@Katota
or a black woman's? 👀
So today you wrote:
A lot of folks seem to think that having a preference or curiosity for something automatically excuses there being an unethical basis for said preference/curiosity, or even the unethical behavior in pursuit of fulfilling it.
But on March 6, you wrote:
Preferences are absolutely fine, but if they are not serving you or even harming your ability to do what you are wanting to do, isn't it worth examining and challenging them?
Please clarify your point on when a preference is "unethical", and when it is "absolutely fine."
A few examples of each would be helpful. Thank you.
@JohnR1972 you're not usually one to cherry pick quotations without context. I even acknowledged that those were extreme examples and explained why I mentioned them, so not really an escalation.
Are they extreme examples? Yes, but those people didn't just crop up in isolation - their mentality of dehumanizing people down to the sum of their parts/traits started somewhere and exist on a spectrum.
I get a lot of men of color who have never been close to a white displaying woman. I have a variety of pictures in my profile because I’m a very thick, soft, curvy woman. Most people have a type of body they enjoy cuddling then find a personality to match. When I’m approached I am aware of the thick white woman fetish but I am very specific about my boundaries and the platonic nature of our job. I’m sorry this happened to you because it does feel icky. I think you could use this as a teachable moment… unfortunately too many people have very few experiences with people outside of their race even in 2024. It’s also not your job to be their teacher . Just remember to listen to your gut. Sometimes it’s just them not having the language to express their thoughts other times they are being gross. So listen to your gut always!
“White displaying”?????
@WestsideMarc my mother is mixed and so is my father, I display as white. I experience white privilege and clients see me as white and wonder at times what it’s like to cuddle a white woman verses a woman that is apart of their culture.
Some thoughts are best left in the mind.
The longer this thread gets, the more valuable this advice becomes. Thank you! The only question is what should I grab: Beer? Popcorn? Both?
@Sooson pizza
@Sooson For what it's worth, alot of what's being discussed in this thread are blind spots for me (I don't know how to else to describe experiences that are outside my experience), so it's interesting. Maybe even useful.
Yes, both beer and popcorn
@MamaCuddleBug What term do you use? I know several half Asian individuals (and have family members) that use different terms but some of them contradict each other in how they like to be called depending which area they're from. Thanks.
I think there's something to be said for the ability to self-regulate how one expresses themselves. I can totally buy someone wanting to cuddle someone different than their usual partner (and while skin is skin regardless of skintone, ones background can affect all kinds of things, including how they may express physical affection, even in a platonic setting).
But like, the inability to have some tact and either express that better or focus on something else (perhaps the differences they're hoping to find) also foretells an inability to keep things comfortable in future interactions. One may have lots of thoughts or feelings they may wish to act upon in a cuddle session, but it would get uncomfortable if you can't control yourself for the sake of your partner.
so it's interesting. Maybe even useful.
Entertaining for sure. definitely not useful.
So question: Cuddling with a cuddler who on certain skintone "curiosities" opposite of THEIR OWN SKINTONE is it a good thing? Or a bad thing? Would you still cuddle with them after finding out the fact, that your skin color was the MAIN REASON they messaged you?😊🤔
@Katota -Is it perfectly acceptable if having the SAME skin tone was the MAIN REASON the guy messaged you? Why do you want to cuddle me? "I want to cuddle with a fellow black woman."
@Minestrone101 Im so far from being politically correct I use all the inappropriate words… black, brown, white, mixed. Honestly I think it should be left up to the person who is talking about their genetics, culture whatever.
They’re implying it’s somehow different to cuddle a black person than to cuddle a white person. It’s not.
@bobadevotee 👍👍👍
And sure, not everyone who gets objectified hates it ...>
True!👍
As for reporting it, mods and experienced site users have repeatedly stressed that it is far better to over report than under, as then mods can document it and see if there is a pattern of problematic behavior.>
Also TRUE!👍
@cuddlefaery Thank you, as for your spoilers, I too wonder about that as well within some of these comments too. Much appreciate your comment as always!😊
@Sooson HA! I did it^^^😄😁
Check it out!👍👍👍
@Katota Nice!!!
@cuddlefaery holy crap this dude is straight up forum stalking you and bringing up things you said over a month ago to try and contradict you 😵💫😵💫😵💫 I cannot imagine having the free time to be this obsessed with a stranger online. Sorry you’re dealing with it
The funny part is that both passages he’s quoting literally support each other, not contradict 🤣 Reading comprehension and critical thinking are hard
Is it perfectly acceptable if having the SAME skin tone was the MAIN REASON the guy messaged you?
