I joke all the time that i would pay someone to brush my hair or tickle my back, would anyone else? Is this another thing we could do on the site?
If you're only joking, it's okay. If you're not joking, I guess it's still okay.
Within the context of an established enthusiast-enthusiast relationship, these kind of things are completely fine because they are platonic.
If a client wants things like that, again within the context of an established relationship with a professional, then they are also fine.
It's obviously not fine at all for a professional to ask a client to do them for her.
And these kind of things are never fine for a first or early meeting for numerous reasons. (They are used as boundary-testers by abusers; they can be fetishistic; they could be disturbing for the person being asked, etc.)
If a professional would like things like that and does not have them in private life, then the procedure (as the OP suggests) is to behave like a client, book another professional and proceed like any other client. Sometimes professionals cuddle each other on a mutual basis and that's great too. When approaching another professional, it's very important to be very clear about what kind of connection you seek.
@jasmine67 Most of us realize you are stating things you enjoy. Please excuse the lecture and splainin . I'm going to go back to tending to my morning poops now . Hugs 🤗
Neck rubs and head scratches are my favorites relaxations. I might even fall asleep, which I have done while getting my hair wash, condition, cut and style. My stylist also offers a 5 minute shoulder and up massage when you first sit in her chair. An hour of bliss.
As far as I can tell, neither if those things would be against the rules of the site, so the answer to "is this another thing we could do?" would be yes.
There's kind of an interesting additional question here about "What can a pro ask of a client?" It seems that for some, the answer is "nothing, except that the client respect the pro's boundaries." For some clients, cuddling with a pro is a "focus only on me" activity.
However, for some of us, cuddling with a pro is much more of a mutual experience. I pay mostly to have access to their time and energy. Once we are in a room together it becomes a discussion about each of our boundaries and what each of us likes and doesn't like. I often ask pros that I've seen if there are particular things they enjoy, and if someone told me that they enjoyed having their hair brushed, I'd likely say "That sounds awesome, would you like to do that for a bit?"
And these kind of things are never fine for a first or early meeting for numerous reasons.>
@CuddleDuncan
Why is it not okay for a professional to ask a client? I love when pros make requests? In my karma, I had a pro state that I brushed her hair. I’ve booked with other pros who have seen that and have requested I brush their hair. It was all fine.
@Jasmine67 You have to take some of the things said on here with a grain of salt . Speaking with a self annointed sense of authority doesn't change that it is merely an opinion and not fact , regardless of how linear and emphatic the opinion is stated .
I think it’s always okay to ask for platonic activities that fall within the guidelines of this site, whether cuddling with a pro or an enthusiast. Hair brushing and back tickling would seem to qualify. (Although, tickling through clothing probably more within the spirit of CC’s rules than on bare skin.)
Polite asking (again within rules) should be fine as long as the answer is respected — whatever that answer may be. And this is just as true on the first meeting as it is on the 100th.
@WiserGuy3000 👏
I think it comes down to what professionals and enthusiasts think is the role of a professional :
We can all agree that the number one role of a pro is not to get their needs met, but does it mean they shouldn't get any needs met?
We can all have opinions and use them to our needs - especially without the underhanded and passive aggressive or personally offended comments.
I feel like a lot of people are getting hung up on the fact that im a pro and i like it too 😂 as a pro i would not ask my client to do those things for me i would book a session myself if i wanted them, i was more interested in if other people would like to have that in there sessions 🥰 i so far have only had male clients but i feel like perhaps more females would enjoy that in a session 🤔
Personally speaking, I take more pleasure in nurturing than I do in being nurtured. I would rather hold than be held. I would rather brush hair than have mine brushed. I am not calling females, dogs but I enjoy brushing my dogs hair. I’m also a girl dad so I’m competent at brushing hair and braids 💕 Any pro I’m with, if you want your hair brushed, just walk in and hand me your brush.
@Morpheus 100% Agree (although I make no claims about my braiding skills)
Love scalp scratches, head massages, neck massages and back scratches. 😌 sign me up!
My very first cuddle ever I had my Pro cuddler ask if we could go on a moonlight stroll around the block (it was 11pm) I obliged and she didn't count that towards my time and added time even. I think it's fine if Pros request things (within reason), cause the client can always say no.
I usually always give my Pros back scratches depending on the position we are in. Now I think if the pro asks for her hair to be brushed or something that would take away from actual cuddles then I think that time should not be counted towards the cuddle time.
@jasmine67 Like I said earlier . Grain of salt . Sooo many grains .
Finger combing and scalp scritches as well as well as finger tracing on the back can be divine.
When I book a session, I usually see if a pro would be Ok with doing this for me
I’ve had many great cuddles with pros but all of these type of issues (pro / client platonic requests) become irrelevant with the right enthusiast. Cuddling with an enthusiast is very reciprocal and is all about the various forms of platonic touch you both enjoy.
When you find an enthusiast you really connect with, one who truly knows you and your flaws but enjoys spending time with you anyway, you move into a whole new realm. A realm in which you develop mutual trust so you can both relax completely and not worry about something being said that is taken wrong. That is when you have found something truly special 😊
@jasmine67 In all honesty, the word "tickle" can conjure up fetishes, so whatever it means to you, you might consider changing your verbiage to something less likely to bring the wrong crowd. Moving down to your clarifying post, the things you mention are fine to do/offer/pay for, on the site, since they fall within the realm of cuddling, or at minimum, they are cuddle-adjacent.
