I would like to add that even if there were no pros on CC, I don’t think it would make it any easier for men to find enthusiast cuddle buddies as the same blockades would exist , similar to dating apps (there’s no pro section in tinder for example)
@quincyq03 I think it's super easy to become a male Pro, you just have to have credit card on file with the site.
I don't know what the monthly flat fee is, but the "cost prohibitive" part is just a matter of supply & demand, which has already been discussed ad nauseam.
I’d appreciate it if this thread doesn’t devolve into men vs. women which several of the previous posts seem to be trending towards. If you’re an enthusiast, we’re probably all here for similar reasons for the most part. I think it’s fair to say that we all face struggles, and I’d ask that we not generalize the reason why men or women face the struggles they do ☺️. This thread has mostly been positive, and I’d prefer to keep it that way please. We’re in this together!
@cuddlefaery You are explaining the situation so well, it is so logical and so obvious to many of us. But it’s like so many of the Commenters are ignoring what you’re saying, Or choose not to read any bad news that might explain why they’re not having success. and as @pmvines basically said, too many are just oblivious to the reality and have no intention of trying to fix their situation or make a change. It’s always everyone else’s fault. There’s a lot of valuable information here that’s being ignored.
I don’t think it would be as difficult for men to find cuddlers if they expanded their preferences to all genders, which is what women do. I and every woman I know are happy to cuddle men, women, enbies, and everyone in between.
But yes, if you have some preference for women for cuddling (a non sexual act, kinda weird that gender even matters here…) then you will struggle.
Female enthusiasts deal with a lot. I remember seeing one enthusiast on the forums angrily posting about how men were messaging her disgusting things nonstop, and she was done. She quickly deleted her profile. She seemed like someone looking for a genuine cuddle connection but was absolutely horrified by what happens here.
There’s a reason most female enthusiasts turn pro. If you’re going to deal with constant bombardment of disgusting comments, why do it for free? At least get paid if you’re going to suffer.
Side story: This is literally the same reason one of my old friends became a sugar baby. Men she dated kept being awful, so she thought “If they’re gonna treat me like shit, I might as well get paid for my trouble!” Last I heard, she’s sugar dating a millionaire now 🤷♀️
Back to your predicament. My best advice is a good profile and detailed messages. When someone sends me a message that shows they actually read my profile, it puts me at ease. It also sets you apart from the 500+ “hey” messages in a woman’s inbox. Also, don’t comment on a woman’s appearance… at all. No matter how innocent you think the comment is. It’s not appropriate.
@bobadevotee 📣📣📣
@Metfan84 I was actually on this site before the whole pro thing started. I remember when the owner of the site reached out to ask us what we thought of adding pros. I was all for it. Back then, it was still hard to find anyone to cuddle with. There were not many people on the site. But I did find one person and had a few sessions.
I took a break for many years and have been a regular to the site again for the past year. So in my 2 total years, I've only had 1 enthusiast experience. My messages to locals get no response, though I have excellent karma from several amazing pros. Though, I do much better with people outside my area, in the messaging department. I've had great conversations with them, and even have a few sessions set up if one of us ever makes it to the other's town.
For the most part, the enthusiasts in my area don't even have enough of a profile to base a good email off of. So it's difficult. I just wanted to say to the OP, you're not alone. But I also don't blame the women for being hesitant when there are so many creepy guys sending them messages. I don't get that at all.
I don't get why men are creepy, is what I meant to say. I totally get why women are hesitant with men they've never met before. I think my wording was unclear.
My search and preferences are open to all genders, but that hasn’t helped me find a cuddle buddy. It seems like most men aren’t interested. The very few that were either live in a different state or were significantly older than me. I prefer to cuddle someone within 10-15 years of my age. Is that too narrow? It’s just a comfort level thing.
It’s weird that gender matters? Men and women are different. I don’t want to cuddle a man. I also don’t get naked and change clothes in front of my male friends. Women do it all the time , there are biological differences between men and women so just because women are comfortable cuddling women doesn’t mean men should be comfortable cuddling other men. What a strange comment. Then as usual you went on to start trashing men . Like there are no rude or boundary crossing women out there.
It’s weird that gender matters? Men and women are different. I don’t want to cuddle a man
@Kense I'm not sure who you are reacting to but yes, I agree with you.
It is weird that people think that it is weird that gender matters.
another thing that matters is a good mattress.
I’m responding to bobadevotee, Who thinks because some women are comfortable cuddling women Men should cuddle men. She seems to always have some problem with men and constantly gives examples of how creepy and disgusting men are .