@starrynitecuds Nope, like I said I am here to cuddle with people not skintones.😊 Also, most who message me and I ask that question too (particularly the one's with ZERO INFO profiles anyway😏) just vanishes without answering...Lol! I'm good with that too.😁😄
To elaborate more, there have been many black men to reach out me but I have yet to cuddle with either of them due to many being smokers or they just stop responding altogether...It happens! 😏😄 So far I have only met with one black man in person during a lunch date, we chatted we ate. It was pleasant enough😊, and we even scheduled a day for cuddling too. But in the end he canceled so cuddling didn't happen with him, haven't heard back from him and life goes on.😁
@Katota for reaaaaal
And I love how psychotically contradictory the feedback here is. From people saying “men don’t care about personality, just an attractive body to cuddle with” to people saying that your race somehow matters because they will want to talk to you and your race can affect your personal experiences 🙄
Like, okay, which is it? Lmao
Also bizarre because usually when your race is affecting your experiences of life, it tends to be negative (ie. prejudice, etc). Every racial based discussion group or community I’m in tends to talk about our shared experiences with racism, even though that isn’t the main topic of our groups, just because it is naturally what comes to mind. Why tf would I want to talk about such experiences during a cuddle session? Lighter topics such as discussing ethnic food don’t really depend on race either. So many non-white people don’t eat their cultural foods, especially if they grew up in the states. If you want someone to cuddle with for specific conversation topics, maybe lead with that as your preference (“I want to cuddle someone who knows a lot about Ethiopian food”) rather than looking for a specific skin color.
I saw a comment giving @Katota grief for reporting this person. Please don't do that. If someone is legitimately made to feel uncomfortable on the site by another member, they can report it and us mods will decide if action needs to be taken.
Yea that thought has never ever crossed my mind.
@cuddlefaery holy crap this dude is straight up forum stalking you and bringing up things you said over a month ago to try and contradict you 😵💫😵💫😵💫 I cannot imagine having the free time to be this obsessed with a stranger online. Sorry you’re dealing with it The funny part is that both passages he’s quoting literally support each other, not contradict 🤣 Reading comprehension and critical thinking are hard
@bobadevotee I think she is showing remarkable restraint to not respond to the troll.
@bobadevotee Instead of focusing on the negative all the time, there are actually a kabillion different positive or neutral discussion topics that can come up between a white male and a black woman cuddling for the first time, and it's not crazy to think that some of those could be impacted by race. That's part of the beauty of it, and why a "I want to cuddle someone who knows about Ethiopian food" statement would be completely unnecessary and somewhat limiting. For starters, the woman could simply mention what she did the past weekend. It quite possibly may be that she went to the gym and grocery store, which every race does, or it could also be that she just came back from visiting her family in Ethiopia, or went to a local Ethiopian food festival, which could lead to even further light-hearted discussions in which topics like slavery/racism/war/genocide never even come up. Aside from that, language, diction, accents, and unique music-selection while cuddling could all be eye-opening for some white dude who recently moved from a small town in the middle of nowhere that he's lived in for his entire life. On the flipside, a black woman that literally only went to the gym and grocery store, has no particular accent, and listens to Taylor Swift while cuddling could also be eye-opening for some white dude who recently moved from a small town in the middle of nowhere that he's lived in for his entire life.
@ninjaturtle We can easily ignore pressing social issues and issues of skin color or cultural bias if we pretend that the last 200-500 years of history did not occur -but unfortunately it did. I cannot choose whether or not I was affected by hate crimes during Covid (which I was) and just suddenly be positive and talk about neutral things if I am in the midst of it. Did it alter my life path? Not really, but I will say I am still marginalized at times from being an Asian male in the states, but not as much as a Black woman and I don't presume to fully understand the extent of their issues nor how they should deal with them. We can't just fake smile our way through an existing problem. To add, I think @Katota 's is quite positive through all of it.
"forum stalking"?
It used to be called quoting, or review, or research, etc.
So what is the exact cut-off time in days:hours:minutes:seconds when quoting becomes "forum stalking"?
And is a necro thread a type of "forum stalking"?
I had some spicy foods that have angered my insides and now my poops hurt !
@pmvines but was it worth the tasty spicy food you ate? I find it usually does
@sunnysideup totally was ! Those wings sauce could be used for self defense spray but man it's tasty