Many people here do all kinds of things together that don't even have to do with cuddling. For enthusiasts like me this can be going on a bike ride together, visiting an aquarium, or going snowshoeing. For Pro's, they often offer companion-style "cuddles", which is a bit of a mess in regards to the rules, but this can include things like being paid to go to lunch with someone or to walk around the zoo with them, after a cuddle. Basically, rent-a-friend is allowed, though under certain conditions, so certainly the cuddly/physical touch things you're asking about are completely fine.
@CuddleDuncan posted: "It's obviously not fine at all for a professional to ask a client to do them for her."
While asking outright to have the focus put on the Pro definitely sounds wrong to me, if a client asks what a Pro likes, or enjoys caregiving just as much as receiving care, I see nothing wrong with a Pro letting them know what they prefer.
@CuddleDuncan posted: "these kind of things are never fine for a first or early meeting"
I think they're just fine, but always vibe-check. If either party is seeming to get some kind of fetishized pleasure out of it, then it needs to stop. There are plenty of things I reserve for closer cuddle friends, but touching of my hair (or brushing, if I happened to have blown it straight that day), is certainly not one of them. Pancaking/Weighted Blanket, on the other hand...huge difference.
I agree with everything @Achterbahn wrote. However, I firmly believe the default with a Pro should be that they are providing a service and, unless the client specifically offers to provide the Pro one-sided care/nurturing while paying them, the Pro should be in caregiving mode the entire time. It blows my mind and infuriates me to hear complaints about Pro's who conveniently "fall asleep" for the entire session, or get their clients to give them an hour-long massage... Sleeping through your caregiving or putting the client in a giving position, unless it's asked for directly, seems ridiculously unethical. However, as Achterbahn said, if this is what the client wants, great! Oftentimes, they miss physical touch and that can 100% include giving it. The key here is enthusiastic consent.
@KamikaziNinja86 posted: "I think it's fine if Pros request things (within reason), cause the client can always say no."
I think this is tricky, because while everyone can say no, many in the cuddle world struggle to have healthy boundaries. Putting them in a position where the client might feel it's rude or unfair to deny an unprompted request from a Pro sounds like a bit of a power imbalance. So again - if prompted by the client, great. If unprompted...unprofessional, IMHO.
@JohnR1972 I would hope that those who regularly schedule with the same Pro's could reach that point of trust where things wouldn't be taken the wrong way, either. But I totally agree, so lovely when you feel comfortable with someone and you're just there together as friends for mutual enjoyment.
~ Sunset Snuggles
🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover
@SunsetSnuggles I agree with you here. While I prefer that time I spend with pros is a mutual experience with both giving an receiving, it's not what I expect to be the default, which is why I ask specifically if there are things they would like. (And I'm OK saying no if it's not something I'm comfortable with.)
I also agree that for some it's harder to say no, which is why requests can be tricky.
Gotta say I really like having my hair brushed, though it isn't long like it used to be. It makes me feel nurtured. I also enjoy having my hair played with. Very relaxing.
I also have fond memories of brushing my children's hair years ago. When I visit them now as adults I still do and it gives me a lovely, maternal feeling.
Oh sweet @jasmine67 I would easily do that when asked! I talked to a lady that asked me if I would brush her hair in a cuddle session - and I agreed. But I can't tell you more, as this session never happened...
TIL Long time sun exposure and sun damage to your scalp can be the cause of pain and sensitivity and might be what makes some people crave head massage and hair brushing. Since we can’t exactly put sunscreen on our head unless we are completely bald, now I know to wear a hat in the summer and a swim cap when I’m swimming. Of course, I always wear lots high spf sunscreen on skin, but haven’t covered my head. How can I have never realized this before?
@jasmine67, if the commute wasn’t an international trip halfway around the world, I’d gladly offer. That sounds like a great thing to explore and try.
I love tickles and scalp scratches!
Having someone touch/play with your hair is truly one of the best feelings. 😊
I've had a cuddler ask to brush my hair. I will never tell someone they can't play with/brush my hair unless it seems "weird" It's such a relaxing feeling
@Achterbahn
@SunsetSnuggles
I think that everything SunsetSnuggles said is completely spot on.
The role of the client is different for every client based on what they want out of the session. It’s definitely true that some clients prefer a more “mutual” experience and some don’t.
But even in those more “mutual” type of experiences, I really believe that it still has to be completely because the client truly wants that mutual experience, and that the pro is still serving the client by giving it to them. It doesn’t mean that the pro can’t enjoy the experience too, or that clients can’t ask the pro what what they like best to get their own full experience.
It’s just for me…I found that the more I got concerned with making the experience enjoyable for the pro, the more I risked experiencing transference and starting to view the pro more like an enthusiast or a friend. And I think that’s where the danger lies.
For me, I always had to go back and remember that this was MY session and that the pro was there to give me the best experience possible. It was important for me not to get into the mindset of needing to please the pro or give her an experience. I still wanted her to enjoy the experience, and I liked doing things that she enjoyed. And I also REALLY liked things that we BOTH enjoyed a lot.
But, the key thing was that this is what made me happy. It was still all about me in a sense.
It’s a really weird, nuanced and unique thing, and it almost gets philosophical. It will be different for everyone. And some clients can handle the emotional aspect of the relationship more easily than others. But ultimately, the client is still paying the pro for a service, and I think that always has to be taken into account on both sides.
I really think there is so much more being read into and dissected and assumed and hypothesized about this innocuous and benign thread to be honest . Pros are allowed to express their feelings and share about things they enjoy too without an essay and lecture about it. And go ahead and call me a meanie and say I'm part of a non existent cc clique whatever, I'll be on the pot poopsing away