I've talked to several pple this month and was surprised how much attractiveness plays in to some pples cuddling preferences. There's no need to defend yourself either way : just vote and let's see what the poll says. Thanks!
Attractiveness does play a part in the initial spark, but it does not play a part in the overall cuddling experience
When my two nieces were young children I only cuddled the pretty one. I did sometimes feel a little bit guilty about this, but then somebody reminded me that ugly people don't need cuddles.
/satire
My level of attractiveness is definitely a factor in my decision to cuddle someone as I only cuddle when I’m feeling attractive and whether or not I’m attractive is entirely up to me and me alone. So if I’m not feeling cute then don’t dare try to cuddle me as I will blame my not being attractive entirely on you .
My main concern is safety and there can be some overlap there, but it's mainly about a good personality match and a strong sense of integrity🤔
Not sure why it would surprise you :-) it’s what draws people in at first. Then you read their profile and how they describe themselves and their likes. Which plays apart. Then you can make an overall decision based on photos and words.
As a pro, my answer is no. However, if I even FEEL something might be off I don't proceed with the appointment. For ex, if I have to ask for photos more than once, the person in the photo is wearing a hat and sunglasses and refuses to send a full face pic... I just say, I'm sorry, I won't be able to accommodate the appointment but take care. It's not about the looks as much as it is about making sure they are not being evasive. If you message me something respectful and send me a bunch of good pics, regardless of what you look like, I have so much respect for that and chances are I'm going to work hard to accommodate you for a session.
Yes, it’s very natural to cuddle someone you deem attractive. And there’s nothing at all wrong with that.
On a serious note though as my previous post is obviously silliness. Attractive qualities are very multi dimensional and go well beyond physical appearance . Personally, if I am to truly enjoy spending time and energy with a person then there does need to be qualities that attract me to them . And for me that doesn’t mean I’m referring to appearance nor that I’m referring to sexual or non platonic attraction but rather attractive qualities as a human being . There needs to be a connection for me to actually want to spend time cuddling with the person. I can cuddle someone without qualities I deem attractive of course , however it’s not not quite the same .
@SnugglyMel I agree being evasive about identity is an issue while looks aren’t at least for me (sounds like you too). I do think to each their own but it’s nice when people are accepting. You’re awesome. 🤗🤗🤗
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@Runawaycuddles
My main concern is safety and there can be some overlap there
overlap how?
It's not important to me, at least. Neither is gender or body type. My main concern is good hygiene and good intentions.
@stormydaycuddle Low self esteem and over internalizing the bs ideas about attractiveness coupled with a lack of healthy sexual outlets can often lead some people, mostly men, who aren't considered conventionally attractive to try and pull a bait and switch with other things to try to get sexual favors. Starting off innocent and sweet, being super respectful, enjoyable to be around and claiming to just want something platonic, being really kind and generous within the friendship/cuddle time, then once you're comfortable, using that comfort to attempt to push through that platonic boundary. It can happen with anyone regardless of attractiveness, but it tends to have the most violent results when they're someone you would be the least attracted to. There can be a lot of rage that comes up in them, along with a strong sense of entitlement etc. stemming from the way society treats those that don't fit the mythical ideal look that tends to cause things to go really far south on a dime.
It's not true for everyone of course, but it is something that can occasionally happen and I find it's harder to deal with if you're not at least aware of it as a risk factor from the get go. 🤷🏼
I'm assuming the OP meant attractiveness in the physical sense, not personality-wise. To me the personality matters much more, I have been with some prettier folk who were awkward, maybe it was just a first-time thing but it wasn't super relaxing. On the other hand some girls were talkative and confident and it was much more relaxing.
@Runawaycuddles hmm, somehow I think it has more to do with personality. Beauty standards are subjective and while there are classical standards our society pushes being symmetrical (or whatever standard we are using here) doesn’t mean you aren’t capable of violence equally with someone who isn’t. The world looks at it differently which is harmful.
@Ironman294 posted: "it’s what draws people in at first. Then you read their profile and how they describe themselves and their likes. Which plays apart."
I must disagree; I frequently am drawn to a user's message board posts, and those tiny profile icons surely aren't big enough to attract me. I have also received many a PM from people who live hours or continents away from me, who were attracted by the things I post, here. I do not have my face on the site.
@Runawaycuddles I believe you are describing a specific group, "incels".
@Minestrone101 I'm always disappointed by these polls, as currently we're floating at 58% Yes and 19% Not at All. sigh I have ranted on this before, but if people are choosing cuddle buddies for physical or sexual attractiveness, they're missing the whole point. This is supposed to be about acceptance.
