From cuddling to a relationship…?!

thisisamazingthisisamazing
edited December 2023 in General

I came to cuddling because my marriage had ended and I missed (and desperately needed!) normal human touch. My first experience was a lot of fun—it was like a rush of dopamine and oxytocin and warm fuzzy feelings, and the person I cuddled was awesome!—and I was hooked. My second experience was even better: after our first cuddle we started dating, and we’ve been together nearly 5 months now.

Has this ever happened to any of you? I came to this because I was looking for something strictly platonic—I was trying to heal from a very painful break up, and I wasn’t looking for anything more—and I am incredibly thankful the universe had a different plan.

  1. Have you ever had a relationship come from cuddling?116 votes
    1. Yes
      30.17%
    2. No
      69.83%
«1

Comments

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/18424/have-you-ever-had-a-relationship-come-from-this/p1

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    @SunsetSnuggles is patrolling the streets on this fine morning... 🚓 🚨

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @Minestrone101

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    @SunsetSnuggles Go on now...ain't nothing to look at.... 🍩

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @Minestrone101 I don't intend to look! I intent to investigate, confiscate, and masticate! 😆

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    @SunsetSnuggles How bout percolate?

  • RedFox16RedFox16
    edited December 2023

    @thisisamazing coincidentally there's another thread asking about this from today. Please be careful about giving the impression that meeting your SO on here is normal (you also have another thread about this from 2 months ago, which sunsetcuddles linked to)

    This idea running rampant on here can make things extremely uncomfortable for those of us who are paid cuddlers and have to consistently (and delicately) explain to clients that "no, they are not really in love after one session....it genuinely is those strong brain chemicals that is making them feel that way." Not only uncomfortable....but can even cause drama for us that we didn't ask for.

    I am a paid cuddler because I am good at helping others feel positive and safe. Otherwise, who tf would want to pay me $75 an hour 🤷🏻‍♀️ It's similar to a therapist helping someone and a client feeling validated and safe with them. A client wouldn't hit on their therapist....and then continue to insist they date after gently being told they don't want to date. My main job is to help someone feel safe as well as comforted. Both of those are important. If people are trying to book with me for other reasons....that not fair to me.

    One time meeting someone is not love. If it happened for you....that's freaking awesome, but not normal and not typically a healthy way to decide you're right for each other. Please, please don't continue to perpetuate this idea....it's really, really uncomfortable for us paid cuddlers to deal with. Don't keep making threads about your relationship either....that's 2 in 2 months.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    Anyone that thinks love is blossoming after a session or two is presenting red flags. It took me longer that that to even love myself, let alone tolerate another.

    But even infatuation just makes it weird for pros. Kind of like someone with a tooth fetish stalking their dental hygienist.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan

    It's very unusual for a professional cuddling relationship to progress to a romantic one, and it's an extremely problematic road strewn with caltrops. But it does happen of course.

    What is dirt common is over-attachment to professionals by clients, as @RedFox16 has described. This is why, if you are a client who cuddles regularly, it is inadvisable to have only one professional connection.

  • Mike403Mike403

    What's the point of pressuring somebody to go on a date who is clearly not interested? A relationship would never work out unless both parties are into it. Use the time and energy to find somebody who is interested. I suggest a different website or a bar.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @RedFox16 Thank you for speaking up! I have often been baffled by the relationship threads on here, and the responses to them.

    On one hand, the site declares that this is platonic, not dating, etc. On the other hand, someone will say they found romance and two dozen people will respond, "What a dream come true!"

    ...What? That's not what we're supposed to be dreaming about. We're not supposed to be here looking for relationships, or hoping that's what we'll find.

    One would expect the reaction, especially from the mods, would be, "Uh, why did things turn sexual during your first cuddle?" It's literally breaking the rules, yet when those types of threads get posted, they always get starry-eyed responses, and it sends suuuuch a confusing message.

