What is the psychology behind liars?

Minestrone101

In this case, I mean when someone is caught red handed, and they get so angry and point fingers at you and fight to the death to defend their position.

But besides that, why lie? Why put so much effort behind a lie when doing the correct, productive, and even most beneficial path probably takes less energy?

Just curious.

lonelytauros

The psychology behind something whether it’s lying or any aspect of human nature is difficult to explain. Humans are very complex beings. people, doctors psychologists, therapists, counselors, whoever have been trying to put labels on human actions, trying to explain why people do what they do. the truth is, we will never be able to understand why people do the things that they do.

EarthlyAngel003

Every situation is unique, and there could be a lot of reasons why someone might lie. But with the exception of certain medical/mental conditions and maybe even cultural influences, I think the primary motivation behind lying is fear.

Examples:

• Five-year-old Susan is knocks over a vase in the living room while playing ball in the house, even though her mom already told her she wasn't supposed to be playing with it indoors. She's afraid to get into trouble, so she lies and tell her mom that the family dog did it.
• Bride-to-be Charlotte has just found the wedding dress of her dreams and she is overjoyed. She turns to her Maid of Honor, Wendy, to ask what she thinks of the dress. Wendy absolutely hates the dress, but is afraid to hurt Charlotte's feelings and spoil the day for her, so she lies and tells her how gorgeous it is.

Ultimately, it seems to boil down to a fear of consequences.

In the scenario you described, it's hard to say. Maybe this is a person who was never taught the importance of taking responsibility for their actions. Maybe the truth contradicts the image they have of themselves and they're lashing out to protect their ego. One can never really know for sure.

I'm with you, though. "Honesty is the best.."--eh, you know the rest. ;P

PeopleLikeUs

Avoiding Consequences: People may lie to avoid punishment or negative consequences. If they fear repercussions for their actions, they might provide false information to protect themselves.

Protecting Others: Some individuals lie to protect someone else from harm or to spare their feelings. This form of lying is often seen as a way to be considerate or to maintain harmony in relationships.

Maintaining Social Image: People may lie to present a more favorable image of themselves. This can be driven by a desire for social acceptance, approval, or to avoid judgment.

Gaining Personal Benefits: Lying can be a means to gain personal advantages, whether in terms of financial gain, social status, or opportunities. This type of dishonesty is often driven by self-interest.

Preserving Privacy: Some individuals lie to keep certain aspects of their lives private. They may feel that the truth would be invasive or that others wouldn't understand.

Avoiding Awkwardness or Conflict: People might lie to avoid uncomfortable situations, conflict, or awkward conversations. They may think that lying will help maintain a sense of harmony in their relationships.

Self-Deception: In some cases, individuals may lie to themselves as a way of coping with difficult truths or to maintain a positive self-image. This form of lying can be subconscious.

Impression Management: Lying can be a way for people to manage the impressions others have of them. They may exaggerate achievements or downplay flaws to appear more successful or likable.

Fear of Rejection: Some individuals lie because they fear that the truth might lead to rejection or abandonment. They may believe that presenting a more socially acceptable version of themselves will help them fit in or be accepted.

Habit: For some, lying may become a habitual behavior. It might start as a small, occasional occurrence, but over time, it can become a pattern of dishonesty.

Not all lies are malicious, and the motivations behind lying can vary. Understanding the underlying reasons behind dishonesty can help foster open communication and address the root causes in interpersonal relationships.

JohnR1972

Many reasons.

The most benign is not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings. “How do you like my new _______” (hat, dress, makeup, haircut, etc.)? Even it it looks terrible, many people will try to find something positive to say about it.

Then there are people trying to avoid consequences of their actions. 5 year old Billy might deny having eaten a cookie he was not supposed to have even though he has crumbs on his shirt.

Then there are politicians who not only lie but they go a step further and gaslight people who catch them. If 5 year old Billy from the example above were an aspiring politician, not only would he deny eating the cookie but he would accuse his mom of eating the cookie and do so in such a convincing manner his mom would start to wonder if maybe she had eaten the cookie and forgotten about it.