~ Sunset Snuggles
🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover
@Runawaycuddles I believe you've effectively described an archetype and common situation. I mean, children as young as 2 understand good and bad touch. There's no excuse for adults that do this. A lot of those folks have built a false narrative in their heads, or these internet personalities help with that : the manosphere stuff, Kevin Samuels, and Andrew Tate.
Interestingly, I have had several people turn me down for being too attractive. It is impossible to know what they were thinking, but the general sentiment seemed to be that it would be too challenging to cuddle someone platonically if they were very attracted to them. Perhaps they were looking for sex workers and that was their way of turning me down since I make it very clear in my profile that I have strict boundaries.
@stormydaycuddle Absolutely. The trouble comes when people don't understand that or fall for the lies that the ever-shifting current of beauty trends about symmetry, height, weight etc. are what really matters in life and that builds resentment that they often take out on people they are or feel rejected by. It's not true of course, beauty is absolutely subjective, what's considered beautiful by society as a whole changes frequently, and our bodies are literally the least interesting thing about us, we're vastly complex beings 🤷🏼 But those that believe it often lash out violently if they sense rejection, even if the rejection is perfectly justified/their own damn fault for lying about what they really wanted. 🤦🏼
@SunsetSnuggles Bingo! Unfortunately, they can be very dangerous.
@Minestrone101 1000%! Consent is not a difficult concept to understand, it's just unpopular, and ignoring the sanctity of consent does a ton of damage!
No....I never base cuddles on appearance. Unless, like @SnugglyMel said that someone won't show you their appearance lol And @Runawaycuddles ...I think I understand some of what you're saying, and have absolutely experienced it.
Mostly @pmvines has hit the nail on the head! Personality and other qualities mean the most to me as well!
@Runawaycuddles - They're manipulative sociopaths trying to get your guard down so they can get what they want. You can't trust anyone. Unless you've known them for a long time, it's impossible to tell what their true intentions are. Some female enthusiasts will only cuddle other women for that reason.
@Runawaycuddles Yeah. I don't think it's a women problem, I think it's an everyone problem. Too many men are too comfortable to sit back and let the women deal w it or to get upset and defend themselves with the "not all men" business instead of acknowledging and trying to solve the problem.
MLK said that: "Injustice any where is a threat to justice every where."
Self-perceived value leads to those things. There are too many things at play in the human psyche.
Categorization based on appearance is prejudice. It’s reductive. It fails to capture the complexity of individual experiences.
When I first started I was super nervous because I felt like I would be the disappointment. If I was however, no one let it be known and have made me feel great about myself.
Im not too shabby for a chubby old man but I’m certainly not everyone’s cup of tea . But when it comes to connecting with people on here I feel like appearances have really not been a factor and if they ever were to anybody I’ve cuddled have likely been further down the list of reasons why we cuddled and reasons for the connection which is the very reason that I like the cuddle community so much .
@CharlieBear You could never. Your cuddles were pure heaven, safety, tenderness, and delight.
@SunsetSnuggles right?!
Not really important to me. Personality and actual Cuddle ability matter more. And distance I suppose 😅
Attraction to me is not in physical appearance. If you speak rudely, if you are demanding or inflexible, if you clearly didn't read my bio, then I find that person unattractive and will not cuddle them. But people of all shapes and sizes need comfort and connection and we could all benefit from exploring internal bias against unconventionally attractive people.
@Minestrone101 Yup! Statistically men are more often the perpetrators of this, and it harms everyone, including men.
While i understand the reasons people say it, but to think that my attractiveness plays no part in an interaction with someone doesn't make me feel better. First of all, you can see right?
But seriously, attractiveness plays a major factor, that isn't always physical but most immediately and often it is. But then again you'd have to discuss what makes a person attractive, that's not the same for everyone.
I also have, in the past elected not to cuddle someone i felt a kind of attraction to this site wasn't intended for. Great gal, but we decided neither of us were approaching it from a constructive space for what we needed.
First I wonder, would I not cuddle someone I found unattractive if all other factors like personality, hygiene, or an interest in cuddling me were checked. I’ve never seen a picture at least of someone I would say no to because of appearance.
Have I chose one profile over another to browse through first because of physical appearance? I believe so.
If I were able to cuddle 3 times a day every day with someone new each time, would physical attractiveness be a factor? I don’t know if it would ever get to that point, but I would rank personality or at least perceived personality highest.