    I'm not saying relationships shouldn't ever develop from this site, or that they can't happen in an organic and beautiful way that grows over time. But the threads that seem to be made about this are often blatant rule-breaking declarations and it boggles the mind how they get held up as the ideal end result. Dating your cuddle buddy should never be anyone's ideal end result.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover

  • Mike403Mike403

    @SunsetSnuggles - I think when it comes to the mod enforcement, pro accounts are more strictly monitored since money is exchanged and there can be legal issues. As for enthusiasts, they're both adults making grownup decisions as long as people don't join with the intention of a romantic relationship.

  • NickWkNickWk

    Listen here. Don’t go forming a relationship with any of my cuddle buddies. They’re mine! 🥰😂

  • JustPlaneCuddleJustPlaneCuddle

    All of the above apply. ⬆️ @RedFox16 worded this perfectly. I have had to recently deny about 14 clients based off the fact that they have “jealous wives” and want to really connect with someone without being honest to me nor with their spouse. One man said that he “wants to feel alive again,” and was not referring to touch starvation but was referencing his failed relationship and lack of motivation to fix it. This is an unhealthy way to start a cuddler + client relationship.

    Transference is real and all the more prevalent when you’re involving touch. Dopamine crashes and oxytocin dependency are real problems and those can cause a real infatuation issue for some. We absolutely need to address the fact that people are coming into this with the conception that it is normal representation of a healthy cuddler & client interaction. @BoomerSpooner made the perfect assessment. 🚩

    @SunsetSnuggles closed out the last paragraph exactly as I would. I have made some incredible connections and friends through cuddling that I hope to have lifelong relationships with. I severe the professional connection as soon as we form a real bond because it becomes a conflict of interest to a therapeutic condition and the platonic nature of cuddle therapy.

    @thisisamazing, I wish you all the best of luck! 🤞🏻

  • RedFox16RedFox16
    edited December 2023

    OMG @SunsetSnuggles that is perfectly said! Those who respond (with the starry-eyed responses lol) to this type of thread make it seem like it's typical and ok to pursue. This is not true....nor typical. Even for enthusiast cuddlers. Don't make things awkward for them as well by trying to force a relationship after one or two sessions. @CuddleDuncan says the path to a relationship is strewn with caltrops (I had to look this up ...but it's a great descriptive word!) ....and even with enthusiasts it's SO true. 😯

    Enjoy this site for the beautiful thing it is ...people wanting to comfort each other and exchange human touch that we all desperately need. It's therapeutic....but only if it stays platonic 🥰🥰

    Everyone comes here expecting safe cuddle experiences.... a pro dating clients is not safe. Plus, do you realize how insanely unprofessional it would be for paid cuddlers to date their clients? Yikes! That can absolutely ruin our reputation and our business. As well as get us banned 🚫 I'm trying to get into a career as a therapist for my day job....imagine word getting to a potential employer that I dated my clients!!! 😬

    Additionally, we are paid to meet our client's needs. So if a client thinks they want a relationship .... sometimes they seem to think it would be the same dynamic as a cuddle session (us solely meeting their needs....and not having our own needs we also need met). That is not only unrealistic....but insanely unhealthy to expect that from someone. 🥺🥺

    I love what I do here! I love connecting with others and providing much needed cuddles and touch! It's very rewarding for me and helpful for clients. There's so much (proven) therapeutic advantage from cuddling....I've seen it and heard it from clients! 😁 I don't want to ruin those benefits by treating things like dating.

  • RedFox16RedFox16

    Omg! @JustPlaneCuddle yes! I just saw your comment ☺️☺️☺️

    Transference is real and all the more prevalent when you’re involving touch. Dopamine crashes and oxytocin dependency are real problems and those can cause a real infatuation issue for some. We absolutely need to address the fact that people are coming into this with the conception that it is normal representation of a healthy cuddler & client interaction. @BoomerSpooner made the perfect assessment. 🚩

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited December 2023

    Not saying that two people can’t meet and fall for each other on here , happens from time to time im sure . But don’t blame it on the cuddling . If you are love struck after a cuddle than it’s very most likely not that at all. False positives are definitely a thing when it comes to the trickery of the brain and the emotions and all that jazz . And like @RedFox16 says , if you are a pro cuddler then these false positives combined with difficulty in regulating your emotions can cause a ton of confusion and drama . This is why I say cuddling is not for everyone, specifically when one has difficulty regulating their emotions, has boundary issues , and attachment disorders , as it can truly cause more harm for the person and also potentially cause harm for the cuddler .

