Boundaries

dennis22554

I have had one cuddle session to date and it was nice---I wasn't thrown out of the door before the session ended chased by an angry woman with a bat---so I think it went alright---that said---the questions of "boundaries" crossed my mind the other day given the platonic nature of the Cuddle Comfort. When in a relationship--cuddling is very natural--and "unspoken" language normally establishes the rules. Although I am highly confident no boundaries were crossed in my first session---I still have questions to ensure I am always respectful. Given my mind is always dreaming of crazy inventions, I wonder if there would be a market for a miniature electrified fence (with suction cups), could be placed around the body, to separate inbounds/out-of bound locations would be of interest! Seriously, the general nature of cuddling itself ifs intimate---I may be slow witted--there are obviously "out of bound" regions even I can comprehend but to be more specific I suppose I am asking about touch---i.e is touching shoulder (like a message), neck, face, hair--are these in bounds---maybe I should be banned ---but its hard to cuddle with out some form of touching---its the gray areas I'm asking about-------until then---Ill keep working on my electric fence invention---feel free to place pre-orders!

dennis22554

The bottom line for me---is always the importance of "respect."

TxTom

Please clarify... You wish to cuddle whilst entwined in electrified wire?

JoyfulHeart

The rules state that areas normally covered by swimwear are off bounds. This includes grey swimsuits.

@dennis22554 The simplest approach is to ask your cuddle partner, before the session, if there are places beyond the obvious they do not want to be touched. Because different people will have different boundaries. Some might like having their hair stroked, while others may totally be repelled by that. Just ask.

Cuddlesofcuddle

First off, I am happy to see you're taking initiative to be platonic and wanting to keep respect present.
I would say don't be afraid to ask questions with your pro during your cuddle. "Is it ok with you if......?" Those words are music to my ears and make me feel like my cuddler really respects me. I don't mind those types of questions even if they've been brought up before the session. Show that you care about boundaries by keeping them someone has legit gotten up from me to excuse themselves to "calm down". I didn't mind it bc that person kept communication throughout. I knew that this person may be aroused or just needing to breathe or even cry but still felt safe bc of the communication we had before and during our session.

dennis22554

maybe

WestsideMarc

Best practice. Say this:

Other than the obvious, is there anywhere else you prefer not to be touched?

IronicMaiden

It may help to talk about your own boundaries. Things like places you don't like to be touched, topics of conversation to be avoided (boundaries are not just physical), etc. That's usually seen as an invitation for the other person to share their boundaries, especially if you explicitly ask them to share. It's important, too, to make it clear that you're asking about boundaries beyond what you've already agreed to by using this site.

You can make things you enjoy (within stated boundaries) part of the same conversation. If you enjoy having your hair petted or talking about winter activities (for example), that's good stuff to know.

@dennis22554 yes this is a brilliant idea thank you! I would like to sign up for a pre-order for an electric fence. This can be great for some shock treatment and if my heart needs a boost it can help with both boundaries and health!

Morpheus

When I start a session with a pro, I always ask, is there anywhere you don’t want to be touched. I ask that question because although the site has rules, there maybe other places she doesn’t want to be touched. Ticklish spots, sensitive spots, one pro told me she didn’t like her face touched because she breaks out easily.

dennis22554

how great! My first customer---I knew my invention had hope and would be beneficial to the community--thank you lonelytauros!!

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Carrie_Anne

@Cuddlesofcuddle
I really love what you wrote, very clear, pragmatic and understanding. That all people feel different things during cuddling and that’s OK. It’s how we handle our feelings that matter. Mutual respect is the most important part.

KozyKim

In my profile, I say, my biggest boundary is intent. So you can maybe not touch any areas that are off-limits but if your intentions are bad, then I get the cringe feeling. I had a really great platonic Cuddles where the guy picked me up and put me on his lap. He was so fun and childlike and he said oh no, I touch your butt and I said well I didn't even think about it because your intentions are not bad.. in his profile, he stated please no sexual advances I just wanted to cuddle. So I knew he would be safe and sure enough he was extra safe, extra cuddly, we had the most amazing time. I have had other clients that would get really close to my boy shorts edges , and not really Cuddling just kind of trying to push the envelope even though they didn't touch any off limit areas just the weird vibe you get that they're not really there to have mutual closeness just seeing if I will allow more Those are always like I can't wait till this is over. And I'm glad I'm not enthusiast. They never cross any boundaries so you can't really report them but they know what they're doing. I did tell them this does not feel like cuddling and they tried a little harder but it's too late. The intention that they had was not good and so my guard is up. Hence crappy cuddling. But with the people that have good intentions, you can get really close and intimate and have the best time. I hope that helps.

