There are elements who use this platform. What do you think?
Renamed title to be less provocative. If someone is using the site to meet up for sex, report them. [Mark]
There are elements who use this platform. What do you think? How is this platform governed to prevent that?
I don't care at all that people want to purchase sex. I care that younger pros with less experience are getting targeted and pressured. And I care that this site is used by many to find victims. I care that people I've reported for breaking the TOS are still out here doing their thing.
I have to make my peace with that. It was horrible my first two weeks having an account here.
Each time somebody accepts money for sex on cc, the client tells others and then they tell others and so on and so forth. So it's a 10 fold to 100 fold eventually of men flocking to the site thinking that they can pay for sex . It's self fulfilling unfortunately, and the ones who doing it as normal practice are just as guilty of perpetuating it as the men who come here looking for that kind of thing . I have known my fair share of sex and sex adjacent workers in my life and like you @coregulate I don't have much of an issue with it (though it does more often than not end up feeding into and normalizing maladaptive coping mechanisms to trauma). But when it's on this site , it should be sniffed out and eradicated on both sides of the coin.
There’s a pretty strong community of people here that report bad behavior pretty darn quick.
People who try to use this site for that sort of thing are banned. It is a regrettably common occurrence.
If in doubt - Report.
There are two issues here:
1: primarily, there are men who simply don't care about the site's rules and want to use this platform for sexual purposes. While those seeking sex workers are certainly here, there is an even more nefarious element of creeps who want to push the boundaries of NON-sex workers, attempting to initiate or even force sex-making the site less safe for all women who use it; and
All of this sucks, although I think the people in group 1 are dangerous and the people in group 2 are simply obnoxious (and I absolutely believe sex work should be safe, legal, regulated, and taxed although that does not mean it need be accepted in all communities. I would also say that unless and until I can be entirely convinced that a sex worker is not being trafficked, I could never even think about engaging a sex worker, and since that is not possible it's a no for me).
All of that said, there is an actively reporting community here and a responsive and engaged moderator group and technologies engaged in fighting it here. Ultimately the burden lies on all of us to call out the abusers, report them, and refuse to accept them in this community.
In addition to boundary pushers, another issue that occurs is that prostitutes on the site charge higher prices which makes non prostitutes especially newbies, think that’s the normal price so they raise their prices. This makes it bad for cuddle purists who actually want to cuddle but now face inflated prices. This is twofold because it puts innocent pros in danger. They charge these inflated prices thinking it’s normal which leads clients who are seeking prostitutes to assume that with their inflated prices, they must offer extras.
That's an interesting way of saying that if women charge higher rates they bring it on themselves when men pressure them for sex so if they want to not be treated like prostitutes then they should charge less @Morpheus . I understand you wish that women didn't charge what they charge to cuddle , but that doesn't mean they deserve to be treated as sex objects because of it . Sounds like you're hoping to shame them into charging less. Perhaps I'm wrong , but that is how it comes across .
Each time somebody accepts money for sex on cc, the client tells others and then they tell others and so on and so forth.
👍👍👍
@Pmvines Yep, I figured that's how a lot of horny-toad morons keep popping up here. Word of mouth is powerful indeed!😌
Unfortunately, it really makes it hard for Enthusiasts who aren't "wallet enthusiasts" (like Myself) to let my guard down (to get acquainted) with ease towards a lot cuddlers who message me first.😕
I was chatting with one who was eventually banned (someone else reported him, not me) but I had a feeling that he too was another horny-toad moron who would eventually be banned.🤨 Smh, his line of "questions" was definitely giving off obvious sexualized hints.🙄😏
Sex work is much more rampant here than is generally acknowledged. And while "here are the rules; report people who don't follow them" is perfectly fine in theory, the problem is that most people on the site don't follow the rules, and consequently most people on the site don't want to ban rulebreakers. Both pros and clients.
So by all means continue to have these rules and encourage people to follow them, but never in a million years are you going to succeed in banning even a large fraction of the rulebreakers. What I would really like to see is a little more frank messaging from the site towards new pros. I have met quite a few new pros who seem to have an overly optimistic or naive view of pro cuddling. I've had at least 4 crying in my arms due to an experience with another client. I really think a lot of this could be avoided if someone had told them, "You will meet clients who ask for sexual services, and some of them will be pushy. You need to be ready to strongly assert your boundaries, and to get up and leave if necessary. If you don't feel comfortable being assertive to someone who is being pushy, unfortunately you should not be a pro cuddler."