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup

    @pmvines well said

  • SideonSideon

    I cringe, CRINGE, every time I see these kinds of threads. CC is not a dating site, never has been, never will be. Mods aren't on here to play Cupid nor hand out door prizes. Folks are DREAMING if they think they're going to not only make a connection and cuddle, but to also go from cuddle to interested-in-a-relationship. I am not saying relationships CAN'T happen, I'm saying that the premise of this site is a nexus for cuddle connections. That's the primary directive. This space is not Oprah handing out romance partners: "and YOU get one, and YOU get one, and YOU get one..." No. Just no.

    Cuddle on, people.

  • sillysassysillysassy

    @Sideon

    FACTS!! It’s challenging enough for people to be on here looking for Platonic Cuddles without romanticizing the notion of finding your forever partner but I would certainly like to celebrate the happiness of the OP because of things like…. COMPERSION. 😊😊😊

    I'm saying that the premise of this site is a nexus for cuddle connections. That's the primary directive. This space is not Oprah handing out romance partners: "and YOU get one, and YOU get one, and YOU get one..." No. Just no.

  • stormydaycuddlestormydaycuddle

    @sillysassy @sideon I'd like to point out people still have to pay the taxes on the gifts Oprah gives out. Not sure where I'm going with that. I sense a point somewhere in the back of my mind. I'll get back to you.

  • jplemmonjplemmon
    edited December 2023

    So my self-imposed forum timeout is currently unavailable while a bug is being resolved...long story...so I figured I would chime in here and give my typically unpopular forum opinion while it lasts.

    CC is a social networking site. Nothing more, nothing less. What does that mean? It means two people sharing common interests are linked together to potentially add some meaning to their lives. Once this meeting happens, CC does not follow you around and monitor your life and dictate what you can and cannot do outside of the confines of this site. You are on your own.

    People join hiking meetups to hike. They join fishing meetups to fish. By doing something they enjoy together, sometimes they fall in love. It doesn't mean the hiking group is a dating site but when you put two people together with similar interests, dagnabbit, they may just fall for each other.

    Is this some sort of conflict of interest? Nope. Therapists/patients, teachers/students, bosses/subordinates: these relationships are problematic or even illegal because there is a power dynamic at play that stretches the bounds of consent and can cause real harm to the people involved. There is no power dynamic at play on CC even if money is exchanged hands. Assuming everything is done consensually, both parties are equal peers and can make their own grownup decisions.

    Is CC a dating site? No. Neither is the hiking club or the fishing club. But guess what? If two consenting adults are open to love, every site is a dating site, like it or not.

    So, to those who have found their connection on here, I celebrate you! Love is hard to find. If you find it, kudos to you.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    Good to see you back @jplemmon

  • jplemmonjplemmon

    @BoomerSpooner only briefly =)

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @jplemmon Why? For your sanity?

  • jplemmonjplemmon

    @BoomerSpooner my inability to control my behavior overall lol.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @jplemmon You were doing great

  • CelestialTouchCelestialTouch
    edited December 2023

    .

  • RedFox16RedFox16

    Nice to see you on here @jplemmon ! ☺️ You have very good behavior, I think.

    @stormydaycuddle Haha My mind started thinking about all that stuff too! 😂😂😂 No connection, but just because it was a big deal when she started giving out cars 😕

  • stormydaycuddlestormydaycuddle
    edited December 2023

    @jplemmon !!!!! Who let you back in? Also, I’m not arguing that one but it IS a little tiny bit off that we bring focus to it when so many people are touch starved and reading the forums for the first time. Just a smidge off… having open celebration threads. While I believe we’re all adults it feels like here it should kinda be a closed doors topic. I know that’s probably not ideal but it is more logical for the sanity of all.

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