JohnR1972

This movie explains everything you ever wanted to know about lying… 😂

Ripley54566

Lying can also be a defense mechanism by people who are afraid of getting hurt or who have suffered trauma. It can be habitually used to cover up vulnerabilities or information that the person feels may hurt them or be used to hurt them. The lie becomes a suit of armor almost for this person. They may lie so much they don't even realize they are doing it.

When they get caught in a lie this "armor" is essentially removed and they may feel exposed and cornered. The next defense mechanism that they must fall on is aggression or anger. Anger tends to be a secondary emotion, meaning it gets fueled by other emotions.

The fear of another person finding out what the lie was covering up, along with the intense shame of being caught in a lie, can create a perfect storm for some people who may use anger to cover up these feelings.

While your first instinct may be to react in anger or frustration with the person, you may find it more productive to react with kindness, compassion, and understanding. If you let the person know it is okay to tell the truth and why you wanted to know the truth, as well as try to understand why they lied in the first place, they will be more likely to drop the anger and the lie and come clean.

SBG

I listened to a podcast recently about why folks double down on their denials after a mistake - that it psychologically makes them feel better to realign with their sense of self (i.e. "I am a good person who doesn't lie/make mistakes.") The lying and the denial come from the same place. They lie to promote their self image and fight anyone who says otherwise.

https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/the-power-of-apologies/

TheFunCartel

Truth is a matter of perspective as well. Ask any married couple or two countries at odds. Absolute truth is illusory.

lesmis33

Must.... resist.... urge.... to post..... Nietzsche's perspectivism.

DaringSprinter

Why do people lie? Because sometimes it benefits an individual to lie.

Why do people double down on their lie even when it's obvious they're lying? Because sometimes that gets you a presidency.

ShaneSchrute

@lesmis33 great. Now I gotta Google.

@BoomerSpooner when I was born again Christian I would disagree with this but since losing my faith I can see that absolute truth disappears when you try to pin it down.

@SBG ohh I love a good podcast and science; thank you.

@PeopleLikeUs great answer! Well thought out.

To the OP I’d say move away from people who lie to you over and over. You can only control what you do. If someone’s lying is hurting you then evaluate whether that person needs to be in your life.

Be well and safe.

RedFox16

Wow! @PeopleLikeUs awesome answer ☺️ Reasons people do most things is multilayered....but with lying, it seems to be multilayered times a million!

Also yes! @BoomerSpooner perspective has lots to do with it too!
A person's perspective is made up of ALL their personal experiences to that point... including their experiences of how they were raised, what gender they are, religion, culture, country they grew up in, what they were taught in school, first-hand experiences they've had, socioeconomic status they grew up in....etc, etc.

Sooson

I just want to share something I learned from Judge Judy : if you don't have a good memory, don't lie !

europeanbestie

It’s simple: they are human garbage lacking accountability! Can’t change them either. That’s why 99% of people in jail are “innocent” 👍

SouthernDoll

What an interesting read this thread is !!!

Minestrone101

@SouthernDoll Agreed! My perspective came from difference circumstances : work, family, and romantic relationships. Sometimes it has to do with folks that have personality disorders or hmare chronic liars or gaslighters or manipulators.

@achetocuddle TGG! lol

PeopleLikeUs

I lied. That was actually A.I.

cuds23

Shame

Minestrone101

Oh, also there are more and more cheaters in online chess. I can tell there's an obvious change in their game when they're getting whipped ,and then suddenly play like they're 1000 points above where they were near the end. When I call them out:

• they talk trash
• they vehemently deny cheating
• they say I suck,etc. and I made all these mistakes
• they stick to their guns no matter what

I even called out an acquaintance for cheating and he started gaslighting me and projecting. But he couldnt answer basic questions that involved tactics he used in the games : is a corner pawn or middle pawn stronger when they are passed, what is a windmill, and what does center control mean? (basic 1400-1500 level stuff ..even though he played at a 2100-2300 level at times - huge contrast from his normal games.

i_gallivant

By some strange circumstance, I have an identical twin who always lies, where I always tell the truth. Medical professionals have been perplexed by my sibling and I since the time of our birth.

The working explanation is presently "nefarious magicks"—this explanation being offered by a bog witch.

CuddleHugs01234

@Minestrone101 How does someone cheat on an online game? Not wanting to, just wondering how someone even does that.