Do you get the amount of hugs they say we need a day?

[Deleted User]thedude56 (deleted user)
in General

Apparently researchers have come out saying that the average person needs 8 hugs a day to thrive. Do you get that many? If you don't, why don't you?

I personally do not. I get 0 usually. I am a single dad of a 6 year old and while we do hug occasionally, it's not on a regular basis. When an adult goes to hug me, I am thrown off usually. Maybe it's a sign I need to work on letting people in

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Comments

  • Bryan123Bryan123

    I get no hugs at all, either. My last hug was probably before December. I think people just generally think that guys already have someone who hugs them, so people just don’t hug them, which is not always the case.

  • OhioMikeOhioMike

    I think I get my hugs in binges! Definitely not 8 every day . But like family events like recent holidays, I’m getting dozens and dozens !

    When babysitting the grandkids I get let’s see at least 4 from just their parents (hugs coming and going) then countless from the grandbabies! 🤗. So probably get the average overall …just in spikes !

  • TxTomTxTom

    No, I am not receiving my recommended daily allowance.

    I think it would be great if hugs came in the form of chewable gummies.

  • DaveFromSussexDaveFromSussex

    These days I'd be lucky to get 8 hugs in a month. This January i'm up to...er...one. I'll take that I suppose 😅

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan
    edited January 15

    A few years ago I got maybe four hugs a year.

    Now I get one more days than not.

    The change is not accidental, or luck, or anything like that. Of course there is some luck in it, there's some luck in everything. But really It's some combination of things like effort, thoughtfulness, hard work, determination, reflection, gratitude, experimentation, open-mindedness, healthy self-criticism .... all that good stuff. Patience. Fortitude. Small steps. Progress not perfection. Uninspirational quotes. Cheerfulness in adversity. Adaptability. Unshakeable commitment to openness. Communication. Accepting responsibility. Self-honesty.

    Cuddle Comfort has been a big part of it. Thank you, CC.

  • KPSMKPSM

    8 hugs per day!? That would be manna from heaven. I'm scared to do the math.

  • lonelytauroslonelytauros

    The reality is that most guys don’t get anywhere near that amount. And most guys are just gonna work until they die being unhappy.

  • MamaCuddleBugMamaCuddleBug

    I believe that’s the importance of cuddling. That regular platonic touch is missing in too many people’s lives.

  • lesmis33lesmis33
    edited January 15

    My neurodivergence tends to make me become reclusive for months at a time in which case I do not get a daily hug unless I am hanging out with a close friend. It is a typical greeting for me so when I am out with people, I would attain 8 or more hugs in a day. I am counting hugs I give to/receive from my male friends as well though.

    I am addicted to synthetic hugs though in the form of weighted blankets. :smirk:

  • CuddleHugs01234CuddleHugs01234

    I don’t get that many a day, but when I see people I know, I usually always hug them coming and going, and I get to cuddle my child sometimes, and I get to cuddle my cuddle buddies sometimes. I also get to cuddle my cat and my Guinea Pig. So even though the daily quota is not meet, I do my best to get some hugs in.

    And, @lonelytauros, come to me and I’ll cuddle you. :)

  • hey_nikkyhey_nikky

    Outside of sessions I very rarely get hugs. Shoot outside of sessions I very rarely see anyone unless I'm in Louisiana visiting my sister.

    @lesmis33 man I really need to invest in a weighted blanket. Everytime I look though, I overthink it because of the various weights. So many options 😅

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear

    Hmm I usually get two since I try to see my parents at least once a week. So I get 1/4 of the daily needed hugs, once per week. I guess I need more hugs.

  • lesmis33lesmis33

    @hey_nikky It is a blessing and a curse. :sweat_smile: Now my bed and lounge chair are ultra comfy and I feel warm and swaddled whenever I want to, but I am also addicted to the feeling so I have been removing books and my laptop from my bedroom to make sure I get out of bed some days. :lol: I really suggest it though! It has been shown that weighted blankets invoke feelings of love and support in neuro-divergent people like me. It really calms my million mile per hour, ADHD riddled mind. :smiley:

    I just followed this weight chart and guidance:
    https://www.sleepfoundation.org/best-weighted-blankets/weighted-blanket-weight-chart

    Recommended weights for a weighted blanket can vary between 5% and 12% of their body weight, with most people preferring a weighted blanket that weighs approximately 10% of their body weight.