@Kense oh heavens, here we go with the strawman arguments and other logical fallacies.
Any real difference felt PLATONIC cuddling different genders has to do with behaviors and expectations - not biology. Men generally are uncomfortable cuddling other men in our society because of social conditioning, not because their bodies are somehow incompatible with cuddling each other. Are men biologically incapable of cuddling their sons? Are the unable to hug their grieving friends to comfort them? Are sporting celebratory group hugs somehow biologically incorrect?
Being uncomfortable cuddling people with particular traits, like gender, is valid as discomfort is an emotion...but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be challenged or questioned. We cannot control our emotions, but we can change our reactions to them and behaviors accordingly.
Also, if we're going to base platonic cuddling partners off of some concept of biological gender differences, then really women and trans folk should just stop cuddling men, as statistically cisgendered men are the most likely to assault others. It's far more reasonable for the people who overwhelmingly have touch trauma due to men to avoid intimate interactions with them than for men without said trauma to avoid cuddling other men off of false and outdated ideas around biology. Heck, if women and trans folk just straight up stopped cuddling men for our safety, men would have to learn rather quickly that cuddling other men does not have to be such a barrier.
No one is saying men HAVE to cuddle other men. What we do say, however, is that one shouldn't complain about a lack of available cuddle partners when one automatically cuts the pool by 50-80% (50 if going strictly off rough gender break downs of the population, 80 if going off of cuddle enthusiasts on this site).
This comment breaks the forum rules. See you in a week [netrunner]
@Kense long-winded and soapbox it might be, but I reject the elitist bit. Feel free to scroll on by if you don't like reading. I use spoilers on my longer comments just for that very reason, to make it easier for the folks who don't care to engage with me.
I wasn’t even speaking to you but you felt the need to respond using words that have nothing to do with what I said . Strawman? Logical fallacies? It doesn’t even make sense you accused me of those .
Well, Kense, I could break down line by line what in your comment I responded to were logical fallacies, but that would be an even longer comment and I'm sure you would not appreciate. But as an example, you mentioned women getting naked/changing clothes in front of each other, but that you don't because you are a man - that is a logical fallacy with cuddling because 1) you don't get naked to platonically cuddle (false equivalency), and 2) men not changing in front of other men is a culturally bound practice, not a biological one. There are plenty of men both in our culture and worldwide who have zero problem changing in front of each other because they have not been socialized to think it is "wrong".
You are posting in a public forum, people are going to respond to what you say. If you only want a particular person to respond, generally a private message to them will work better and avoid others chiming in.
To the OP, the answer to your question is "yes" if you're seeking unpaid enthusiasts. If you're willing/able to pay a pro, then the answer is "no".
It’s not about being “naked” or what is culturally acceptable LOL my god , it’s best I not respond to you anymore , you’re obviously trying to look good and become a moderator with how post here. Good luck to you . LOL
@Kense then why include that example in your argument for how there is some biological difference in cuddling between the genders? You are the one who put forth the premise that there is a biological reason why men don't cuddle men, and then you cited getting naked/changing clothes. If you included the example without intending it to support your claim, why say it at all?
Not taking any sides here, I think discussion is good. But it's not so simple as to say that men not wanting to cuddle other men is purely biological OR cultural. It can be both. And once any mammal has 20+ years of social conditioning, changes become biological. They get hard wired into the nervous system. DNA even goes through changes due to what happens to the organism (look up methylation for some fascinating research that has been done).
I agree that these things can be challenged, that questions should be asked. I personally would not cuddle a man, though I enjoy hugging my male friends. I do ask myself why this is. I have a particular history... of being abused by men, that creates an automatic fear response at the idea of being that close with another man. I've been going to therapy off and on for decades trying to address these issues in therapy, as they have been very disruptive to my life. And the ingrained trauma responses are real and very resistant to change. And so I understand women in this way, to the extent that I can.
I wouldn't be so bold as to say my preferences are purely societal or biological. Both play a role. Had these experiences not happened, there is another layer to it where my mother neglected me since birth. So other layers of trauma and conditioning and DNA changes etc come into play, which also lead me to prefer women as a counter to the lack I had as a child. So preference spurred by society and the biology of trauma.
And there are people smarter than me who have given interesting talks on how it is disadvantageous for men to be close in the ways that women are. I won't go into it here, and I am not saying it's proven, but it can't be said that the opposite is proven either.
It's all very complicated and difficult to understand... and I try and understand everyone's feelings, men, women, trans, everyone. Things are harder for some of us, for very valid reasons.