As a male, recognize that you are in a intimate and vulnerable situation when you are cuddling a female. Have a conversation with her before you cuddle. Let her lead the cuddling session = go with the flow. Don't over think the situation. An electric fence? Really? Remember every woman is unique in what she the brings to the experience.

RedFox16

Oooooooo! @KozyKim ! That's a great explanation! Intent is everything if there's any accidentally touching! I can always tell when a client is overly worried, or else there was an accident.... And I explain that exact thing ☺️

I tell them I VERY much appreciate the apology and also that they are aware of the accident, but I'm not upset since my intuition tells me that they did not mean to and were not trying to cop a feel. (Intuition is not simply taking things they say or write at face value, but what my whole nervous system tells me about a person and their intentions) 😉

Thank you for your question @dennis22554 ☺️

The first pro I ever cuddled with was very much into active consent, meaning every time we touched or changed positions we would check with each other that this was okay. I'm sure this sounds tiresome to many here but it did not bother me. And of course after a few sessions we grew lax with this as we got comfortable with each other. But there was always the understanding that just because something was okay last time didn't mean it was okay this time.

I really enjoyed walking out of a session knowing for sure that I hadn't made my cuddler uncomfortable.

Erin_Elle_

@WestsideMarc I love that question.

Cuddlesofcuddle

@g_w_t_w
thank you so much
I couldn't agree more

WestsideMarc

@Walker99 if that works for both of you then great I’m glad; all the power to you……….

….But to me that sounds utterly exhausting, cold, technical, robotic, scripted , excessive, annoying and devoid of any space for the true magic, chemistry, warmth, intimacy and peace that comes with the art of human cuddling.

It sort of reminds me when I’m on the phone with support in India and they call me sir every 14 seconds.

Will564

@Walker99

@WestsideMarc

I actually find this really fascinating because it makes me think of personality type stuff. I won't go into the details of it because I know it's not objective truth, but I do think it shows how we're all individuals with different preferences and each cuddling situation is unique and based on what works for the two people involved.

I'm much more planned and structured as a person. I'm not intuitive at all and prefer very direct and clear communication. So while I don't think my sessions have been quite as detailed and structured as what Walker described, I certainly don't find it nearly as exhausting or cold or robotic as how it feels for Marc. I actually relax and feel more comfortable when I have a certain amount of structure and certainty, and that actually helps increase the magic, chemistry, warmth, intimacy and peace that comes with cuddling.

So it's just really interesting how much our personalities and emotions play into how we enjoy cuddling too. So that's why communication is so important between the two people involved.

WestsideMarc

@Will564 Interesting perspective. Well as they say - different strokes for different folks.

Will564

@KozyKim

It's actually really cool for me to read what you're describing. Because I know all of the bad things that have happened in cuddle sessions, especially with pros who do it often, my intent is always to try to make them feel as safe as possible. But even in the back of my mind, I always wonder a little bit if they truly feel safe with me. But that's why it's nice reading how a pro's experience and intuition give them a really good feel for it.

I think I'm also pretty childlike and innocent when it comes to how I am and how I cuddle, and the pro I saw told me that she could tell pretty quickly that I had good intentions. I think it's because my own experience and intuition is so low that I forget it's often not the same as it is with pros.

So it's cool for me to hear you talk about your own experience and how you can actually read intent so well.

KozyKim

@Will564 yes, when your guard is down, the cuddling is so much better, it's blissful. Who wants an anxious cuddler. I like your profile it makes me want to cuddle you. It gives off a good vibe.

dennis22554

I appreciate all the well expressed genuine responses for others. Not appreciative of my invention...like echo mike..........id caution PRos because words from some can be shallow

Will564

@KozyKim Thank you so saying so!

I agree, cuddling is meant to be relaxing, comfortable and fun. And the more I’ve done it the better I’ve gotten at relaxing.

I’m slowly but surely gaining more experience and growing. I have a long way to go, but I feel very good about the progress I’ve made.

Connecticut1977

I feel that communication first and foremost is KEY!!!!! Once that takes place and if both parties are relaxed and comfortable, CUDDLING is beyond blissful and relaxing. I am a huge advocate for COMMUNICATION before and during the session to ensure safety. NO HIDDEN AGENDA!!!!

warm_embrace

It can be confusing because besides the site rules everyone has their own additional boundaries. I don’t assume I know what they are, and to second what everyone else is saying; the only way you will know what they are is to ask.

Allen1974

You should be able to read the room.

Carrie_Anne