Anyone Else Attached?

HeatinWinterHeatinWinter
in General

Mostly for the non-Pros on here, but I'm interested in finding out. How many of you are in a committed relationship?

I'm married and have been for 10 years, however we work opposite shifts (her overnights, me a regular 9-5) and she doesn't have the same need and desire for cuddling and contact that I do.

Does anyone else happen to be in a similar situation? How do you manage?

Comments

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    There are tons of "attached" people, here. Sadly, the majority are not here with their spouse/significant others' knowledge or consent.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover

    🎄 Merry Christmas to my homies! ☃️

  • HeatinWinterHeatinWinter

    That's unfortunate. Honesty and communication are always key. Platonic cuddling shouldn't have to be something to hide.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles
    edited December 2023

    @HeatinWinter Agreed! 💯

    I've been with my boyfriend since 2018. He knows about and is in full support of my involvement in the cuddle community. He knows many of my cuddle friends by name, has talked to some on the phone, we've hosted some here at our house, and we've cavorted around Canada and Colorado with some during our travels, as well.

    My boyfriend doesn't have any interest in cuddling others, but he respects that Physical Touch is higher up on my Love Languages than his. He's not jealous or weirded out by me cuddling my friends from here. He does love to cuddle me, he's just entirely satisfied with that; while for me, I'm satisfied, but greedy...if I can snuggle my sweet friends, why the heck not? 😄

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover

    🎄 Merry Christmas to my homies! ☃️

  • JasonCuddlesJasonCuddles

    :D greedy haha. Yeah I can understand that. In my relationship I am the one who has a higher touch need.

    We don't have a lot of experience, but we have managed with communication. My early struggle was with another romantic relationship, but that was years ago. She has had more recent struggle experience.

  • ChasAltonChasAlton

    Yes honesty and communication are key in any relationship...so I am in a predicament...my good wife does not have any felt need for physical contact...(childhood disfintion) and I am so energized and built up by it...so since she is strong willed and overly opinionated and I
    fear would not agree to me snuggling with another woman, I either have to be extremely discreet or be satisfied with the 2 second hugs at church etc!
    I rather think that I am not too smart to risk the 80% good, for the missing 20% physical touch in our relationship. But wow...the times platonic cuddling pn this site, has worked out, it has been fantastic. So still in this predicament 🤨

  • WiserGuy3000WiserGuy3000

    I must admit, I had looked at Cuddle Comfort and chatted with (but never booked) a few pro cuddlers while I was still married, all without my wife's knowledge. She did not have the same level of need for physical touch as I do, but she was also very jealous and would NEVER have agreed to allow me to cuddle with a female cuddler. (Not even sure she would have allowed me to cuddle with another male, TBH.)

    I would have had to keep it from her if I'd ever engaged in cuddling services, and I didn't allow myself to do that. Once the marriage ended (for the physical touch and many other reasons) I came back to CC and it's been wonderful.

  • BearBear

    I recently connected with and have a long distance girlfriend now. I communicate with her daily. Yet I don’t see her much. She knows I have very empty and large cuddle tanks. She is fine with me cuddling.

  • TeaCuddleTeaCuddle

    I often have conversations with individuals who share that they are experiencing challenges with intimacy or communication in their relationships. In these situations, my role isn't to advise or intervene, but rather to provide a space where they feel accepted and comfortable. When they come to the studio, my focus is on offering the comfort and ease they're seeking.

  • hey_nikkyhey_nikky

    My partner and I discussed me cuddling before I ever started. He encourages it as he lives in Connecticut and has a crazy busy job that always has him traveling or changes his schedule last minute, so unfortunately we don't see each other often. This way I can get all the cuddles my depraved little snuggle bug soul desires. But we're still both happy and content in our relationship.

  • MarkBPhxMarkBPhx

    @TeaCuddle I really appreciate your perspective and balanced approach. Thank you for sharing.

    I was open and up front with my wife about my connection with this community and my need for physical touch at the beginning of our courtship and she asked me to stop cuddling until after we were married so that we could build trust.
    Due to back issues and other stuff, my wife is only capable of short hugs. Especially during the hotter months, she'd prefer not to be touched unless the conditions are just right.
    She knows and is accepting of my desire to have cuddle sessions with others.