My situation is definitely out of the norm but still, I have been able to have a few experiences here that keep bringing me back. I have no lack of cuddles with my beautifully supportive wife but enjoy meeting new people! My love language is touch so getting to meet a new person while cuddling is so enjoyable to me! People really tend to open up and be themselves and authenticity is sooo important in our lives. My very first cuddle from here was with @sillysassy and it could have not been a better experience! And by the way, I don't know that my first cuddle session with her can be topped!
But as we move into a new area, I still check out what cuddlers may be available and send a nice message, with some substance to it. It so happens that my wife and I are meeting a potential cuddle partner today for lunch!
Keep trying! It is totally worth the effort! But if I can make any suggestions at all, making a first impression with your initial message is key.
Best of luck! Happy Cuddling!
@Kense it’s been the same thing on these boards for many years. You have different opinions between men and women. “Passionate” discussions are had, people take sides, the white knights appear. The “passionate” discussions generally fade away until a new post riles people up again. We are actually in a fairly peaceful time on the boards right now. I’ve seen all out wars in the past.
Is it possible to lock a thread? This is getting dumb. Just stop. DM each other if you want to argue. Literally no one wants to hear y’all’s one-sided, tone deaf, and generalized arguments that ignore straightforward facts just to push your own agendas; not the people you’re arguing with and certainly not the others who aren’t even participating in the “debate”. If you’re not willing to accept what anyone else has to say besides yourself, then go find a wall to talk to. I tried to get this thread back on track earlier, but if you’re so intent on continuing this argument then make your own thread to fight over it in. You’re not welcome here.
My very first cuddle from here was with @sillysassy and it could have not been a better experience! And by the way, I don't know that my first cuddle session with her can be topped!
@roamingroyals That is a question. Can @sillysassy be topped? I don’t know and I have had some unbelievable sessions but she is definitely Top 3 all time for sure. More than anything I put her up against anyone on this site as far as a quality person. She is definitely someone to admire and emulate.
Take it from me, unless you are willing to pay for a professional, which I am not, it is close to absolutely impossible. I've sent out about 50 inquiries with zero results and out of 50 only 2 responses. I'm practically over this idea. I personally find it asinine that people are like. Oh I'm not a professional color. I really genuinely care about people and I want to help them but they never respond to the messages and I've never had a cuddle. So maybe they look at me and they're like oh, he's not attractive which that shouldn't matter. Oh he's you know whatever the case may be. Oh he likes fishing. Oh my gosh I can't cuddle with that guy cuz he likes fishing my personal life like my hobby. Should have nothing to do with it but people are stuck up. So good luck to you man. All I can say is good luck because I have had none and be careful on this forum cuz people are vicious they can be anyway.
@Gholdnor sorry this has happened to your thread. I know you had a legitimate question. Thank you for voicing your opinion though.
Having a gender preference about who you cuddle is not weird, lest anyone be on the verge of feeling shame about that.
I have been on the site for eight years and met some of my female friends on here, besides having seen many pros. There aren’t as many female enthusiasts as there were before the pandemic, and before pros outnumbered them ten to one. Platitudes and general advice aside, it’s completely possible that a man’s chances, with a great profile and personality, in a certain area, of meeting up with a local woman in person via CC to see if they are a fit, have dropped, so that he might have had 1-2 meets a year in 2019 but 0.5 per year in 2024.
There’s no way to know, though, so it’s best to just keep on with no expectations, maybe focus on going to events and meeting people IRL, finding community, maybe see pros. Just remember your cuddles are not less valuable than anyone else’s, and there are people (including women) who will happily cuddle you for free, regardless of your genders, because cuddling is awesome. Many women prefer cuddling with men, for various reasons.
The world is not a market, it’s just a bunch of humans who sometimes bump into each other and form connections and decide to trust each other.
@Morpheus I appreciate it ☺️. I obviously have my opinions on the things that have been said, but this simply isn’t the place to discuss it. And to be honest I don’t really care to haha. People can believe whatever they would like. I just wish their opinions wouldn’t hijack unrelated threads. With that said, overall I’ve really appreciated this thread. It was very encouraging/uplifting for me ☺️. There were a lot of very kind responses, and I’ve even had several people DM me to offer their words of encouragement as well. I’ve honestly had a rough couple of weeks, and all the support has really meant a lot.
The world is not a market
It became a market and stayed a market since the first caveman asked “what’s in it for me?”. Thinking otherwise is noble but also a case of burying one’s head in the sand.