    I got a 20lb one I love but it is slightly over 10% of my body weight so it isn't an exact science.

    P.S. I really enjoy that you put "hey" in front of your name so when I tag you, I am already greeting you! Talk about a user friendly experience!

  • lonelytauroslonelytauros

    @CuddleHugs01234 thanks that’s very kind of you. I know The Beach Boys and David Lee Roth said that they all wish girls can be California girls, but I wish they could all be Tennessee girls

  • Snickerdoodle17Snickerdoodle17

    0 hugs, 0 touch most days. When I see my daughter in law and my 2 grandsons then I get 3 hugs. That is usually once or twice a week. I get a massage once a month and I have a regular therapist who is OK with me hugging her as I leave. I suppose that is why I see pro cuddlers at least twice a month. So in a month’s time I might get 13-20 hugs. That is short of the 240 I should be getting each month.

  • hey_nikkyhey_nikky
    edited January 15

    @lesmis33 thank you for the info!!! I too am neurospicy (also adhd af) and an anxious little bean and have been thinking it might help when I get overstimulated. Curled up with a book or my kindle under a weighted blanket sounds so cozy 🥰 maybe I'd actually hit my reading goal this year 😂

    P.S. thanks 😝 I always giggle when I get messages that start with "hi nikky" or "hey nikky" lol

  • sillysassysillysassy

    @thedude56
    Welcome to the site!! Like super-duper-just-signed-up-recently, welcome 😊 Thank you for the thought provoking thread.

    Its an interesting thing to think about trying to get 8 hugs a day. Even though I'm working in an office AND the fact that I'm an extrovert.... there's NO WAY I could accomplish 8 hugs every day. I.e. when I see my Mom or kids we wouldn't even hug 8 times (and I don't know about anyone else, I love my Mom but I don't think an every day connection would outweigh the chance to get a couple of hugs)

    What I have found interesting since I've been in the cuddle world is that oxytocin/dopamine feels sort of like time release medicine. If I can connect with cuddly people for a few hours, or attend a lovely cuddle party and get 3000 hugs for $30, I can go for quite a long time feeling like I have a "full tank" of good vibes. I know its not the same size tank for everyone....

    Maybe its "girl math" I don't know???

    ----____________________________________________________________________________________---
    That being said....

    When an adult goes to hug me, I am thrown off usually. Maybe it's a sign I need to work on letting people in

    I want to say thank you for sharing this self reflection. Its not always easy to look at the reasons WHY we do things but it looks like you are trying to figure that stuff out. Thank you for being vulnerable and risking the share. You are appreciated.

    @hey_nikky

    neurospicy

    LOVE THIS 💖💕💗

  • CuddleHugs01234CuddleHugs01234

    @lonelytauros Sweet. :)

  • KPSMKPSM

    What I gather from this thread is most folks aren't getting enough hugs. ☹️

    When I think about it I also never really try to hug anyone, so I'm certain that factors into the amount of hugs I get. So in the spirit of being the change you want to see I've decided to become a hugger, at least with my friends. I guess whenever I meet up with one I'll lead by saying "glad to see you, can I give you a hug?" Does this idea sound insane, or would it make you feel uncomfortable? I'm not going hug strangers or anything but I don't want to weird anyone out. 😓

  • Ripley54566Ripley54566
    edited January 15

    I've seen this number floating around for awhile now mostly on the headlines of tabloid articles. It always gets credited to these mysterious "studies" and "researchers" that the authors of said articles do not dare speak the name of.

    So I did a bit of digging and found out that it's not actually attributed to any actual research or clinical study. Rather, it's simply a quote by psychotherapist Virginia Satir that has been turned into a bit of pop psychology in recent years.

    "We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth."

    Of course none of this is true, so you can rest easy knowing you're probably not going to die today from failing to achieve the 4 hug minimum 😂

  • sillysassysillysassy
    edited January 15

    @KPSM I love it!

    Since I just attended a cuddle party last night and have gathered my wits about me a little through the cuddle fog... I have realized that there is so much to be gained from the insight you are presenting. Making an intentional change helps you AND the people you care about.

    "glad to see you, can I give you a hug?"

    I think that everyone here would be able to agree that its a LOVELY phrasing! They have the ability to say no and you are asking for permission. I think its a BRILLIANT way to "be the change" because hopefully it will become less awkward and those who need one will help you as well.

