Someone recently asked me what he could do to become a good cuddler. I told him that I think the single most important thing for anyone to know before cuddling is how to practice consent.
I’ve found this list helpful in understanding and practicing consent and boundaries in any context. This will help you avoid doing things that make people uncomfortable and not wish to interact with you anymore. For me, it also gave me the confidence to ask for my needs without feeling overly anxious, and showed me what it looks like for someone to respect my boundaries.
Ask Before Initiating: Start by asking if the other person would like to cuddle. This question should be clear and direct, allowing them the opportunity to give a straightforward yes or no answer. Avoid assuming consent based on past interactions.
Be Specific: Clearly describe what type of cuddling you have in mind. For instance, specify whether you're thinking about lying down or sitting, and what level of closeness or contact you expect. This helps set expectations and ensures both parties are comfortable with the arrangement.
Listen Actively: Pay close attention to their response. Consent must be enthusiastic and voluntary. If they seem hesitant or unsure, don’t proceed. Remember, it’s okay for someone to change their mind at any time.
Check In Regularly: Consent is an ongoing process. Check in occasionally to ensure they are still comfortable. Simple questions like, "Is this still okay?" can affirm that they are still content with the situation.
Respect Boundaries: Everyone has different levels of comfort with physical touch. Respect any boundaries they set and never pressure someone to change their limits.
Understand Non-Verbal Cues: While verbal consent is crucial, also be aware of non-verbal cues that might indicate discomfort, such as tensing up, pulling away, or a lack of engagement. If you notice any of these signs, pause and check in verbally to make sure everything is still alright.