taking advantage of mens lonliness

deulerner

Anyone else find it irritating how women take advantage of mens lonliness by calling themselves a "professional" and making you pay them outrageous prices for simple cuddling? It honestly just makes me feel more lonely when the only active people in my area want $80 per hour for cuddling.
Unless you are an experienced massage therapist and will give me an absolutely incredible hour i dont see how you can label yourself a professional for just laying there and letting a guy touch you, and occasionally playing with his hair or whatever.
Yes, you have every right to charge stupid fees to cuddle, i just think its ridiculous and i know im not alone on this. Especially when the only active people in your area wont cuddle unless you pay them outrageous prices.
I might get called bitter or salty by people, but you would feel this way too if you havent cuddled anyone in years, have never had a girlfriend and are super starved for affection, and the only girls that can help you want $80 an hour for it.

I_am_Polylover

I personally will not pay for cuddling, because I feel the woman gets as much from it as I do.  However, I fully support others right to pay or charge as they see fit.  I have some professional cuddlers as friends, and I think they are pretty great people.  I agree that there are most likely some 'pros' who take advantage of men, but there are also plenty of real professionals who provide a needed service of touch therapy.  These are the ones who make it all about you.  They give a lot more than they receive, especially to those who are touch deprived.  I give as much as I receive, so I won't pay.
♥Jim

quietman775

@deulerner You could think of it another way: Back in the day, a guy who was starved for affection was plain out of luck. Now there are people who will supply an hour or three of close companionship and platonic affection pretty much at need, for a price. I see this as an improvement, not something irritating.

If your experience with pro cuddlers was of them "just laying there and letting a guy touch [them], and occasionally playing with [his] hair" or whatever, I am sorry to say you haven't encountered the best among pro cuddlers. Keep looking. But $80/hour does seem to be the median price in most parts of the country. That price is not set by the difficulty of the job alone, but also by the risks and stresses involved. Do you by chance have a sister?  Or a female cousin? If you do, ask her whether she would be willing to climb into bed with a succession of total strangers, men she knows nothing about other than the fact they wish to cuddle. She may find them interesting or boring, pleasant or disagreeable,  nice smelling or ... not so nice. A few of them might even be pushy or aggressive and try to violate her clearly stated boundaries. Would your sister be willing to do this work? And if she would, do you think she'd be interested in doing it for free? 

I can fully understand how the end of a paid cuddle session can make a guy feel lonelier. it's the unpleasant realization that you have no close "organic" female friendships that can fill this role. When the only way to get a nice long hug is to pay for one, it's a blow to your self-esteem. But it is what it is. No need to blame the pros for it. Wherever there is unmet demand for something --- in this case physical touch --- a market will spring up to supply that demand. I'm glad it has.

deulerner

@quietman775 "ask her whether she would be willing to climb into bed with a succession of total strangers, men she knows nothing about other than the fact they wish to cuddle. She may find them interesting or boring, pleasant or disagreeable,  nice smelling or ... not so nice. A few of them might even be pushy or aggressive and try to violate her clearly stated boundaries."

These are risks men take as well. Of course some men are gung-ho and stereotypical, however many of us are just as sensitive and prone to being hurt as women are. We are both taking the same risks really

Morpheus

In my personal experience with cuddling with professionals is that most of them are actually quite nice and generous and I would not say that they are taking advantage of men. I do however feel and I have talked about this many times before, that there is a Darkside to cuddling and men and their emotions are especially in danger. Ultimately it is up to us as men to know our limitations. If we cannot handle cuddling with professionals, we need to abstain from it. The same thing goes for anything that we individually cannot handle well. I had one pro in particular that tugged at my heart strings and I knew it was in my best interest to not see her anymore but I have continued to have amazing sessions with other professionals.The best thing you can do is to know yourself.

snuggle554321

@deulerner  "we are both taking the same risks really"  I strongly have to disagree with that.  The risk of a man being raped by a woman when cuddling is pretty low. The opposite however is extremely high.  Most men are simply stronger than most women. For that reason women are  more at risk when they are cuddling strangers who are male.  There's also the fact that if more men were willing to cuddle other men there wouldn't be this large demand for female cuddlers.  Women are much more prone to cuddle other women than men are to cuddle other men.  When you decrease 50% of your options it's going to have a dramatic difference on the result. 