    Does this idea sound insane, or would it make you feel uncomfortable?

    You could also lead with "Would you LIKE a hug?" because what I find fascinating is that not everyone really believes you are giving them the option until they know better. Last night our facilitator mentioned something that stuck with me.... our society gives prizes for a YES but doesn't always support the honesty of a NO. We are conditioned to "go with the flow" "not make waves" "be a team player" but we aren't always given permission to be honest.

    I love the enthusiasm!!!

  • KPSMKPSM

    @sillysassy Thanks for the reassurance that I'm not completely crazy!

    You could also lead with "Would you LIKE a hug?" because what I find fascinating is that not everyone really believes you are giving them the option until they know better.

    I like this language more, I think it gives the other person more agency. It's way too cold to go out today but I'll start putting this into practice and report back.

    @Ripley54566 I was skeptical of the number too, thanks for digging up the source! I also did a little poking around on pubmed and found there is very little research on hug frequency, and I couldn't find a study that actually reported a number.

  • carrieannecarrieanne

    For all of those who are hug-deprived, I’m sorry that you are experiencing that. So many people are just alone in this world and don’t know how to have what they need. At least you’re in the right spot here on CC to potentially have more hugs.
    I mostly only get hugs during sessions but overall I’m affectionate, not distant and I will reach out to hug when I think they will like it. I want to be respectful of others’ personal space also and I know being physical isn’t a natural thing for everyone. I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. I spend a lot of time alone so the opportunity for hugs is wonderful.
    I just try to consciously be the kind of person someone would want to hug. If I do that, I believe the hugs will come. 🤗🤗

  • lesmis33lesmis33
    edited January 15

    guess whenever I meet up with one I'll lead by saying "glad to see you, can I give you a hug?" Does this idea sound insane, or would it make you feel uncomfortable? @KPSM

    You definitely should! I have never had anyone been uncomfortable from me asking for permission and as you are changing the function of your greeting with others, requesting permission is definitely warranted.

    In case you are not aware though, there are different levels of hugs and it is important to know them less you repeat the embarrassment I, a social nincompoop, went through when discovering the social norms and etiquette. I will leave them here just in case, but please don't think I am implying you are not aware. I simply know I wasn't when first being more open to physical touch.

    With my not close guy friends, I tend to go for the one arm semi-side hug or the handshake into one arm hug. That is pretty standard even among less touchy males.

    For close male friends who I haven't seen in a while, we will do the full hug into grabbing each other's upper arms while we express our excitement.

    For my gal pals, it is either the one arm side hug or a full frontal lean.

    In all cases, pelvic position matters the most and should never touch unless in a deep embrace with a romantic partner. I tend to keep a foot to a foot and a half between the two parties' lower areas. Surface area of chest to chest contact is determined by emotional affinity with the individual in a direct correlation. Tightness (or strength of clenching) of the hug can express enthusiasm, but should be clarified with a following verbal statement such as "excited to see you!"

  • KPSMKPSM

    @lesmis33 I appreciate you taking the time to breakdown hugging etiquette! It's definitely important to consider. I think a one arm hug is a safe option in most situations.

  • HollydollhugsHollydollhugs

    Do cat cuddles count 😭. They don’t cuddle intentionally, but I think it might count 🤷🏼‍♀️. My youngest daughter knows I cuddle and knows how much I love it and hugs, so when she is awake and willing she gives great squeezes, but I only get 1 usually every few days.

  • PixiePassionsPixiePassions

    On a day I have no clients? Absolutely not, lol. Only time I get that many hugs is at a party or if I go to my Renaissance faire. Then it's 20-50 hugs in a day, haha.

  • interalia626interalia626

    I hug my cat several times a day but I don't really receive hugs on a daily basis unless I'm meeting a cuddler. But I make up for it then.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited January 15

    That's not really a scientific hypothesis, more so a quote from a hand towel , much like eat pray love . You don't need an arbitrary amount of hugs to make it in life . That is silly . I know this is a cuddle site so we obviously all like touch, but that doesn't remove the existence of logic.

  • sean2589sean2589

    I get maybe a couple of hugs a week from my nieces and nephews. While I have certainly appreciated those hugs, it doesn't fulfill the needs that adult hugs would.

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