I think there is an idea of “being a parent” here that is almost a very selfish idea. Let’s look at the biggest and most important person involved: the children.
While being a parent is amazing, it is really a hard job. Add then to factor in someone you don’t know that well, maybe you don’t know if you completely trust, and what their character will be like with another life altering decision on their plate, this may not be what is best for the children.
I co-parented for 16 years with my ex. Again, not what we planned, but things changed. You can sit and plan and try to work things out, but something will happen. And when bad things happen between the parents, the children are involved in some way. Time is stripped from a parent. Feelings are hurt. Sides are made and lines are drawn. In the end, the children see two parents, not always one family. It affects them. It affects their future. It affects their family.
Even adoptive parents split and fight to make children choose sides. Look at statistics. The family structure is more broken each year.
Not to be funny, but if you really want to co-parent, find your very best friend, and go buy a goldfish or a turtle. See how easy it is. See if you can agree with each other. Don’t bring a child into a scary world that’s already divided. It’s not fair to them. They deserve the chance to thrive and succeed. They deserve to be the happiest.
✌🏻❤️
This WAS my problem with co-parenting with my ex-husband (may he RIP😇) during and after the divorce was final:
Yeah, if BOTH parents (not just one parent) can do exactly what this meme advises...😉Then co-parenting successfully should be a piece of cake. 🍰😁
Good luck to both of you.😊👍
Unfortunately for us, my ex-husband just couldn't focus on being a responsibly reliable parent to my son.😊 That shoulder weight ALL fell to ME! 😁
No!🙄 He was to wrapped up in himself and too busy showing THIS kind of behavior instead: It was rather hurtful indeed, as far as my son is concerned. 😌
The growth of platonic co-parenting makes sense to me as it coincides with younger generations moving away from "traditional" heterosexual monogamous marriages. It harkens back more to the village style of childrearing, but of course the transition from the model that has dominated our culture for several hundred years isn't a simple or easy one.
I see it as coming from the conjunction of disillusionment young adults have regarding "traditional" marriage and families due to all the failed marriages and dysfunctional families they have experienced it witnessed, and an embracing of non-romantic relationships as being equal to romantic ones and the growth of "chosen families". There is an appeal to building a family based not on romantic and sexual love/lust but rather on platonic and familial affection and support. And since our childbearing years (particularly for women) is limited even when fertility treatments are affordable, not having to wait for the ideal romantic partner helps open up options.
I've also seen platonic co-parenting becoming more popular in the LGBTQIA+ community. Conceiving a child with a friend has long been practiced before IVF was widely available, but now it also opens up options for aro/ace folks, polyamorous/ENM folks, etc. who may not have a singular life partner or may not be able to conceive children with them.
Also re: needing two parents in a romantic relationship in order to model relationships for the child, what about the parents just having healthy relationships with others? Why does the healthy relationship have to be between the biological parents in order to be a good example? Are healthy step families less valid examples? For children raised by grandparents, are the relationships of aunts/uncles/other close adults somehow less impactful or effective at modelling relationships for the child?
(Edit to clarify: I put "traditional" in quotation makes because we are very specifically discussing parenthood, marriage, and family dynamics in a Western European cultural context. Not all cultures of the world have the same practices, and historically our practices are relatively "new" and isolated.)
@cuddlefaery I agree with you that having a parent with healthy relationships can be just as valid if not more than having two parents . My dad died when I was 13. I loved him but was also kinda scared of him , and he and my mother didn't have the best relationship. My mother went on to have a boyfriend that remained in all of our lives for over 20 years until he passed . They never married and he did not ever attempt to play any kind of parental role . I learned more from him about how to treat others and be a good human than I did from my dad, and he treated my mother like gold . If my dad had lived and they continued to be married , there really is no telling how differently my views and beliefs and actions would have been influenced growing up.