Morpheus

@snuggle554321 although your statements are correct, I believe that the original poster is talking about emotional risks which is where men are most in danger in dealing with professional cuddlers.

pmvines

To the original poster, I do hope you are able to find a friend who is wanting the same as you.

Morpheus

Agreed @pmvines

Best of luck to you @Deulerner

deulerner

Emotional risks are the same.
Saying that men are more likely to rape is very offensive.
Many women take advantage of men but i dont say anything about that.

deulerner

Lets not forget men are more likely to commit suicide due to emotional heartbreak. Or we can not generalize entire genders.

pmvines

@deulerner though I can relate to your feeling on loneliness and isolation and I do hope that you are able to find what makes you happy, you cannot blame the paid cuddlers for the way that you feel. If you don't want to pay someone you don't have to do it, but its unfair to be upset at those who charge.

Atreides

Men who see male cuddlers are also in danger of being raped.  
This is an unspoken danger due to the stigma men face when it happens to them.  
I wonder something.   If the risk is why the rate is so high.  Then maybe subsequent sessions once a cuddler determines that a client is a decent person should be at a much lower rate ?  I like that idea.  

Brandi

I think its about mutual benefit and healing. Things like "oh this guy is lonley, he is gonna be easy money" never cross my mind. Thats such a negative awful mindset. Each person that messages me is a new experience and a new amazing person to get to know. And its always somehow a torally different experience with each individual.

Some cuddle buddies may be lonesome and thats unfortunate, but not really a pro cuddlers fault. That person has all of the abilities to change and seek out like mimded people or find an interesting hobby.

but I have seen a good selection of people that are not really lonley, but just thought to try it out to meet a new person or just wanted a nice relaxing massage, or meditating with another non judgemental being. Others even going out of their way to try to make it about me, by bringing wine, offering to trade massages and overall just treating eachother with love and respect. I as a professional get lonley too believe it or not, its hard to find people to accept my profession, to actually make time in my random sporadic schedule to find likeminded people is difficult, however my situation can be solved with enough dedication, I would never blame my job or my clients or anyone else for my loneliness, simply because its a choice.
Anywho I guess my comment is to say pros are just people trying to help others in a best way they can, may it be a good cuddle or a nice massage. If you dont want to spend money on a cuddle session, please dont. But please domt spew hatred on us because its not your forte. You may choose to spend your money on starbucks, a nice meal, a massage, or a fun concert, and others spend their time and money on cuddling; which can be feeling a complete state of peace, zen, and relaxation. (:

Best wishes to you, and hope I could shed some light on the topic you brought up! ^~^

Morpheus

@deulerner I hope you find peace, my friend. Please feel free to PM me anytime you want to talk.

Men are alot more likely to commit rape than women

Mark

It's ok to say a gender is more likely to do something negative than the other. It goes both ways on different things. Obviously a women is at far more physical risk cuddling an unknown man than the other way around and that factors into the price.

deulerner

Its like 2 people about to have sex, then the woman stops and says "wait, can you give me some money? Or i wont do it". Wait.. i thought she wanted it too? Cuddling is supposed to be wanted by both parties. If you dont want to i can understand charging ridiculous fees for it but if you want to cuddle then why do you need to charge others for it, fully knowing that guys are lonely enough to pay it. Its taking advantage whether your intentions are good or not and that factor never crossed your mind. But it is true. If a guy wasnt that lonely he wouldnt pay it. The only way a guy pays it is if hes lonely enough to, and women know there are plenty out there. But if women are lonely they can get "free" cuddles from others quite easily.

Comparing cuddling to sex is completely irrelevant. Please don't use prostitution as a comparison to what I do. I am a certified caregiver and a trained massage therapist who worked at a chiropractor's office. I stand by what I do 100%. I care for people who are touch deprived and help them feel loved and  fulfilled. I heal people from both physical pain and emotional pain. I sacrifice my own body and safety to help others. I give so much of myself that by the end I'm left feeling empty and exhausted. When people are broken, I'm there to help recharge their spirits, but who's there for me? Only myself. That is why I do it. That is why I charge. I wish you the best of luck in finding a cuddle buddy ❤️

