Is it too much to ask???

Maybe someone can take a look at my profile and tell me if it is just super un-appealing or what it may be, because I continue to occasionally send out messages to women on this site, and none of them reply, unless it is a "professional" looking to get something scheduled.

It may be just me, but I seem to feel that booking such a personal time with someone would be less than genuine if I was paying for it.  I worry that I will be filled with thoughts that she is just there for the money, and that doesn't interest me.

So I reach out to non pro's with a simple message, and they never respond.  The message has often been something simple like this : "I would love to find someone close by to spend this kind of time with. Let me know if you would be interested in talking and maybe scheduling some cuddle time together soon."

Is it too much to ask for even a simple reply of "not interested."?  Can someone tell me what I am doing wrong?

Brandi

As far as I am aware, its pretty hard to meet with non pros. not just you, but in general. Id just say keep searching, and that right lady will come around at some point!

quietman775

@bruin_alum, it's not you. Check out this thread: https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/1863/cuddlers-who-ignore-potential-customers/p1

Apparently, what used to be considered common courtesy does not apply online, and people expect you to expect to be ignored. I've had the same experience as you from many non-pros. I would suggest reconsidering your position on pros.  I have a couple of regulars who definitely don't make me feel like it's all about the money. Now maybe it really is --- but if so, then good acting skills are part of what they bring to the table, because they never make me feel that way. That's good enough for me. Gotta run. Whatever you decide, keep your chin up. People's unresponsiveness is no reflection on you.

UniverseMan

That's just the way it is. Ever done online dating? Same thing. It's a woman's world. It can be hard to get a response from women you've actually MATCHED with! (i.e. you both "swiped right") Think about that...

Many men react very badly to being explicitly rejected. Women learn not to respond if not interested. When a woman responds to me to say no thanks, I actually think, "oh, you must be new."

This seems extremely similar to the Replys thread

pmvines

@bruin_alum I think you may be more successful with your interactions if you did not immediately ask them to cuddle with you. There needs to be trust and rapport, and some of the women on here I have spoken with voice frustration with men messaging them and immediately wanting to meet up and cuddle without trust and friendship being built. I personally don't go into anything on here expecting for it do develop into a cuddle pal simply because nobody lives near me, and plus if someone did it doesn't necessarily mean we would click or have anything in common. Try reaching out and introducing yourself. Make some small talk. Try sharing something about yourself, and take interest in finding out about them too. Then let things organically happen. If it is meant to be it will happen, if not, at least you have made an online friend.

netrunner

Here's my suggestion... make use of the Karma feature.
To do so, meet with a Pro or 2 that will leave Karma to help credit you're not some creep. This can help with meeting with non-Pros as someone has vouched for you. I will say, I've cuddled with multiple Pros and non-Pros and, for me and my experience, I've seen a difference.
A Pro is hired to cuddle and comfort you whereas a non-Pro most likely has their own needs of being comforted. I enjoy cuddling with both, but at different times... sometimes I need the recharge of a comforted cuddle and am willing to hire a Pro for that while other times I simply want to cuddle or help someone else in need of being cuddled and search for non-Pros. While I'm sure there are non-Pros who can do both comforting and being comforted cuddles, it's usually one of those things that takes time to build up to.

Just my experience and advice

All good feedback - thanks.  I appreciate the advice on the contact pmvines.  I know my own personal intentions are not creepy or overtly forward, so I may not have realized I could potentially come off as too forward.  Appreciate the words there.

As for the lack of general common courtesy in a reply to even say F Off - and really yes, I would rather get something than nothing - it just seems odd or even ironic to me in this community that seems to veer opposite of what is current in that lack of courtesy and more toward older, more genuine values that I would get this.  

I will also consider a pro.  I had a lot of great communication with one, Anna from LA (kuddlebunny I believe it was), but she has left the business.  It's just a mental hurdle I suppose I need to cross to believe that there is more to it than just a payday for the pro.  For me, I have to believe that, otherwise why am I sharing such an intimate time with her - really for me it's nearly akin to prostitution or maybe it's worse because in some ways it's almost more intimate.  Kind of like the husband who cheats - his wife forgives him if it was about the sex only, but if he fell in love with he mistress she can't ever forgive.