Well there’s been some weird ppl in the past I’ve come across here. Asking me odd questions such as asking if they can hold my behind while cuddling. N I was like why???? N he was like cuz it’s part of cuddling. N in my head I’m going what the hell n he was like we can talk more about it on the phone n well I never called him I was like nope. Bye. I didn’t get it. N then another one before that said something about kissable lips I was like that don’t sound right at all. I told him I don’t want to do stuff like that. N then he was sounding platonic again after that but I decided that one is def a nope. On top of that that one was married. I have a big heart that wants to give ppl the benefit of the doubt believe that they’ll improve blah blah blah but I learned the hard way hard lessons in past relationships that isn’t beneficial it’s always right to listen to intuition. If I even feel just a little bit funny about someone now it’s a hell no from me. I’ll suffer a little longer being without a cuddle buddy than go for less n suffer deeper that’ll take months possibly years to repair. So hell no. Keeping it real here. I know what’s meant to be will be.
@ATemporaryUser0
the problem is that most people on the site don't follow the rules
This is a guess in your part, and can't be backed up by data that you have access to.
I'm challenging this assertion because it's likely to encourage the kind of people we are trying to turn away.
The fact is, there's more rule-breaking than we would like, but it's nothing like a majority of members.
You have no data on what percentage of rule breakers are banned. This too is a guess on your part.
I agree that pros should exercise diligence, but I, for one, refuse to hold women responsible for the bad behavior of men. (Yes, I know that some women break the rules too.)
Please be careful. While you may not intend so, your words can be interpreted as victim-blaming. ("Boys will be boys and women need to step up their game to defend themselves" is what I'm hearing. No! Men need to hold themselves and other men accountable to basic decent behavior.)
@JoyfulHeart
It's not a guess; it's an inference based on nearly 6 years' experience and seeing dozens of pro cuddlers in multiple cities across the US, as well as talking to them about their experiences. Making an inference based on one's extensive personal experience is a perfectly reasonable thing to do.
Because burying our collective heads in the sand is doing a great job at keeping them away?
While you may not intend so, your words can be interpreted as victim-blaming.
Advising people to keep themselves safe when in situations that are known to be risky could not be interpreted as victim-blaming by any remotely reasonable person. Unless you live in an extremely safe neighborhood, you should probably lock your front door. Is that blaming you for a burglar's actions? Of course not.
"Boys will be boys and women need to step up their game to defend themselves" is what I'm hearing.
You must have been listening to someone else then.
Men need to hold themselves and other men accountable to basic decent behavior.
What is the mechanism by which I can hold other men accountable? How do I have any more influence over other men's actions than you do?
@JoyfulHeart the majority would indicate 51% which means 49% are rule breakers. That’s a huge percentage. What do you actually think the percentage is of pros who offer some type of sexual service is?
@JoyfulHeart in a recent thread you did not challenge someone who claimed that "99% of messages women get here are men being assholes and acting entitled " is it really 99%? and if it's not, why haven't you challenged it?
I reread @ATemporaryUser0 and not seeing any victim-blaming there
Please be careful. While you may not intend so, your words can be interpreted as victim-blaming.
You are correct, it's not that hard to accomplish having your comments being labeled victim-blaming. yes, one has to be very careful since the mis interpreters are ready with their knives out.
@coregulate and a 21 year old pro who "loves to be spoiled" and has her kik and cashapp IDs listed in her profile is not an innocent victim.
@Sooson I may have not noticed it. I don't think that's true either, for the record, but most of the warnings and bans I hand out are to men.
@Morpheus I see no value in speculating.
@Sooson I fail to see how wanting a fat wallet is comparable to pushing boundaries and literal SA, or deserving of that harm.
My understanding is that a potential client can not be banned simply for asking and we Pro cuddlers can’t get anyone banned unless we’ve met them and they didn’t stick to rules after we’ve already given them a warning.
We’re never going to be able to get rid of those who are using the site for sexual purposes so My advice to pro cuddlers is to just require every potential client to do a phone call.
After all, if men are going to invite a “Pro Cuddler” in to their home, they should care who it is and want to get a feel for that person before inviting them over.