  • carrieannecarrieanne

    In this context, every action is a choice. Choices have consequences.
    This applies to both people in a relationship. Sometimes inaction is a choice, and that has a consequence too. I still believe that being completely transparent and maintaining verbal communication prevents a lot of heartache.

  • HennySan4HennySan4

    Yes. We are ENM, so we're typically ok with whatever happens, but the purpose for being here is to find platinum physical connections. Different people have different touch appetites. I personally just crave more non-sexual touch.

  • frankparker9frankparker9
    edited December 2023

    When I was married, I fantasized about making a new platonic female friend, not just for touch, but for kindness; companionship; a feeling of peace and mutual understanding; being known; being appreciated, like in terms of my soul, my presence, my vibe being reflected as a good thing. And the nervous system regulation of it all.

    Now I’m divorced for 7 years, living with a polyamorous partner I’ve known for 5 years, and we go to (and host) official and unofficial cuddle parties together, with our snuggly friend group. My partner’s cuddle needs possibly exceed mine, but we both seem to need (or at least benefit greatly from, amid the stresses of life, health, and parenting) regular snuggles with others even when we are snuggling with each other almost daily.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    I'm also ENM/polyamorous. Have been with one partner for 4 years and one for 6 months. While both enjoy cuddling with me, they enjoy sex more than cuddling where as I'm the reverse 😅 I'm like my cats - I could cuddle all day with the right people and be perfectly content, but if the wrong people touch me I can get overstimulated quickly (thanks, ADHD).

    Personally, a partner having a problem with me platonically cuddling would be a deal breaker. Bodily autonomy is a huge thing for me, and I believe that commitment and depth of affection do not require controlling one's partner out of insecurity. If I were to discover that a partner and I were THAT grossly incompatible that I couldn't get my needs met without hurting them, or that they were unwilling or unable to do the emotional work to let go of the need to control what I do with my body, then it'd be best to recognize that the relationship had run it's course and end it no matter how long it has lasted. If they're willing to work with me, I'll absolutely make space, support them through the process, help where I can as long as it doesn't force me to compromise my own authenicity. But a forced, inauthentic relationship just going through the motions that makes both partners miserable kinda defeats the purpose of being in a committed relationship in the first place imo.

  • WiserGuy3000WiserGuy3000

    But a forced, inauthentic relationship just going through the motions that makes both partners miserable kinda defeats the purpose of being in a committed relationship in the first place imo.

    @cuddlefaery you are exactly right. But it takes some people (myself included) a long time to get to that realization. There's a lot of inertia in a long-term relationship, a threshold of "well it's not that bad, plus it would be a pain to leave" that keeps people together longer than it should.

  • businessTravelbusinessTravel

    It's called "cheating" for a reason whether physical or emotional. Just don't get caught.

  • MarkBPhxMarkBPhx

    @cuddlefaery Thank you for sharing your perspective. May I borrow your words to help describe what I'm going through to others? You said it so succinctly and in a respectful manner.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    @WiserGuy3000 oh absolutely. I spent the first decade of romantic relationships miserable trying to fit into the standard mold, when in hindsight that was a terrible idea 🤣 it took me another decade to deconstruct what society had taught me I "should" want from relationships and unlearn all the maladaptations and toxic patterns I'd developed as a result of trying to fit my wacky self into "normal". It's only in my 30s that I've really hit my stride and finally started feeling comfortable and confident, and really only in the past few years that I got to the point of healing that I could finally fully let go and be "loud" and visible. It's definitely a process and everyone has their own journey , destination, and speed.

    @MarkBPhx sure! Glad I could be helpful :)

  • interalia626interalia626

    There's a lot of inertia in a long-term relationship, a threshold of "well it's not that bad, plus it would be a pain to leave" that keeps people together longer than it should.

    Too real. My last major relationship went from a matter of months to years because she just wouldn't. Let. It. Happen. The above quoted eventually being the dynamic. There were a lot of problems but the last straw was me fully giving up hope on having my physical needs accommodated. Whether cuddly attention or sexuality, it got to the point that I'd maybe receive enough to shut me up once in a while if I pleaded enough. ENM was something she wouldn't entertain.

    Thankful I'm out of that situation and thankful that platonic cuddling exists as a way to enjoy warm physical connection without the pitfalls of dating apps etc etc

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