PotatoHead

@bruin_alum - I'm sorry to have read your post and I also understand your frustration. I never make the first move concerning non professionals and I suggest that if you're becoming upset, take a breather and give yourself a chance to reset.  

Hang in there, it's not you. Unfortunately some people can be quite confusing and extremely picky. I know you don't want to see a professional but it may be worth it for at least an hour. Yes, you'll have to pay but at least you are guaranteed the cuddle you desire. 

Personally, I would pay more than the average asking price from a professional but if I leave a session still feeling stressed out, taken advantage of, ignored or uncomfortable, I won't book another session with her. I would enjoy finding a non professional as well but the odds are extremely slim. 

I'm new and still learning but I'm learning quickly. What you're beginning to realize, I hope, is that it's not worth it to overextend yourself. There are a lot of very good, nurturing, genuine women out there and when you meet the right one, you'll be glad the others never bothered. 

I wish you the best. 

willmott2k10

I think at one point I'd messaged like 10 women and not got a reply from any of them, 10 may not sound much depending on where you're from but it's a lot for my area, and that's despite not being someone who asks for cuddles right at the start, trust me it's very much not you!

I make a point of not asking to meet for cuddles literally right at the start but rather I ask about getting to know each other, maybe if there's something interesting someone has included on their profile I might use that as a conversation starter. Several messages later I might bring up if they would like to or I ask what they think of me so far and I go from there. Everyone is different should you actually get a reply from them so your best bet is to use your best judgment when wondering what to say but always remember these are also human beings like you are so talk to them as you would someone you've just met in person and want to be friendly with

Morpheus

I've had no luck with the non pros on this site. The pros have however been amazing. I've actually had much better luck finding non pro cuddle buddies everywhere but here lol 

@mrsolodolo - where other than here have you had success?  Online, or ...???

Morpheus

@bruin_alum So where have I had better luck, online, in person, you can meet people anywhere really. I just think it's ironic and funny that I've found non pro cuddle buddies in various other places but here lol

On my way to a Netflix and cuddle session with a cutie I met at smart and final :-)

Bruin I hope you find a cuddle buddie !

PotatoHead

@sparkyblue-eyes - What you described as the "good o'le days" when this site was new sounded so nice but as always, money makes the world go around and I often find myself feeling a bit confused in general. 

Years ago, I never had a problem finding a good woman and getting involved in a relationship, thus receiving all the hugs I desired for free but apparently age changed all of that or perhaps, it's society that has changed. 

I was raised to believe women were the more loving and affectionate of the human species but over time, I began to realize that isn't true. Not entirely anyway, especially after my last relationship of over five years was absolutely loveless. She didn't touch and certainly did not desire to be touched. 

I thumb through posts and often come across men who state that they simply cannot find a partner and that reaching out often goes unanswered or simply ignored which is heartbreaking to read. 

I have seen one professional cuddler and she is an amazing woman but after my very first session with her, I walk down the block and found myself teary eyed. It was nice to feel wanted, if only for a little while but it also hurt to know that I now paid for basic human compassion and I couldn't help but realize and ask myself what happened in life that brought me to this point. 

The feeling of loneliness must be much worse than hell itself and I can't figure out what went wrong. Yes, the idea of this site is phenomenal with lots of non professional females cuddlers who seek the same but just how genuine are they? I mean, what exactly makes them a professional? 

I would much rather pay to be a member on this site, have profiles thoroughly screen and know if is genuine opposed to who is not. Running a website takes money and if there are no sponsors, it can become costly. 

Vertting should begin with those who have been inactive for a certain period of time. 

pmvines

I really don't have much of an issue about getting responses from folks and I'm not very attractive or a very successful person in life, and I believe it is because I am genuinely respectful and don't really have a history of presenting myself on here as being mad or bitter, or judgmental of the women who choose to be paid cuddlers. Whats the old saying about being able to catch more with honey than with vinegar?

pmvines

I have never heard of people not getting messages on here due to not being a paid cuddler. I message a lot of people, both paid and non paid, some of them on a regular basis. None have said they didn't get my message, and vice versa. Of course there are people who don't respond, but really they aren't obligated to so its a non issue for me.

