing side's female population by almost 100% is subject to the horrors of rape-- often in front of her soon-to-be executed children and husband.
What a sad topic.
@JohnR1972 I am going to apologize for lumping you in with the conversation. I do think that given women's behavior was what was being discussed I don't think @RedFox16 was trying to not include the men who deserve to be noted. Her rage and mine is more aimed at those telling us we need to change something.
Not aimed at John: I wear clothes head to toe all year round... I've been raped 4 times now due to the situations I was put in as a child. I was always quiet never spoke when I was younger and bubbly was far from it. 4 times...it has nothing to do with what we wear, how we act or who we are. It has everything to do with someone being a predator and having an opportunity. Now, if you think a woman is giving signals. ASK. Its as simple as that. Your interpretation means absolutely NOTHING. Perception is personal. You MUST have clarification or you are being predatory and that's IT.
I'm tired of the "men experience it too" argument. I can walk outside alone at night without the constant fear of being attacked.
i apologize for my participation in this, i only intended to add some thoughts. I see that they weren’t value added to the conversation that was at hand. I would like to add that i offer no defense to anyone that causes anyone discomfort in any way. If it appeared by any of my comments that i am a defender of any behaviors that cause anyone trauma i truly feel badly for that, my intentions are not always clear.
Ladies be yourself in every way , gentlemen try and be better. I do.
It took some time but I am seeing growth in this thread which is good.
@BashfulLoner You hit the nail on the head with that last line. Gentlemen try and be better.
Discussions about this kind of topic are always volatile and emotional, and it is not only difficult to consider them logically, it is also unpleasant.
Culture is a loose and changing set of rules, traditions, and taboos that has coalesced from countless generations trying to navigate, and of course survive, the constant churning of human violence in the forms of exploitation, oppression, rape, warfare, and genocide.
That violence isn’t all that humans are, but it is undeniably part of what humans are.
We forget that at our peril.
Is it horrible and terrifying? Yes.
Even the Terms of Service here on Cuddle Comfort acknowledge that, and try to navigate it.
From the FAQ:
"Avoid provocative photos such as shirtless ones for men or a focus on cleavage for women. These can attract unsafe people and give the wrong message to people visiting the site."
https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/4232/frequently-asked-questions/p1
In an ideal world there is no such thing as “provocative”, because everyone would have flawless self control regardless of circumstance.
But it is not victim blaming to acknowledge that this isn’t an ideal world, very few humans have flawless self control, and it is everyone’s burden to constantly practice both self control and situational awareness in order to keep themselves, and those around them, as safe as possible.
@Jova114 I would suggest that gentlemen are already okay, it's the scumbags who need an adjustment.
@TxTom Fair point.
I just try to think "is what I'm about to say or do, if someone did this to my younger sister how would I feel?"
@BashfulLoner I saw your comments as a good heart trying to be helpful. I don't think you needed to apologize but understand how some responses caused you to feel that you might ought to. This saddens me, but I get that you are continuing to do what you feel is best. Bless your heart
@everyone Please don't tip toe on my account. I'm not trying to use my experiences to silence everyone else. It was meant to inform. PTSD was taken off my chart this year and part of the reason for that that was being here on CC. So say what you're going to say.
@BashfulLoner tbh, the only comment I was truly sending in your direction was the clarification on Netflix and chill. The rest of it wasn't meant for you at all. Sorry if it seemed that way. And another tbh your comments confused me a little probably because I wasn't in the right headspace so I wasn't clear enough on what you meant to comment on them.
I try to add more than one argument to posts because I know I post a lot. I think that's causing some bad cross over between who I'm speaking to and why.
Wow, @JohnR1972 I don't know what was said to get those responses by @stormydaycuddle ...but it must have been something! So I'll make my comments based off of hers.
Yes, men have experiences with this as well... But to bring it up in this thread is dismissive of what we have been talking about, and of what the OP originally addressed (and literally every other woman talked about) As well, if you've done research, (and I have) you'd know that the statistics show that the vast majority of men who are sexually assaulted happens when they are children (which is absolutely horrifying for a child no matter what sex they are), and after that, the next large amount happens by intimate partners. It is insanely rare for a man to have to worry about his safety while walking to and from his car at Walmart or while meeting strangers for cuddles.
I have had to have SO many discussions with my teenage daughters about safety....versus the -zero- that my friends have had to have with their boys. My girls have so many personal safety devices (pepper spray etc), that their male friends have never even thought about having on them for safety.
What we are talking specifically about in this thread is women having to be careful in all aspects of our lives and especially meeting strangers for cuddles ....AND also the fact that too many men have been commenting that it's a woman's fault somehow (by her attire, or fees... And even if she's a generally happy and kind person when you meet her .... That last one is still blowing my mind!) Or are arguing in support of those men! It's surreal to me that actually grown ups.... Who somehow manage to control themselves in the other areas of their lives (at home and work and even out partying).... Can come on here and state these beliefs in all seriousness 🤯🤯 And then have the audacity to act innocent and as if THEY are the victims in this whole thing (after they get appropriately corrected for the situation).
And then others commenting and instructing women on how we should behave differently to stay safe....BUT those "helpful" suggestions were telling us to dress differently etc. That's the same thing as insinuating that assault is somehow our fault. It's 👏 the 👏 same 👏 argument! Listen to things @TxTom and others have commented.....it's great advice! And @Mike403 .
Lastly, @stormydaycuddle .... I can't even imagine how horrific it was to experience those things as a child! That is definitely some life altering events that you endured and unequivocally was not your fault! Bravo to you for how far you've come despite that 💗💗💗
@RedFox16 that sums it up.
@RedFox16 That picture says a lot. If a man feels 'attacked' in any way by what the OP or other women have said then they need to take a look at themselves.