@CuddleBunny88 charging him $$ for a cuddle won't recharge you, so how do you get yourself "refilled" so that you're ready to help more clients?

deulerner

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.pastemagazine.com/articles/2015/02/costly-cuddling-why-my-night-of-snuggling-wasnt-wo.html

Here in New Zealand, prostitution is legal and, since I've not had any positive response from the few NZ cuddlers on this site, I've looked at a NZ site that lists working girls. I've looked for ones that offer "massage only", but even they offer extras such as nude body slides and sensual massage with happy ending, and accordingly they charge a substantial fee of $150 or more. Or the other non-sex alternative on the same site is therapeutic massage, which is also not what I'm looking for.
There doesn't appear to be anyone in NZ who does purely platonic cuddling only.
It's been several years since I've had a cuddle.

My attempts to contact some of the "massage only" girls have also consistently failed, with them being busy, not answering their phone, or not returning messages, or being fully booked. And it all leaves me feeling like I'm doing something seedy.

Someone made a suggestion about men cuddling men, but I just can't see myself doing that. That seems so gay. Each to their own, but not for me. It seems like a violation of my nature.

It seems like hanging out in pubs and nightclubs (the meat market) is the only way I could find someone to snuggle with. And then she'll probably expect sex too.

willmott2k10

I personally have nothing against the idea of professionals who ask for payment on here, at the end of the day if you don't want to pay for that then stay away. Simple. However, I won't meet with professionals purely because a) I'm not that rich so don't feel unless I literally just met one or two pros for one-off sessions that I could really afford to go down that route, and b) you probably get people who call themselves pros but really they don't give anything more than those who don't charge and purely call themselves pros so they can get money out of it. I guess when I hear the word professional I would expect something more than those who aren't professionals I guess, and I'm sure you get pros on here who do give you that but I'm not really someone who would want to lose money to find out. Just my personal opinion anyway.

deulerner

"you probably get people who call themselves pros but really they don't give anything more than those who don't charge and purely call themselves pros so they can get money out of it."

Exactly. The idea that one girls cuddles is worth 80$ per hour and anothers is free of charge is ridiculous. What is that businesswoman doing that other girls dont or cant? "Oh they focus on you and you can talk to them about stuff". Thats literally every girl ive ever cuddled though. We can talk to eachother about stuff.

pmvines

@deulerner again, if you don't wish to pay someone to cuddle don't do it, but don't berate the people on here just because you are unable to find a non paid platonic cuddle buddy. You are on a cuddle site that features a lot of paid cuddlers. You cant just come on here and start railing against them because you aren't able to find a non paid cuddle buddy in your area. You are trying to hold others accountable for your own happiness. If you are mad about feeling lonely, I feel for you, but don't take it out on others and blame them for the way that you feel.

Like everyone else on here, I'm looking for a cuddle buddy and nothing more. Yeah I'm lonely, but not "I'm gonna pay you $80 per hour to just lay there" lonely. And so far I have had only one person message me back over the course of half a year of randomly logging on once and a while. I don't message the "professionals" because I have much better uses for $100. So until there are a lot more people on here that aren't professionals, I'm just gonna have to forget about it.

JFGreen

Totally agree pmvines, but I would like to suggest that generalizations are avoided on the forums. Someone may have had an experience that left him or her feeling a certain way, which that person is entitled too, but using that experience and forming a generalization off of that helps no one.

Morpheus

Maybe some of you just haven't found the right pro yet. I really like pros because it's easy and they respect boundaries. Although I do talk to many of them outside of sessions, it's not like I have a relationship that I need to maintain. I've cuddled with several girls that aren't pros and don't charge but there's a lot that comes with that no price tag. Most of the time, they're going to want more from you and I don't want that. 

deulerner

@pmvines pretty sure i can express my opinion on here if i please, just like you did. How bout adding something useful to the thread

pmvines

I am. I am adding that you seem bitter and you are taking it out on people who don't really deserve to be that target. What do you consider useful? Joining in and berating people? How is this useful?

pmvines

Being upset that a paid cuddler is not meeting your needs is one thing, but bashing people simply for being paid cuddlers is different. It is not their fault that you have not found a non paid cuddle pal. Again, if you don't wish to pay or something about it doesn't feel right for you, then don't do it. But don't blame them for not being able to fix you.