Morpheus

I did have a pretty successful cuddle session tonight with the cashier from smart and final :-)

I_am_Polylover

@sparkyblu-eyes  I have been in contact with a few non-paid cuddlers.  Having a poly wife, a daughter, two platonic girlfriends, and various other women friends, I can tell you from their viewpoint that the most likely reason most women don't reply is because they are inundated by messages from men who are either clueless, rude, playing the numbers game, don't give a damn, or all of the above, and they have learned to not respond to 99% of them.  Talk to women to see what kind of messages they will respond to.  I personally think you owe @Mark an apology for trying to create dissension on the site.

PotatoHead

Well, I have spent over $900.00 for professional cuddling and don't feel any better. In fact, I could have put that money towards a much needed brand new garden shed. 

I have one session scheduled for this morning and if I leave there still feeling as though something is missing or still feeling stressed, my paying days are over. 

Holding a woman's hand or simply stroking her hair for $80.00 per hour with a pillow between us is simply insane. I have spent less on massages that have left me feeling completely relaxed. That's just my opinion anyway. 

As far as non pros, I will never reach out first. I know they are probably overwhelmed with messages and I don't wish to add to that. Plus, I'll pass on taking the risk of being rejected. 

Morpheus

@lotsofcuddles I've also spent quite a bit of money on pros myself, much more than you have. The first question that I have is what do you mean by a pillow between you? Do the pros literally put a pillow between your body and theirs? I have never had that happen and if that's what's happening, that's not cuddling and that's not cool at all. All of that being said, I truly love professional cuddlers. I have seen, I think my count is 20 pros and all of them have been amazing. Obviously like with any service, some are better than others. I don't know your personal situation and what you are looking for but I have given this a lot of thought and I feel that to truly enjoy and be successful with a professional cuddler, your mindset has to be a certain way. It is such an intimate thing that if approached the wrong way, it can very negatively affect us as men. I've spoken about this many times and refer to it as the dark side of professional cuddling. Much of the focus tends to go to the safety of the female pro that the emotional well being of the male client isn't considered. If you ever need a friend to talk this all out with, please feel free to call on me anytime.

poly lover , No .   
Didnt you start a cuddle sluts discussion a week or two ago ? ? And that got moderated out ?
or am I thinking of someone else .

I_am_Polylover

@sparkyblue-eyes  Your 'no' is non specific, and I have no idea what you are referring to.  I did notice that your post was edited to delete your inflammatory remarks, which I consider to be a good thing.  As for the rest of what you said, it is off topic, and has nothing to do with the price of tea in China.  However, I will respond to it with the full expectation that both your and my comments on the subject will be deleted.  No. I did not start a cuddle sluts discussion.  I posted a link about a very cuddle related article, and stated that I had found the link in the Cuddle Sluts group on Fetlife, and that is hardly starting a discussion about cuddle sluts.  You are correct that my original post was deleted, partly because I stated the source where I found it.  It has since been edited and reposted elsewhere with @Marks blessing.  Please try to stay on topic from now on.

Just wondering do we have a new moderator?? I didn't see any posting of such in the moderator thread

I've been wondering the same thing. 

I've have never had anyone respond to my messages but have been contacted by two different since I've been here.  Neither of them worked out.

Don't take it so hard, there are people here in relationships that are seeking cuddle partners.  How sad is that?

pmvines

please stop trolling you know who you are and you know what you are doing and there is no purpose to it

Poly , I will continue to post and edit , as I see fit , compliant with forum rules , with out your influence thank you , as was done above originally .

I_am_Polylover

@sparkyblue-eyes  I only take pain meds when I am hurting very badly, which isn't all that often.  That is really none of your business, and I don't much appreciate your continued personal jabs at me.

It is in your profile  , I read once , you made it everyone's business .  
What jabs ?  
And you want the discussion to stay on topic ? As you asked for above , why don't you try to keep it there ?

I_am_Polylover

At sparkyblue-eyes  You failed to mention that I said "on occasion" in my profile, which actually means rarely.  That failure makes it seem that I need it regularly, which makes it a jab.

The topic of this thread has to do with people not responding to messages.  You have repeatedly gone off topic.  Other than responding to your posts, I have remained on topic. When, where, and how did I ask "for above", whatever that is referring to?