@Shake So do I. I didnt say it does. But not exactly your ideal pro profile would you agree? When your profile has an SA vibe to it you invite the wrong crowd as we like to call them here. And with profiles like that no wonder they are here. I'm on the ladies side here and no not victim blaming just making observations
Also odds are that a pro that provides alternative methods for contacting her on her CC profile will not adhere to other CC rules . By providing alternative forms of contact you invite clients who are likely not to be rule followers. What message does it send to clients when you say : you can talk to me over there if you want. Kik out of all places.
this site is used by many to find victims>
@coregulate
I think there are many men on this site looking for prostitution but I don’t think there are many that are coming on here specifically to intentionally victimize innocent pros. I think both clients and pros use this site for prostitution because cuddling is legal and they see this as an easy avenue into illegal activities. There are many female sex workers that use prostitution to make money and there are many men that use sex workers simply for sexual gratification. That doesn’t make sex workers bad people and it doesn’t make patrons of prostitutes, predators.
Making an inference based on one's extensive personal experience is a perfectly reasonable thing to do.
@ATemporaryUser0 you are correlating anecdotal experience with large group data to make gross (as in large) overgeneralizations.... Both of which are very common logical fallacies. I would trust that a mod here, like @JoyfulHeart , would have far better insight into the actual data trends than a single user basing assumptions off their personal experience.
@HaileyHugs (Moderator here) Potential clients can be banned for asking so please report them.
@Sooson a pro with contact info listed on their profile is breaking contract and should be reported for that, regardless of what their intentions might be.
but I don’t think there are many that are coming on here specifically to intentionally victimize innocent pros.
@Morpheus try repeating that after reading nearly any femme presenting member of this site's messages. The intent to push boundaries is the intent to victimize, whether you deem the victim to be "innocent" or not. Continuing pushing women's boundaries after being told multiple times to stop and/or that this is problematic behavior IS an intentional choice to violate consent. To suggest that the scores of women who have their boundaries violated are somehow culpable, aka "less/not innocent", IS victim blaming.
@Sooson , I actually insist on a phone screening call for everyone and the only way that can happen is by giving them a number. I want to talk to them & make sure the person understands the rules because I certainly don’t want any misunderstanding about the session entails. I also ask them, “Do you have any questions for me? Remember, I won’t have you banned for asking questions.” I think people don’t want to ask specific questions through the site because maybe they think they’ll get banned. Here’s an example:
@CharlieBear - I’m pretty sure I read something like, “only do a report if you’ve met with the client.” I’ll see if I can find it.
@HaileyHugs wow I cannot beleive people ask such questions. Too detailed what if I touch here what if I touch there. Odd. Having questions you feel you can't ask on the site is already an issue. I never even made a clothing request even when the profile suggested they are open to that. As far as phone verification , per TOS you can only exchange personal contact info after booking was confirmed by both parties. Only once I was asked to do a phone call prior to the meet and I ended up cancelling because the person was what some here would call femme presenting. And I suspect they only requested the call to make me aware of that. We had a good conversation we talked for like half an hour Nice person. But I moved on.
I'm totally fine tho with phone call if the pro requests it. Me, if I feel that I need to get on the phone with you before we meet just to feel safer and more conformable then I'm not even interested at that point.
Yes men also have safety concerns belive it or not. For example if your profile says that "someone will be in the hallway".. next in line please ( because I don't know who's in the hallway and what their intebtions are)
@HaileyHugs You need to reread your contract. It clearly states:
"No touching in areas covered by undergarments is permitted."
~ Sunset Snuggles
🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover
@HaileyHugs Another mod here. Some of the easiest bans I've made are when potential clients are blatantly asking to break the rules in messages. Especially if those messages are on site rather than texts, because then we can actually view the proof ourselves. Some won't even send screenshots of their texts, or reference an offsite phone call, which makes the job harder. It's a case by case scenario, but you can be banned for what gets said in messages. [Removed image as it displayed an IP address]
The other side of the coin is of course when they are given a chance or more to straighten up their act and start following the rules. Something I'm sensing @coregulate has likely had to endure with the people she's reported, I'm sorry to say. Warnings issued are something between moderators and the person being issued the warning. If someone's had prior warnings, those are viewable for mod eyes. It reveals a pattern of behavior. Whether or not they were being sneaky, and careful, or however they were getting by on warnings, offences add up & have been used many times in determining punishment. Just because someone got away with something once or even twice, doesn't mean reporting is fruitless. Those warnings can help lead to a ban later.
Lastly, as @SunsetSnuggles pointed out, those areas you & your client were talking over I'd advise against encouraging touch at all. It goes against the rules and both of you would normally recieve warnings like the one above or worse for speaking like that. Consider this a verbal warning & please refrain from those areas in future sessions.